# Love Letters To Our Passengers (Vol. 1)



## tohunt4me (Nov 23, 2015)

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## Kurt Halfyard (Dec 13, 2017)

tohunt4me said:


> *CRICKETS*


Crickets are the new ants!


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## waldowainthrop (Oct 25, 2019)

DC Metro Greatest Hits.


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## ariel5466 (May 16, 2019)

Finally, the legendary Love Letters thread is getting the front page respect it has deserved!

@koyotemohn's Love Letters are always my favorite! Followed closely by a tie of @New2This and of course, the author of the original Love Letter, @yankdog.

Just a suggestion: would you mind linking to the original thread directly in your article? Credit where credit is due.


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## Disgusted Driver (Jan 9, 2015)

OMG! The love letters thread in DC has always been my favorite, I can only aspireto such greatness, thanks for calling attention to it.


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

Kurt Halfyard said:


> One of your bros dumped a Seagrams wine cooler in my backseat to protest being refused a ride?


D'oh! Always roll up to late night pax with doors locked and window cracked!


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## SHalester (Aug 25, 2019)

ariel5466 said:


> Finally, the legendary Love Letters thread is getting the front page respect it has deserved!


and on twitter....


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## delornick94 (Aug 7, 2017)

Waiting for exposé on Gtowns drunk thread. Conclusion to include current where abouts.


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## ariel5466 (May 16, 2019)

delornick94 said:


> Waiting for exposé on Gtowns drunk thread. Conclusion to include current where abouts.


He's MIA. &#128532; No one seems to know where he is or what he's doing or what happened. His phone number is still connected to his name but he hasn't answered anyone's texts or calls or voicemails.


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## delornick94 (Aug 7, 2017)

ariel5466 said:


> He's MIA. &#128532; No one seems to know where he is or what he's doing or what happened. His phone number is still connected to his name but he hasn't answered anyone's texts or calls or voicemails.


His phone still being connected is a good sign. Thanks for the update ariel.


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## ariel5466 (May 16, 2019)

delornick94 said:


> His phone still being connected is a good sign. Thanks for the update ariel.


Yes. In absence of further knowledge, I'm just hoping he can't be found because he doesn't want to be, and he's off living his best life somewhere. ❤


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## OCJarvis (Sep 4, 2017)

The DC thread was in my opinion UP's finest thread.


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## ariel5466 (May 16, 2019)

OCJarvis said:


> The DC thread was is in my opinion UP's finest thread.


FIFY


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## OldUncleDave (Apr 22, 2019)

Kurt Halfyard said:


> View attachment 502940
> 
> 
> Welcome to the beginning of a (hopefully) ongoing front page article series. Love Letters, focuses on the discriminating Uber Driver, one who copes with some of the more painful idiosyncrasies of the gig economy with wit, style, and the passive-aggressive teaching of lessons. We are not beyond stooping to the level of bad PAX, if they cannot fulfill the basic tenets of the social contract, or are stewing in entitlement.
> ...


Adding A Love Letter....

Get a ping, 23xx "E" Street. Which is E Street, near 23rd Avenue. I start driving, 5 miles to pickup. 
Text from pax, "Pick me up on Highland and " H" Street. Highland is essentially 20th, so his new pickup is 3 blocks South, 3 blocks west of original.

I pull off the freeway, find a parking lot, and text back. "You will need to change the address in your app."

Reply, "ok, never mind. I'll be at E street".

I continue driving. As I get off the freeway, I get 3, count em, 3, fast paced texts! Like, before I move a city block, all 3 hit my phone!! All the same, "I'm looking for you"

This is getting very close to a cancel in my book, but I'm only a couple of blocks away. I figure, let's see what this idiot looks like before I cancel. I'm in the left turn lane for E Street, text message, "Turn Left!"

OMG, this guy is a true Ultra-Maroon! (Quote Bugs Bunny). There are 3 cars turning left, I'm the lead car. The light turns green, I turn, about 3 blocks to pick up. Suddenly, this idiot JUMPS out between 2 cars from the left side of the street, and runs across the street right in front of me! I brake hard, swerve to avoid killing the S.O.B. (I know, but the paperwork is horrible) and get around him. Fortunately, the cars behind me are just as aware, no one hit anything.

I stop 3 blocks away, got the timer going, while I catch my breath and try to get my heart rate back. I look up and this IDIOT is running down the middle of the street trying to catch me. Like, he thinks I'm allowing him anywhere near my car?

Why doesn't Uber have a cancel option, "Too Stupid to be a pax"?


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## Kurt Halfyard (Dec 13, 2017)

"I know, but the paperwork is horrible." -CLASSIC.


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## Another Uber Driver (May 27, 2015)

Disgusted Driver said:


> OMG! The love letters thread in DC has always been my favorite, I can only aspireto such greatness, thanks for calling attention to it.





OCJarvis said:


> The DC thread was in my opinion UP's finest thread.





OldUncleDave said:


> Adding A Love Letter....


Everyone here is aware that we *do* welcome out-of-market contributions to that topic, _correctamundo_?

I have to love the option that @OldUncleDave wants added: "Too Stupid to Be a Passenger".


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## Kurt Halfyard (Dec 13, 2017)

remember the "Rules/Conventions" of that thread. You must be composing a friendly (but deeply passive-aggressive) love letter of how things went down. It should be nostalgic and savage.


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## simont23 (Jul 24, 2019)

I once took one of our drunk restaurant owners home at 4am on a Wednesday morning to his lifestyle block home. When we got there he said," Simon let's go for a ride in my new car. I can't drive, but you can." So I signed off for a bit, and we jumped in to his Nissan Skyline TwinTurbo. Holy crap, it could go, and handle. Hammer down, and my head banged into the headrest with my blood being forced to the back of my head. 200kph on one of our little country roads when I chickened out. Phew. Next time I took him home, I drive his 1976 Hillman Avenger GLS. ( Look it up!) Totally different kettle of fish. He has cars, his wife has horses, and no kids of course!


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## CrazyT (Jul 2, 2016)

Another Uber Driver said:


> Everyone here is aware that we *do* welcome out-of-market contributions to that topic, _correctamundo_?
> 
> I have to love the option that @OldUncleDave wants added: "Too Stupid to Be a Passenger".


Yes we love getting other markets in on the fun. I frequently read these to my non-driver friends and family just for entertainment.

We DEFINITELY need a too stupid button on there. I'll even take an Are You Serious button.


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## OCJarvis (Sep 4, 2017)

Dear MurdahBaby,

Or as I'm going to refer to you as your holy weedness. I will admit, you have the most potent weed I've ever smelt in my life, and God knows I know what I'm talking about. My twenties were a blur. You me and your blunt we're connected to the hip for 4 skunky hours, and the lingering smell and I have been connected for 4 days now.

For $85 an hour, I can put up with a lot. I'm a professional and know how to keep my eyes on the road and my mouth shut. Very seldom do I say no if the money is right. But my man, when you're rolling in the luxury vehicle, stick to edibles.

You, your blunt cloud, and I explored Hollywood on Saturday night. We went to places I've never seen before. You made more money than I did. It all went south once you ate the shrooms. That small admission of you always packing heat during your comfortably numb moment has assured you no more rides from neither myself or any other driver I know. Stick to the green my man. It makes you a better person.

I don't know how many phones you have, but you have been spam blocked on four and counting. We can't do business anymore. The fact that you assured me that most of the time you would use me to drive your kid around might disturb me the most.

I wish you luck in the short future that I presume you're going to have. I expect to see you on the news soon. And not for your humanitarian aid.

Skunky yours,
OCJ


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## Kurt Halfyard (Dec 13, 2017)

OCJarvis said:


> Dear MurdahBaby,
> 
> Or as I'm going to refer to you as your holy weedness. I will admit, you have the most potent weed I've ever smelt in my life, and God knows I know what I'm talking about. My twenties were a blur. You me and your blunt we're connected to the hip for 4 skunky hours, and the lingering smell and I have been connected for 4 days now.
> 
> ...


BRAVO!! BRAVO!!


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## Poopy54 (Sep 6, 2016)

Thank you little missy for moving yourself across the street from your pickup point, thinking I was coming from the opposite direction, I appreciate that you did this so it would be easier to pick you up, so thoughtful. 

So heart warmed when I saw you on the other side of the very busy street, waiting for me waving your arms. Appreciate the fact that you texted me to let me know I was on the wrong side of the street, and that you understood I would swing down, make an illegal u turn to come get you. 

Warmed my heart, to see once I got to the spot, that you had run across the street to my original pickup point, and that now you are still waving your arms, and considerate enough to text me again to tell me you moved, once again.


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## OldUncleDave (Apr 22, 2019)

Dearest Karen,

Thank you for showing me why your account name has developed into a derogatory term. It means so much as a continuing observer of the Human Species.

Yes, it was really too much that you had to wait an entire 30 minutes from ordering a rideshare to the car arriving at your pick-up point. Really, rideshare vehicles should follow you around, and always be just around the corner waiting for your summons. And the nerve of that other pax! Using YOUR RIDESHARE before you ordered it. Obviously, I wasn't thinking. As soon as I recognized your name, I should have kicked him out of the car and shown you the deference you deserve! How disrespectful!

And the awful odor in my car! How horrible it must have been for you!! The very idea the I would do food Delivery in the same car as passengers! I'm so embarrassed that your delicate sense of smell was assaulted by the gag inducing stench of a McD's French fry. Imagine what my car would have smelled like after the third pizza delivery that day, or the sixth 2AM bar closing patron.


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## mama2bebes (Aug 28, 2020)

We need a Love Letters to Our Delivery Customers (Food Recipients) please! We delivery drivers have stories to tell too, lol


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## Kurt Halfyard (Dec 13, 2017)

mama2bebes said:


> We need a Love Letters to Our Delivery Customers (Food Recipients) please! We delivery drivers have stories to tell too, lol


PLEASE, Start that THREAD in the EATS. If it gets traction, I'll be happy to assemble the best of the best for main page FEATURED glory!


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## AZ-XOEM (Aug 19, 2016)

Community supported jerk off material,... I LOVE IT !!!


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## Thing (Oct 7, 2016)

Kurt Halfyard said:


> *Dear Lola *
> 
> _I picked you up behind from Friday's out at upper Marlboro. Planet icebox was 15 degrees. I wished you a happy new year and in thoughtful fashion...you took my kindness for weakness...which makes you a scumbag to us, right?
> Right.
> ...


I think I picked up Lola shortly there-after you did, even though we are in different parts of the world and my Lola was almost 6 years ago... Perhaps the multiverse kicked in, or we, unfortunately, crossed paths in a parallel universe or maybe Lola has a dopple-ganger, although probably the most logical explanation is that there is more than 1 Lola, in Uber-world there is lots of Lola's - akin to social media Karen I suppose, lots of Karens about ... Anyway here's Lola part 2...

I receive the PING and Lola's only 3 mins away, she doesn't hesitate to text demanding that I hurry up - considering I'm only 3 minutes away, if I absolutely FLOOR IT, I might be able to shave off 15 or 20 seconds tops !!! Bargain, so naturally I go into pensioner mode and creep along making sure to slow down for each traffic light so that it cycles onto RED oops, sorry Karen, I mean LOLA..

When I finally arrive I spy a rather frumpy female awkwardly titled to one side like a teapot, spouting the major look of disapproval whilst barely hanging onto her phone and giving me death stares as I approach. I slow down and purposely park 2 car lengths in front of her so she has to walk .

The rear door handle flicks twice, I lower the back door window slightly just as Lola immediately begins a torrent of anti Uberness, "You Uber drivers are F***ing unbelievable", I cut her off mid rant, "YOUR NAME PLEASE."
"WHAT.." she answers.
"Your Name please, to ensure I have to correct passenger."
"OH just open the f***ing door, fer fuksake, why, oh my gawd, I spose ya gunna be like that other prick uber fuktard..." and Lola starts regurgitating her previous Uber attempt to where she was asked to exit the vehicle..

Seeing as I broke my cardinal rule, that being immediate cancelation upon textation of thy passenger to mwah... I almost tuned out to Karens, ah sorry, Lolas enlightening prior Uber attempt and began berating myself as to why I now find myself with a wage losing whinge-bag attempting to gain entry & occupy my back seat..

"WELL?", she questioned.

Wondering what Lola was capable of, I waited until her hand was not on the door handle and drove forward, I didn't want Lolas foot implanted in my door as I attempted to explain to her that seeing as the last Uber driver KICKED her out - she must have riled him up rather severely to be ousted mid-journey. Notwithstanding that she has already lurched into a tirade of abuse before even getting in the car, so rather than:
a) waste my time explaining to Lola that she's a complete paxhole from hell
b) have the car damaged when she realises shes being dumped twice in a row
c) I can't even be bothered explaining myself

I'm just like F*** OFF, get the F*** away from me you stupid b****

500 metres up the road is a 711, so I pull in there, jump out of the car, go inside and make a cup of coffee.. When I return to the car I forgot my phone (it was still sitting in its cradle on the dash) & I didn't even cancel on Lola who evidently canceled on me (probably so she could order another Uber) so I got a cancelation fee, Thanks Lola Love :coolio::roflmao:


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## comitatus1 (Mar 22, 2018)

Kurt Halfyard said:


> View attachment 502940
> 
> 
> Welcome to the beginning of a (hopefully) ongoing front page article series. Love Letters, focuses on the discriminating Uber Driver, one who copes with some of the more painful idiosyncrasies of the gig economy with wit, style, and the passive-aggressive teaching of lessons. We are not beyond stooping to the level of bad PAX, if they cannot fulfill the basic tenets of the social contract, or are stewing in entitlement.
> ...


I know this post has been up for ahwhile, but.....

Great Article.
Great Pic!

Chris


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