# If it's 3 AM and there's a topless woman in your car you must be in New Orleans.



## Larry30040 (Sep 4, 2016)

Ok. it's 2:58 AM January 1st, 2017. I'm driving for Lyft in the Big Easy... my home town by the way... 
I get a pick up at the Intercontinental Hotel on St. Charles.
It's pouring down rain and I mean buckets... 
I pull into the pickup area that is covered from the weather and my pax eventually gets to my car ... she looks like she's had a bit much to drink but then it's New Orleans so, who doesn't? right? ... 
She is a young very attractive female, maybe mid 20's, wearing a nice sequined dress, heels, carrying a small purse, pretty nicely dressed... she looks safe enough when she get's in... 

I greeted her with a Happy New Year and asked if she was doing alright.. she said she had a rough night, which I took to mean that perhaps not everything went as planned so I didn't press any further conversation.

about 1 minute into the drive through pouring rain I begin to hear the familiar sound of someone about to hurl... she begins groaning and gagging... I immediately pull over.. and she opens the door and leans out to puke... rain pouring down... takes her less than 30 seconds... but she is getting soaked in the process... 

She sits back into the seat and closes the door... says thank you ... I hand her some napkins from my console for her to compose herself... and we continue the drive... I said something to the effect of thank you for letting it go outside... she seemed to feel better for a bit... 

About 2 minutes later I hear moaning again,, breathing hard... I ask her if she's ok... she says yes but its hot and asks me to loosen the clasp on the back of her dress saying she can't breath... I politely un clasp the snap on her dress... and continue driving... again... i turn up the air and she says thank you and seems to sound better... 

This ride can't end soon enough for me... this is one of those rides where you're looking at the GPS and it seems stuck on 8 Minutes (ETA) and time seems to be standing still....
Anyway... it gets better... not for her... 

I'm about 8 minutes from the dropoff and at a red light ... It's about 3:15 in the morning... POURING DOWN RAIN... I turn around to check on my Pax and she is now sprawled out on my back seat passed out, her dress is down around her waist, she is completely naked from the waist up and I'm thinking... 
"getting pulled over would be icing on the cake right now"... 

So I just continued when the light changed and kept watching the GPS... 5 minutes to go.... 

Now you'd think this is where the story ends... but no... 

Suddenly she pops up and asks me to pull over again... so I oblige very quickly...

now she gets out of the car, in the pouring rain... pukes her guts out again but when she gets back in she is a complete disaster.. hair, makeup, dress, soaking wet... topless and drenched in the back seat of my car... 

Now I notice she had taken her shoes off... I'm glad she was comfortable... 

Ok... we finally make it to her address... and she's been hugging the head rest of my front passenger seat now and as we arrive I ask her if she needs any help and she says calmly, no thank you.. you've been nice.. thank you... and she proceeds to stumble out of my car... 

In the most memorable, pathetic yet defiant walk of shame I have ever witnessed... This woman gets out of my car topless, her dress is hanging sadly around her waist and her (well you know.. ) were standing proudly in the rain ... still pouring down rain... she makes no attempt to cover herself or recompose herself in any way... her hair is a mess... as is everything now... her purse is under her arm... her shoes in one hand as she stumbles into the shadows of her neighbors front yard and across the lawn... to disappear into the night and into my memory forever... 
Fortunately no mess in my car... a little damp but my seats have a protective cover for that reason... quick wipe down and I was off to my next and final ride... 

Thank you New Orleans for an unforgettable New Years Eve!

- mission accomplished


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## wk1102 (Dec 25, 2015)

Nice rack?


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## FL_Dex (Nov 13, 2016)

Yeah, that sounds like my last trip to NO. There was a couple coming into the hotel, this big college age guy half-carrying a gal who could hardly walk. She stops to puke and he tells me they've been drinking (no kidding?!). I ask him if he knows the symptoms of alcohol toxicity. He says, "Alkey-what?" 

Never mind, have a nice night.


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## SurgeorSuckit (Apr 3, 2016)

That might be one of the best I have read to date...


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## DrivingZiggy (Jun 4, 2016)




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## Navy Vet (Sep 29, 2016)

Larry, I don't know if you are a writer but you should try it Out! The way you write It felt as if I was there!


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## Larry30040 (Sep 4, 2016)

wk1102 said:


> Nice rack?


Yeah... C's


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## wk1102 (Dec 25, 2015)

Larry30040 said:


> Yeah... C's


It's amazing... even at their worst, we still look...


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## A_Driver (Dec 2, 2016)

Like Rodney said, "You can show me one, and I'll imagine the other."


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## shiftydrake (Dec 12, 2015)

"Excuse me ma'am you have a nice rack....wanna ride the motor boat?.".....


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## Mars Troll Number 4 (Oct 30, 2015)

Well if you pick someone up and they have nothing but neon pasties on top you could just be at an EDM concert...


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## Mean_Judge (Jan 14, 2015)

it is very sad you was ubering on new years....


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## jfinks (Nov 24, 2016)

We need video evidence to validate this story.


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## The Ombudsman (Nov 2, 2016)

The only thing missing from this story is the video from a rear-facing dashcam of the whole thing, with you looking at the camera now and again with this expression on your face:


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## Mattio41 (Sep 19, 2016)

I usually do the late night bar crowd... I invested in the Blackvue 650 ch Dual dash cam with infrared lighting... All I can say is that my personal collection is starting to become extensive.....


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## Larry30040 (Sep 4, 2016)

Yeah this was my first and only real experience I wish I had a camera for...


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## Mattio41 (Sep 19, 2016)

Larry30040, just some friendly advice, and it has saved me on several occasions. Get yourself some 1 gallon size ziplock bags. have on of them already unzipped, so it is ready to go. I keep one folded and placed in my sun visor. As soon as he the sound of gurgling, I immediately deploy and hand it straight to the PAX. Even if they say they are good, rather safe than sorry, and if they don't use it, simply fold back up and put behind your visor.

Not that it is a fail safe, but better to have something ready to go, in case you cant pull over quick enough or in a safe location. and you use ziplocks, because you can always just slide the zipper closed, if they get sick versus something that still has an open end to it, in case it gets dropped inside of the car.


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## Damiannn (Jan 1, 2017)

You've never been to Providence, huh? lol


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## Larry30040 (Sep 4, 2016)

The Ombudsman said:


> The only thing missing from this story is the video from a rear-facing dashcam of the whole thing, with you looking at the camera now and again with this expression on your face:


this is my new profile picture ! thank you !


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## Larry30040 (Sep 4, 2016)

Mattio41 said:


> Larry30040, just some friendly advice, and it has saved me on several occasions. Get yourself some 1 gallon size ziplock bags. have on of them already unzipped, so it is ready to go. I keep one folded and placed in my sun visor. As soon as he the sound of gurgling, I immediately deploy and hand it straight to the PAX. Even if they say they are good, rather safe than sorry, and if they don't use it, simply fold back up and put behind your visor.
> 
> Not that it is a fail safe, but better to have something ready to go, in case you cant pull over quick enough or in a safe location. and you use ziplocks, because you can always just slide the zipper closed, if they get sick versus something that still has an open end to it, in case it gets dropped inside of the car.


Excellent Advice... 
thanks


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## Mattio41 (Sep 19, 2016)

Larry30040 said:


> Excellent Advice...
> thanks


 By the way, a .30 cent ziplock, also may save your nights earnings if you don't have to shut off because someone puked in your car.


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## MikesUber (Oct 23, 2015)

Larry30040 said:


> Excellent Advice...
> thanks


 I would honestly just go for the real deal hospital emesis bags, has a more sturdy plastic ring for them to hold, especially with one hand. Smaller chance of them missing. The bag is opaque so you don't have to see that absolute disgusting mess through the bag, also sealable.

http://amzn.to/2iMY1AJ - $15.00 (24-count)

http://amzn.to/2iIRep3 - $10.60 (2-pack) - Also recommend these shop towels which seemingly never rip, good for messy passengers (and on the spot detailing)

http://amzn.to/2hXif9K - $10.89 - And of course the best air sanitizer out there in my opinion.

I won't drive without these in the car!


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## Mattio41 (Sep 19, 2016)

MikesUber said:


> I would honestly just go for the real deal hospital emesis bags, has a more sturdy plastic ring for them to hold, especially with one hand. Smaller chance of them missing. The bag is opaque so you don't have to see that absolute disgusting mess through the bag, also sealable.
> 
> http://amzn.to/2iMY1AJ - $15.00 (24-count)
> 
> ...


I would go with either one. most important is that you go with SOMETHING.... Find what you are comfortable with... Just have one. You won't be sorry.


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## MikesUber (Oct 23, 2015)

Mattio41 said:


> I would go with either one. most important is that you go with SOMETHING.... Find what you are comfortable with... Just have one. You won't be sorry.


 Definitely something is better than nothing, when I first started I had the Ziploc


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## Greguzzi (Jan 9, 2016)

I wanna see pix or I call bolshevik.


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## DrivingZiggy (Jun 4, 2016)

Mattio41 said:


> I usually do the late night bar crowd... I invested in the Blackvue 650 ch Dual dash cam with infrared lighting... All I can say is that my personal collection is starting to become extensive.....


I was thinking of getting that cam. Can you post some night time video? Just any video so that I/we can see what kind of quality to expect out of that high-dollar camera.


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## Mattio41 (Sep 19, 2016)

DrivingZiggy said:


> I was thinking of getting that cam. Can you post some night time video? Just any video so that I/we can see what kind of quality to expect out of that high-dollar camera.


Sure, I will go through and find some pitch black street versus well lighted area. I am assuming you want to know what the night vision looks like in it


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## DrivingZiggy (Jun 4, 2016)

Mattio41 said:


> Sure, I will go through and find some pitch black street versus well lighted area. I am assuming you want to know what the night vision looks like in it


Yes. I'm trying to determine if it's worth all that $$$. I'm also interested in the audio.


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## tohunt4me (Nov 23, 2015)

I picked one up from Larry Flints Hustler club on Bourbon one night
Wearing Nothing but a large blue body length ribbon for winning 1st place Amateur night.

She jumped in the front seat.
Her male friend jumped in back.


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## jfinks (Nov 24, 2016)

tohunt4me said:


> I picked one up from Larry Flints Hustler club on Bourbon one night
> Wearing Nothing but a large blue body length ribbon for winning 1st place Amateur night.
> 
> She jumped in the front seat.
> Her male friend jumped in back.


Did you hit all the bumps in the road to get some jiggles?


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## tohunt4me (Nov 23, 2015)

No.
I even turned the A.C. down . . .


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## Scott.Sul (Sep 9, 2015)

Nice story and excellent writing technique. 
First long story I've ever read through. 

Although this might have qualified for one of those instances where you should not have asked the pax if they needed assistance. She obviously did but was to shy to accept. 

Your professionalism and chivalry should have kicked in and you should have assisted her out of the car and to the front door. It would have been the right thing to do and worth getting soaked for (unless you had an umbrella). This option would have also offered you the possibility of a longer, and more captivating, story.


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## jfinks (Nov 24, 2016)

tohunt4me said:


> No.
> I even turned the A.C. down . . .


Down makes it even colder. Nice.


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## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

Scott.Sul said:


> Nice story and excellent writing technique.
> First long story I've ever read through.
> 
> Although this might have qualified for one of those instances where you should not have asked the pax if they needed assistance. She obviously did but was to shy to accept.
> ...


Until you reach the shadows or door...

And you find a giant size boyfriend....

Looking jealous and pissed...

So much for a good wet dream...8>)

All you can think is...

How fast did I run that 50 yard dash...???

Rakos


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## Trafficat (Dec 19, 2016)

Mattio41 said:


> I would go with either one. most important is that you go with SOMETHING.... Find what you are comfortable with... Just have one. You won't be sorry.


I had a pax puke in a ziploc I supplied once. Come to think of it I haven't restocked the car with more since then... might be a good idea for me to do that post haste as I'm sure the next incident is just around the corner.


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## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

Trafficat said:


> I had a pax puke in a ziploc I supplied once. Come to think of it I haven't restocked the car with more since then... might be a good idea for me to do that post haste as I'm sure the next incident is just around the corner.


You DID remember...

to remove the bag....?

Didn't you...????

Rakos


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## tohunt4me (Nov 23, 2015)

Wait Till Mardi Gras

There will be women wearing nothing but beads.

Pipelines will be used to ship alcohol in from the brewries . . .


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## UberBastid (Oct 1, 2016)

wk1102 said:


> It's amazing... even at their worst, we still look...


And THAT can land you in jail.
Well, thirty five years later anyway.


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## 25rides7daysaweek (Nov 20, 2017)

Larry30040 said:


> Ok. it's 2:58 AM January 1st, 2017. I'm driving for Lyft in the Big Easy... my home town by the way...
> I get a pick up at the Intercontinental Hotel on St. Charles.
> It's pouring down rain and I mean buckets...
> I pull into the pickup area that is covered from the weather and my pax eventually gets to my car ... she looks like she's had a bit much to drink but then it's New Orleans so, who doesn't? right? ...
> ...


5*...


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## SuzeCB (Oct 30, 2016)

MikesUber said:


> Definitely something is better than nothing, when I first started I had the Ziploc


I used Ziplock as well, but the 2-gallon size. Less likely to spill out when they close it.


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

Larry30040 said:


> her dress is hanging sadly around her waist and her (well you know.. ) were standing proudly in the rain .


I know this is an old thread, but it's a good one. It's worth revisiting. (Great writing, by the way!)

Anyhow, I just wanted to say that you can safely call them "boobs." I do.

Or nipples, if they're what you were referring to. I dunno, maybe the original wording was more interesting and dramatic.



Christine


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