# You know you're a rideshare driver when.......



## Seamus (Jun 21, 2018)

You know you're a U/L driver when...

_...Your 3 year/36,000 warranty just turned into to a 1/2 year 36,000 mile warranty.
...You've learned where every clean bathroom is in a 50 mile radius.
...Your car has been thrown up in more in the last 6 months than all the years your young kids were riding in it.
...Your local detailer greets you by name and welcomes you back.
...You know exactly what is starting to break on your car by the type of noise it's making.
...The IRS looks at your schedule C and knows there's no need to audit it.
...Your spouse/significant other gets a "side" squeeze because you work every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night
...You get that friendly notice from your insurance company marked  insurance cancelled.
...You've developed a unique talent for identifying exact types of smells and where they originate from.
...The producers of "Law and Order" are starting a new series called "Drunk and Disorderly" and want you to consult.
_
Please add on...


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## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

When you envy street corner beggars for the money they make .


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## PioneerXi (Apr 20, 2018)

When you can identify other U/L drivers on the road by their behavior.

-Asshole Corolla who never signals before changing lanes.
-Moron Lifted Cherokee (why would you?)
-Black Surban with female driver that dresses like Kim Carnes.


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## Snowblind (Apr 14, 2017)

....The homeless Person on the Intersection waves you through and mumbles "never mind"...


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## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

You dread and are embarrassed telling people what you do for a living

You dread and are embarrassed filling out forms requiring sources of income.

You dread and are embarrassed when the pax who gets in your car is someone who knows and recognizes you.


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## Wh4tev3r!!!! (Jul 21, 2017)

Whey you pray for the bad weather because that's when the rates surge the most


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

...When you agree and accept that all the scratches on exterior paint & every other interior trim piece is the Uber's defined "normal wear and tear"


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

You know every airport in your area like the back of your hand and know where all the best restaurants are, but you could never afford to eat at any of them or fly anywhere.


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## uberRog (Jul 1, 2017)

...Friends constantly ask if they can "order" you for a ride.
...You can skillfully open and close any rolling suitcase handle in 2 seconds flat.
...You're on a first-name basis with the airport cops (and the parking lot cashiers)
...You instinctively know when a rider will be tipping you (just kidding- that's impossible)


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

uberRog said:


> ...Friends constantly ask if they can "order" you for a ride.
> ...You can skillfully open and close any rolling suitcase handle in 2 seconds flat.
> ...You're on a first-name basis with the airport cops (and the parking lot cashiers)
> ...You instinctively know when a rider will be tipping you (just kidding- that's impossible)


...When towards the end of a trip you hear a purse opening and your thinking CASH TIP jackpot.....only to hear the dangling of house keys and no tip at all, cash or app.


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## Snowblind (Apr 14, 2017)

...when Names like UberLaLa, TwoFiddyMile or Cableguynoe sound so darn familiar....


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## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

When Walmart and McDonald's job openings look enticing to you.


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## Uber Crack (Jul 19, 2017)

Your car is always clean and you're ready to dash out the door if you couch surf the app and see it's surging.

You don't drink that much anymore.

You know what events are on.

You drink gas station coffee now.


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## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

You have actually qualified for Medicaid health care for the first time in your life.

Travis Kalanick started his Uber career while living in his parents basement. You will be ending your's the same way.


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## LAbDog65 (Nov 29, 2016)

When the lookouts at the drug houses wave you on through


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

...when your happy your four rotors that are 11 months old held up on your second brake pad installation of the year.


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## Bluecrab (Oct 3, 2016)

Seamus said:


> You know you're a U/L driver when...


When you find yourself as an U/L pax, you make sure you're toes to the curb when the driver arrives. You hop in the back seat passenger side, and don't slam the door. When the ride ends you say, "appreciate the ride, thanks", and give the driver a cash tip.


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## Oberyn Martell (Apr 27, 2018)

...when you are able to drive while urinating into the gatorade bottle without spilling a drop.


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## JimKE (Oct 28, 2016)

Oberyn Martell said:


> ...when you are able to drive while urinating into the gatorade bottle without spilling a drop.


Wait...WHAT???


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## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

Desperately looking for loose change under the seats on a daily basis for gas money.


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## OtherUbersdo (May 17, 2018)

You don't really care anymore if the bathrooms are clean or not .


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## Oberyn Martell (Apr 27, 2018)

JimKE said:


> Wait...WHAT???


You still spill some?

Keep practicing. You can do it!

Maybe use the bigger gatorade bottle. The hole is bigger.


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Snowblind said:


> ....The homeless Person on the Intersection waves you through and mumbles "never mind"...





Snowblind said:


> ...when Names like UberLaLa, TwoFiddyMile or Cableguynoe sound so darn familiar....


My 2 favorite posts on this thread so far!

Funny that you group me with those two knuckleheads UberLaLa TwoFiddyMile


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## Squirming Like A Toad (Apr 7, 2016)

When you are a rider, and you are happy to see the driver's car and practices are not as good as yours, or you feel down because he is cooler.


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## exSuperShuttle (May 24, 2018)

When YOU ask the homeless guy on the corner for some spare change or a smoke.

You've used the same refill cup at the mini mart for 6 months.


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## 404NofFound (Jun 13, 2018)

Your neighbors who don't know you drive, think you are totally proud of your minivan because you wash and vacuum it all the time.


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## Uber_Yota_916 (May 1, 2017)

Or when you think, "this effer is going to get a one star and I don't give a two flying effs".


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## uberinatltrafficsux (Apr 21, 2018)

404NofFound said:


> Your neighbors who don't know you drive, think you are totally proud of your minivan because you wash and vacuum it all the time.


This made me laugh! I was vacuuming my Honda pilot today and was thinking the neighbors must think I'm one of those crazy ocd people. Wait, I am.


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## BurgerTiime (Jun 22, 2015)

You look at your bank statements or check your wallet


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## tohunt4me (Nov 23, 2015)

Too Damn True !


Jufkii said:


> You have actually qualified for Medicaid health care for the first time in your life.
> 
> Travis Kalanick started his Uber career while living in his parents basement. You will be ending your's the same way.


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## roadman (Nov 14, 2016)

When you qualify for Food Stamps and Obamacare.


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

When you forget to take the trade dress out of the window and say something nasty.

Christine


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## 1.5xorbust (Nov 22, 2017)

Christinebitg said:


> When you forget to take the trade dress out of the window and say something nasty.
> 
> Christine


Why is it in the window in the first post place?


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## 1.5xorbust (Nov 22, 2017)

When your accountant tells you that you have a net loss on your income for the year.


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## luckytown (Feb 11, 2016)

when the rubber on your brake peddle is worn out on one spot

when you smile, when you get your cash rewards for your gas credit card

when you realize,,,that you are excellent at stereotyping people....


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## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

When you can tell...

where someone is from...

By their accent...

In the first couple of sentences...8>)

And your right....

Rakos








PS. This is Jorge... he's very cool...8>)


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## rideshare2870 (Nov 23, 2017)

When you’ve added “ants” and “pax” to your vocabulary because of this forum.


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## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

When you think monkeys....

Really drive for peanuts and bananas...

Rakos


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## Friendly Jack (Nov 17, 2015)

Oberyn Martell said:


> ...when you are able to drive while urinating into the gatorade bottle without spilling a drop.


...especially impressive if you're a woman driver!


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## Dice Man (May 21, 2018)

When you know all hot girls schedule in your area.


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## IMMA DRIVER (Jul 6, 2017)

....the bum on the corner looks in your car see's the Uber app and gives you his cardboard sign.

.....your mechanic is now your facebook friend

.....you wake up at 3:30am and check your app after 2 hours of sleep.

.....You start racing any vehicle in front of you headed to the airport simply because you see they have a phone mount.

....your web home page is set to Uberpeople.net

.....your anxiously waiting for a particular person in this forum to post something so you can pounce on them...lol

...when 2-3 hours sleep begins to seem normal.

.....when hitting your $15 incentive is more important than sports, gaming, netflix, your kids, dog, and intimacy.


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## uberinatltrafficsux (Apr 21, 2018)

Dice Man said:


> When you know all hot girls schedule in your area.


I prefer boring looking people. Hot girls are too distracting and I barely talk to women passengers anyway.


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## Danny3xd (Nov 7, 2016)

Funny stuff!

..and I got nutton


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## Nonya busy (May 18, 2017)

Seamus said:


> You know you're a U/L driver when...
> 
> _...Your 3 year/36,000 warranty just turned into to a 1/2 year 36,000 mile warranty.
> ...You've learned where every clean bathroom is in a 50 mile radius.
> ...


whats "_...You get that friendly notice from your insurance company marked insurance cancelled._"?

When hard core right wing citizens won't even say "if you hate it so much just do something else" because they feel so sorry for you.


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

You are out with friends at a festival or some other event, and instead of enjoying yourself, you keep opening the app to see if it's surging.


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## bigdog305 (Sep 7, 2016)

When you don't want to be at home listening to the wifey yap al day.


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## reg barclay (Nov 3, 2015)

If your spouse/kids are not in the car by 5 minutes, you charge them a cancellation fee.


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## Nonya busy (May 18, 2017)

When you see the homeless guy or beggar and you scared crapless because you realize that's your future if keep driving for UBER/LYFT

When you're tired of lying saying "I do this part time", 'I only do this to meet people because I don't need the money'


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## JBinPenfield (Sep 14, 2017)

You check your app in the morning to see if any "late tippers" came through.

Dinner consists of a collection of stuff from the MacDonalds dollar menu.

You feel smug and superior when you see UberEats drivers.

You go into withdrawal and start driving around to your favorite routes and waiting spots when you get temporarily suspended.

What you used to look forward to as party nights are now looked forward to as surge nights.

You can answer the following questions in your sleep (and sometimes do):
-When did you start driving for Uber?
-Do you drive for Lyft too?
-Do you like driving for Uber?
-Can you really make money doing this?
-How many rides do you take on a typical day?

You ignore your GPS because you already know where everything is and how to get there.


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## Pulledclear (Oct 31, 2017)

When someone utters the words Drive thru and you spontaneously combust.


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## Norm22 (Feb 10, 2018)

When a bumper sticker at the end of a shift sends you into a full belly laugh and it's not that funny.


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## Brian G. (Jul 5, 2016)

When you stopped shaving, freely letting farts out, almost quitting this gig but never do, thought you get a side chick easily but it's a lot more difficult then you thought it would be, you drink more then you did before.


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## Dice Man (May 21, 2018)

uberinatltrafficsux said:


> I prefer boring looking people. Hot girls are too distracting and I barely talk to women passengers anyway.


Yes they are very distracting, specially when they sit next to me in short dresses.
But I never worry because I have automatic emergency braking, and all car safety features.


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## 7Miles (Dec 17, 2014)

When you have opinion about all radio channels and know all radio hosts


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## Nonya busy (May 18, 2017)

Brian G. said:


> When you stopped shaving, freely letting farts out, almost quitting this gig but never do, thought you get a side chick easily but it's a lot more difficult then you thought it would be, you drink more then you did before.



When you start eating fried foods and junk food because you've lost all self respect.
*When you're thighs start touching and you can't find your "johnson" anymore because you can't afford to take time out to exercise. *
*When you can't finish sex because you run out of breath and your stomach gets in the way.*
*When you're too heavy to hold yourself on top of a lady and too heavy to lean on her during...*


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## Merc7186 (Jul 8, 2017)

...when your friends stop inviting you to do things because 'Its on a saturday night and thats your busiest night'

....when you leave for vacations on sunday only because you cant miss a weekend.

....when you are stalking college girls on facebook to find out when school starts back up.

...when you argue with a homeless person because you wish you had nothing, instead your an uber driver with tons of debt.

...when the first time you see a friend in a while and the first thing out of their mouth is 'Got any good Uber stories lately'


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## Uber Crack (Jul 19, 2017)

Nonya busy said:


> When you start eating fried foods and junk food because you've lost all self respect.
> *When you're thighs start touching and you can't find your "johnson" anymore because you can't afford to take time out to exercise. *
> *When you can't finish sex because you run out of breath and your stomach gets in the way.*
> *When you're too heavy to hold yourself on top of a lady and too heavy to lean on her during...*


Lmfao   !!!!!!


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## UberDiaz (Aug 6, 2016)

Seamus said:


> You know you're a U/L driver when...
> 
> _...Your 3 year/36,000 warranty just turned into to a 1/2 year 36,000 mile warranty.
> ...You've learned where every clean bathroom is in a 50 mile radius.
> ...


When a rider says they will tip you handsomely for stopping somewhere and you know they are full of shit...


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## reg barclay (Nov 3, 2015)

When you mistakenly assume that a 4 star hotel will look like this:


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## TomH (Sep 23, 2016)

Cableguynoe said:


> You know every airport in your area like the back of your hand and know where all the best restaurants are, but you could never afford to eat at any of them or fly anywhere.


So true


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## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

Uber Crack said:


> Your car is always clean and you're ready to dash out the door if you couch surf the app and see it's surging.
> 
> You don't drink that much anymore.
> 
> ...


Hey! I've loved gas station coffee for years. Kwik Trip Karuba Gold is top notch stuff!!!!


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## Uber Crack (Jul 19, 2017)

MadTownUberD said:


> Hey! I've loved gas station coffee for years. Kwik Trip Karuba Gold is top notch stuff!!!!


AM/PM high voltage coffee @ 4 am is the sh**


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## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

Scoping out your parents basement when you are over there for potential places to put your bed someday.


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## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

When you time lights in a deperate effort to avoid shifting/braking to keep your Total Cost per Mile down and maintain base rate profitability...

When you regularly wipe the trailing corners of the rear doors windows off with Windex...

When you say "long time no see!" or "same destination as last time?" to regulars...

When you've memorized all the words to all the songs on your favorite "easy listening" Pandora station...

When you take Uber as a rider and start giving your 1-month driver unsolicited advice (like: don't talk about yourself so much!)...

When you hold out on refilling the gas tank until you are near a station that's $2.66 instead of $2.68...

When you know which lane(s) to drive in on well traveled roads (i.e. to and from the airport) to minimize rough riding due to uneven concrete, potholes, and sunken manhole covers...

When you can accurately predict what appropriate music to put on given the rider's name, the pickup location, and the time of day...

When you welcome the airport queue as a golden opportunity to take a 10-minute power nap or stretch your legs...

When your wife asks you to "treat her like a female Uber rider" on your annual date (music, conversation, etc.)...


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## Nonya busy (May 18, 2017)

Nonya busy said:


> When you start eating fried foods and junk food because you've lost all self respect.
> *When you're thighs start touching and you can't find your "johnson" anymore because you can't afford to take time out to exercise. *
> *When you can't finish sex because you run out of breath and your stomach gets in the way.*
> *When you're too heavy to hold yourself on top of a lady and too heavy to lean on her during...*


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## freddieman (Oct 24, 2016)

- u can tell an U/L driver by all the dents and rashes on their rims.....on the plus side the driver knows every pothole in the city by heart

- instead of opening up yahoo front page for news in the morning, u open up Uberpeople.net


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## Seamus (Jun 21, 2018)

MadTownUberD said:


> When you can accurately predict what appropriate music to put on given the rider's name, the pickup location, and the time of day...


LOL, I do that all the time! Kinda like being an Uber DJ!


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## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

Every time you drive under a bridge you look for potential places to pitch a tent once your Uber days are over.


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## TomH (Sep 23, 2016)

Jufkii said:


> You have actually qualified for Medicaid health care for the first time in your life.
> 
> Travis Kalanick started his Uber career while living in his parents basement. You will be ending your's the same way.


 I never thought I would be on Medicaid until I started Uber.


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## Wh4tev3r!!!! (Jul 21, 2017)

...when you know which gas stations have vacuums and which car washes have free vacuums
... when you tell your family " I am not unlocking the doors until everyone is here and ready to go"


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

1.5xorbust said:


> Why is it in the window in the first post place?


Because it makes pickups easier for me.

Christine


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## BikingBob (May 29, 2018)

When your immune system is Kevlar from all the PAX coughing, sneezing, and breathing on the back of your neck.


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## Jack Straw (Jan 4, 2018)

jgiun1 said:


> ...When towards the end of a trip you hear a purse opening and your thinking CASH TIP jackpot.....only to hear the dangling of house keys and no tip at all, cash or app.


and when indeed a cash tip coming, you hear and recognize the sound crisp paper money and you know, you're getting tipped.


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

Jack Straw said:


> and when indeed a cash tip coming, you hear and recognize the sound crisp paper money and you know, you're getting tipped.


For sure Jack.....I did a ride last night with three beautiful ladies from Iceland. They were drinking all night wanted to hit the 7-11 by their hotel and walk back. I told them while driving the way there, they'll be victims in the morning paper if they walk up Liberty Avenue in town at 1am. We pulled up and two of the ladies said "I'm scared" when they seen the amount of low life scum bag drug dealers and users hanging out by store.

They said please don't leave us here, and I said trust me, there's no way I'm leaving you guy's here....I heard three bags open and cash being handed up to lady sitting in the front....about 14 dollar cash tip handed to me. Happy happy joy joy


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## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

jgiun1 said:


> For sure Jack.....I did a ride last night with three beautiful ladies from Iceland. They were drinking all night wanted to hit the 7-11 by their hotel and walk back. I told them while droning along the way, they'll be victims in the morning paper if they walk up Liberty Avenue in town at 1am. We pulled up and two of the ladies said "I'm scared" when they seen the amount of low life scum bag drug dealers and users hanging out by store.
> 
> They said please don't leave us here, and I said trust me, there's no way I'm leaving you guy's here....I heard three bags open and cash being handed up to lady sitting inn the front....about 14 dollar cash tip handed to me. Happy happy joy joy


OMG...The Happy Happy Joy Joy song...

One of my all time favs...8>)






Rakos


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## Karen Stein (Nov 5, 2016)

. . . you give your mother a ride and she asks for the mints and gum.


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

Rakos said:


> OMG...The Happy Happy Joy Joy song...
> 
> One of my all time favs...8>)
> 
> ...


I used to have a Ren and Stimpy stuffed dolls...Ren had the red bloodshot eyes like an Uber driver missing sleep.....when you pulled the cord on them, they said funny stuff like happy happy joy joy & Stimpy you IDIOT


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## nj2bos (Mar 18, 2018)

_When you drink a coffee and instead of throwing the cup away you save it as a piss cup for later.

When your center console is stuffed with 100 Clif bars.

When you know every porta potty location in a 20mile radius._


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## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

jgiun1 said:


> I used to have a Ren and Stimpy stuffed dolls...Ren had the red bloodshot eyes like an Uber driver missing sleep.....when you pulled the cord on them, they said funny stuff like happy happy joy joy & Stimpy you IDIOT


Almost prophetic...8>)


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## Koolbreze (Feb 13, 2017)

uberRog said:


> ...Friends constantly ask if they can "order" you for a ride.
> ...You can skillfully open and close any rolling suitcase handle in 2 seconds flat.
> ...You're on a first-name basis with the airport cops (and the parking lot cashiers)
> ...You instinctively know when a rider will be tipping you (just kidding- that's impossible)


Today's lazy drivers don't ever touch luggage but expects a tip


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## Yam Digger (Sep 12, 2016)

When you go out with your family and you insist that your spouse / children with a licence do the driving because you'd like a break from it.

You know every discrete corner in the city to bleed the lizard without an audience.

When you go to bars and restaurants, you no longer tip the wait-staff because hardly any of your customers are tipping you.



IMMA DRIVER said:


> .....your mechanic is now your facebook friend.


Your mechanic has made so much money off you that he feels obligated to invite you to his Super Bowl party.


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## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

You avoid family and class reunions out of fear someone is going to ask you what you've been up to lately, and what you do for a living now.


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

- You refuse to drive somewhere because it's over 2 miles away and you don't want to drive for free.

- You automatically look at your gas level every time you pass a gas station.

- You see a bunch of luggage on the sidewalk and start playing mental Tetris with your trunk space.

- You anticipate that every other car that slows down in front of you is going to randomly stop and people will jump out.

- You start telling pax "I picked up someone here once" as you pass by some house in the suburbs.

- You feel your ethics slowly slipping away as you start to justify things like long hauling and intentional cancellations.

- You wonder how did life get so bad that your are extremely pissed off about a piddly cancel fee that wasn't paid to you.


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## exSuperShuttle (May 24, 2018)

When you start buying all fluids for your car in a 55 gallon drum...


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

...When your trying to find a way to charge a rider fee to your kids when taking them to and from school.

...When your happy it only took 3 hours and 5 minimum rides just to recover and even out the gas expense from starting your weekday night.


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## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

You are starting to understand the Hindi language quite well and you know which Indian restaurants to recommend.


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## Seamus (Jun 21, 2018)

jgiun1 said:


> ...When your trying to find a way to charge a rider fee to your kids when taking them to and from school.


LOL! When you make your wife and kids download the Uber app and make them request your ride through the app!!!


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## Nonya busy (May 18, 2017)

Koolbreze said:


> Today's lazy drivers don't ever touch luggage but expects a tip


I don't touch baggage because I know I'm not getting a tip. I've learned from experience.


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## LMactans (Jun 20, 2018)

You worry you will be recognized on dating sites by previous pax.


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## Homie G (Oct 19, 2017)

Uber Crack said:


> You don't drink that much anymore.


Don't drink? Must be a typo


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

Seamus said:


> LOL! When you make your wife and kids download the Uber app and make them request your ride through the app!!!


Sorry kids..trying to teach you what a rideshare lease is like to make sure you never get scammed in your future.....all your weekly lunch money and your still going to owe dad. Get that hustle on!!!!


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## OGT (Mar 6, 2017)

When you're embarrased to let someone borrow your phone because the uber or Lyft app screen is burned on your phone

When you think you're a better rideshare driver then everyone else


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## Lissetti (Dec 20, 2016)

You finally give into your friends/ family's persistent nagging to take a whole day off from being an Ant. (A weekday of course, never a weekend.) While sitting at the dinner table you suddenly jolt in your seat as if you were stung by a bee. You tell everyone that it was just a burp. Truth is you opened the app under the table and saw a dark red surge at one of your regular hunting grounds......so far away from where you are right now.

You decide to compound your torture by opening the Lyft app. You jump again! After a month long Prime Time drought, the Lyft app is suddenly dark Fushia in the same areas as Uber. Suddenly your Bar-B-Que ribs don't taste as good anymore.

After the dinner engagement is over you say your goodbyes to your loved ones and smile and nod as they say, "See! I told you that you wouldn't miss driving Uber and Lyft for one day."

You promise to go home and just relax and not open the apps til the next day.

As soon as you are around the corner out of sight, you pull over and frantically open the apps, desperately searching for scraps. You are hoping to find at least one tiny patch of faded orange/ pink. Remnants left over from the earlier night's glory.

Nothing but a barren app, void of any surge stares back at you, almost mocking you. You go online anyway and set your DF's towards your home. Maybe at least you'll get a long ride that takes you most the way there.

Ping!......Ping!

A request! Almost immediately! How lucky!!..........Oh.....wait.....










Whomp whomp whaaaaaah. ( Sad trombone.)


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## uberRog (Jul 1, 2017)

Nonya busy said:


> I don't touch baggage because I know I'm not getting a tip. I've learned from experience.


Not with that attitude you won't!


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## mark_mark (Aug 26, 2017)

when you Lysol the entire backseat before letting family and friends ride in your car

“hold on, let me lysol before you sit back there”


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## BikingBob (May 29, 2018)

You've replaced the battery in your cell phone 3 times in the past 18 months because you're charging it to 100% 3 times a day?


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## golfinganddriving (Aug 15, 2017)

....When you are one of the few non Muslims who knows where every islamic mosque is located in your city....


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## goneubering (Aug 17, 2017)

When you dream you got a ping and then are so relieved to wake up!!


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## clayinaustin (Jul 11, 2018)

When you tell the same jokes over and over again and you can't remember if you told any jokes to your current pax.


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

When you drive by a Starbucks, Subway, McDonald's and more and forget what city you are in, because the suburbs all look the same.

When it finally sinks in that you can never sue for the wrongs they do, your only hope is to eventually quit and make peace with it.

When you believe that Uber is personally "out to get you" because you ignored too many Pool requests.


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## reg barclay (Nov 3, 2015)

When members of your household start using words like 'ping' and 'pax'.


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## IMMA DRIVER (Jul 6, 2017)

When only your back passenger seat smells like someone threw up, took a $hit on it, 3 dead skunks were burnt alive back there with a little hint of happy spring febreze.


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## freddieman (Oct 24, 2016)

mark_mark said:


> when you Lysol the entire backseat before letting family and friends ride in your car
> 
> "hold on, let me lysol before you sit back there"


I do Lysol wipes.....don't forget the seatbelts and fastener along with door handle and whatever areas ur pax may have touched.


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## rallias (May 16, 2018)

You guys are scary.



roadman said:


> When you qualify for Food Stamps and Obamacare.


You know, I should apply for food stamps.



Nonya busy said:


> When you're tired of lying saying "I do this part time", 'I only do this to meet people because I don't need the money'


I quit lying. I found I get more tips if I admit that I'm a broke duder.



MadTownUberD said:


> When you time lights in a deperate effort to avoid shifting/braking to keep your Total Cost per Mile down and maintain base rate profitability...


It's not desparation... it's... habit. Habit, I swear.



MadTownUberD said:


> When you know which lane(s) to drive in on well traveled roads (i.e. to and from the airport) to minimize rough riding due to uneven concrete, potholes, and sunken manhole covers...


Or better yet, know which lane to be in to get to the terminal the pax said they're going to even though the signs say otherwise, and when to break to avoid that nasty bump on Terminal A.

When you can accurately predict what appropriate music to put on given the rider's name, the pickup location, and the time of day...



MadTownUberD said:


> When you welcome the airport queue as a golden opportunity to take a 10-minute power nap or stretch your legs...


10 minutes?



nj2bos said:


> _When your center console is stuffed with 100 Clif bars._


Come on dude... you're stopping at the gas station... there's trash bins at the gas station.



clayinaustin said:


> When you tell the same jokes over and over again and you can't remember if you told any jokes to your current pax.


Guilty as charged.

I've got one of my own.

_When you go to a specific fast food restaurant because you know there's a trash bin after the drive-thru._


----------



## Uber7654 (Jun 30, 2016)

...when you realize you’re putting a full tank of gas everyday and spending close to $1000 per month at gas stations.


----------



## roadman (Nov 14, 2016)

rallias said:


> You know, I should apply for food stamps.


worse they could do is say no. I was a full time Uber driver in Washington DC for 3 years and I received $194 per month in food stamps because I was living in poverty. 2015 was my best year I made about $4000. In 2017 I only made $37 doing Uber full time, for the whole year.


----------



## mark_mark (Aug 26, 2017)

freddieman said:


> I do Lysol wipes.....don't forget the seatbelts and fastener along with door handle and whatever areas ur pax may have touched.


I won't touch anything pax touch... Spay all parts and belts, open window, let dry... nasssstyyyy assss pax! all of them


----------



## freddieman (Oct 24, 2016)

mark_mark said:


> I won't touch anything pax touch... Spay all parts and belts, open window, let dry... nasssstyyyy assss pax! all of them


Except the hot ones!


----------



## Yam Digger (Sep 12, 2016)

Uber7654 said:


> ...when you realize you're putting a full tank of gas everyday and *spending close to $1000 per month at gas stations.*


&#8230;and you have a right to be issued shares in your preferred petroleum company.


----------



## Cary Grant (Jul 14, 2015)

Jufkii said:


> You dread and are embarrassed when the pax who gets in your car is someone who knows and recognizes you.


Yep. Been there, done that.

What's worse is when they say "Hey, I recognize your driver profile pic! Didn't we chat on Tinder, or Bumble, or Plenty of Fish?"

And I reply "No, I think you saw me on Match.com back when I could afford to pay for the membership, before I resorted to driving for Uber to pay for my Internet dating habit."

One girl started rambling facts about me that aren't in my Uber profile, and I almost shat myself, as she quoted stuff from a Bumble profile. Her friends were giggling. That's when I quit for the night and went on a bender.

Seriously, I'm up to four...yes, FOUR...women that have recognized me. I'm so ashamed.


----------



## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

Cary Grant said:


> Yep. Been there, done that.
> 
> What's worse is when they say "Hey, I recognize your driver profile pic! Didn't we chat on Tinder, or Bumble, or Plenty of Fish?"
> 
> ...


Maybe you should change one of the pictures...


----------



## Jack Straw (Jan 4, 2018)

when a new song comes out and every pax who gets in your car plays that same stupid song to the point when you hear it for the 10653th times, deep inside you are screaming and you feel like breaking everything in the car, bashing pax sculls with you cafe mug while they running for their lives away from your car, but you just smile politely.


----------



## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

Jack Straw said:


> when a new song comes out and every pax who gets in your car plays that same stupid song to the point when you hear it for the 10653th times, deep inside you are screaming and you feel like breaking everything in the car, bashing pax sculls with you cafe mug while they running for their lives away from your car, but you just smile politely.


... when you want to do all of the above, song or no song.


----------



## Rex8976 (Nov 11, 2014)

*You know you're a rideshare driver when.......*

...you have resigned yourself to being called an a**hole by high school kids...daily.

...you realize Mom was right...you should have studied harder.

...you get the email asking for details on an event they won't tell you about.

...you accept that the kid behind the counter at McD's makes more than you.

...you finally figure out that "ridesharing" is not what you are doing.

...you KNOW you're speaking English but passengers must be hearing an alien language.

...you accept that the guy at 7-11 makes more than you.

...you realize they want limo service for bus prices.

...you've done more oil changes in the past year than in your entire life.

...you accept that the panhandler makes more than you.


----------



## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

Cary Grant said:


> Yep. Been there, done that.
> 
> What's worse is when they say "Hey, I recognize your driver profile pic! Didn't we chat on Tinder, or Bumble, or Plenty of Fish?"
> 
> ...


Yeah.I hear you. I've picked up both neighbors who live on each side of my house now. Neither knew I was a ride share driver before.One still asks me on occasion days if I'm driving for Uber. I always detect a touch of a smirk on his face every time he asks. I try to avoid him now when I can.

Picked up several ex co -workers from my last job working at a big corporation until getting laid off. Embarrassing as hell for me. One I used to be his supervisor . Now he's higher up in the company than I ever was while I drive Uber. Detected a bit of a smirk from him as well.

Another was the gal from HR who did the process of laying me off. An uncomfortable strained attempt at polite conversation from both of us before lapsing into silence the rest of the ride.

Uber was a big reason I avoided last years class reunion. A lot of highly successful people from my class. Doctors,investment bankers,etc. At some point I knew I was going to have to stand up in front of every body and tell them who I now work for and what what I'm currently doing.. I could of lied,but I'm sure someone already knew and told every body else in advance.


----------



## Yam Digger (Sep 12, 2016)

Jack Straw said:


> when a new song comes out and every pax who gets in your car plays that same stupid song to the point when you hear it for the 10653th .


And it's usually some misogynous filth from Drake


Jufkii said:


> Uber was a big reason I avoided last years class reunion. A lot of highly successful people from my class. Doctors,investment bankers,etc. At some point I knew I was going to have to stand up in front of every body and tell them who I now work for and what what I'm currently doing.. I could of lied,but I'm sure someone already knew and told every body else in advance.


I would have stood up and told them I beg for loose change at the highway off ramp. Then I'd tell them, If they see me toss me a couple twenties.

When people sense that you're ashamed of what you do to pay your bills, that's when they'll seize the opportunity to rub it in. But if you give them impression that as far as you're concerned, a job is a job is job, or worse, that you actually enjoy what you do and you don't give a damn about the pay, they'll actually show you respect.


----------



## cangold (Mar 18, 2018)

Rakos said:


> OMG...The Happy Happy Joy Joy song...
> 
> One of my all time favs...8>)
> 
> ...


You crack me up


----------



## Jason Wilson (Oct 20, 2017)

Seamus said:


> You know you're a U/L driver when...
> 
> _...Your 3 year/36,000 warranty just turned into to a 1/2 year 36,000 mile warranty.
> ...You've learned where every clean bathroom is in a 50 mile radius.
> ...


About once a month, over a weekend, some goofy kid calls you telling you he lost his wallet and it might be in your car. And it never is.


----------



## Stevie The magic Unicorn (Apr 3, 2018)

If your awake on Saturday morning at 7:27 am because you are still up from working the night before.


----------



## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

The thought of Curry makes you gag.


----------



## kdyrpr (Apr 23, 2016)

Your leather seats start getting shiny.

You stop thinking how absurd it feels to have a complete stranger in your family car.


----------



## Stevie The magic Unicorn (Apr 3, 2018)

If you find drug paraphernalia in your car and don’t even roll your eyes anymore.


----------



## dryverjohn (Jun 3, 2018)

....waiting for the cute co-ed to puke in the car so you can end your night and collect your $150.


----------



## Kevin7889 (Dec 10, 2015)

Jufkii said:


> When you envy street corner beggars for the money they make .


They should be giving us hand outs lol


----------



## Jufkii (Sep 17, 2015)

Kevin7889 said:


> They should be giving us hand outs lol


Saw one take a break in a Walmart deli with his haul spread out on the table counting it. No idea what the dollar amount was, but the total number of bills looked huge. You bet I was envious.


----------



## Cklw (Mar 18, 2017)

When you cancel all pax named Cindy 

When you wonder if the Daniel you picked up at terminal 1 is the one and only

Oh you mean driver not uberpeople forum lurker

You know where all restrooms are any given point on trip.

The first Christmas card you get is from your mechanic, and went all out and got the musical one.

When the homeless guy walks up to you and gives you a dollar.

You assume everyone staring at a phone in front of a business is waiting for an Uber.

You have nightmares that your name has been changed to Uber.


----------



## DentonLyfter (Apr 14, 2018)

When you read all 7 pages of “you know you’re a rideshare Driver”.


----------



## exSuperShuttle (May 24, 2018)

When you've perfected the "Emergency Bat Turn" maneuver. Um, (cough, cough) I have...

When the local cops applaud you for it...


----------



## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

exSuperShuttle said:


> When you've perfected the "Emergency Bat Turn" maneuver. Um, (cough, cough) I have...


About a month ago, I had riders who complimented me on a quick U turn I did. And gave me a tip in the app soon after I dropped them off. 

... When you pick up a rider and say to yourself, "God, I wish I had boobs like hers."

Christine


----------



## Mainiac1991 (Aug 26, 2018)

When you feel like throwing a brick at a pax who asks "how long have you been U/L ing"


----------



## DentonLyfter (Apr 14, 2018)

Christinebitg said:


> ... When you pick up a rider and say to yourself, "God, I wish I had boobs like hers."
> 
> Christine


 Suddenly I don't feel quite as bad about some thoughts I've had.


----------



## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

Christinebitg said:


> When you pick up a rider and say to yourself, "God, I wish I had boobs like hers."


Or maybe "God, I wish I could grab her boobs."


----------



## Mainiac1991 (Aug 26, 2018)

When you're roofie dealer drop ships to your house.


----------



## M chez (Feb 17, 2016)

... when you always have change for a $20
... you know all the locations of the worst pot holes in NJ
... you know how to get to the Verrazano bridge from anywhere in NJ
... you can explain to a pax how unsafe it is to not have a car seat for 5 minutes exactly.


----------



## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

1. You go down on a downhill road, and try to get the maximum mpg on that road ...feet off the gas pedal
2. Next day , you try to beat the previous day record
3. Know all the Aldi locations
4. Know all the Tuesday specials at KFC , Popeyes's and taco places
5. You can differentiate between
Chinese, Japanese, Philippines, Laos, Cambodia and Koreans
6. You can differentiate between Indians and Pakistanis and Bangladesh
7. Hotel California and dancing queen Asians love these two songs
8. Tennessee whisky- black people love this song
9.you wear the same jeans for 5 days, but change the shirt everyday
And next week you reverse it, same shirt but different jeans or pants
10. For lunch you just eat white bread and white rice ( no butter, chicken)
11. You clean your vehicle with a old worn out brush instead of spending .75 cents on a vaccum
12. You have 4 different brand names on your tires
13. You use after shave as your cologne
14. You avoid the toll by talking to the customer ( this way they will not be focused on your gps)
15. You go to taco bueno and just get water, and use the salsa bar to make your lunch
16. You have perfected the art of fake smiles to your pax while at the same time throwing bad vulgar names at them in your mind... it is called multitasking


----------



## Z129 (May 30, 2018)

Your spouse slams your car door and the thought of divorce crosses your mind.


----------



## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

You go to your local Starbucks, through the front door , then scan for the trash can, find somebody’s cup, which was thrown away after they drank .... steal it, put it in your jacket ...then run away to your getaway Uber/Lyft vehicle ....4 hours later you get your first ping (25 minutes away), you accept it... drive to the customers residence ...push arrived ... lady walks to your vehicle ...identifies her name and destination..,she sits in the backseat and right away is impressed by the grande Starbucks cup displayed to her eyes ....she dumps her successful doctor husband and runs away with you


----------



## freddieman (Oct 24, 2016)

Mainiac1991 said:


> When you feel like throwing a brick at a pax who asks "how long have you been U/L ing"


It's written on the rider app to read. I know many read it but still ask. I too want to throw a brick at them. If u can't bring up a good conversation, just sit quiet for the 10 simple minutes.


----------



## rideshare2870 (Nov 23, 2017)

When a pizza delivery job looks like a promotion to you.

When you can lipsink to certain songs because you’ve been hearing them all day from U/L “ing”.

When your accountant shows that you have a loss driving for U/L when you file your taxes so you 1 star your accountant out of spite.


----------



## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

Black tape holding your car together, at multiple positions

You try E 15 fuel

You try to hide über lyft decal when you enter your home street

You flip the car mat and hide all the trash/dust underneath the mat

You extend oil change from 5-8k miles to 10 to 12k miles.


You get a 1 star because you just destroyed a passenger on knowledge And he was wearing a suit


Name-You think a passenger is black but is actually white....so you panic
And switch radio stations

You talk to Indian wife and she is enjoying the conversation, then husband gives a 1 star later

You tell black folks that Lebron James is the greatest and you tell white folks that he is the worst ... and you get tips from both

You are shocked when Asian gives you a tip

You go to a white neighborhood, big house, push arrived button , then look at destination going , it says airport, 
So you prepare by opening the trunk...and wait for the passenger and the passenger is black


----------



## Bbonez (Aug 10, 2018)

MadTownUberD said:


> When you hold out on refilling the gas tank until you are near a station that's $2.66 instead of $2.68...


If I held out for gas under $3 I wouldn't have been able to fill up in the past 8 years. Thanks a lot Gov Moonbeam.


----------



## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

freddieman said:


> It's written on the rider app to read. I know many read it but still ask. I too want to throw a brick at them. If u can't bring up a good conversation, just sit quiet for the 10 simple minutes.


I'm not sure what the issue is with telling people how long you've been driving for Uber.

What ** I ** want to know is: "What's the correct answer when someone asks if I'm doing this full time. A wrong answer seems to guarantee nite getting a tip.

Christine


----------



## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

Christinebitg said:


> I'm not sure what the issue is with telling people how long you've been driving for Uber.
> 
> What ** I ** want to know is: "What's the correct answer when someone asks if I'm doing this full time. A wrong answer seems to guarantee nite getting a tip.
> 
> Christine


Nonsense. This morning I told a pax (a doctor) how much I make total, day job + Uber. He still gave me a $5 tip.


----------



## DriverXLPlus (Mar 31, 2017)

uberRog said:


> ...Friends constantly ask if they can "order" you for a ride.
> ...You can skillfully open and close any rolling suitcase handle in 2 seconds flat.
> ...You're on a first-name basis with the airport cops (and the parking lot cashiers)
> ...You instinctively know when a rider will be tipping you (just kidding- that's impossible)


Sort of impossible, but any rider who utters the word "tip" at any point in the encounter, will not tip.



Christinebitg said:


> What ** I ** want to know is: "What's the correct answer when someone asks if I'm doing this full time. A wrong answer seems to guarantee nite getting a tip.


There are no correct answers, you can BS them in anyway you want. Whatever makes you feel good. Your unlikely to ever see them again. In 1000 rides I have seen only 2 passengers twice.
In one case I took a group to a casino, and later that night I took them home.
In the other case I did not remember the passenger, but she reminded me of the prior ride which included cargo of 12 balloons which of course I did remember.


----------



## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

You can only afford soap to shave vs shaving cream
You steal sugar, salt, pepper ,straws , napkins, tissue paper, from rest room and fast food places and use it on your home


----------



## Bbonez (Aug 10, 2018)

mbd said:


> You can only afford soap to shave vs shaving cream
> You steal sugar, salt, pepper ,straws , napkins, tissue paper, from rest room and fast food places and use it on your home


Try conditioner to shave with.

The sugar, salt, pepper, straws, & napkins are free. The TP from el bano might be stealing.


----------



## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

Bbonez said:


> Try conditioner to shave with.
> 
> The sugar, salt, pepper, straws, & napkins are free. The TP from el bano might be stealing.


 steal clothes from goodwill trucks  that is definitely u/l



mbd said:


> steal clothes from goodwill trucks  that is definitely u/l


Use gas station, sams, Walmart, lowes
And Home Depot wifi



mbd said:


> steal clothes from goodwill trucks  that is definitely u/l
> 
> Use gas station, sams, Walmart, lowes
> 
> ...





mbd said:


> steal clothes from goodwill trucks  that is definitely u/l
> 
> Use gas station, sams, Walmart, lowes
> And Home Depot wifi


You look at other u/l cars , and giggle


----------



## autofill (Apr 1, 2016)

When you constantly use the word “pax” when talking about or telling wild stories you had to your family or pax in your car then realizing nobody has a clue what you’re saying.


----------



## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

You know you're an _dedicated_ (obsessed?) rideshare driver when... you're sitting in traffic behind an Uber driver, with his Uber sign is stuck in the wrong corner of his rear window, and you're more annoyed by that rather than by the traffic itself.


----------



## Mazda3 (Jun 21, 2014)

You take pride in the one-star ratings you've received instead of being worried about them.


----------



## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

DriverXLPlus said:


> In 1000 rides I have seen only 2 passengers twice.


I've had two different repeat passengers.

One was a guy whose car was in the shop for two dates in a row, and who expected to get it back the first day. (3x total for him)

The other was two guys from out of town going out for dinner. Took them to dinner. Then by chance picked them up from a different location going back to their hotel. They tipped in app the first time, and I was surprised not to get the same the next time. But it showed up a week later, so it was all good.

Christine


----------



## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

You would know which Walmart has McDonald's and which has subways 

You make a uturn on every no u turn road, then look for a cop


----------



## MssweetsA2 (Dec 18, 2016)

Jufkii said:


> When you envy street corner beggars for the money they make .


Lol yep!!

You're out to eat at work budget is limited to $2.50 pizza slice from NYPD


----------



## hanging in there (Oct 1, 2014)

Seamus said:


> You know you're a U/L driver when...
> 
> _...Your 3 year/36,000 warranty just turned into to a 1/2 year 36,000 mile warranty.
> ...You've learned where every clean bathroom is in a 50 mile radius.
> ...


When your google search home page has prioritized Uber/Lyft related news and you gleefully open it each morning hoping to read about a new scandal or bad break for Uber or Lyft.

When you normally would start driving later but feel compelled to start driving NOW because your Uber app forced rest period has just timed out.

When the first thing you notice after witnessing a crash is whether either of the cars have U/L trade dress or any tell-tale signs of U/L driving.

When you wake up from a nightmare about an Uber ride from hell and realize that you are actually just re-living an actual ride you had given the night before.

When you drive away and leave the meal you paid for because you don't want to risk cancellation of the 2x 45+ ride you just got while waiting for your order.


----------



## LA Husky (Jun 28, 2018)

when you know the passcode of multiple bathrooms in gas stations, fast food joints, etc.


----------



## hanging in there (Oct 1, 2014)

LA Husky said:


> when you know the passcode of multiple bathrooms in gas stations, fast food joints, etc.


And you know by name the gas station clerks you can sweet-talk your way into their "out-of-order" bathrooms at 3am.


----------



## Listen41 (May 6, 2018)

When people unable make more than ( houston Market) $10 an hour

When you hear " are you my Uber driver" in a Demeaning manner and get no tips.

When 4 people get in your car , you gets no tips and make only $2.30

When PAx steal your sunglasses, USB charger , Guns mints etc.

When people smell like urine, sweat and mold and you can not refuse the trip.

When peopel use abusive tone and you do not want to confront them for teh fear of bad ratings , banned.



Jufkii said:


> The thought of Curry makes you gag.


One racist comments


----------



## Seamus (Jun 21, 2018)

hanging in there said:


> And you know by name the gas station clerks you can sweet-talk your way into their "out-of-order" bathrooms at 3am.


Now that's a much needed skill!


----------



## Texie Driver (Sep 5, 2018)

Brian G. said:


> thought you get a side chick easily but it's a lot more difficult then you thought it would be.


What? You mean the ladies aren't clamoring for an unkempt, flatulent, alcoholic cheater? How can this be?


----------



## Brian G. (Jul 5, 2016)

Texie Driver said:


> What? You mean the ladies aren't clamoring for an unkempt, flatulent, alcoholic cheater? How can this be?


Changing my life around to weed my man and dropping that bottle but the women are just to damn good!!


----------



## mbd (Aug 27, 2018)

When you wake up in the mornings, you do not know if it is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday

When you have 5 patches , in 1 tire

When you slap yourself, to wake up, when driving

When you know the location of all the shaded trees to park your car and rest

You kill a flying mosquito or a fly, with your hands, and you think you are a karate expert


----------



## Ubertabrissas (Nov 2, 2018)

when your wife gets into the pax back seat, and you say how's your day goin,


----------



## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

Ubertabrissas said:


> when your wife gets into the pax back seat, and you say how's your day goin,


LOL now that's funny!

On the rare occasion my wife and I go on a date, she asks me to put on the Pandora station I play for female pax.


----------



## Westerner (Dec 22, 2016)

When you're so bored all you have to do is come on this site to see everyone ***** and complain about everything


----------



## uber_from_the north (Dec 19, 2017)

When you started to get addicted to uberpeople.net community and constantly check for updates instead of working on your day job.


----------



## Jay Dean (Apr 3, 2015)

When you get tired of listening to people having a meeting in your car while driving in traffic so you chime in some useless advice on the topic and the car finally gets quiet


----------



## 404NofFound (Jun 13, 2018)

When you give a neighbor a ride and figure out how much you lost.


----------



## uber_from_the north (Dec 19, 2017)

When you're child grabs a sandwich and you said "No eating in the car please"


----------



## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

uber_from_the north said:


> When you're child grabs a sandwich and you said "No eating in the car please"


I make them "clap" their shoes together outside the car before swinging their feet inside it.


----------



## uber_from_the north (Dec 19, 2017)

MadTownUberD said:


> I make them "clap" their shoes together outside the car before swinging their feet inside it.


And check the seats after the trip if they left a mess for you to take pictures.


----------



## MHR (Jul 23, 2017)

Jay Dean said:


> When you get tired of listening to people having a meeting in your car while driving in traffic so you chime in some useless advice on the topic and the car finally gets quiet


When you start wondering if using overheard business meeting info would be considered insider trading.


----------



## Jason Wilson (Oct 20, 2017)

When you turn off the TV and all lights when you head out to work because the energy used will cost more than the peanuts that you earn driving.


----------



## rallias (May 16, 2018)

Jason Wilson said:


> When you turn off the TV and all lights when you head out to work because the energy used will cost more than the peanuts that you earn driving.


When you choose an apartment because it includes free electricity and is only $10 more per month than the other apartment, knowing you spend on average $11 for electricity.


----------



## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

Jason Wilson said:


> When you turn off the TV and all lights when you head out to work


Wouldn't you want to turn things off when you leave home anyway? Or am I missing something here?


----------



## uber_from_the north (Dec 19, 2017)

When you see someone on the road with an uber decal and drive fast to get ahead of him for pings.



......even when you're offline!


----------



## Danny3xd (Nov 7, 2016)

uber_from_the north said:


> When you see someone on the road with an uber decal and drive fast to get ahead of him for pings.
> 
> ......even when you're offline!


That were good, LoL


----------



## pizzaladee (May 23, 2018)

When someone is annoying to you in your regular life and you’re thinking “ 1 star for you”


----------



## Jason Wilson (Oct 20, 2017)

Christinebitg said:


> Wouldn't you want to turn things off when you leave home anyway? Or am I missing something here?


You are trying to make sense out of a joke. Live a little. Laugh some. Have a drink ..don't be a snagglepuss


----------



## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

Jason Wilson said:


> Have a drink ..don't be a snagglepuss


I've been called a lot of things.  I'll think of you while having one.


----------



## U/L guy (May 28, 2019)

Cary Grant said:


> Yep. Been there, done that.
> 
> What's worse is when they say "Hey, I recognize your driver profile pic! Didn't we chat on Tinder, or Bumble, or Plenty of Fish?"
> 
> ...


Whatever you do don't buy a lottery ticket.



Rex8976 said:


> *You know you're a rideshare driver when.......*
> 
> ...you have resigned yourself to being called an a**hole by high school kids...daily.
> 
> ...


your kids rather walk 5 miles to school then have their friends possibly recognize your car.


----------



## Juggalo9er (Dec 7, 2017)

The bulk of your clientele are either offenders or on work release


----------



## NotanEmployee (Apr 20, 2019)

JBinPenfield said:


> You feel smug and superior when you see UberEats drivers.


????????


----------



## mi4johns (Jun 4, 2018)

When you have 12 Bic lighters & you don't smoke.


----------



## TheCount (May 15, 2019)

You have 15 stories that begin, "I picked up two girls at a bar..." and they're all rated G.

You have this conversation on a regular basis:
"Have you been to Such-n-such place before?"
"Oh yeah, dozens of times."
"How is it?"
"Don't know. I've never been inside."

You know where to turn to arrive on the same side of the street as any given bar.

You have royalty status on the Waze app.

You've suggested more than 5 corrections to Google Maps.


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## Zaarc (Jan 21, 2019)

You wish pothole slalom was an Olympic sport because you have gotten so good at it.


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## TheCount (May 15, 2019)

You can drive home in your sleep - and frequently do.

You know which gas stations raise prices first and which raise them last.

You watch gas prices closer than a broker watches the stock market.


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## Stevie The magic Unicorn (Apr 3, 2018)

You know which gas station bathrooms arnt “out or order” late night and which ones are.


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## Zaarc (Jan 21, 2019)

You make a mental note every time you see a construction site porta-potty that isnt behind a fence.


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## U/L guy (May 28, 2019)

Your kinds tell their classmates and teachers they are orphans when it’s bring your parents to school day


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## Zaarc (Jan 21, 2019)

You look at a random assemblage of chairs and see ant legs.


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## Invisible (Jun 15, 2018)

When some days/weeks are so slow, you realize even the sweatshop workers get paid better than you.


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## Stevie The magic Unicorn (Apr 3, 2018)

When it’s 17:00 on Friday and your week is about to start.


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## TXUbering (May 9, 2018)

When you make yourself think that you have to go to the bathroom because your paranoia has you convinced that Uber is all seeing and will send a long trip your way in some sort of weird sick sadistic ritual.

When you look at your passenger seats and wonder if all the hair you've "collected" can be woven into some sort of "human quilt" and then wonder why so many people are losing their hair. 

When you are fully aware that pax in the summer smell "different" than the pax in the winter.


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## Zaarc (Jan 21, 2019)

When your wife sends you to Walmart to pick something up for her, and you cringe as you enter the parking lot.


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