# You might be an Uber driver if..



## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Let's have a little fun. Keeping with Jeff Foxworth's "you might be a ******* if.."

"If you <blank>... You might just be an Uber driver"

And go :biggrin:


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## Bbonez (Aug 10, 2018)

You first


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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)

You've sat in a parking lot and wondered, "Is this shit really worth it?"


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If you have ever said "no, I don't have any cocaine, please step out" to a drunk at 8 pm... You might just be an Uber driver.

If you have ever spent half an hour on the phone trying to explain what an "exit ramp" is.. You might just be an Uber driver.

If you lease a car and tell the dealer that you just commute to your "job".. You might just be an Uber driver.

If you get tired of waiting at a DUI checkpoint, back up, and drive off without being chased.. You might just be an Uber driver (last night, think they took pity).

If your idea of a great Friday night includes not having to play "guess the fluid", including scratch and sniff, on your seat.. You might just be an Uber driver.



Pax Collector said:


> You've sat in a parking lot and wondered, "Is this shit really worth it?"


.. You might just be an Uber driver


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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)

If, after you drop off your riders at the airport and tell them "Have a nice flight" and they respond with "You too", you might just be an Uber driver.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Pax Collector said:


> If, after you drop off your riders at the airport and tell them "Have a nice flight" they respond "You too", you might just be an Uber driver.


That's awesome :roflmao:


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## Uber Crack (Jul 19, 2017)

If your car is always perfectly clean you might be an uber driver. 

If you put 50,000+ miles on your car in a year, you might be an uber driver.


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

If you can name the 10 hottest clubs in town but you don't drink on Friday or Saturday nights, you might be an Uber driver.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> If you have ever said "no, I don't have any cocaine, please step out" to a drunk at 8 pm... You might just be an Uber driver.
> 
> If you have ever spent half an hour on the phone trying to explain what an "exit ramp" is.. You might just be an Uber driver.
> 
> ...


Guess the fluid :roflmao:



PaxiCab said:


> Guess the fluid :roflmao:


Can't tell you how many times I had to play that game


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Mista T said:


> If you can name the 10 hottest clubs in town but you don't drink on Friday or Saturday nights, you might be an Uber driver.


Good one! I got a tip last night for suggesting a popular restaurant that I've never been to. Which brings me to

If you drop off a dozen people at upscale restaurants that you have heard great things about but can't afford a beer and appetizer.. You might just be an Uber driver.


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

If you frequently get asked what you do for a living, while you are on the job, you might be an Uber driver.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If you find yourself on the verge of a stroke when a non-contact number calls, you might be an Uber driver


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> If you find yourself on the verge of a stroke when a non-contact number calls, you might be an Uber driver


Speaking of which, I use an app called TruCaller - it shows the company calling. When I dial the Uber number to talk with a pax, it often shows something like a debt collector. Explains why some people don't answer :roflmao:


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If you find yourself in the middle of the night having nightmares of people directing you while a map is showcased clear as day on a vent mount, you might be an Uber driver.


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

If you pick up oily, sweaty strippers at 3:30 A.M. followed by a fortune 500 business guy next trip going to the airport....then you know you're a late night hero Uber driver.


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## Lissetti (Dec 20, 2016)

When the sight of a Prius no longer means this to you...






But only this....










.....which causes you to narrow your eyes at the competition.


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## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

If you say "_what's your name?_" as your wife steps into your car, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

If you know where all the best restaurants, clubs, bars, etc. in your town are, but can't afford to go to any of them...


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## peteyvavs (Nov 18, 2015)

If you rate hookers and drug dealers 5 stars.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

We all need to get a beer sometime. Write it off as a business expense

If you find yourself shying away from big tax season check shopping spree conversations, you might be an Uber driver.


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## peteyvavs (Nov 18, 2015)

PaxiCab said:


> We all need to get a beer sometime. Write it off as a business expense


Uber and Lyft driver's prefer antidepressant's lol.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If you find yourself using the words “pickup” and “premium” more in office meeting briefings and presentations, you might be an Uber driver.

If the sounds of wacking off don’t bother you anymore, you might be an Uber driver.

If the gas station clerks gave up on greeting you because it’s your 6th time this week, you might be an Uber driver.

If the teacher asks why the only question you got right on the bio quiz was “how do you identify an ant?”, you might be an Uber driver.

If hearing “where are you?” From friends gives you triggers to start using again, you might be an Uber driver.

If you find yourself assuring your waiter at dinner you’d tip in app, you might be an Uber driver.

When counting sheep to sleep isn’t enough and you start counting clean up fees to get a nights rest, you might be an Uber driver.

If the boss offers a promotion and it prompts you to ask how many trips, you might be an Uber driver.

If the car detailer stops charging you extra to dig out the dry whiz from the backseat, you might be an Uber driver.


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## hrswartz (Jan 4, 2019)

If you know the gas stations that sell the least expensive gas... you just might be an Uber driver.
if you find that you make numerous U-turns... you might be an Uber driver...
if you find yourself calling another human a cheap [email protected]@d... you might be an Uber driver....

Benjamin... great thread!


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## peteyvavs (Nov 18, 2015)

If you find yourself driving around at 4 in the morning with your cell phone for no reason.


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## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

If you're willing to sacrifice a couple hours of sleep to get downtown before 5am on a Monday morning, when your day job is nowhere near downtown.


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## 25rides7daysaweek (Nov 20, 2017)

If you can't afford to go one of those places where you sit down and they bring the food right to you. You might be an uber driver. 
you have 2 cups with liquid in your cup holders but 1 of them isn't for drinking. You probably are an uber driver..


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

If the semen in your backseat is not yours, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Launchpad McQuack (Jan 8, 2019)

If you've ever been on the phone with some chick in India arguing over $3, you might be an Uber driver.


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## GigEconoMom (Nov 19, 2018)

When you catch yourself holding in a fart when no one is in your car only to realize you are alone and can let it rip..you might be an uber driver!



25rides7daysaweek said:


> If you can't afford to go one of those places where you sit down and they bring the food right to you. You might be an uber driver.
> you have 2 cups with liquid in your cup holders but 1 of them isn't for drinking. You probably are an uber driver..


Walt wait ✋... Ohhhh I get it.. Ewwwww.. Must be nice to have a magic wand you can aim into a cup with.. I'm stuck getting UTI's, practicing squats at random gas stations, and buying cheap obligatory purchases for using said bathrooms.


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

If you’ve frequently pick up 14 year old girls on the side of the road then hope they don’t report you...
You might be an Uber driver.


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## reg barclay (Nov 3, 2015)

You could write a hotel style guide book about all the public bathrooms in your area. With star ratings for each one.


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## JesusisLord777 (Dec 4, 2016)

This is what seperates the rookie vs the Super Ant: the deep knowledge of every single bathroom in town, in addition to what hours they're available. 

Hotels are my secret weapon during late hours.


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## 2Cents (Jul 18, 2016)




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## Dice Man (May 21, 2018)

When you get your free coffee from McDonald's and can't afford the $6 coffee at the Vietnamese cafe shops!


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## 2Cents (Jul 18, 2016)




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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If you have ever purchased a six pack at 11:58 pm and hid it in the trunk for later.. You might just be an Uber driver

I saw my apartment's security guard doing this on Friday :biggrin:


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Benjamin M said:


> If you have ever purchased a six pack at 11:58 pm and hid it in the trunk for later.. You might just be an Uber driver


Yes!!! 
I found out the hard way that you can't buy alcohol from 2am-6am. 
Didn't think it applied to grocery stores.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Cableguynoe said:


> Yes!!!
> I found out the hard way that you can't buy alcohol from 2am-6am.
> Didn't think it applied to grocery stores.


Midnight is the cut off across the board here in Virginia. Pain in the butt!


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## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

9pm cutoff in Wisconsin


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

MadTownUberD said:


> 9pm cutoff in Wisconsin


What????

No bars open past 9pm?
That can't be!


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## MoneyMitch (Nov 15, 2015)

......(In the NY metro area)Your EZ Pass toll replenishment threshold is $220


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

If your friends/loved ones mess with the controls in your car while you are driving, and you feel the strange urge to strangle the Lyft out of them, you might be an Uber driver.


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## MoneyMitch (Nov 15, 2015)

Cableguynoe said:


> What????
> 
> No bars open past 9pm?
> That can't be!


I think he meant the cutoff for buying alcohol in grocery stores. In Jersey it's 10pm


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

If you want to go somewhere but your wife/husb is taking too long to get ready, and you think "One star for you, bish!" then you might be an Uber driver.


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

MoneyMitch said:


> I think he meant the cutoff for buying alcohol in grocery stores. In Jersey it's 10pm


In California it's the same time.

Doesn't make sense to me that you can't buy at grocery store where most are buying to drink at later time, but you can at a bar where you're already drunk when ordering another.


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## Ping.Me.More (Oct 27, 2018)

When the question that you hear most often is:
_"So, how's your day going so far?"_ . . . . 
. . . you might just be an Uber driver


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If you have ever had a married couple in the car and wanted to leave one on the curb.. You might just be an Uber driver (almost always the husband) 

If you get pissed off when someone wants to stop for fast food, and then say "nah man I'm good" when asked if you want anything - even though you haven't eaten anything yet and only have $2.. You might just be an Uber driver. (One guy bought me a drink and fries anyway, it was sooo good). 

If you have ever had the awkward moment forgetting to unlock your car door when someone of another race tries to get in, with the "really, Bro?" look... You might just be an Uber driver. 

If you look for the rating on pop up ads and click them right away.. You might just be an Uber driver.


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## Friendly Jack (Nov 17, 2015)

Benjamin M said:


> Let's have a little fun. Keeping with Jeff Foxworth's "you might be a ******* if.."
> 
> "If you <blank>... You might just be an Uber driver"
> 
> And go :biggrin:


If you are a masochist, you might just be an Uber driver.


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## SurgeMasterMN (Sep 10, 2016)

jgiun1 said:


> If you pick up oily, sweaty strippers at 3:30 A.M. followed by a fortune 500 business guy next trip going to the airport....then you know you're a late night hero Uber driver.


Been there done that. Picked up a stripper after a long night had to help her to her door cause she was pretty messed up. She gave me a 20 tip. Then it was off to pick up my Regular COO of a huge hotel chain.

You might be an Uber driver if u get offered to come up stairs with a group of girls for cocaine, weed and ...... my response to the girls was sorry I am married and wish this was 20 years ago and I would call it a night and indulge.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If juices have a different meaning to you than a fruit drink, you might be an Uber driver.

If your trainer at the gym asks for your lift technique to which you respond primetime only, you might be a Lyft driver.

If your driver seat feels smaller and smaller to fit in, you might be an Uber driver.


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## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

Cableguynoe said:


> What????
> 
> No bars open past 9pm?
> That can't be!


Bars are open. But Uber drivers can only afford six packs, which, like all alcohol, is not sold in stores after 9pm.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If you have ever driven down the interstate doing 70 in the rain with all of your windows open and your head out the window because of the mystery smell... You might just be an Uber driver


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## I Aint Jo Mama (May 2, 2016)

Pax Collector said:


> If, after you drop off your riders at the airport and tell them "Have a nice flight" and they respond with "You too", you might just be an Uber driver.


Had that happen once or twice


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

If you think all other UBER drivers are pathetic, but somehow you're the exception...
You might be an Uber driver.



MadTownUberD said:


> Bars are open. But Uber drivers can only afford six packs, which, like all alcohol, is not sold in stores after 9pm.


So strange.
If someone needs a drink now, they can't get a 6 pack and take it home. They must go to a bar and drink in public.
And I thought California was odd....


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## 2Cents (Jul 18, 2016)




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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If you have ever had someone tell you why one particular ride share app is far superior, after you just dropped someone off on the other app in the same car.. You might just be an Uber *and* Lyft driver :biggrin:


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## Cary Grant (Jul 14, 2015)

If you know where the bootleggers sell beer and booze after-hours, you might be an Uber driver. If said bootleggers know your first name, you ARE an Uber driver.

If your dashcam footage collection has multiple videos archived of girls flashing the camera on purpose from the backseat, you might be an Uber driver. Bonus points if you hear them daring each other to do it in whispers while giggling.

If you've ever seen a brown smear on your seat and prayed that it's only chocolate, you might be an Uber driver.

If you've ever seen a round wet spot right where a pax crotch was moments before and hoped that it's only sweat from her bottled water, then you might be an Uber driver.

If you know where all the happy ending massage parlors, men-only spas, and hourly rental motels are, you might be an Uber driver.

If you know which strip clubs to steer pax to because you've memorized the list of strip clubs that spiff drivers, you might be an Uber driver.

If you've ever had four street walking hookers argue over the roof of your car about who gets first dibs on your business while you're desperately looking around asking "Are you Frank?" then you might be an Uber driver.

If you've ever had a strip club manager toss a nearly naked drunk girl in the back seat of your car while it's still daylight, and that drunk naked girl then passed out in your backseat on the hour-long trip to the bad side of town, you might be an Uber driver.

If you've ever picked up a guy with a backpack that makes 15 stops, efficiently changing the destination via the app with each arrival, so he can run in and run out of each location, only inside the house or apartment for a few seconds, until you quietly wonder if you're a mule transporting drugs or cash, then you might be an Uber driver. 

If you've ever had a young woman change from her conservative presentable parent-approved outfit of jeans, tennis shoes, and a university logo'd hoodie into a very short, very revealing, form-fitting cocktail dress that a high-end escort would wear and some money maker high heels, on the way to a party she's probably not quite old enough for, then you might be an Uber driver. If she unapologetically changes her clothes while riding in the front passenger seat, you ARE an Uber driver.


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## Lissetti (Dec 20, 2016)

You might be an Uber driver when you say nothing about the Service Animal dog sitting his bare ass on your seats because at least it's better than the female Mallrat who sat there the night before with a too short skirt and no panties on. 

I hate playing "Guess the Stain."


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> If you have ever driven down the interstate doing 70 in the rain with all of your windows open and your head out the window because of the mystery smell... You might just be an Uber driver


Seriously, we could write an ant encyclopedia with how accurate these are

If getting a repeat pax you previously 1* again frightens you more than your own death off a skyline, you might be an Uber driver


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> Seriously, we could write an ant encyclopedia with how accurate these are


I'm laughing my ass off at these :roflmao:

Goal was to blow off some steam and get a chuckle, mission successful 

Keep em coming!


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Had a couple sh**y passengers yesterday, this really blew off steam for me


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> Had a couple sh**y passengers yesterday, this really blew off steam for me


Awesome!


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Cary Grant said:


> If you know where the bootleggers sell beer and booze after-hours, you might be an Uber driver. If said bootleggers know your first name, you ARE an Uber driver.
> 
> If your dashcam footage collection has multiple videos archived of girls flashing the camera on purpose from the backseat, you might be an Uber driver. Bonus points if you hear them daring each other to do it in whispers while giggling.
> 
> ...


"Desperately looking around asking for frank" :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::biggrin::roflmao: Nearly died laughing


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If this is what your phone's notification list looks like... You might just be an Uber driver :roflmao:


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If your washer-dryer gradually stops washing the white stains off the back of your shirt, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> If your washer-dryer gradually stops washing the white stains off the back of your shirt, you might be an Uber driver.


Amen! I keep forgetting to buy new shirts :biggrin:


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> View attachment 298290
> 
> 
> If this is what your phone's notification list looks like... You might just be an Uber driver :roflmao:


I'm famous?


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> I'm famous?


Yeah buddy you've been rocking this thread ?


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If the sight of hookers doesnt cause you to do a double take anymore, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Launchpad McQuack (Jan 8, 2019)

MoneyMitch said:


> I think he meant the cutoff for buying alcohol in grocery stores. In Jersey it's 10pm


You can buy alcohol in grocery stores in Jersey??? I've never seen any that carry it. I always just assumed it was illegal.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Launchpad McQuack said:


> You can buy alcohol in grocery stores in Jersey??? I've never seen any that carry it. I always just assumed it was illegal.


Depends on the store. Wegmans and Trader Joe's, for example, sell alcohol


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If your idea of a day off is staging at an airport to uninterruptedly watch greys anatomy, you might be an Uber driver.



Benjamin M said:


> Depends on the store. Wegmans and Trader Joe's, for example, sell alcohol


Also depends on state, Virginia is and has always been legal, even at Walmart you can buy alcohol. Pennsylvania was not for a long time until last year.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> If your idea of a day off is staging at an airport to uninterruptedly watch greys anatomy, you might be an Uber driver.
> 
> 
> Also depends on state, Virginia that is legal, Pennsylvania was not for a long time until last year.


PA has loopholes, for example restaurants can sell six packs


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> PA has loopholes, for example restaurants can sell six packs


Wow, didn't know that . Just last year they alllowed weis to sell it



PaxiCab said:


> Wow, didn't know that . Just last year they alllowed weis to sell it


I was flabbergasted to of moved to PA 2 years ago and not be able to grab a miller at 7-11. Virginia that was easy to do at night.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> Wow, didn't know that . Just last year they alllowed weis to sell it


Yep, I have a favorite pizza shop in Milford, PA. Stop by for a slice and beer whenever I'm in town. No separate purchase necessary.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

pizza and alcohol, mans best invention


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> Wow, didn't know that . Just last year they alllowed weis to sell it
> 
> 
> I was flabbergasted to of moved to PA 2 years ago and not be able to grab a miller at 7-11. Virginia that was easy to do at night.


Yep, beer and wine sold just about everywhere here. You can pick up a perception, buy a carton of cigarettes, and get a case of beer at Walgreens :roflmao:


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> Yep, beer and wine sold just about everywhere here. You can pick up a perception, buy a carton of cigarettes, and get a case of beer at Walgreens :roflmao:


Which is amazing, considering Virginia has one of the lowest DUI conviction rates, and every year it lowers


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> Which is amazing, considering Virginia has one of the lowest DUI conviction rates, and every year it lowers


Maryland has drive thru liquor stores -o:


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> Maryland has drive thru liquor stores -o:


:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao: Willing to bet 90% of their customer base drive for Uber


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

When you see a four inch deep scratch on your car exterior and say "ohh, that comes with the job" you know you're an Uber driver.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

When the backs of your driver seat and passenger seat are more scuffed up than your 10 year old *nike air maxs, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If you have ever been told "great job, I'll give you a big tip" only to receive a whopping $1.. You might just be an Uber driver (very first pax ever)


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If the car wash attendant constantly threatens your unlimited wash membership because they are balls deep in their water bill, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Launchpad McQuack (Jan 8, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> Maryland has drive thru liquor stores -o:


So does Ohio.



PaxiCab said:


> Which is amazing, considering Virginia has one of the lowest DUI conviction rates, and every year it lowers


I am convinced that strict alcohol laws contribute to the problem rather than prevent it. A couple summers ago I spent a month in Paris for work. Their alcohol laws are so lax there, and I don't recall ever seeing anybody that was visibly intoxicated. Plus, you don't have to carry ID on you because there is never any reason to prove your age to anybody. I'll admit, though, it is vaguely unsettling when you go out at night and the chick sitting next to you at the bar can't be any older than 16.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Launchpad McQuack said:


> So does Ohio.
> 
> I am convinced that strict alcohol laws contribute to the problem rather than prevent it. A couple summers ago I spent a month in Paris for work. Their alcohol laws are so lax there, and I don't recall ever seeing anybody that was visibly intoxicated. Plus, you don't have to carry ID on you because there is never any reason to prove your age to anybody. I'll admit, though, it is vaguely unsettling when you go out at night and the chick sitting next to you at the bar can't be any older than 16.


I agree, restriction for things like that seem to make the problem worse


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## MoneyMitch (Nov 15, 2015)

Benjamin M said:


> Depends on the store. Wegmans and Trader Joe's, for example, sell alcohol


Yup. Some stores have a separate section others just stop selling alcohol at 10pm. Wegmans is where it's at.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If the highlight of your day includes not dumping out any wrinkled tissues, you might be an Uber driver.


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## GigEconoMom (Nov 19, 2018)

When you get asked numerous times a day if you have a "real job" and have to fight off the urge to say, "did you pay with monopoly money, because otherwise I'm getting real money to take your fake friendly self to your destination?!?".. You might be an uber driver


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If you have ever been asked by a new acquaintance if you'd like to hit up the club and said "no, I have work tonight", only to pick them up later... You might just be an Uber driver


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## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

GigEconoMom said:


> When you get asked numerous times a day if you have a "real job" and have to fight off the urge to say, "did you pay with monopoly money, because otherwise I'm getting real money to take your fake friendly self to your destination?!?".. You might be an uber driver


Haha. You call what we make "real money"?


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## I Aint Jo Mama (May 2, 2016)

If you have no life and post on here you DEF are an Uber driver


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## 5spdturbo (Jan 15, 2019)

Launchpad McQuack said:


> If you've ever been on the phone with some chick in India arguing over $3, you might be an Uber driver.


And when you hang up you think about driving off a cliff...



MoneyMitch said:


> ......(In the NY metro area)Your EZ Pass toll replenishment threshold is $220


Ouch...I thought upstates's $45 was a b!tch hog.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Keeping with someone else's.. 

If your car is a year old and looks like you just bought it, but you can't tell if someone just ransacked your apartment... You might just be an Uber driver


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## Trafficat (Dec 19, 2016)

I Aint Jo Mama said:


> "If, after you drop off your riders at the airport and tell them "Have a nice flight" and they respond with "You too", you might just be an Uber driver. "
> 
> Had that happen once or twice


I have that happen multiple times per day!


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> If you have ever been asked by a new acquaintance if you'd like to hit up the club and said "no, I have work tonight", only to pick them up later... You might just be an Uber driver


LMAO, The ACCURACY


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## GigEconoMom (Nov 19, 2018)

Fuzzyelvis said:


> Haha. You call what we make "real money"?


I don't know about you but this real money keeps a roof over my head, food on my table, and my work vehicle running lol


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

GigEconoMom said:


> I don't know about you but this real money keeps a roof over my head, food on my table, and my work vehicle running lol


Yep! It works if you work it.


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## Deepscout (Sep 3, 2018)

If your young child throws up and you feel owed $150, you might be an Uber driver.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Deepscout said:


> If your young child throws up and you feel owed $150, you might be an Uber driver.


This is the best thread I've ever laughed the most at


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> This is the best thread I've ever laughed the most at


Yayyyy! 



Deepscout said:


> If your young child throws up and you feel owed $150, you might be an Uber driver.


Now that's funny right there :roflmao: Except last time it was my dog :biggrin:


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

If you sit in your car reading for a half hour, and you're only two miles from home, you just might be an Uber driver.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Christinebitg said:


> If you sit in your car reading for a half hour, and you're only two miles from home, you just might be an Uber driver.


If you need to pee and pass by your own house five times without stopping because you're actually earning money for a change.. You might just be an Uber driver


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## Ricardo Resolute (Feb 18, 2019)

U might be an uber driver if
.........u feel it wrong to drive anywhere empty & alone


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## 2Cents (Jul 18, 2016)




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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

if the air breathing conditions feels significantly better once you step out of your vehicle, you might be an Uber driver



2Cents said:


> View attachment 298359


LMAO I was considering adding that the other day when I reviewed my personal settings


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## Ricardo Resolute (Feb 18, 2019)

You might be an uber driver if....
After an enjoyable ride and conversation with your passenger
arriving at the destination and their exist leaves u a bit Sad ?


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## 2Cents (Jul 18, 2016)

When ever you see that here it just means the driver doesn't speak English.


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## SkidRow (Nov 26, 2016)

If you've been clean and sober for years, but can name every micro-brewery in town, you just might be an Uber driver.



Cary Grant said:


> If you know where all the happy ending massage parlors, men-only spas, and hourly rental motels are, you might be an Uber driver.


... and after hours clubs.
"Welcome to my city."

If the cops pull you over because they want to talk to your passenger, you just might be an Uber driver.


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## peteyvavs (Nov 18, 2015)

GigEconoMom said:


> When you catch yourself holding in a fart when no one is in your car only to realize you are alone and can let it rip..you might be an uber driver!
> 
> 
> Walt wait ✋... Ohhhh I get it.. Ewwwww.. Must be nice to have a magic wand you can aim into a cup with.. I'm stuck getting UTI's, practicing squats at random gas stations, and buying cheap obligatory purchases for using said bathrooms.


LOL


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## Bill Wirth (Jan 1, 2015)

If a pizza delivery job is a promotion you might be an Uber driver.


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## Poopy54 (Sep 6, 2016)

IF your listening to rap/hip hop and your choice of music is Country.....You Might Be An Uber Driver

If you turn Fox news off when a passenger gets in your car You might Be An Uber driver(in California)

If you take a day off because you're not feelin it, and said to yourself 6 hours later, SHIT I could be at 125.00 by now You Might Be An Uber Driver


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

If you turn your favorite radio program down when your phone tells you to...
You might be an Uber driver.


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## Mainiac1991 (Aug 26, 2018)

You might be an uber driver if.....
-You've ever hastily found an area to take a leak on the side of the road. 
-Any pax named Pam is probably gonna be a bad ride.
-You've created 3 back stories to describe your life.
-You drem of the old and new ping sound in your sleep


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## somedriverguy (Sep 6, 2016)

KD_LA said:


> If you say "_what's your name?_" as your wife steps into your car, you might be an Uber driver.


If you have ever long-hauled _YOURSELF _to, or away, from a night on the town. You might be @OCJarvis.



peteyvavs said:


> If you find yourself driving around at 4 in the morning with your cell phone for no reason.


If you open Google maps to go run some errands and complain to yourself that there is no surge on the map, you might be an UBER driver.



Fuzzyelvis said:


> Haha. You call what we make "real money"?


There may not be a lot of it some weeks, but it is still legal tender.


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## RideshareUSA (Feb 7, 2019)

Cableguynoe said:


> If the semen in your backseat is not yours, you might be an Uber driver.


:laugh::biggrin::roflmao:


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## OCJarvis (Sep 4, 2017)

No comment



somedriverguy said:


> If you have ever long-hauled _YOURSELF _to, or away, from a night on the town. You might be @OCJarvis.
> 
> 
> If you open Google maps to go run some errands and complain to yourself that there is no surge on the map, you might be an UBER driver.
> ...


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## Antvirus (Jan 6, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> Let's have a little fun. Keeping with Jeff Foxworth's "you might be a ******* if.."
> 
> "If you <blank>... You might just be an Uber driver"
> 
> And go :biggrin:





BrotherZ said:


> I take riders with infants and no car seat. You got no car seat? No problem! Get in.
> I grew up in a country where kids are not strapped in car seats.


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## UberNLV (Mar 17, 2017)

Pax Collector said:


> You too


I drive here in Vegas. And during the ride the couple tells me it's there last night in town. 
When they exit the vehicle I say "enjoy your last night in Vegas" the guy replied in a deep voice "you too" 
I feared for my life. Did he know something I didn't? lol. 
After that I just tell everyone to have a nice day.


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## Pedro Paramo66 (Jan 17, 2018)

If you are willing to drive cheap entitled people just for charity and donations
Lol


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## peteyvavs (Nov 18, 2015)

You know you’re an Uber driver when hookers get you repeatedly and offer to tip you in the back seat.
You know you’re an Uber driver when you know who sells the best drugs around town.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

Mainiac1991 said:


> You might be an uber driver if.....
> -You've ever hastily found an area to take a leak on the side of the road.
> -Any pax named Pam is probably gonna be a bad ride.
> -You've created 3 back stories to describe your life.
> -You drem of the old and new ping sound in your sleep


I'm ****ing done, 3 back stories to describe your life :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If you have ever gotten really excited about picking up someone at a mansion, only to see that they have a vacuum and bucket when you pull up.. You might just be an Uber driver 

"I'm gonna get a big tip if I play my cards.." ?


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## teh744 (Apr 14, 2018)

Your on a first name basis at Walmart tire and oil express.....
.... weren't you just here a few weeks ago????


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If purple lights give you a mild form of PTSD, you might be a *Lyft driver.


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## aspacepig (Jul 17, 2017)

Heard the lie "I'll tip you in the app."


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

If you've gotten really good at doing oil changes on your car... And you're considering getting ramps to do it with anyway, just because it's easier.

If you clean the back seat of your car more often than you do the front seat, and you don't have children living with you.

If you've started leaving extra space between you and the car in front of you when you pull up to a traffic signal. And you don't even have the app on.

You've started volunteering to be the designated driver when you go out with friends.

You know way more about the roads in your town than your friends do, some of whom are in sales. And about the latest construction delays, and what times of day they have the most negative effects.


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## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

You always mistake Wednesday for Thursday, or Thursday for Friday

at night, you can tell which model car/vehicle is behind you, and the ethnicity of the driver, even if the vehicle is 1/2 mile back


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

If you filed Schedule C with your federal income tax return, but didn't have enough earnings to have to file Schedule SE for self-employment tax.

When your team gets into the playoffs, and your first reaction is "I could make some extra money if I drive then."


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## New2This (Dec 27, 2015)

You get bummed about the days getting longer because the more dark the easier it is to pee outside unseen.

You have a half-dozen spots you know are perfect bathroom break spits and none are indoors or have running water.


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## warsaw (Apr 8, 2017)

If you believe the saying that lower fares lead you to make more money, you might be an Uber driver.
If you're dying to find a place to pee in the middle of the night, you might be an Uber driver.
If you carry vomit bags in your car, you might be an Uber driver.
If your car smells like fabreze with hints of dried vomit, traces of urine, and taco bell, you might be an Uber driver.
If your butt, back, and feet feel sore and stiff, you might be an ant for UberCon.


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## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

Benjamin M said:


> If you have ever gotten really excited about picking up someone at a mansion, only to see that they have a vacuum and bucket when you pull up.. You might just be an Uber driver
> 
> "I'm gonna get a big tip if I play my cards.." ?


Been there done that... in Beverly Hills!!


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

KD_LA said:


> Been there done that... in Beverly Hills!!


Beverly Hills.. That's where you wanna be!

Gimme Gimme!



warsaw said:


> If your car smells like fabreze with hints of dried vomit, traces of urine, and taco bell, you might be an Uber driver.


Seven months and around 300 trips, still no bodily fluids! Odors, definitely - including a big gal that I thought might tip my Civic over. But she was a very nice young lady, apart from me waiting for her to "just grab a soda" for fifteen minutes at Target - she came out (okay, okay - waddled out) with three two liter bottles. Bless her heart, truly - we all have our vices, some show on the outside more than others.

How many people have you had with the "technicolor yawn?" ? I quit driving around 10 pm, only had one guy get close.


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## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

Benjamin M said:


> Beverly Hills.. That's where you wanna be!
> 
> Gimme Gimme!


You can have BH... and all of its fake plastic people!


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

KD_LA said:


> You can have BH... and all of its fake plastic people!


I hope you got the reference


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## SkidRow (Nov 26, 2016)

If you have ever wondered how somebody wearing so little can leave so much glitter behind, you just might be a Uber driver.

If you have more than one story about the time a hooker got in your car, you just might be an Uber driver.


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## BuckleUp (Jan 18, 2018)

"If you are on your knees reaching down between the front seats cleaning up vomit ... You might just be an Uber driver" 
"If you are shopping at Walmart for a 6 foot length of electrical cord to hang yourself with... You might just be an Uber driver" 
"If you burst into the Greenlight hub packing heat going postal.. You might just be an Uber driver"


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## Just A Mister (Feb 16, 2019)

Mista T said:


> If you frequently get asked what you do for a living, while you are on the job, you might be an Uber driver.


Along those lines: If you constantly have random strangers asking you if "...you make a lot of money doing this?" You might be an Uber driver.



Launchpad McQuack said:


> If you've ever been on the phone with some chick in India arguing over $3, you might be an Uber driver.


Or the Philippines, or a location they refuse to tell you, you might be an Uber (or/& Lyft) driver.


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## peteyvavs (Nov 18, 2015)

Always broke, you may be an Uber driver.

Working as a panhandler as your second job.


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## Just A Mister (Feb 16, 2019)

You’re using Waze on a day that you’re running personal errands and instinctively want to switch between that and Uber because the font is bigger in the latter.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Just A Mister said:


> Along those lines: If you constantly have random strangers asking you if "...you make a lot of money doing this?" You might be an Uber driver.


I hear this one daily. And I have started saying "today hasn't been too bad, lots of people tipping for a change!" And I'm seeing an increase in tips, including $10 for a relatively short trip.

I'll take the sympathy tips! :roflmao:


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## SkidRow (Nov 26, 2016)

If you walk into a titty bar and come out with more money than you went in with, you just might be an Uber driver.


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## Lee239 (Mar 24, 2017)

If you don't know the difference between net and gross.

Net is what Uber captured you with and gross is what they are.

If you don't know that your car is like a payday loan.


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

If you truly hate Uber and Lyft, and not because they overcharged you, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Jay Dean (Apr 3, 2015)

If you have driven 4 celebrities and gotten 5 stars from each, but you still are broke AF

(actually spending this SXSW avoiding everything, in the hopes I do not drive another celeb in March) The irony...


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## Trafficat (Dec 19, 2016)

If you get more hours of sleep in a car than in a bed...

When strippers give you one dollar bills for your services...

When you are an ugly dude who isn't rich and 5 smoking hot college girls want to ride in your car....

When you don't let a smoking hot college girl ride in your car because your car only seats 4 passengers.


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## uber_from_the north (Dec 19, 2017)

If you see your kids pull a snack from their bag and you tell them, "no eating in the car, please" you might be an Uber driver.


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## Cary Grant (Jul 14, 2015)

SkidRow said:


> If you walk into a titty bar and come out with more money than you went in with, you just might be an Uber driver.


This is classic! So true.

I feel a bit weird sometimes when I drop off 4 dudes at a high spiff joint. I wait a few minutes so they've paid their door charge before I walk in behind them, and hope I don't run into them as the hottie behind the desk hands me $40, or $80, or more in cash.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

If you start getting more Burger King coupons in the mail than usual, you might be an Uber driver

If you can spot a Bluetooth earpiece from 3 blocks away, you might be an Uber driver


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## hybriduber (Feb 14, 2018)

If the cup in your cup holder is a pee cup, you might be an Uber driver.

If you find yourself cursing at an app, you might be an Uber driver.

If you have a membership at a car wash, you might be an Uber driver.

If you carry cleaning supplies in your trunk, you might be an Uber driver.

If you carry an aux cord in your car, you might be an Uber driver.

If you have a GoBank debit card, you might be an Uber driver.

If you can't sell your used car, you might be an Uber driver.

If you go to the airport more than once a day, you might be an Uber driver.

If you make less than minimum wage, you might be an Uber driver.

If your wife wants a divorce, you might be an Uber driver.

If you owe taxes, you might be an Uber driver.

If you have a dash cam, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If the number of miles that you have on your odometer for the day is nearly double what you earned driving for hire.. You might just be an Uber driver


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

hybriduber said:


> If the cup in your cup holder is a pee cup, you might be an Uber driver.
> 
> If you find yourself cursing at an app, you might be an Uber driver.
> 
> ...


If your wife wants a divorce :roflmao:


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## uber_from_the north (Dec 19, 2017)

If you asked your wife to fill up gas as payment when dropping her off to work. You might just be an Uber driver


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

uber_from_the north said:


> If you asked your wife to fill up gas as payment when dropping her off to work. You might just be an Uber driver


Did that a couple of days ago! ?


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## uber_from_the north (Dec 19, 2017)

Benjamin M said:


> Did that a couple of days ago! ?


Did that yesterday #thuglife


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## TXUbering (May 9, 2018)

...if you hate driving around the times that school starts and ends

...if you get catfished by a big black guy with a blonde white girl Lyft profile picture

...if you've inhaled more weed stink while Ubering than any other time in your life

...if you have gone to the car wash more than once in the same day

...if you drive consistently in the right hand lane on the highways because you know that you'll get a ping for a rider that's at the exit that's approaching in 400'....300'....200'....100'.....0....awe, time to hit the next exit, 5 miles away.


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

TXUbering said:


> ...if you hate driving around the times that school starts and ends
> 
> ...if you get catfished by a big black guy with a blonde white girl Lyft profile picture
> 
> ...


The last one exactly. Seriously, we need to publish a book


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## corniilius (Jan 27, 2017)

Cableguynoe said:


> In California it's the same time.
> 
> Doesn't make sense to me that you can't buy at grocery store where most are buying to drink at later time, but you can at a bar where you're already drunk when ordering another.


Ralphs is open until 1am. I usually don't have any problems buying alcohol there. Just another reason it's my favorite store. Clean bathrooms too.


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## Scott.Sul (Sep 9, 2015)

oy_dave said:


> I'd be more inclined if I was Black.


You read a post which includes the above line... and understand it. You might be an Uber driver.


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## corniilius (Jan 27, 2017)

Cableguynoe said:


> If the semen in your backseat is not yours, you might be an Uber driver.


Since shutting it down at midnight, I am very happy to report that the only semen in my back seat is mine.

When you start referring to your real job as your day job, so as not to offend others, you just might be an uber driver.
When you occasionally get up early on a Sunday to take advantage of the airport runs, you just might be an Uber driver.
If you withhold your strategies for getting the most out of your time on the road, so the competition can die a slow painful death, you just might be an Uber driver.


----------



## rideshare2870 (Nov 23, 2017)

If the Prius starts looking good to you...you might be an Uber driver.


----------



## Butter3031 (Oct 13, 2018)

peteyvavs said:


> If you rate hookers and drug dealers 5 stars.


Almost wet myself reading this one!! Omgosh I did that once to a obvious but self admitted drug dealer. Then wondered what the heck was wrong with that picture ?


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## Pawtism (Aug 22, 2017)

Not gonna scan through all 9 pages, so if someone got this one already, forgive me...

You might be an Uber driver if you drop your wife/hubby off at work and then get annoyed because they didn't tip.


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## xgamrgeekx (Dec 1, 2018)

TXUbering said:


> if you get catfished by a big black guy with a blonde white girl Lyft profile picture


So many good ones; this one killed me. Don't know why. Oh okay, yeah I do ?

If you know what gogograndparent is, you might be an Uber/Lyft driver.


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Pawtism said:


> Not gonna scan through all 9 pages,


Ummmm... it's your job!!


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## xgamrgeekx (Dec 1, 2018)

If you can navigate airport terminal drop off areas better than half the other drivers (most of whom are double parked), you might be an Uber driver


----------



## Just A Mister (Feb 16, 2019)

Cary Grant said:


> This is classic! So true.
> 
> I feel a bit weird sometimes when I drop off 4 dudes at a high spiff joint. I wait a few minutes so they've paid their door charge before I walk in behind them, and hope I don't run into them as the hottie behind the desk hands me $40, or $80, or more in cash.


Newbie question and apologies in advance:
Why would you be given money from the woman behind the desk?


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## Hillary_Clinton (Oct 19, 2017)

If you just don’t give a **** about anything in general.


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## I Aint Jo Mama (May 2, 2016)

Deepscout said:


> If your young child throws up and you feel owed $150, you might be an Uber driver.


LMFAO



Hillary_Clinton said:


> If you just don't give a @@@@ about anything in general.


 Go have another Martini ,Hllary


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

If someone tells you a taxi horror story and you secretly sympathize with the taxi driver instead of cursing them, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Pusher (Mar 7, 2017)

If you have ever sat for 10 minutes intentionally in a parking lot cursing at the next 5 cars that pulled in because they were dumb enough not to check the rider app to see if any other cars were staging, you just might be an Uber driver


----------



## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

xgamrgeekx said:


> So many good ones; this one killed me. Don't know why. Oh okay, yeah I do ?
> 
> If you know what gogograndparent is, you might be an Uber/Lyft driver.


LMAO.... thought I was the only one victim to those rides. I hate when it comes up for gogograndparent. swear all paxs are named Joan groaning about their fake hip and they still think Reagan is in office



Just A Mister said:


> Newbie question and apologies in advance:
> Why would you be given money from the woman behind the desk?


strippers don't accept direct deposit (yet)


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## xgamrgeekx (Dec 1, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> I hate when it comes up for gogograndparent. swear all paxs are named Joan groaning about their fake hip and they still think Reagan is in office


I'll take em every time. So far they've all been really good pax. The first I got was a WWII vet! The last one was the guy's (adult) grandson lol


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## PaxiCab (Feb 14, 2019)

xgamrgeekx said:


> I'll take em every time. So far they've all been really good pax. The first I got was a WWII vet! The last one was the guy's (adult) grandson lol


I've gotten all crappy ones and one ok one lol


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## xgamrgeekx (Dec 1, 2018)

PaxiCab said:


> I've gotten all crappy ones and one ok one lol


Okay, so grandson kinda sucked. Since he didn't order the ride through the app looks me right in the eye and says, sorry no cash for a tip.


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## Yam Digger (Sep 12, 2016)

Pax Collector said:


> You've sat in a parking lot and wondered, "Is this shit really worth it?"


This is absolutely the best answer in the whole thread. I can't even remember how many times I've done that.


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## DollarFree (Aug 3, 2018)

Statistically speaking, you’ve never heard of a website called uberpeople.net


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## Pawtism (Aug 22, 2017)

Cableguynoe said:


> Ummmm... it's your job!!


If it's your job to scroll moderate through 9 pages, and you simply decide to sit and wait out the 5 minute timer instead... You might be an Uber driver...


----------



## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Pawtism said:


> If it's your job to scroll moderate through 9 pages, and you simply decide to sit and wait out the 5 minute timer instead... You might be an Uber driver...


That's a good one ?


----------



## Pusher (Mar 7, 2017)

If when scanning the five day forecast you are wishing for heavy snow, sub zero temperature, or heavy rain on Monday mornings, Friday mornings and evenings as well as throughout the weekend... you just might be a Uber driver.


----------



## Hillary_Clinton (Oct 19, 2017)

I Aint Jo Mama said:


> LMFAO
> 
> Go have another Martini ,Hllary


Hillary only drinks bud light... Oh yeah if your fridge looks like this you might be an Uber driver.


----------



## Shoaib Abu Abdullah (Feb 13, 2019)

If u drive alone at 20m/h in middle of the night, you might be an uber driver.

If u stay away from home for long hours and ur wife thinks u r cheating on her, u might be an uber driver.


----------



## Scott.Sul (Sep 9, 2015)

If you get pulled over at 3 AM for driving too slow, you might be an uber driver.


----------



## SkidRow (Nov 26, 2016)

If you're stuck in traffic and staring at the cow's ass in front of you, you just might be an Uber driver in Houston during rodeo time.


----------



## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Holy crap, ten pages!! I have loved reading these, especially after a long day of driving. Hopefully some of y'all have also had some stress relief from posting and reading.  

If your car is less than four months old and already pushing 10,000 miles... You might just be an Uber driver. 

If you have ever been pissed off when a dealership says "can't change the oil today but you have a free loaner car!".. You might just be an Uber driver. 

If your wife is out shopping and says "I'll be done in an hour or so" and calls you two and a half hours later wondering where you are... You might just be an Uber driver (time flies by, that's one good thing about this - especially if you are bored)


----------



## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Scott.Sul said:


> If you get pulled over at 3 AM for driving too slow, you might be an uber driver.


I have actually noticed that I'm way under the speed limit while praying for a pin ?

If you are browsing a forum at 3:30 in the morning because your job, without any set hours, has made you nocturnal.. You might just be an Uber driver


----------



## Scott.Sul (Sep 9, 2015)

If you ever had a pax puke inside their coat, instead of your car, you might be an uber driver. 
Happened recently... hear that awful gurgling-liquid sound coming from my backseat. Immediately pulled over and the pax says, "no worries, I won't dirty your car". I turn around and he's got the top of his coat open and he's loading it up. Said he can't afford the cleaning fees. LOL. I love that guy. I almost gave *him* a tip.


----------



## JRP18 (Dec 26, 2018)

You might be an Uber driver if you call your airline mileage program customer service and ask them to convert 1800 miles to points and insist on transfer to Uber Driver Pro program.


----------



## Cary Grant (Jul 14, 2015)

Just A Mister said:


> Newbie question and apologies in advance:
> Why would you be given money from the woman behind the desk?


The strip clubs that spiff drivers have a process. Usually, I get a handwritten ticket from the valet (my name, phone number, number of pax dropped off), carry it into the front desk, turn the ticket into the cashier, and she hands me ten and twenty dollar bills. I suspect they gather this information so that valets don't make up fake tickets to rob the club of it's take at the door. I've never been called by the club to confirm anything, at least, not yet.

I don't want to be doing this at the same time my pax are paying their cover. So I take my time, shoot the breeze with the valet for a few moments, etc. If I look inside the door and see a line waiting to pay a cover charge, and my pax are in that line, I'll keep waiting outside for a few more minutes.


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## TXUbering (May 9, 2018)

......You microrage about a bunch of little bs because you're exposed to more of it and eventually find yourself in a pile of BIG BS


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## ZenUber (Feb 11, 2019)

If you pull up in front of your own house and put on the four way blinkers -
You might be an Uber driver.


----------



## Just A Mister (Feb 16, 2019)

ZenUber said:


> If you pull up in front of your own house and put on the four way blinkers -
> You might be an Uber driver.


I spit out my coffee on this one.


----------



## ZenUber (Feb 11, 2019)

If you find yourself asking your wife what her name is as she's approaching the bed -
You might be an Uber driver



ZenUber said:


> If you find yourself asking your wife what her name is as she's approaching the bed -
> You might be an Uber driver


Wife - [approaching the bed]
You - What's your name?
Wife - What?
You - What's your name?
Wife - What are you talking about?
You - You can't get in until you tell me your name
Wife - [getting into bed] look, I'm tired and I'm getting in bed
You - I just canceled your ride
Wife - There wasn't going to BE no ride, I don't know what your talking about
You - Hey siri - Call 911


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## ZenUber (Feb 11, 2019)

jgiun1 said:


> If you pick up oily, sweaty strippers at 3:30 A.M. followed by a fortune 500 business guy next trip going to the airport....then you know you're a late night hero Uber driver.


I got called to a strip club at 3:00am to pick up "Tiffany"
Got all excited, till some dim witted dude stumbles out the door and gets in the car because some stripper got him an Uber after he had too much to drink.
I HATE when that happens.



Benjamin M said:


> If you have ever driven down the interstate doing 70 in the rain with all of your windows open and your head out the window because of the mystery smell... You might just be an Uber driver


Yea, it's the ones you can't identify that really mess with your head.


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## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

ZenUber said:


> If you find yourself asking your wife what her name is as she's approaching the bed -
> You might be an Uber driver


And if you find yourself checking her ratings, you'll become a deactivated Uber driver :biggrin::roflmao::roflmao:


----------



## rideshare2870 (Nov 23, 2017)

When your wife is angry at you and finding a way to get rid of you while your’re waiting in your car for her so she gets a service dog and you lock her out which gets you deactivated... you might be an Uber driver.


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## ZenUber (Feb 11, 2019)

If your wife asks for a bottle of water, and you have to go out to the car to get it
You might be an Uber driver


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

I your kid wants to get a dog and your excuse for saying no is you don't want it in your car, you might be an Uber driver.


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## SoFloUber (Feb 19, 2019)

If you drive around with a bottle of upholstery cleaner and lysol in your glove compartent, you might be an uber driver.


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

ZenUber said:


> You - You can't get in until you tell me your name
> Wife - [getting into bed] look, I'm tired and I'm getting in bed


"Yeah okay, whatever. Just get in." LOL

Christine


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## ZenUber (Feb 11, 2019)

If your wife starts calling you - "Hey Reiger"
You might be an Uber driver


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## SkidRow (Nov 26, 2016)

jgiun1 said:


> If you pick up oily, sweaty strippers at 3:30 A.M. followed by a fortune 500 business guy next trip going to the airport....then you know you're a late night hero Uber driver.


That's how my mornings begin.


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## RideshareUSA (Feb 7, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> Let's have a little fun. Keeping with Jeff Foxworth's "you might be a ******* if.."
> 
> "If you <blank>... You might just be an Uber driver"
> 
> And go :biggrin:


....if you make $2000 per week.
Common knowledge among all paxs.


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## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

You are taking a leak, and the guy inside the stall is making grinding noises to relieve his waste, then a sigh of relief


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## Immortal (Apr 4, 2017)

If you’re loading a grocery cart full of Wal-Mart groceries into your trunk for a minimum fare, you might be an Uber driver.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

If you have the awkward moment when you meet someone in your upscale apartment building that you gave a ride from work .. You might just be an Uber driver. ? 

He's a great guy, need to remember to ask what he rated me


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## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

You might be an Uber driver... if you ask for ID when you pickup your kids from school!


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## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

if you are obsessed with opposing cars windshield stickers( airport permit)

Every time you open up a Uber email, you are expecting a deactivation notice ( even though you never did anything wrong)

Every day You look at your vehicles odometer and think about the depreciation

You get your earnings confused with your time


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## ZenUber (Feb 11, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> If you have the awkward moment when you meet someone in your upscale apartment building that you gave a ride from work .. You might just be an Uber driver. ?
> 
> He's a great guy, need to remember to ask what he rated me ?


Yea, Every time I see a name come up I recognize, I worry it's going to be someone I know.


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## The Texan (Mar 1, 2019)

When asked how long Ubering, if you are constantly telling your riders it's part time until your credentials are complete at your 'Real Job'.....
you might be an Uber driver!


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

mbd said:


> Every time you open up a Uber email, you are expecting a deactivation notice ( even though you never did anything wrong)


Spot on! I feel that way with Lyft!

"If we get just ONE MORE complaint that you have a dash cam, you're history!!!"

Is today my last day? Who knows...


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Mista T said:


> Spot on! I feel that way with Lyft!
> 
> "If we get just ONE MORE complaint that you have a dash cam, you're history!!!"
> 
> Is today my last day? Who knows...


What's wrong with having a dash cam? Are you in an area that requires consent from both parties?


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## Fozzie (Aug 11, 2018)

You might be an Uber driver if today you worked a 12 hr shift, did 17 runs and drove 442 miles, used a full tank of gas, and after depositing your riches, you exclaim "Woohoo! Fifty bucks!"


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## Mazda3 (Jun 21, 2014)

You might be an Uber driver if you can't tell your wife "the best Uber rider story" because she would get so pissed.


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## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

Mazda3 said:


> You might be an Uber driver if you can't tell your wife "the best Uber rider story" because she would get so pissed.


... because she would deactivate you! ?


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## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

If you stop at a 4 way stop, and you look away from the panhandler, who is trying to make eye contact with you


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Fozzie said:


> You might be an Uber driver if today you worked a 12 hr shift, did 17 runs and drove 442 miles, used a full tank of gas, and after depositing your riches, you exclaim "Woohoo! Fifty bucks!"


That's me consistently!



mbd said:


> If you stop at a 4 way stop, and you look away from the panhandler, who is trying to make eye contact with you


Here in Richmond VA, there are panhandlers *everywhere. *It's bad enough that I see the same ones on the regular while driving. When I call it quits and go for my six pack, I have to deal with them loitering outside of the store.

The sad thing is that both he and I want the same thing but can't really afford it - booze. One dude straight up asked me to buy him a 40, only time I've ever given a panhandler something since moving to the city. Honestly goes far with me!


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

If your Significant Other encourages you to go out for a drive, to get you out of the house... You might be an Uber driver.


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## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

If you believe that closest driver gets the pax All the time


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## TXUbering (May 9, 2018)

....you wonder how much time has to pass so that the toot you just made doesn't go noticed by the next pax. I've found that about 5 minutes is enough time, although in a pinch a minute or two with the windows rolled down does the trick.


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## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

2 workouts a week- cleaning your vehicle for 5 minutes, twice-YMBAUD

Pouring 1 quart of oil- in your vehicle-once a day- YMBAUD


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Mazda3 said:


> You might be an Uber driver if you can't tell your wife "the best Uber rider story" because she would get so pissed.


^^^^^ this


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## Scott.Sul (Sep 9, 2015)

Christinebitg said:


> If your Significant Other encourages you to go out for a drive, to get you out of the house... You might be an Uber driver.


I wish...


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## SkidRow (Nov 26, 2016)

If you drive a Prius and still buy gas every day, you just might be an Uber driver.


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## Immortal (Apr 4, 2017)

if you’re at a bar and a girl asks what you do for a living, and you don’t tell her you’re an Uber driver, you might be an Uber driver.


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## SkidRow (Nov 26, 2016)

Mazda3 said:


> You might be an Uber driver if you can't tell your wife "the best Uber rider story" because she would get so pissed.


Too late. She saw it on the news.


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## Reager (Mar 4, 2019)

Priceless... rofl lol ????


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## itendstonight (Feb 10, 2019)

mbd said:


> If you stop at a 4 way stop, and you look away from the panhandler, who is trying to make eye contact with you


I do that in a bus! ? there is a weirdo panhandler that keeps trying to salute me as I driver by. Eff off. I'm not waving to you or giving you change.



MadTownUberD said:


> Bars are open. But Uber drivers can only afford six packs, which, like all alcohol, is not sold in stores after 9pm.


Virginia: buy at gas stations and grocery stores until 11:45pm


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

itendstonight said:


> Virginia: buy at gas stations and grocery stores until 11:


Midnight is the cutoff, isn't it? Always a line. My building's security guard is always there last minute ?


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## itendstonight (Feb 10, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> Midnight is the cutoff, isn't it? Always a line. My building's security guard is always there last minute ?


I've run to lots of stores that make their cutoff 11:45. No clue why.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

itendstonight said:


> I've run to lots of stores that make their cutoff 11:45. No clue why.


Interesting, whereabouts in VA - roughly? Northern Neck (not northern VA) and Richmond seems to be midnight.


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## itendstonight (Feb 10, 2019)

itendstonight said:


> I've run to lots of stores that make their cutoff 11:45. No clue why.


I literally hit a 7/11 before midnight for drinks, put it in my trunk for after I'm done driving ?



Benjamin M said:


> Interesting, whereabouts in VA - roughly? Northern Neck (not northern VA) and Richmond seems to be midnight.


Yea in Northern Va


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

itendstonight said:


> I literally hit a 7/11 before midnight for drinks, put it in my trunk for after I'm done driving ?
> 
> 
> Yea in Northern Va


Guilty of that! ?


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## itendstonight (Feb 10, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> Guilty of that! ?


I learned to do that. Nothing stinks like finishing driving at 2 or 3 am and can't buy drinks anywhere ...


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

itendstonight said:


> I learned to do that. Nothing stinks like finishing driving at 2 or 3 am and can't buy drinks anywhere ...


Exactly.

Here's where I lived before, the Northern Neck

Heathsville
Virginia 22473
https://maps.app.goo.gl/ZnjT7JiEBdvwKGWW7
Keeping with the thread..

If you have ever tried to hide a six pack in the trunk before the cutoff, just in case your next pax had any luggage.. You might just be an Uber driver ?


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## itendstonight (Feb 10, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> Exactly.
> 
> Here's where I lived before, the Northern Neck
> 
> ...


I'm not worried about luggage .. I make them put their alcohol containers in the trunk and how awkward would it be if they saw mine back there? ?


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

itendstonight said:


> I'm not worried about luggage .. I make them put their alcohol containers in the trunk and how awkward would it be if they saw mine back there? ?


Hey, you gotta make your contribution to this thread while you're here. 12 pages, let's bring it back ?


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## OCUberGuy (Oct 11, 2017)

Benjamin M said:


> Let's have a little fun. Keeping with Jeff Foxworth's "you might be a ******* if.."
> 
> "If you <blank>... You might just be an Uber driver"
> 
> And go :biggrin:


You realize therapist get paid $200 per hour and you do it for free!


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

OCUberGuy said:


> You realize therapist get paid $200 per hour and you do it for free!


Amen, brother! ? That's actually one thing that I love about this gig. I enjoy talking.

Had a bartender pax the other night, he actually had a degree in psychology. We both realized we're under paid therapists ?


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## OCUberGuy (Oct 11, 2017)

Benjamin M said:


> Amen, brother! ? That's actually one thing that I love about this gig. I enjoy talking.
> 
> Had a bartender pax the other night, he actually had a degree in psychology. We both realized we're under paid therapists ?


So true!


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

OCUberGuy said:


> So true!


I actually need to invest in tissues. Had three women crying in the back seat over the past three days. One asked me to turn on the radio so she hopefully didn't cry more (scene size up, she was just dumped) and the first song was "I'm walking on sunshine...."

"Um skip.." ?

Difficult for me to approach talking with female pax but I've helped a few guys out. Tissues for the ladies might be a good ice breaker.


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## OCUberGuy (Oct 11, 2017)

Benjamin M said:


> I actually need to invest in tissues. Had three women crying in the back seat over the past three days. One asked me to turn on the radio so she hopefully didn't cry more (scene size up, she was just dumped) and the first song was "I'm walking on sunshine...."
> 
> "Um skip.." ?
> 
> Difficult for me to approach talking with female pax but I've helped a few guys out. Tissues for the ladies might be a good ice breaker.


Ah the break-up rides are tough! Similar to your story I had a guy I was taking to the hospital to see his wife who they just figured out she had brain cancer. Unfortunately the song that popped up on Spotify was Bob Dylan's Knocking on Heavens Door, ugh.?


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

OCUberGuy said:


> Ah the break-up rides are tough! Similar to your story I had a guy I was taking to the hospital to see his wife who they just figured out she had brain cancer. Unfortunately the song that popped up on Spotify was Bob Dylan's Knocking on Heavens Door, ugh.?


Sorry, I love dark humor. A decade of seeing death will do that.

That's just fantastic. ?


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## Lissetti (Dec 20, 2016)

You might be an Uber driver if you come across this in the Airport lot










Out of embarrassment I used another general Porta-Potty.


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Lissetti said:


> You might be an Uber driver if you come across this in the Airport lot
> 
> View attachment 319972
> 
> ...


I was at the airport yesterday, parked in a nice spot. Looked up and saw a cardboard sign, written in Sharpie - "Diamond Parking". Right next to the Porta Potty ?


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## corniilius (Jan 27, 2017)

If you talk about what you do for your day job more than three times in one night, you just might be an Uber driver


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

corniilius said:


> If you talk about what you do for your day job more than three times in one night, you just might be an Uber driver


Or if you have to admit "this is my job right now" and hear "ahh".. ??


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## Lissetti (Dec 20, 2016)

If your first date ends when the question is asked, "So what do you do for a living?" 

This is the common compliant I hear from the single male drivers on my board. The Lonely Ants Club...


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## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

You might be an Uber driver if... you drag an initially-humorous thread into the (portable) toilet!


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## itendstonight (Feb 10, 2019)

Lissetti said:


> If your first date ends when the question is asked, "So what do you do for a living?"
> 
> This is the common compliant I hear from the single male drivers on my board. The Lonely Ants Club...


Why not lie? Honestly haha I say lots of fun stories



itendstonight said:


> Why not lie? Honestly haha I say lots of fun stories


And in DC, the what do you do question is the first one of the date, not at the end! ??


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## Lissetti (Dec 20, 2016)

I've said it before, but it fits here;

I might be an Uber driver if I'm are scrolling through UberPeople.net behind his head.. :whistling:


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

KD_LA said:


> You might be an Uber driver if... you drag an initially-humorous thread into the (portable) toilet! :biggrin:


Hey, that wasn't me (the OP) ?


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## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

Lissetti said:


> If your first date ends when the question is asked, "So what do you do for a living?"
> 
> This is the common compliant I hear from the single male drivers on my board. The Lonely Ants Club...


They're looking for love in all the wrong places, that's why they're single drivers, and that's why I posted this in that dating thread-- they need to look for love among drivers!


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

Benjamin M said:


> Midnight is the cutoff, isn't it? Always a line. My building's security guard is always there last minute


A girlfriend of mine always used to stay out late partying. It didn't occur to me that she's an alcoholic until she told me she knew the first convenience store between her bus park&ride and her house, so that she could buy a six pack there on her way home, and that she did that every night on her way home from the office.

My first father-in-law died from liver failure. It was not a fun way to go. Nice guy, I was sorry to see him go. I actually got along better with him than I did his kid.


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

Christinebitg said:


> so that she could buy a six pack there on her way home, and that she did that every night on her way home from the office


I forgot to mention...

The six pack would be open as soon as she got into her car.


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## peteyvavs (Nov 18, 2015)

Christinebitg said:


> I forgot to mention...
> 
> The six pack would be open as soon as she got into her car.


Your on a first name basis with all the drug dealers, hookers and politicians.


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