# Things I do in my car..



## StephenJBlue (Sep 23, 2014)

Okay. Perhaps I'm a bit of an ass, but I have a pretty good driver rating. I just have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit and pretentious people.

1. I won't "hurry up" just because you have zero time management skills and are running late. Tough shit.
2. I actually go slower than the posted speed limit. Every paid minute helps.
3. I will go a longer way if at all possible. This helps off-set the rate cuts.
4. I don't offer water or candy. Although when asked for water, I have offered to take them to a convenience store so they can purchase their own water.
5. Leave something in my car? Better call quick or it will be gone. I don't drive for free and uber has nothing set to allow me to charge the passenger for the trip to return their stuff. So, "nope", I don't see anything. This has allowed me to get some decent tips in the form of wallets. Yes, dishonest. Do I care? No. Just ask the non-tipping passenger who left his wallet in my car. Extra $80 for me. Nifty.
6. No, I won't take your ****ing groceries into your house, or even to your doorstep. That shit goes on the curb. Although I must admit, I've greatly enjoyed the snacks, chips, and fruit that have somehow fallen out of your grocery bags.
7. I forgive those downtown who have an incorrect location on the map. But not the neighborhood passengers. If they are more than about 1/4 mile away, I wait at the location provided and cancel the trip.
8. I'm not your friend. I'm a glorified cab driver. Don't ask me personal questions.
9. Someone other than you paying for the trip? **** that. Get the **** out of my car. None of this "my friend is paying" bullshit.
10. I won't take you to the drive-thru. Even though I say no food or eating in the car, they invariably eat. **** that. End trip. Get out. Get your food. Submit another uber request.
11. If you have less than a 4.5 rating, don't expect me to take your call.
12. If you are elderly, I will do every thing I can to assist you. If you aren't, then get your own ****ing door you lazy ****.

Might be edited when I think of more things to add.

13. No. You can't play your music in my car. Enjoy the Tom Jones, *****.
14. Asking me where you can get drugs? CVS and Walgreens you ****ing jerk.
15. You've 6 minutes of "asking me to wait" before I cancel the trip. Be ready.
16. Like the Captain of ship at see, I am the Captain of my car. My rules, or GTFO.
17. You will behave and do what I say. You will sit back, and wear your seatbelt.

Based on the overload thread...

18. You want to overload my 4 passenger vehicle because you're to ****ing cheap to use UberXL? Trip canceled, asshole.
19. (supplement to #13) No. You can't play your shitty music in my car. Want to hear your spotify playlist? Put on headphones.

Safety
20. Yes, I will spray you in the face with pepper spray.


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## KrisThuy (Aug 6, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> Okay. Perhaps I'm a bit of an ass, but I have a pretty good driver rating. I just have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit and pretentious people.
> 
> 1. I won't "hurry up" just because you have zero time management skills and are running late. Tough shit.
> 2. I actually go slower than the posted speed limit. Every paid minute helps.
> ...


haha good one but i aint gona do most of them lol
i care to know whats your rating though


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## StephenJBlue (Sep 23, 2014)

KrisThuy said:


> haha good one but i aint gona do most of them lol
> i care to know whats your rating though


4.86


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## KrisThuy (Aug 6, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> 4.86


darn really? u have higher rating than me?
i gona start using my hammer to kickout people then


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## SupaJ (Aug 12, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> Okay. Perhaps I'm a bit of an ass, but I have a pretty good driver rating. I just have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit and pretentious people.
> 
> 1. I won't "hurry up" just because you have zero time management skills and are running late. Tough shit.
> 2. I actually go slower than the posted speed limit. Every paid minute helps.
> ...


All correct. I do exactly the same things. My rating is lower than yours but i really dont care about ratings. 
Tips also increased significantly last 6-8 weeks.


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## StephenJBlue (Sep 23, 2014)

SupaJ said:


> All correct. I do exactly the same things. My rating is lower than yours but i really dont care about ratings.
> Tips also increased significantly last 6-8 weeks.


I'm actually nice and polite to my riders. I get pretty good tips also. I think to many drivers are pushovers and customers detect, and take advantage of this by abusing and not tipping them. When passengers get in my car, they know two things:

1. I will provide them with a safe trip and get them to their destination.
2. My car is like a ship. I am the captain and will not tolerate bullshit.


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## Orlando_Driver (Jul 14, 2014)

I made riders put their own shit in the trunk. Call Uberblack, you cheap ****.

I'm not changing the radio station. No you can't play your music.

4.95 rating 215 rides before I wised up and quit Uber


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## SupaJ (Aug 12, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> I'm actually nice and polite to my riders. I get pretty good tips also. I think to many drivers are pushovers and customers detect, and take advantage of this by abusing and not tipping them. When passengers get in my car, they know two things:
> 
> 1. I will provide them with a safe trip and get them to their destination.
> 2. My car is like a ship. I am the captain and will not tolerate bullshit.


Yes, im nice and polite too! Definitely. But it's my car and if i dont like someting I'm not afraid to say no. If a simple no is not enough i stop the car, turn it off, get out of the car, open passenger's door and silently wait, once they're out i end the trip. Yes, they complain and email uber, uber emails me, i explain the situation and.... thats it! So far it only happened 4 times. Although once it took good 10 minutes to wait for the guy to get out lol


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## Optimus Uber (Oct 7, 2014)

SupaJ said:


> All correct. I do exactly the same things. My rating is lower than yours but i really dont care about ratings.
> Tips also increased significantly last 6-8 weeks.


Yes, I have been getting more tips lately as well. Average tip is starting to be a 10 spot. Probably around $200 this week in tips. Nice part of it, uber doesn't take a cut of it.


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## Optimus Uber (Oct 7, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> Okay. Perhaps I'm a bit of an ass, but I have a pretty good driver rating. I just have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit and pretentious people.
> 
> 1. I won't "hurry up" just because you have zero time management skills and are running late. Tough shit.
> 2. I actually go slower than the posted speed limit. Every paid minute helps.
> ...


I like letting the customer navigate. Since they know so much more than me. Had a customer last night, wanted me to follow his directions, waze had it at 33 minutes, his way was 56 minutes. It was a nice $48 ride. My wallet loves it, when the client takes over being navigator. They always think I'm taking a longer route. Trust me, I want you out of my car more, than you want to be out of my car, so I can load it with the next client, so I can leach off someone else's bank account before yours dries up


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## DriverJ (Sep 1, 2014)

Optimus Uber said:


> Yes, I have been getting more tips lately as well. Average tip is starting to be a 10 spot. Probably around $200 this week in tips. Nice part of it, uber doesn't take a cut of it.


$200 per week? Damn! If I would've been doing that I would have been bringing home like $248/week! Seriously, those kinda tips would have made all the difference, until the next rate cut anyway. I guess I just wasn't Uber material.


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## Optimus Uber (Oct 7, 2014)

DriverJ said:


> $200 per week? Damn! If I would've been doing that I would have been bringing home like $248/week! Seriously, those kinda tips would have made all the difference, until the next rate cut anyway. I guess I just wasn't Uber material.


I had a couple of Russia hookers give me a $50 for a $19 ride. I thought wow, a hooker paying me and I never even took my clothes off, then I realized, maybe the $50 was for me to keep my clothes on. Whatever, not insulted, $50 is $50 bucks.
I'm getting allot of tips because of the conversations. When you connect to the customer and they get a conversation they feel is value added to their lives, they really appreciate it. Also, topics like, kids and working multiple jobs, for the kids, their education, working multiple jobs so the kids can have a better life, yadda, yadda, yadda.. Once you connect with them on another level, tug at the heart strings, make then feel you, make them relate, you know $10 is the new $5. When I first started the story telling, the family speal and things I was getting $5's, now I'm getting $10's and 20's. You all need to take a ride with me and listen to the speal. Seriously, forget about the fare and learn how to tell the hardship story. I'm selling entertainment, I'm a regular Nicholas 'uber' sparks. My heart felt story lines will make you somber and you'll be grateful for what you have in life when you step out of the beamer, haha!!! Hard luck story and your stepping out of a $60k car, thanks for the tip, its is not necessary but greatly appreciated. I thank you and my family thanks you, God bless.


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## DriverJ (Sep 1, 2014)

Optimus Uber said:


> I had a couple of Russia hookers give me a $50 for a $19 ride. I thought wow, a hooker paying me and I never even took my clothes off, then I realized, maybe the $50 was for me to keep my clothes on. Whatever, not insulted, $50 is $50 bucks.
> I'm getting allot of tips because of the conversations. When you connect to the customer and they get a conversation they feel is value added to their lives, they really appreciate it. Also, topics like, kids and working multiple jobs, for the kids, their education, working multiple jobs so the kids can have a better life, yadda, yadda, yadda.. Once you connect with them on another level, tug at the heart strings, make then feel you, make them relate, you know $10 is the new $5. When I first started the story telling, the family speal and things I was getting $5's, now I'm getting $10's and 20's. You all need to take a ride with me and listen to the speal. Seriously, forget about the fare and learn how to tell the hardship story. I'm selling entertainment, I'm a regular Nicholas 'uber' sparks. My heart felt story lines will make you somber and you'll be grateful for what you have in life when you step out of the beamer, haha!!! Hard luck story and your stepping out of a $60k car, thanks for the tip, its is not necessary but greatly appreciated. I thank you and my family thanks you, God bless.


I once told two drunk idiots in the back to STFU or I was gonna bust their heads and curb their ass, but I didn't get a tip. That's kind of a hard luck story, but still, no tip.


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## Optimus Uber (Oct 7, 2014)

DriverJ said:


> I once told two drunk idiots in the back to STFU or I was gonna bust their heads and curb their ass, but I didn't get a tip. That's kind of a hard luck story, but still, no tip.


You're getting there, keep working on it, it will come


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## Instyle (Oct 18, 2014)

StrawJim, Legend! Uber on, as they say lol..


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## Karl Childers (Oct 24, 2014)

I keep my books on the front seat whenever Frank isn't reading them. Puts them in trunk when I pick up more than 3 of them there riders. Chicken Champ has stopped surging but still makes enough to get that canned meat at the dollar store.


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## UberPissed (Aug 13, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> Okay. Perhaps I'm a bit of an ass, but I have a pretty good driver rating. I just have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit and pretentious people.
> 
> 1. I won't "hurry up" just because you have zero time management skills and are running late. Tough shit.
> 4. I don't offer water or candy. Although when asked for water, I have offered to take them to a convenience store so they can purchase their own water.


I LOVE IT.

Side note - you sound like a breeze to be with in a vehicle.


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## StephenJBlue (Sep 23, 2014)

UberPissed said:


> I LOVE IT.
> 
> Side note - you sound like a breeze to be with in a vehicle.


I am a breeze. Treat me well, and I will do the same. Be a jerk, GTFO.
I love talking and chatting, but don't ask me about how much I like Uber. 
If you ask about politics or religion, don't get your panties in a bunch when I respond. 
If you ask me if I'm worried about getting robbed, don't blow your wad when I pat my side and tell that in Texas, we protect ourselves.
When I need to call you on the phone because you ****ed up your location, don't get upset with me. Automatic cancel.


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## Blerg (Oct 14, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> I am a breeze. Treat me well, and I will do the same. Be a jerk, GTFO.
> I love talking and chatting, but don't ask me about how much I like Uber.
> If you ask about politics or religion, don't get your panties in a bunch when I respond.
> If you ask me if I'm worried about getting robbed, don't blow your wad when I pat my side and tell that in Texas, we protect ourselves.
> When I need to call you on the phone because you ****ed up your location, don't get upset with me. Automatic cancel.


Don't ask you about how much you like Uber? That's 95% of pax. I tell them you can't beat the schedule flexibility and leave it at that. Tell us what you share if you are asked the same question.


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## StephenJBlue (Sep 23, 2014)

Blerg said:


> Don't ask you about how much you like Uber? That's 95% of pax. I tell them you can't beat the schedule flexibility and leave it at that. Tell us what you share if you are asked the same question.


I tell them I came back to town to take care of my terminally ill father and that Uber gives me the flexible schedule that I need to take care of him in his final days.

Which is a load of shit, but I love the shocked and saddened looks on their faces.


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## Blerg (Oct 14, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> I tell them I came back to town to take care of my terminally ill father and that Uber gives me the flexible schedule that I need to take care of him in his final days.
> 
> Which is a load of shit, but I love the shocked and saddened looks on their faces.


LMAO. I'm going to steal that one.


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## Optimus Uber (Oct 7, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> I am a breeze. Treat me well, and I will do the same. Be a jerk, GTFO.
> I love talking and chatting, but don't ask me about how much I like Uber.
> If you ask about politics or religion, don't get your panties in a bunch when I respond.
> If you ask me if I'm worried about getting robbed, don't blow your wad when I pat my side and tell that in Texas, we protect ourselves.
> When I need to call you on the phone because you ****ed up your location, don't get upset with me. Automatic cancel.


Automatic cancel..... Exactly

How about I will be out in 5 minutes, I text back, call a car when you're really ready to go. Then I cancel. Because we all know, ill be out in 5 minutes is code for 10-15 minutes. I was thinking about responding with, no problem, ill start the meter while I wait. Thinking about starting ty o do that.


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## DriverJ (Sep 1, 2014)

KrisThuy said:


> darn really? u have higher rating than me?
> i gona start using my hammer to kickout people then


You use your mouth to 'kick' them out, the hammer to make sure they don't get back in - ever.


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## duggles (Aug 25, 2014)

I did about 10 rides on Uber this week. I got two tips, a $10 and $20 tip (on a $20 and a $30 ride, respectively). Additionally my rating dropped from 4.76 to 4.72. That's a ****ed up weekend, proving the idiom, you win some, you lose some.


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## cybertec69 (Jul 23, 2014)

I tell them I have to sleep in the car, thanks to the recent rate cuts, they don't give a shit, just like uber.


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## DriverJ (Sep 1, 2014)

duggles said:


> I did about 10 rides on Uber this week. I got two tips, a $10 and $20 tip (on a $20 and a $30 ride, respectively). Additionally my rating dropped from 4.76 to 4.72. That's a ****ed up weekend, proving the idiom, you win some, you lose some.


I think it's, "You win some, and then Uber happens."


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## StephenJBlue (Sep 23, 2014)

I've found that I have zero tolerance for drunks. For those drivers that say some fluffy / feel-good bullshit like: "It makes me feel good to do my part to keep the streets safe by giving drunks a ride home instead of having them drive". 

**** THAT. I hate drunks. Nasty bastards.


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## GJM (Jul 28, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> Okay. Perhaps I'm a bit of an ass, but I have a pretty good driver rating. I just have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit and pretentious people.
> 
> 1. I won't "hurry up" just because you have zero time management skills and are running late. Tough shit.
> 2. I actually go slower than the posted speed limit. Every paid minute helps.
> ...


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## GJM (Jul 28, 2014)

StrawJim!!!!! I'm crying over here! I love it man!!!! LMAO!!!!


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## StephenJBlue (Sep 23, 2014)

You want to overload my 4 passenger vehicle because you're to ****ing cheap to use UberXL? Trip canceled, asshole.


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## StephenJBlue (Sep 23, 2014)

No. You can't play your shitty music in my car. Want to hear your spotify playlist? Put on headphones.


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## Karl Childers (Oct 24, 2014)

Sometimes I just find myself holding a hammer. Not rightly sure how it got there. Maybe got in the car with it as I was just holdin it.


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## Sydney Uber (Apr 15, 2014)

StrawJim said:


> I've found that I have zero tolerance for drunks. For those drivers that say some fluffy / feel-good bullshit like: "It makes me feel good to do my part to keep the streets safe by giving drunks a ride home instead of having them drive".
> 
> **** THAT. I hate drunks. Nasty bastards.


Don't hate them all. Irish folk make happy drunks.!!


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## Karl Childers (Oct 24, 2014)

Sydney Uber said:


> Don't hate them all. Irish folk make happy drunks.!!


My mom used to give me Pabst Blue Ribbon after my dad went to sleep.


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## SOBE (Jul 9, 2014)

Exactly same here. My car, my Rules! You don't like it? Too bad for you. Get another car!
- 4.78 rating, 2900 rides.


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## Sydney Uber (Apr 15, 2014)

Karl Childers said:


> My mom used to give me Pabst Blue Ribbon after my dad went to sleep.


PBR don't taste like it should brewed in LA, that Milwaukee brew is the real McCoy.


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## Karl Childers (Oct 24, 2014)

Sydney Uber said:


> PBR don't taste like it should brewed in LA, that Milwaukee brew is the real McCoy.


Saw a bunch of scratch and sniffs under my dad's empty cans. Only when I learned to read somes did I realize what them Hustler type magazines meant by that.


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## jakob (Jul 16, 2014)

cybertec69 said:


> I tell them I have to sleep in the car, thanks to the recent rate cuts, they don't give a shit, just like uber.


Lmao I'm sorry I don't know why but this was funny


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## Sydney Uber (Apr 15, 2014)

Karl Childers said:


> Saw a bunch of scratch and sniffs under my dad's empty cans. Only when I learned to read somes did I realize what them Hustler type magazines meant by that.


Me and me Mates didn't wait to learn how to read. There were plenty of instructional Super 8 films we found in the local tip scavenging for scrap. Funny thing was watch'n all them Europeans doin it wrong, they kept going up one-way streets, in through the exit door like.

I cant figure how in hell they thought they were ever gonna have babies!


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## Karl Childers (Oct 24, 2014)

Sydney Uber said:


> Me and me Mates didn't wait to learn how to read. There were plenty of instructional Super 8 films we found in the local tip scavenging for scrap. Funny thing was watch'n all them Europeans doin it wrong, they kept going up one-way streets, in through the exit door like.
> 
> I cant figure how in hell they thought they were ever gonna have babies!


mhm...


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## StephenJBlue (Sep 23, 2014)

Oh.. And I now carry some killer pepper spray. And I will use it.


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## Aceves (Dec 30, 2014)

Optimus Uber said:


> I had a couple of Russia hookers give me a $50 for a $19 ride. I thought wow, a hooker paying me and I never even took my clothes off, then I realized, maybe the $50 was for me to keep my clothes on. Whatever, not insulted, $50 is $50 bucks.
> I'm getting allot of tips because of the conversations. When you connect to the customer and they get a conversation they feel is value added to their lives, they really appreciate it. Also, topics like, kids and working multiple jobs, for the kids, their education, working multiple jobs so the kids can have a better life, yadda, yadda, yadda.. Once you connect with them on another level, tug at the heart strings, make then feel you, make them relate, you know $10 is the new $5. When I first started the story telling, the family speal and things I was getting $5's, now I'm getting $10's and 20's. You all need to take a ride with me and listen to the speal. Seriously, forget about the fare and learn how to tell the hardship story. I'm selling entertainment, I'm a regular Nicholas 'uber' sparks. My heart felt story lines will make you somber and you'll be grateful for what you have in life when you step out of the beamer, haha!!! Hard luck story and your stepping out of a $60k car, thanks for the tip, its is not necessary but greatly appreciated. I thank you and my family thanks you, God bless.


Okay the best ****en advice on here to date. I have four kids and there mother left them with me for another man or should I say she died?


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## Aceves (Dec 30, 2014)

StephenJBlue said:


> I tell them I came back to town to take care of my terminally ill father and that Uber gives me the flexible schedule that I need to take care of him in his final days.
> 
> Which is a load of shit, but I love the shocked and saddened looks on their faces.


Can I use that one too or is it traded makes?


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## Aceves (Dec 30, 2014)

Well she died of cancer last year but thought it would make a good sob story.


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## DriverJ (Sep 1, 2014)

Aceves said:


> Well she died of cancer last year but thought it would make a good sob story.


Sorry  My fingers start working while my brain isn't. Kinda like my mouth.


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## Aceves (Dec 30, 2014)

Am kidding, but do you think that would get me higher tips?


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## DriverJ (Sep 1, 2014)

Aceves said:


> Am kidding, but do you think that would get me higher tips?


Yes, I just sent you one through PayPal!


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## Aceves (Dec 30, 2014)

Thanks I needed it today sucks so far.


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## DriverJ (Sep 1, 2014)

Aceves said:


> Thanks I needed it today sucks so far.


It'll get worse. Google 'Uber Nashville.'


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## Chris Dee (Nov 19, 2014)

I highly doubt you have ever thrown anyone out of your vehicle or spoke that way to someone. 
But as for me.... I have in fact thrown people out of my vehicle and have the rating to prove it.


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## Aceves (Dec 30, 2014)

Wow your cool...


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## DriverJ (Sep 1, 2014)

Aceves said:


> Wow your cool...


You're cool too. We're all cool. We are Uber cool!

Damn, that wasn't very cool, was it?


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## brikosig (Dec 16, 2014)

StephenJBlue said:


> Okay. Perhaps I'm a bit of an ass, but I have a pretty good driver rating. I just have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit and pretentious people.
> 
> 1. I won't "hurry up" just because you have zero time management skills and are running late. Tough shit.
> 2. I actually go slower than the posted speed limit. Every paid minute helps.
> ...


BRAVO!!


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## UberBlackPr1nce (Dec 28, 2014)

Read this forum and laugh.
Pay bills
Plan out my week.
Complain about all the riders on the road


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## Bart McCoy (Nov 4, 2014)

Optimus Uber said:


> Yes, I have been getting more tips lately as well. Average tip is starting to be a 10 spot. Probably around $200 this week in tips. Nice part of it, uber doesn't take a cut of it.


averaging $200 a week in tips?
hard to believe


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## Yuri Lygotme (Jul 27, 2014)

StephenJBlue said:


> 5. Leave something in my car? Better call quick or it will be gone. I don't drive for free and uber has nothing set to allow me to charge the passenger for the trip to return their stuff. So, "nope", I don't see anything. This has allowed me to get some decent tips in the form of wallets. Yes, dishonest. Do I care? No. Just ask the non-tipping passenger who left his wallet in my car. Extra $80 for me. Nifty.


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