# Quitting!!! Monkey is done with Uber



## Lag Monkey

I was young dumb when I started this job. I had high hopes of fast money and getting to hangout with hot women! My Ex was so happy for me..she would say "monkey I'm so proud you are finally taken control of your life". My dumb ass thought this was good money, I went out and bought a beater on Craigslist for next to nothing. Even then I wasn't making shit after I had to figure in my expenses and after uber kept adding more and more drivers. Like da hell yo! We out here grinding for them and they gone shat on us like that? No tips, having to deal with ubers lame customer support.college kids that act dumber then me. Fits bumping and taking those selfies while bumping Crap music at ear bleeding levels. Having to play tag with the RDU rent o cops just to make min wage with all the risk on us and no benefits. Da hell....shit stressful bruh. I was fooling myself that I was grinding..shit I was doing better when I was grinding up them Mcflurryies yo. Then they gone rate a me low because I'm black. At least I'm light skin. If I was African they be killing my ratings. Truth is if you old, look like a rapist or your ass be looking dark or forgin or Arab they gone rate you low. I had a little collage girl say she was afraid to get in by herself with a black man? Anyways, this job lame af! Made me see how greedy people are shitting on low wage workers not giving a single ****. Drinking up my waters like they just came outa the Sehrra, eating 20 mints at a time acting like they just got done sucking bigfoots Dick, slamming doors with bull elephant strength. Most just didn't care. And I had to provide all this at my expense just to keep from getting deactivated for low rating. I was getting so desperate I would have suck a dude off for 5stars.

Now let me tell you just some of the shit that happened. Had my dick grabbed by gay men, people wanting to sex in back, asking if they can buy some weed(might of hooked a few up) using uber as drug running car etc etc list goes on. So much rachtness with this job.

What I got from uber you ask? About 15grand gross ain't shit after all the hours and time I put in, my dick sucked a few times, a more beat up POS van, an STD(thanks Felicia), signal from working my ass off and not ever being around for boo, a bunch of canned weak responses from uber support, a few RDU cop chases, and low ass bank account and over draft fees, a court order for failing to pay chiled support, and a ton of vehicle Mantance bills, I'm now in the negitive by fifty bucks and I'm having to sell the swag wagon for pennies

So this concludes my time on Uber..and presumably with y'all hood asses who kept me laughing threw this and making this shit bearable... we fam for life. Long live UberPeople Long Live good weed and *****,**** uber and prosper my friends

Peace and Afro Grease

Oh and that uberman guy from YouTube still a *****....haha
Lastly shoutout to my real ubers UberOneLove, Disrtured driver and my other Raleigh ruff riders! Who be hitting up these forums and who I met driven y'all some real OG. That Chicago cabbie guy with the little cab avi pic is cool af and real helpful and that dude who got the volts wagon avi and made the comment about "I have a no eating policy in my car" on the thread about two pax giving oral was funny af!!!


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## UberPlates

Lag Monkey said:


> a few RDU cop chases


Wow!  RDU? Is that 'Raleigh Durham [something beginning with U]? I'm an Aussie, I'm just taking a guess... 

...


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## chi1cabby

Lag Monkey thanks for laying out the jungle reality of a full-time Uber Driver, and the shout-out.
Wish you the best on your next endeavours.


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## Realityshark

That was an interesting "exit interview" thanks for the post.


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## ocbob2

I hate to say it but "we told you so!" Your first posts about making bank caught up to you. Just like Flying Dingo, reality set in after the hype. Good luck to you in your future endeavors and spread the word about this gig.


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## BurgerTiime

Only one std? You're pathetic. Go back to work and earn AIDS stupid monkey!


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## rtaatl

You might not be rich, but at least you got one helluva story to tell....lol!


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## Txchick

Lag Monkey said:


> I was young dumb and full of cum when I started this job. I had high hopes of fast money and getting to hangout with hot women! My Ex was so happy for me..she would say "monkey I'm so proud you are finally taken control of your life". My dumb ass thought this was good money, I went out and bought a beater on Craigslist for next to nothing. Even then I wasn't making shit after I had to figure in my expenses and after uber kept adding more and more drivers. Like da hell yo! We out here grinding for them and they gone shat on us like that? No tips, having to deal with ubers lame customer support. Retarted college kids that act dumber then me. Fits bumping and taking those selfies while bumping Crap music at ear bleeding levels. Having to play tag with the RDU rent o cops just to make min wage with all the risk on us and no benefits. Da hell....shit stressful bruh. I was fooling myself that I was grinding..shit I was doing better when I was grinding up them Mcflurryies yo. Then they gone rate a me low because I'm black. At least I'm light skin. If I was African they be killing my ratings. Truth is if you old, look like a rapist or your ass be looking dark or forgin or Arab they gone rate you low. I had a little collage girl say she was afraid to get in by herself with a black man? Anyways, this job lame af! Made me see how greedy people are shitting on low wage workers not giving a single ****. Drinking up my waters like they just came outa the Sehrra, eating 20 mints at a time acting like they just got done sucking bigfoots dick, slamming doors with bull elephant strength. Most just didn't care. And I had to provide all this at my expense just to keep from getting deactivated for low rating. I was getting so desperate I would have suck a ****** dick for 5stars.
> 
> Now let me tell you just some of the shit that happened. Had my dick grabbed by gay men, people wanting to sex in back, asking if they can buy some weed(might of hooked a few up) using uber as drug running car etc etc list goes on. So much rachtness with this job.
> 
> What I got from uber you ask? About 15grand gross ain't shit after all the hours and time I put in, my dick sucked a few times, a more beat up POS van, an STD(thanks Felicia), signal from working my ass off and not ever being around for boo, a bunch of canned weak responses from uber support, a few RDU cop chases, and low ass bank account and over draft fees, a court order for failing to pay chiled support, and a ton of vehicle Mantance bills, I'm now in the negitive by fifty bucks and I'm having to sell the swag wagon for pennies
> 
> So this concludes my time on Uber..and presumably with y'all hood asses who kept me laughing threw this and making this shit bearable... we fam for life. Long live UberPeople Long Live good weed and *****,**** uber and prosper my friends
> 
> Peace and Afro Grease
> 
> Oh and that uberman guy from YouTube still a *****....haha
> Lastly shoutout to my real ****** UberOneLove, Disrtured driver and my other Raleigh ruff riders! Who be hitting up these forums and who I met driven y'all some real OG. That Chicago cabbie guy with the little cab avi pic is cool af and real helpful and that dude who got the volts wagon avi and made the comment about "I have a no eating policy in my car" on the thread about two pax giving oral was funny af!!!


 best wishes in whatever you pursue.


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## Huberis

Some guy is going to get some sort of Burroughs like, cut and paste novel out of your posts. Keep your eye out for royalties. 

"Greedy people are shitting, drinking up my waters, slamming my doors with elephant strength, we are out here grinding for them. College kids out here dumber than me, wanting to sex in the back, taking selfies while bumping. I had a little collage girl"

Good luck on your next venture.


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## Badbeat

Lag Monkey said:


> I was young dumb when I started this job. I had high hopes of fast money and getting to hangout with hot women! My Ex was so happy for me..she would say "monkey I'm so proud you are finally taken control of your life". My dumb ass thought this was good money, I went out and bought a beater on Craigslist for next to nothing. Even then I wasn't making shit after I had to figure in my expenses and after uber kept adding more and more drivers. Like da hell yo! We out here grinding for them and they gone shat on us like that? No tips, having to deal with ubers lame customer support.college kids that act dumber then me. Fits bumping and taking those selfies while bumping Crap music at ear bleeding levels. Having to play tag with the RDU rent o cops just to make min wage with all the risk on us and no benefits. Da hell....shit stressful bruh. I was fooling myself that I was grinding..shit I was doing better when I was grinding up them Mcflurryies yo. Then they gone rate a me low because I'm black. At least I'm light skin. If I was African they be killing my ratings. Truth is if you old, look like a rapist or your ass be looking dark or forgin or Arab they gone rate you low. I had a little collage girl say she was afraid to get in by herself with a black man? Anyways, this job lame af! Made me see how greedy people are shitting on low wage workers not giving a single ****. Drinking up my waters like they just came outa the Sehrra, eating 20 mints at a time acting like they just got done, slamming doors with bull elephant strength. Most just didn't care. And I had to provide all this at my expense just to keep from getting deactivated for low rating. I was getting so desperate I would have done anything for 5stars.
> 
> Now let me tell you just some of the shit that happened. Had my dick grabbed by gay men, people wanting to sex in back, asking if they can buy some weed(might of hooked a few up) using uber as drug running car etc etc list goes on. So much rachtness with this job.
> 
> What I got from uber you ask? About 15grand gross ain't shit after all the hours and time I put in, my dick sucked a few times, a more beat up POS van, an STD(thanks Felicia), signal from working my ass off and not ever being around for boo, a bunch of canned weak responses from uber support, a few RDU cop chases, and low ass bank account and over draft fees, a court order for failing to pay chiled support, and a ton of vehicle Mantance bills, I'm now in the negitive by fifty bucks and I'm having to sell the swag wagon for pennies
> 
> So this concludes my time on Uber..and presumably with y'all hood asses who kept me laughing threw this and making this shit bearable... we fam for life. Long live UberPeople Long Live good weed and *****,**** uber and prosper my friends
> 
> Peace and Afro Grease
> 
> Oh and that uberman guy from YouTube still a *****....haha
> Lastly shoutout to my real ubers UberOneLove, Disrtured driver and my other Raleigh ruff riders! Who be hitting up these forums and who I met driven y'all some real OG. That Chicago cabbie guy with the little cab avi pic is cool af and real helpful and that dude who got the volts wagon avi and made the comment about "I have a no eating policy in my car" on the thread about two pax giving oral was funny af!!!


Now you are smart! Untill UBER comes out of the shadows, and gets on the right side of the law...the drivers are at the mercy of UBER. Screw that


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## 20yearsdriving

Lag Monkey said:


> I was young dumb when I started this job. I had high hopes of fast money and getting to hangout with hot women! My Ex was so happy for me..she would say "monkey I'm so proud you are finally taken control of your life". My dumb ass thought this was good money, I went out and bought a beater on Craigslist for next to nothing. Even then I wasn't making shit after I had to figure in my expenses and after uber kept adding more and more drivers. Like da hell yo! We out here grinding for them and they gone shat on us like that? No tips, having to deal with ubers lame customer support.college kids that act dumber then me. Fits bumping and taking those selfies while bumping Crap music at ear bleeding levels. Having to play tag with the RDU rent o cops just to make min wage with all the risk on us and no benefits. Da hell....shit stressful bruh. I was fooling myself that I was grinding..shit I was doing better when I was grinding up them Mcflurryies yo. Then they gone rate a me low because I'm black. At least I'm light skin. If I was African they be killing my ratings. Truth is if you old, look like a rapist or your ass be looking dark or forgin or Arab they gone rate you low. I had a little collage girl say she was afraid to get in by herself with a black man? Anyways, this job lame af! Made me see how greedy people are shitting on low wage workers not giving a single ****. Drinking up my waters like they just came outa the Sehrra, eating 20 mints at a time acting like they just got done, slamming doors with bull elephant strength. Most just didn't care. And I had to provide all this at my expense just to keep from getting deactivated for low rating. I was getting so desperate I would have done anything for 5stars.
> 
> Now let me tell you just some of the shit that happened. Had my dick grabbed by gay men, people wanting to sex in back, asking if they can buy some weed(might of hooked a few up) using uber as drug running car etc etc list goes on. So much rachtness with this job.
> 
> What I got from uber you ask? About 15grand gross ain't shit after all the hours and time I put in, my dick sucked a few times, a more beat up POS van, an STD(thanks Felicia), signal from working my ass off and not ever being around for boo, a bunch of canned weak responses from uber support, a few RDU cop chases, and low ass bank account and over draft fees, a court order for failing to pay chiled support, and a ton of vehicle Mantance bills, I'm now in the negitive by fifty bucks and I'm having to sell the swag wagon for pennies
> 
> So this concludes my time on Uber..and presumably with y'all hood asses who kept me laughing threw this and making this shit bearable... we fam for life. Long live UberPeople Long Live good weed and *****,**** uber and prosper my friends
> 
> Peace and Afro Grease
> 
> Oh and that uberman guy from YouTube still a *****....haha
> Lastly shoutout to my real ubers UberOneLove, Disrtured driver and my other Raleigh ruff riders! Who be hitting up these forums and who I met driven y'all some real OG. That Chicago cabbie guy with the little cab avi pic is cool af and real helpful and that dude who got the volts wagon avi and made the comment about "I have a no eating policy in my car" on the thread about two pax giving oral was funny af!!!


What happened to you swag !!!


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## UberPlates

Lag Monkey said:


> a few RDU cop chases





UberPlates said:


> RDU? Is that 'Raleigh Durham [something beginning with U]? I'm an Aussie, I'm just taking a guess


Maybe it's "Raleigh Durham Uber"? Like 'OmniCorp' in the Robocop films? God, imagine that one, UberRoboCopCars!

Anyway, that was a wild tale Lag Monkey, no doubt about it!  Good luck with things! Good luck to all of us...

.


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## TimFromMA

Did your wang return to it's original size?


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## Lag Monkey

TimFromMA said:


> Did your wang return to it's original size?


Yes, but I lost a testicle to chlamydia


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## Guest

Being an Uber driver was probably one of the most degrading things I had ever done to myself. I feel like a starving artist. I'm better than this.


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## uberguuber

HEY at least you got your dick sucked ! DON'T let the door hit you on the ass on your way out ! later muther****er !!!


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## cb80907

I can't stop laughing after reading this. Epic, simply epic. Good luck, monkey.


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## Lag Monkey

Txchick said:


> best wishes in whatever you pursue.


 I'll be pursuing what I always pursue&#8230; That *****!


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## UberRach

Even if you don't have a future with Uber, you have a future as a writer! I'm not sure if that's better, but it does take more talent. So there's that.


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## ExquisiteOne

You're silly.

...but I do wonder what it would be like for me as a black female Uber driver in the RDU area


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## jackstraww

I hear ya Monkey <<>><

Been gone for over 6 months now- - cant say I miss it too much
If anyone finds my phone that is floating in the Hudson River - -feel free to keep it ,, or send it back to the uberites
Tossed it out the window while zipping over the George Washington Bridge....I asked them a million times to send the postage and Id send it back- - so now it sleeps with the fishes //PiNg pInG pInG


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## MoneyUber4

Wow! One. More line to your resume. Good luck!


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## Nagodesi

Lag Monkey said:


> I was young dumb when I started this job. I had high hopes of fast money and getting to hangout with hot women! My Ex was so happy for me..she would say "monkey I'm so proud you are finally taken control of your life". My dumb ass thought this was good money, I went out and bought a beater on Craigslist for next to nothing. Even then I wasn't making shit after I had to figure in my expenses and after uber kept adding more and more drivers. Like da hell yo! We out here grinding for them and they gone shat on us like that? No tips, having to deal with ubers lame customer support.college kids that act dumber then me. Fits bumping and taking those selfies while bumping Crap music at ear bleeding levels. Having to play tag with the RDU rent o cops just to make min wage with all the risk on us and no benefits. Da hell....shit stressful bruh. I was fooling myself that I was grinding..shit I was doing better when I was grinding up them Mcflurryies yo. Then they gone rate a me low because I'm black. At least I'm light skin. If I was African they be killing my ratings. Truth is if you old, look like a rapist or your ass be looking dark or forgin or Arab they gone rate you low. I had a little collage girl say she was afraid to get in by herself with a black man? Anyways, this job lame af! Made me see how greedy people are shitting on low wage workers not giving a single ****. *Drinking up my waters like they just came outa the Sehrra, eating 20 mints at a time acting like they just got done sucking bigfoots Dick*, slamming doors with bull elephant strength. Most just didn't care. And I had to provide all this at my expense just to keep from getting deactivated for low rating*. I was getting so desperate I would have suck a dude off for 5stars.*
> 
> Now let me tell you just some of the shit that happened. Had my dick grabbed by gay men, people wanting to sex in back, asking if they can buy some weed(might of hooked a few up) using uber as drug running car etc etc list goes on. So much rachtness with this job.
> 
> What I got from uber you ask? About 15grand gross ain't shit after all the hours and time I put in, my dick sucked a few times, a more beat up POS van, an STD(thanks Felicia), signal from working my ass off and not ever being around for boo, a bunch of canned weak responses from uber support, a few RDU cop chases, and low ass bank account and over draft fees, a court order for failing to pay chiled support, and a ton of vehicle Mantance bills, I'm now in the negitive by fifty bucks and I'm having to sell the swag wagon for pennies
> 
> So this concludes my time on Uber..and presumably with y'all hood asses who kept me laughing threw this and making this shit bearable... we fam for life. Long live UberPeople Long Live good weed and *****,**** uber and prosper my friends
> 
> Peace and Afro Grease
> 
> Oh and that uberman guy from YouTube still a *****....haha
> Lastly shoutout to my real ubers UberOneLove, Disrtured driver and my other Raleigh ruff riders! Who be hitting up these forums and who I met driven y'all some real OG. That Chicago cabbie guy with the little cab avi pic is cool af and real helpful and that dude who got the volts wagon avi and made the comment about "I have a no eating policy in my car" on the thread about two pax giving oral was funny af!!!


Too much anger, here.. good luck in your new job.. this was very interesting read... just curious how many did you Suck off? lol


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## grayspinner

Hey Monkey - can you hook me up with some weed?


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## Lag Monkey

Nagodesi said:


> Too much anger, here.. good luck in your new job.. this was very interesting read... just curious how many did you Suck off? lol


I sucked off zero, ate a few out and got sucked for free trips by a few hood rat women and a lil fine ass UNC chick who invited me in for coffee.


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## Phoenix666

Lag Monkey said:


> I was young dumb when I started this job. I had high hopes of fast money and getting to hangout with hot women! My Ex was so happy for me..she would say "monkey I'm so proud you are finally taken control of your life". My dumb ass thought this was good money, I went out and bought a beater on Craigslist for next to nothing. Even then I wasn't making shit after I had to figure in my expenses and after uber kept adding more and more drivers. Like da hell yo! We out here grinding for them and they gone shat on us like that? No tips, having to deal with ubers lame customer support.college kids that act dumber then me. Fits bumping and taking those selfies while bumping Crap music at ear bleeding levels. Having to play tag with the RDU rent o cops just to make min wage with all the risk on us and no benefits. Da hell....shit stressful bruh. I was fooling myself that I was grinding..shit I was doing better when I was grinding up them Mcflurryies yo. Then they gone rate a me low because I'm black. At least I'm light skin. If I was African they be killing my ratings. Truth is if you old, look like a rapist or your ass be looking dark or forgin or Arab they gone rate you low. I had a little collage girl say she was afraid to get in by herself with a black man? Anyways, this job lame af! Made me see how greedy people are shitting on low wage workers not giving a single ****. Drinking up my waters like they just came outa the Sehrra, eating 20 mints at a time acting like they just got done sucking bigfoots Dick, slamming doors with bull elephant strength. Most just didn't care. And I had to provide all this at my expense just to keep from getting deactivated for low rating. I was getting so desperate I would have suck a dude off for 5stars.
> 
> Now let me tell you just some of the shit that happened. Had my dick grabbed by gay men, people wanting to sex in back, asking if they can buy some weed(might of hooked a few up) using uber as drug running car etc etc list goes on. So much rachtness with this job.
> 
> What I got from uber you ask? About 15grand gross ain't shit after all the hours and time I put in, my dick sucked a few times, a more beat up POS van, an STD(thanks Felicia), signal from working my ass off and not ever being around for boo, a bunch of canned weak responses from uber support, a few RDU cop chases, and low ass bank account and over draft fees, a court order for failing to pay chiled support, and a ton of vehicle Mantance bills, I'm now in the negitive by fifty bucks and I'm having to sell the swag wagon for pennies
> 
> So this concludes my time on Uber..and presumably with y'all hood asses who kept me laughing threw this and making this shit bearable... we fam for life. Long live UberPeople Long Live good weed and *****,**** uber and prosper my friends
> 
> Peace and Afro Grease
> 
> Oh and that uberman guy from YouTube still a *****....haha
> Lastly shoutout to my real ubers UberOneLove, Disrtured driver and my other Raleigh ruff riders! Who be hitting up these forums and who I met driven y'all some real OG. That Chicago cabbie guy with the little cab avi pic is cool af and real helpful and that dude who got the volts wagon avi and made the comment about "I have a no eating policy in my car" on the thread about two pax giving oral was funny af!!!


Dude good luck. Do yourself a favor Google Glendon Cameron. The guy is a hustler, in a good way. If you want to be your own boss, he's the guy. I will be quitting as soon as I can find a decent job.
Peace.


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## Micmac

Good move Monkey!!


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## Muki

Well at least he got some head.


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## Bill Wirth

Hey in SF you may get more chances to sux da pax off for some coinage!


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## Dang

This gotta be the best honest uber post ever


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## ChortlingCrison

Well if you ever decide to move to Harrisburg, PA, I think the uberX rates are 1.75/mile, unless they recently changed.


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## UTX1

Muki said:


> Well at least he got some head.


I know it's an ancient thread, but some things never change.

@ the end of the day - this is all that matters.


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## Julescase

Lag Monkey said:


> I was young dumb when I started this job. I had high hopes of fast money and getting to hangout with hot women! My Ex was so happy for me..she would say "monkey I'm so proud you are finally taken control of your life". My dumb ass thought this was good money, I went out and bought a beater on Craigslist for next to nothing. Even then I wasn't making shit after I had to figure in my expenses and after uber kept adding more and more drivers. Like da hell yo! We out here grinding for them and they gone shat on us like that? No tips, having to deal with ubers lame customer support.college kids that act dumber then me. Fits bumping and taking those selfies while bumping Crap music at ear bleeding levels. Having to play tag with the RDU rent o cops just to make min wage with all the risk on us and no benefits. Da hell....shit stressful bruh. I was fooling myself that I was grinding..shit I was doing better when I was grinding up them Mcflurryies yo. Then they gone rate a me low because I'm black. At least I'm light skin. If I was African they be killing my ratings. Truth is if you old, look like a rapist or your ass be looking dark or forgin or Arab they gone rate you low. I had a little collage girl say she was afraid to get in by herself with a black man? Anyways, this job lame af! Made me see how greedy people are shitting on low wage workers not giving a single &%[email protected]!*. Drinking up my waters like they just came outa the Sehrra, eating 20 mints at a time acting like they just got done sucking bigfoots &%[email protected]!*, slamming doors with bull elephant strength. Most just didn't care. And I had to provide all this at my expense just to keep from getting deactivated for low rating. I was getting so desperate I would have suck a dude off for 5stars.
> 
> Now let me tell you just some of the shit that happened. Had my &%[email protected]!* grabbed by gay men, people wanting to sex in back, asking if they can buy some weed(might of hooked a few up) using uber as drug running car etc etc list goes on. So much rachtness with this job.
> 
> What I got from uber you ask? About 15grand gross ain't shit after all the hours and time I put in, my &%[email protected]!* sucked a few times, a more beat up POS van, an STD(thanks Felicia), signal from working my ass off and not ever being around for boo, a bunch of canned weak responses from uber support, a few RDU cop chases, and low ass bank account and over draft fees, a court order for failing to pay chiled support, and a ton of vehicle Mantance bills, I'm now in the negitive by fifty bucks and I'm having to sell the swag wagon for pennies
> 
> So this concludes my time on Uber..and presumably with y'all hood asses who kept me laughing threw this and making this shit bearable... we fam for life. Long live UberPeople Long Live good weed and *****,&%[email protected]!* uber and prosper my friends
> 
> Peace and Afro Grease
> 
> Oh and that uberman guy from YouTube still a *****....haha
> Lastly shoutout to my real ubers UberOneLove, Disrtured driver and my other Raleigh ruff riders! Who be hitting up these forums and who I met driven y'all some real OG. That Chicago cabbie guy with the little cab avi pic is cool af and real helpful and that dude who got the volts wagon avi and made the comment about "I have a no eating policy in my car" on the thread about two pax giving oral was funny af!!!


Omg I'm crying from laughing. "Bull elephant strength" "grinding up them McFlurries yo" "sucking up my mints like they just got done sucking Bigfoot's a$&*#%!"

OMG!!!!


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## 20yearsdriving

Julescase said:


> Omg I'm crying from laughing. "Bull elephant strength" "grinding up them McFlurries yo" "sucking up my mints like they just got done sucking Bigfoot's a$&*#%!"
> 
> OMG!!!!


Lag Monkey is One of the Smart Ones 
Rode the Wave $$ 
Exited Early While he Had His Bearings Intact


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## Drivincrazy

OMG...definitely a classic write up...funny as can be.


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## June132017

Lag Monkey replaced by Rako's monkey.


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## Tom Harding

Txchick said:


> best wishes in whatever you pursue.


He would make a good newspaper columnist once he learned how to spell, create a sentence, etc. But he did express himself fairly well.
EDUCATION=MONEY


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