# Y'all Get Sexy Ladies and I Get Johnny 🤢



## MHR (Jul 23, 2017)

And he called to inform me no one ever got his address correct, he sounded like an old man so I told him, "I know the address and will send an update when on my way."

I arrive and his room is in a dark alcove, I had to use my flashlight to find it and make sure this wasn't just a set up to kill me. I did indeed find the open door so I called out before poking my head inside.

Johnny answered so I stepped in to find him obese, surrounded by discarded food bags, a sheet only covering his nether regions and porn playing on the t.v. The rest of his room looked like he was a hoarder at best.

I said good morning, stretched my arm out with the bag as far as I was able and placed the delivery on the bed. Thankfully it was dark so he probably couldn't see my expression of horror.

I then quickly backed out while he continued to talk and once back at my ride I proceeded to spray my body with hand sanitizer as if I was a 16 year old male with a new can of Axe.

G'awd I hope this isn't foreshadowing the rest of my day.

P.S. This is really making me think I need to take advantage of my conceal carry privleges.

P.S.S. I know, I will never enter another "residence" again.

P.S.S.S. Yes, he tipped in the app and quite well, glad it wasn't cash 'cause I would have had to burn it on the spot.


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

MHR said:


> View attachment 544963
> 
> 
> And he called to inform me no one ever got his address correct, he sounded like an old man so I told him, "I know the address and will send an update when on my way."
> ...


This could have ended up with you down a well in the basement with Goodbye Horses playing. Be careful!


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## Cdub2k (Nov 22, 2017)

I don’t think it was wise to go into someone’s house. IDGAF if he put it in the delivery remarks.


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## Another Uber Driver (May 27, 2015)

MHR said:


> Yes, he tipped in the app and quite well, glad it wasn't cash 'cause I would have had to burn it on the spot.


You can just spray it with disinfectant. I have done that. Since the COVID-19, it is funny, but I have been getting more cash in the cab than I used to get. It used to be almost all cards or pay-in-application (Curb or Uber Taxi). Now it is more cash.

Of course, very little cash in UberX/Lyft. I did get a cash tip the other day, though.


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## Monkeyman4394 (Jun 27, 2020)

I delivered pizzas in the early 90s. I worked in Indianapolis for a while. I had a delivery on Keystone, which runs north/south along the entire length of the city. The business was (maybe it still exists) called The Works. It was a two-floor, windowless brick building with parking in the back. The parking lot was well-illuminated and you had to smile into a camera to be allowed inside. Once inside, I was greeted by a big, hairy, sweaty man who was just finishing up cinching a moist bath towel around his waist. On the TVs behind the counter, they had three channels of gay porn playing. In the glass display counter were a bunch of lubes, toys, etc. While he was looking for his wallet, three equally sweaty naked men walked out of one adjoining room and into another. The man behind the counter tipped me a $20 on three pizzas. Couldn’t have been friendlier. 

When I got back to the store, the other drivers were laughing at me and saying they never deliver there. I didn’t bother to tell them that they were incredibly cool and tipped well. I went back to deliver a bunch of times after that. It was around the time that Dahmer’s crimes were in the media, so the bath house culture was a little strained. MHR, I think I have the polar opposites of your weird experiences. We should trade for a week.


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## Johnny Mnemonic (Sep 24, 2019)

If I heard this story from anyone else, I would've called BS. I apologize on behalf of all Johnnies.

Did he look anything like this?


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## MHR (Jul 23, 2017)

Johnny Mnemonic said:


> If I heard this story from anyone else, I would've called BS. I apologize on behalf of all Johnnies.
> 
> Did he look anything like this?
> 
> View attachment 545073


&#128563; That's him, plus clothing!


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## Uberdriver2710 (Jul 15, 2015)

MHR said:


> &#128563; That's him, plus clothing!


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## MHR (Jul 23, 2017)

The Gift of Fish said:


> This could have ended up with you down a well in the basement with Goodbye Horses playing. Be careful!


Yes, having thought about it more, if something had gone wrong I would have to admit all the warning signs were there.


Cdub2k said:


> I don't think it was wise to go into someone's house. IDGAF if he put it in the delivery remarks.


Duly noted and I fully agree!


Monkeyman4394 said:


> We should trade for a week.


That would be lovely, I could ride shotgun with your wife or drive if she doesn't like to drive herself. We can shop Walgreens together and contemplate our life choices.



Another Uber Driver said:


> You can just spray it with disinfectant. I have done that.


I wasn't worried about the virus.


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## Another Uber Driver (May 27, 2015)

MHR said:


> I wasn't worried about the virus.


The disinfectant will kill the other germs, as well.


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## Wildgoose (Feb 11, 2019)

Your RS life is very interesting. :biggrin::biggrin:


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## MHR (Jul 23, 2017)

Wildgoose said:


> Your RS life is very interesting. :biggrin::biggrin:


In my defense I haven't posted in a while because it's been oh so boring. :barefoot:


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## Rickos69 (Nov 8, 2018)

Have you seen Silence of the Lambs?


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## MHR (Jul 23, 2017)

Rickos69 said:


> Have you seen Silence of the Lambs?


Yes, and Manhunter as well.

I know, I made a big mistake but blessedly I survived and can learn from my stupidity.


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## Seamus (Jun 21, 2018)

MHR said:


> I proceeded to spray my body with hand sanitizer as if I was a 16 year old male with a new can of Axe.


That's a perfect line @MHR, that's a keeper! :thumbup: Going to use that one.


MHR said:


> Johnny answered so I stepped in to find him obese, surrounded by discarded food bags, a sheet only covering his nether regions and porn playing on the t.v. T


You know he was looking for a "happy ending" to his delivery! :roflmao:


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## WindyCityAnt (Feb 24, 2019)

MHR said:


> View attachment 544963
> 
> 
> And he called to inform me no one ever got his address correct, he sounded like an old man so I told him, "I know the address and will send an update when on my way."
> ...


Your lucky your alive!

How was that stench? &#128523;


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## MHR (Jul 23, 2017)

WindyCityAnt said:


> Your lucky your alive!
> 
> How was that stench? &#128523;


Masked up plus very cold temps plus my total shock and awe at the scene made for no recollection of a stench.

Thank G'awd it wasn't 101 degrees out. Ew boy!


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## WindyCityAnt (Feb 24, 2019)

Yep!


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## ColdRider (Oct 19, 2015)




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## Johnny Mnemonic (Sep 24, 2019)

MHR said:


> &#128563; That's him, plus clothing!


To be fair though, the poor guy has probably gone from bad to worse because of Covid depression.

I've put on about 15 pounds since last March, so I can relate.


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## Uber's Guber (Oct 22, 2017)

MHR said:


> View attachment 544963
> 
> 
> And he called to inform me no one ever got his address correct, he sounded like an old man so I told him, "I know the address and will send an update when on my way."
> ...


I got scared reading this! opsies:


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## MHR (Jul 23, 2017)

Johnny Mnemonic said:


> To be fair though, the poor guy has probably gone from bad to worse because of Covid depression.
> 
> I've put on about 15 pounds since last March, so I can relate.
> 
> View attachment 545259


Honey, this wasn't just covid depression. I can empathize and understand that, this was a guy that's a professional hoarder and who knows what else. He had a huge TV and everything else around him was squalor. Maybe covid exacerbated those tendencies but this wasn't just 15 pounds of weight gain. This guy was well over 350 lbs judging by the amount of bed he covered.

This one needs a combo of professional help and the team from hoarders to check on him. I do pity him to a certain extent but not for too long when apparently ordering delivery from McDonald's is his hobby. The amount of food was enough for 3 people.

I do want to add that I've been thinking about asking my retired detective friend if someone needs to do a welfare check on him but on the other hand he has access to his phone and can obviously order food or call for help if he needs and maybe I should leave well enough alone.

I'm not completely heartless but I also have a strong need and desire to stay in my own lane.


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## Trafficat (Dec 19, 2016)

Most broken people simply cannot be fixed.


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## Who is John Galt? (Sep 28, 2016)

MHR said:


> *Y'all Get Sexy Ladies and I Get Johnny *&#129314;


You should be so lucky... 

.


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## Kilroy4303 (Jul 31, 2020)

Trafficat said:


> Most broken people simply cannot be fixed.


I don't know if I agree with this statement. I will admit there are some people who cannot be fixed, but you don't know if you don't try . .. and we (you) cannot fix them. . you have to make them want to fix themselves.


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