# Why I have a firm NO SEX policy in the back seat.



## UberManAdvertiser

I picked up a drunk couple in hollywood, who at first let me know to just start driving east. About 3 min. later, the bold amped up gal in the back seat asked me point blank if I would grant them permission to F**k in my car. This was not told in jest. They were serious. I told then no, considering the same car will be used the next morning to drive my four and half year old daughter to pre-school. I just can’t have that kind of energy, karma or undiscovered accidents left over the next day. As I firmly informed them of my "no F**C***g in my back seat policy” , they seemed a little upset at my rule. Again, I explained that my suburbanite SUV will be doomed of all its family innocence if I allowed such behavior. The couple then requested I find the nearest , most inexpensive, yet non flea- bag hotel I could find within a two mile radius. I kind of new of a spot on highland about 3 miles away. However, I discovered something closer that I thought seemed okay, not really being too knowledgeable, of the classy yet non expensive hook up sex hotels in the area. They seemed happy with my recommendation. The next morning I found out that my star rating went down a tad. I wonder if this was because of my no sex policy in the back seat?

Love,
UberManadvertiser


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## Sydney Uber

UberMan.com said:


> I picked up a drunk couple in hollywood, who at first let me know to just start driving east. About 3 min. later, the bold amped up gal in the back seat asked me point blank if I would grant them permission to F**k in my car. This was not told in jest. They were serious. I told then no, considering the same car will used the next morning to drive my four and half year old daughter to pre-school. I just can't have that kind of energy, karma or undiscovered accidents left over the next day. As I firmly informed them of my "no F**C***g in my back seat policy" , they seemed a little upset at my rule. Again, I explained that my suburbanite SUV will be doomed of all its family innocence if I allowed such behavior. The couple then requested I find the nearest , most inexpensive, yet non flea- bag hotel I could find within a two mile radius. I kind of new of a spot on highland about 3 miles away. However, I discovered something closer that I thought seemed okay, not really being too knowledge, of the classy yet non expensive hook up sex hotels in the area. They seemed happy with my recommendation. The next morning I found out that my star rating went down a tad. I wonder if this was because of my no sex policy in the back seat?
> 
> Love,
> 
> UberMan.com


You may have missed out there. Just think getting a photo sent to your phone in 9 months time of a little Bub you allowed to become concieved in your backseat!

Being a Daddy yourself would have you all proud like!


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## reluctantuber

I had to stop a stripper from Fantasy Island from f*cking a customer in back seat once. Good thing too as we needed 2 atm stops for him to get enough money to close the deal at his apartment. She was nasty though if she had been hot I may have given it a second thought.


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## Jay2dresq

You told a customer no, of course they did not rate you 5*.


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## jakob

If I'm not involved than no one else is aloud, that usually takes care of that question.


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## Sydney Uber

Reminds if a fellow who in the days When seat belt laws here were less strict ran a specialised service. 

He stripped out the back of one of his older stretched Limos, set it up with a custom built full-width bed, bar and other luxuries. 

He ran "fantasy" tours for couples and partnered up with a well known Brothel here who ran a service where a high flyer could be met at the airport by 1 or 2 gorgeous girls. They would lead the lucky rider to the Limo and start their personal services on the way to their destination. 

Lots of happy clients in that Limo I bet!!


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## Jay2dresq

Yes, but you don't ride in that custom limo at UberX rates. You got to have sex in the car, but you probably paid dearly for that right.


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## Uber Driver 007

"Having intercourse is now part of your 5-Star experience. All participating drivers will have 'Kinky' mode on. Uber On!"


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## Instyle

Yes, you'll have to opt in as this is now part of the 5 star experience. Just like the music, luxury car ride cheaper than a happy meal, free natural spring water bottled only by virgins, the sweetest candy your money can buy. 

All of course part of the 5 star experience


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## Long time Nyc cab driver

_He said firm, Beavis and Butt-Head snicker _


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## Fauxknight

I read that and thought, huh, that sounds like something UberMan would make up, then i scrolled back up and saw who posted it.

Sorry, but I'm calling shenanigans on UberMan, he comes up with a story like this every other day just to get attention...and hits on his blog. I've been driving for Uber for quite some time and generally have never had any issues anything like what he supposedly runs into daily...and those few weird ones I do get I generally respect the privacy of my passengers enough to not say anything about it.


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## ELLE

Maybe if your no sex policy wasn't FIRM you wouldn't have an issue. I prefer my sex policies to always be super duper firm though. 
Sex in cars is pretty norm for where I used to work ...


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## Long time Nyc cab driver

ELLE said:


> Maybe if your no sex policy wasn't FIRM you wouldn't have an issue. I prefer my sex policies to always be super duper firm though.
> Sex in cars is pretty norm for where I used to work ...


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## Long time Nyc cab driver

*Yeah baby !! Bet you're a dude. *


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## ELLE

Long time Nyc cab driver said:


> *Yeah baby !! Bet you're a dude. *


Just because I play xbox and drive for Uber I'm a dude? Nope- thats me in my avatar lol. 
I would've posted link to news stories about where I used to work but too new yet.


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## Long time Nyc cab driver

I don't care if you're new. 
Give me your number, lol.


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## UberHammer

Fauxknight said:


> I read that and thought, huh, that sounds like something UberMan would make up, then i scrolled back up and saw who posted it.
> 
> Sorry, but I'm calling shenanigans on UberMan, he comes up with a story like this every other day just to get attention...and hits on his blog. I've been driving for Uber for quite some time and generally have never had any issues anything like what he supposedly runs into daily...and those few weird ones I do get I generally respect the privacy of my passengers enough to not say anything about it.


When he said the customer asked for permission, I knew it was a BS story.


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## ELLE

Long time Nyc cab driver said:


> I don't care if you're new.
> Give me your number, lol.


Surrrreeeee .. I'll get right on posting my real phone number. Just email @Uber_Hou... Im sure they would give it to you


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## UberDC

Fauxknight said:


> I read that and thought, huh, that sounds like something UberMan would make up, then i scrolled back up and saw who posted it.
> 
> Sorry, but I'm calling shenanigans on UberMan, he comes up with a story like this every other day just to get attention...and hits on his blog. I've been driving for Uber for quite some time and generally have never had any issues anything like what he supposedly runs into daily...and those few weird ones I do get I generally respect the privacy of my passengers enough to not say anything about it.


There is a blog section for Uberman's fantasy stories. I wish he would stop clogging up the regular threads.


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## No-tippers-suck

I would have done the same.. no eating and drinking.. no smoking or vapors.. and of course NO ****ing in my car !
I would already have rated them 1Star just for asking because with a little common sense you can already tell that they they expected you to go further than beyond.

what's next ? they ask you if they can have your apartment since you are driving anyways ?
****ing ******ed and disrespectful idiots.

I have no more words for this story, but I totally believe that it's true and happened.


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## UberManAdvertiser

UberHammer said:


> When he said the customer asked for permission, I knew it was a BS story.


She asked if they could "Fu*k in the car. And its not a BS story. I drive in LA keep in mind.


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## UberManAdvertiser

UberDC said:


> There is a blog section for Uberman's fantasy stories. I wish he would stop clogging up the regular threads.


I call BS on you claiming my stories are BS.


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## UberManAdvertiser

No-tippers-suck said:


> I would have done the same.. no eating and drinking.. no smoking or vapors.. and of course NO ****ing in my car !
> I would already have rated them 1Star just for asking because with a little common sense you can already tell that they they expected you to go further than beyond.
> 
> what's next ? they ask you if they can have your apartment since you are driving anyways ?
> ****ing ******ed and disrespectful idiots.
> 
> I have no more words for this story, but I totally believe that it's true and happened.


Folks think I make this stuff up. I am telling you, truth is stranger then fiction~!


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## Jay2dresq

Had a client last night ask me what was the strangest thing to happen in my car... Anyone have sex in my backseat? I immediately replied "Not in my car!" Ford put these "Eco-friendly recycled fiber" cloth seats in my model of Escape Hybrid. They look great, but they're high maintenance. One drop of water on the seat, and it dries and leaves a white ring. Then you have to shampoo the entire seat to get rid of it, because if you try to just spot clean, you just make the ring bigger.


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## Former Yellow Driver

UberMan.com said:


> Folks think I make this stuff up. I am telling you, truth is stranger then fiction~!


I believe you. I had it happen in a cab twice. Some people either want to live out a fantasy or don't want to wait Never had anyone who was too cheap for a Motel. Both offered to "take care" of me financially...and did. Of course that was a cab where I was making money on the meter and getting a gratuity.


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## RideshareGuru

UberMan.com said:


> I picked up a drunk couple in hollywood, who at first let me know to just start driving east. About 3 min. later, the bold amped up gal in the back seat asked me point blank if I would grant them permission to F**k in my car. This was not told in jest. They were serious. I told then no, considering the same car will be used the next morning to drive my four and half year old daughter to pre-school. I just can't have that kind of energy, karma or undiscovered accidents left over the next day. As I firmly informed them of my "no F**C***g in my back seat policy" , they seemed a little upset at my rule. Again, I explained that my suburbanite SUV will be doomed of all its family innocence if I allowed such behavior. The couple then requested I find the nearest , most inexpensive, yet non flea- bag hotel I could find within a two mile radius. I kind of new of a spot on highland about 3 miles away. However, I discovered something closer that I thought seemed okay, not really being too knowledgeable, of the classy yet non expensive hook up sex hotels in the area. They seemed happy with my recommendation. The next morning I found out that my star rating went down a tad. I wonder if this was because of my no sex policy in the back seat?
> 
> Love,
> 
> UberMan.com


I hope you 1-starred them


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## RideshareGuru

Former Yellow Driver said:


> I believe you. I had it happen in a cab twice. Some people either want to live out a fantasy or don't want to wait Never had anyone who was too cheap for a Motel. Both offered to "take care" of me financially...and did. Of course that was a cab where I was making money on the meter and getting a gratuity.


Not to mention, in someone else's car, lol


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## Former Yellow Driver

Yep. The next passengers wiped off the seats when they were "sliding in". Just kidding.


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## DriversOfTheWorldUnite

UberMan.com said:


> Folks think I make this stuff up. I am telling you, truth is stranger then fiction~!


I'm sure these things happen, UberMan. It's the frequency that's a little suspect.


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## RideshareGuru

DriversOfTheWorldUnite said:


> I'm sure these things happen, UberMan. It's the frequency that's a little suspect.


Because someone who doesn't even drive for Uber would have an idea of how frequently things do or do not occur in an Uber vehicle, right?


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## DriversOfTheWorldUnite

I may not drive for Uber, but I know a lot about internet trolling, good sir.


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## RideshareGuru

DriversOfTheWorldUnite said:


> I may not drive for Uber, but I know a lot about internet trolling, good sir.


I would agree that internet trolling is something that you have a lot of experience doing.


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## Former Yellow Driver

DriversOfTheWorldUnite said:


> I may not drive for Uber, but I know a lot about internet trolling, good sir.


Everyone has special skills


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## RideshareGuru

Former Yellow Driver said:


> Everyone has special skills


His special skills got him a helmet and a seat on a short bus when he was in school, lol.


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## UberManAdvertiser

DriversOfTheWorldUnite said:


> I'm sure these things happen, UberMan. It's the frequency that's a little suspect.


I have been driving for four months, lots of these stories are from a couple of weeks ago, as I keep notes the of the best of the best.


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## UL Driver SF

I charge them $50 bucks for 15 minutes and $5 bucks for every minute there after.


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## DjTim

This is all I see after every comment in this thread:


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## Frank Martin

Sure, but I'm going to have to charge you extra for that.


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## dboogie2288

Shit...profit on it. Fleabag motel is what, 50-60 bucks? Leave the uber on for time, keep a moving blanket in the car...whip it out and make em give you 200 bucks cash for the convenience. Probably more than youd make in the night anyhow. That way they cant low star you for not allowing them to do something....


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## Lidman

ELLE said:


> Just because I play xbox and drive for Uber I'm a dude? Nope- thats me in my avatar lol.
> I would've posted link to news stories about where I used to work but too new yet.


 You're a dudette!!!!


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## Ehmtbescrewingus

Uber screws you every time you drive, So passengers sex in the back seat are just riding the party train. ~fin


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## JeffD1964

UberMan.com said:


> I picked up a drunk couple in hollywood, who at first let me know to just start driving east. About 3 min. later, the bold amped up gal in the back seat asked me point blank if I would grant them permission to F**k in my car. This was not told in jest. They were serious. I told then no, considering the same car will be used the next morning to drive my four and half year old daughter to pre-school. I just can't have that kind of energy, karma or undiscovered accidents left over the next day. As I firmly informed them of my "no F**C***g in my back seat policy" , they seemed a little upset at my rule. Again, I explained that my suburbanite SUV will be doomed of all its family innocence if I allowed such behavior. The couple then requested I find the nearest , most inexpensive, yet non flea- bag hotel I could find within a two mile radius. I kind of new of a spot on highland about 3 miles away. However, I discovered something closer that I thought seemed okay, not really being too knowledgeable, of the classy yet non expensive hook up sex hotels in the area. They seemed happy with my recommendation. The next morning I found out that my star rating went down a tad. I wonder if this was because of my no sex policy in the back seat?
> 
> Love,
> 
> UberMan.com


UberMan, post a pic next time and we'll render a verdict as to whether we would concur with your decision. Personally, my car's a mid size sedan. They would have to put the back seats down or be "small folk" to accomplish that feat. If I pick up any small folks who want to, I promise to post pictures. Love the story though. Thanks.


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## ccphilly1984

No-tippers-suck said:


> I would have done the same.. no eating and drinking.. no smoking or vapors.. and of course NO ****ing in my car !
> I would already have rated them 1Star just for asking because with a little common sense you can already tell that they they expected you to go further than beyond.
> 
> what's next ? they ask you if they can have your apartment since you are driving anyways ?
> ****ing ******ed and disrespectful idiots.
> 
> I have no more words for this story, but I totally believe that it's true and happened.


No vaping? Id hate riding in ur uber...


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## RideshareGuru

ccphilly1984 said:


> No vaping? Id hate riding in ur uber...


You're that addicted to sucking on phallic objects that you can't do without one for 10-15 mins.?


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## ccphilly1984

RideshareGuru said:


> You're that addicted to sucking on phallic objects that you can't do without one for 10-15 mins.?


You are tjat much of a little girl that you can't stand the non-odor non staining of a vape pen?

That's the kind of whining that is expected of the philly uber black drivers that like to rat out uber xers to the mafia (philadelphia parking authority)


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## RideshareGuru

ccphilly1984 said:


> You are tjat much of a little girl that you can't stand the non-odor non staining of a vape pen?
> 
> That's the kind of whining that is expected of the philly uber black drivers that like to rat out uber xers to the mafia (philadelphia parking authority)


My car my rules. Apparently you have a huge problem.


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## ccphilly1984

RideshareGuru said:


> My car my rules. Apparently you have a huge problem.


Never said anything about ur car... it might be cool... but you crying about vape is silly.


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## Big Machine

ccphilly1984 said:


> Never said anything about ur car... it might be cool... but you crying about vape is silly.


This is a typical entitled dbag who thinks they can do whatever they want whenever they want regardless of how others feel...Sorry but your "rights" end the minute you set foot into his privately owned property.


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## RideshareGuru

Big Machine said:


> This is a typical entitled dbag who thinks they can do whatever they want whenever they want regardless of how others feel...Sorry but your "rights" end the minute you set foot into his privately owned property.


You'd think a Libertarian would understand that concept, lol


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## UL Driver SF

dboogie2288 said:


> Shit...profit on it. Fleabag motel is what, 50-60 bucks? Leave the uber on for time, keep a moving blanket in the car...whip it out and make em give you 200 bucks cash for the convenience. Probably more than youd make in the night anyhow. That way they cant low star you for not allowing them to do something....


The reason I only charge the $50 is because the real money is made when I sell the video. Even more if this is an affair.


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## No-tippers-suck

ccphilly1984 said:


> No vaping? Id hate riding in ur uber...


Yes no eating, sleeping or vaping in my car..

When I started smoking we were not really informed by the gov and the tobacco industry how bad smoking really is for our health and of those close to us.
How many years were those vapes analysed before they were "legal" ??

I do not believe that the smoke that comes out of your mouth is healthy and I do not want to inhale it.

Also I find it's just disrespectful to eat or vape in somebodies car.


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## RideshareGuru

No-tippers-suck said:


> Also I find it's just disrespectful to eat or vape in somebodies car.


Without asking anyway. I think the disrespectful part comes in the assumption that you can do whatever you want.


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## DjTim

RideshareGuru said:


> You're that addicted to sucking on phallic objects that you can't do without one for 10-15 mins.?


Really is that necessary? I could say that anyone that drinks out of a bottle sucks a dick like you do, but is that really Fair? Nope.


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## DjTim

No-tippers-suck said:


> Yes no eating, sleeping or vaping in my car..
> 
> When I started smoking we were not really informed by the gov and the tobacco industry how bad smoking really is for our health and of those close to us.
> How many years were those vapes analysed before they were "legal" ??
> 
> I do not believe that the smoke that comes out of your mouth is healthy and I do not want to inhale it.
> 
> Also I find it's just disrespectful to eat or vape in somebodies car.


Cool - first uber ride in your vehicle - I'm vaping - this would be so much fun watching your head explode at the same time as trying to pull over to the curb to kick me out.

While I agree with you that it's your vehicle, your rules - you seem like a total prick, and not fun to be around. Why is that?


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## RideshareGuru

DjTim said:


> Really is that necessary? I could say that anyone that drinks out of a bottle sucks a dick like you do, but is that really fare? Nope.


The guy acted as if his life was going to end if he couldn't vape during an Uber ride. That is pathetic and deserving of ridicule. As for your comment, I'm sure that you can suck a cock much better than I can as I have no experience in that department other than providing the cock to be sucked. Oh, and btw, "fare" is what cabbies get "fair" is probably the word you were looking for. Must have been sucking a dick in grade school and missed that one.....


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## No-tippers-suck

"whatever you want"

You know what that's very funny because I heard these words from a girl a few weeks ago on a ride from Costa Mesa to Newport Beach
She was totally disrespectful and drunk and the guy with the APP was waiting for a second Uber.
They were 5 people and I told them that I can't drive more people than I have seatbelts. However that guy seemed to be ok and he also had 5 star rating
I drove his girlfriend once before she was in my car while he was waiting for another Uber.. sorry for blowing this post up a little bit..

This girl in the frontseat turned the volume up without asking I turned it down a little bit louder than it was before she touched it but not as loud as she wanted it..
She turned it up again and I turned it down and said do not touch the radio please it is unsafe if the volume is higher and I can't hear a firetruck approaching anymore..
She ignored and turned up again..

Now I pushed the off button and said now you lost the music, and don't even think to touch it again or you can start walking.
She was superpissed and yelled in my face :

*"why can't we just do whatever we want in our Ubers"??*

I'm like WTF ??? I turned my head to the rearseat to the "app guys girlfriend" and said you need to calm her down, every other driver would have given your friend a 1 Star but I know it's not his fault he is not even sitting in my car right now. She apologized and yelled at that girl so she was embarrassed and shut the **** up finally..

I was given tip and the front seat girl apologized too lol...
After they got out I called the App guy and told him about the disrespect and that I only give him 5 Stars after I would have received his rating first and because I remembered driving his girlfriend.
He obviously didn't get my bluff about rating me first ( outsmart them, outsmart them...  ) so I had no problems with my rating...

Sorry for writing a full story but I thought some background info might be necessary to understand my point.


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## RideshareGuru

No-tippers-suck said:


> "whatever you want"
> 
> You know what that's very funny because I heard these words from a girl a few weeks ago on a ride from Costa Mesa to Newport Beach
> She was totally disrespectful and drunk and the guy with the APP was waiting for a second Uber.
> They were 5 people and I told them that I can't drive more people than I have seatbelts. However that guy seemed to be ok and he also had 5 star rating
> I drove his girlfriend once before she was in my car while he was waiting for another Uber.. sorry for blowing this post up a little bit..
> 
> This girl in the frontseat turned the volume up without asking I turned it down a little bit louder than it was before she touched it but not as loud as she wanted it..
> She turned it up again and I turned it down and said do not touch the radio please it is unsafe if the volume is higher and I can't hear a firetruck approaching anymore..
> She ignored and turned up again..
> 
> Now I pushed the off button and said now you lost the music, and don't even think to touch it again or you can start walking.
> She was superpissed and yelled in my face :
> 
> *"why can't we just do whatever we want in our Ubers"??*
> 
> I'm like WTF ??? I turned my head to the rearseat to the "app guys girlfriend" and said you need to calm her down, every other driver would have given your friend a 1 Star but I know it's not his fault he is not even sitting in my car right now. She apologized and yelled at that girl so she was embarrassed and shut the **** up finally..
> 
> I was given tip and the front seat girl apologized too lol...
> After they got out I called the App guy and told him about the disrespect and that I only give him 5 Stars after I would have received his rating first and because I remembered driving his girlfriend.
> He obviously didn't get my bluff about rating me first ( outsmart them, outsmart them...  ) so I had no problems with my rating...
> 
> Sorry for writing a full story but I thought some background info might be necessary to understand my point.


Great story, illustrates how ******y people can be.


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## DriversOfTheWorldUnite

I agree with the monkey having sex with a football. I think we're all getting a little too addicted to our vapings and smokings and drinkings it's like we can't go 10 seconds without shoving something shitty into our bodies. Enough is enough, people.


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## No-tippers-suck

@DjTim..

In fact you turn out to be a prick and only your "honesty" about the way you eventually feel or think makes me comment on it.

If I visit your home you will see that the first think that I will do is wiping off my shoes at your porch so I don't carry dust into your home.
If I wanted anything I would kindly ask you first and not just walk into your kitchen and prepare myself a steak..

I mean people leave their trash in our cars, they are not really acting as if they would appreciate it or am I wrong?
Smoking next to someone in his personal car without even bothering to ask for permission for a smoke ? Very low attitude I will always rate them 1 Star.

There are situations where I agree if someone asks if they can have a bite in my car.. but usually the reason will be that it's a long trip so I understand it.
If you're on a 5-10 minutes ride, people should have no problem being "normal" and behave themselves.

However this is a good opportunity to talk it out in a respectful way, but I didn't forget that you named me "prick"
You can now decide how you like to continue.

I am not into fighting I also like to forgive, but it all depends on you DJ.


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## DjTim

RideshareGuru said:


> The guy acted as if his life was going to end if he couldn't vape during an Uber ride. That is pathetic and deserving of ridicule. As for your comment, I'm sure that you can suck a cock much better than I can as I have no experience in that department other than providing the cock to be sucked. Oh, and btw, "fare" is what cabbies get "fair" is probably the word you were looking for. Must have been sucking a dick in grade school and missed that one.....


Sorry, my autocorrect must have ****ed up. It must have detected a prick, and just changed it to piss you off.

And like I said - why do you need to be such a prick? I personally don't vape during a ride. I would just leave your car and say I wouldn't want to get into that car again. Just reading through some of your posts, you seem like a really angry individual for some reason.


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## DjTim

No-tippers-suck said:


> @DjTim..
> 
> In fact you turn out to be a prick and only your "honesty" about the way you eventually feel or think makes me comment on it.
> 
> If I visit your home you will see that the first think that I will do is wiping off my shoes at your porch so I don't carry dust into your home.
> If I wanted anything I would kindly ask you first and not just walk into your kitchen and prepare myself a steak..
> 
> I mean people leave their trash in our cars, they are not really acting as if they would appreciate it or am I wrong?
> Smoking next to someone in his personal car without even bothering to ask for permission for a smoke ? Very low attitude I will always rate them 1 Star.
> 
> There are situations where I agree if someone asks if they can have a bite in my car.. but usually the reason will be that it's a long trip so I understand it.
> If you're on a 5-10 minutes ride, people should have no problem being "normal" and behave themselves.
> 
> However this is a good opportunity to talk it out in a respectful way, but I didn't forget that you named me "prick"
> You can now decide how you like to continue.
> 
> I am not into fighting I also like to forgive, but it all depends on you DJ.


No - really you seem angry just like RideshareGuru. What's up with all the hostility towards people? I called you a prick to get your attention - it angered you, but the tone of your posts seems to make it look like you are one in real life. Am I wrong?


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## RideshareGuru

DjTim said:


> Cool - first uber ride in your vehicle - I'm vaping - this would be so much fun watching your head explode at the same time as trying to pull over to the curb to kick me out.
> 
> While I agree with you that it's your vehicle, your rules - you seem like a total prick, and not fun to be around. Why is that?





DjTim said:


> Welcome to the Millennial age. Some guy actually asked me "Can I play DJ tonight? At first I just thought this guy was drunk, and then he touched my radio. I gave him a stare that would burn a cats asshole. He just looked away as I turned it off.
> 
> A bunch of self-entitled brats. Every time I see a 20 year old, I tell both my kids "When you grow up, don't be like this ******bag". My 6 year old started repeating "******bag" and I got in trouble with the wife LOL.


DJ Tim, the split personality


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## DjTim

DriversOfTheWorldUnite said:


> I agree with the monkey having sex with a football. I think we're all getting a little too addicted to our vapings and smokings and drinkings it's like we can't go 10 seconds without shoving something shitty into our bodies. Enough is enough, people.


Take away my coffee - I would be a mass murderer. No background check would ever pick up on that


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## DjTim

RideshareGuru said:


> DJ Tim, the split personality


I didn't tell the guy he couldn't do it. It was just a stare. Maybe I'm just that ugly he didn't want to tussle? I don't know.


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## No-tippers-suck

oh I just see the comments of Guru and DriversUnite while I was writing my post.
Thank you for backing my point up a little bit. It's not about food and smoke it's all solely about respect !
That was my point.

I have another short story :
My best friends son when he met me the first time wanted to give me his left hand after I visited them and his dad is still my best friend.
I pulled my hand back and just said : that's the hand we wipe our ass with and just left.
I was very disappointed and during my time as a limodriver I met CEO's that had their hands full and dropped whatever they had in their hand to shake my hand with their right hand.
It's usually not the high class people that are acting disrespectful.


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## UL Driver SF

DjTim said:


> Sorry, my autocorrect must have ****ed up. It must have detected a prick, and just changed it to piss you off.
> 
> And like I said - why do you need to be such a prick? I personally don't vape during a ride. I would just leave your car and say I wouldn't want to get into that car again. Just reading through some of your posts, you seem like a really angry individual for some reason.


Didn't you see Chasing Amy? Everybody needs dick.


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## RideshareGuru

DjTim said:


> I didn't tell the guy he couldn't do it. It was just a stare. Maybe I'm just that ugly he didn't want to tussle? I don't know.


Point being that we all have rules in our cars. I don't allow vaping, apparently your pet peeve is the radio. I am no more a prick than you are in regards to what we allow in our vehicles.


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## UL Driver SF

No-tippers-suck said:


> oh I just see the comments of Guru and DriversUnite while I was writing my post.
> Thank you for backing my point up a little bit. It's not about food and smoke it's all solely about respect !
> That was my point.
> 
> I have another short story :
> My best friends son when he met me the first time wanted to give me his left hand after I visited them and his dad is still my best friend.
> I pulled my hand back and just said : that's the hand we wipe our ass with and just left.
> I was very disappointed and during my time as a limodriver I met CEO's that had their hands full and dropped whatever they had in their hand to shake my hand with their right hand.
> It's usually not the high class people that are acting disrespectful.


You use your left hand to wipe your ass??? You do know about toilet paper right? Even leaves will work. You can even use a rabbit in a pinch. Just ask a bear.


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## UL Driver SF

DjTim said:


> No - really you seem angry just like RideshareGuru. What's up with all the hostility towards people? I called you a prick to get your attention - it angered you, but the tone of your posts seems to make it look like you are one in real life. Am I wrong?


If you ever want to get my attention...cookies. Just ask City Girl.


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## No-tippers-suck

...and then some SF driver comes along with something funny and manages to de-escalate lol...

@DJ.. So you're judging me without even knowing me right?


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## RideshareGuru

UL Driver SF said:


> You use your left hand to wipe your ass??? You do know about toilet paper right? Even leaves will work. You can even use a rabbit in a pinch. Just ask a bear.


It is custom among middle-Easterners. Want to piss one of them off, offer your left hand to shake, lol. That, or just slap them in the face with a slab of bacon! lol


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## No-tippers-suck

UL Driver SF said:


> You use your left hand to wipe your ass??? You do know about toilet paper right? Even leaves will work. You can even use a rabbit in a pinch. Just ask a bear.


ok I wasn't sure about your education and offered you my right hand but your comment just shows me what I wasn't sure about..

Answer this question yourself and don't expect any interaction from me again..
"How does the Toiletpaper reach your Ass" ?

A.) it flies magically and I don't have to touch it at all
B.) I hold the paper with my left hand
C.) I don't wipe my Ass at all I have one of those Japanese toilets.

However have a great life !

ohhh sorry that comment came from you I thought it was this DJTim guy..
Of course you made a joke I see and you got me


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## DjTim

RideshareGuru said:


> Point being that we all have rules in our cars. I don't allow vaping, apparently your pet peeve is the radio. I am no more a prick than you are in regards to what we allow in our vehicles.


Actually it was only that one guy, and it's only been that one time. Point I was trying to make is - I get car rules - but I generally make my rules based on how the person handles and presents themselves.

For example, I picked up 2 college kids Friday. The guy actually said "Sir, can I put on a different radio station" I let him - he actually said sir, I almost shit my pants they still thought "Sir" to kids. The guy who just went and did it, I shunned.

Am I doing the right thing or are you? Both are correct right?


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## DjTim

RideshareGuru said:


> It is custom among middle-Easterners. Want to piss one of them off, offer your left hand to shake, lol. That, or just slap them in the face with a slab of bacon! lol


The left hand/right hand thing has always been something recognized outside of the US. From time to time, I need to use a cane in my right hand - so I have to shake with my left hand even though it feels weird.


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## UL Driver SF

No-tippers-suck said:


> ok I wasn't sure about your education and offered you my right hand but your comment just shows me what I wasn't sure about..
> 
> Answer this question yourself and don't expect any interaction from me again..
> "How does the Toiletpaper reach your Ass" ?
> 
> A.) it flies magically and I don't have to touch it at all
> B.) I hold the paper with my left hand
> C.) I don't wipe my Ass at all I have one of those Japanese toilets.
> 
> However have a great life !
> 
> ohhh sorry that comment came from you I thought it was this DJTim guy..
> Of course you made a joke I see and you got me


LOL!


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## UL Driver SF

DjTim said:


> The left hand/right hand thing has always been something recognized outside of the US. From time to time, I need to use a cane in my right hand - so I have to shake with my left hand even though it feels weird.


This conversation has convinced me that being ambidextrous is not appreciated in this case.


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## DjTim

No-tippers-suck said:


> ...and then some SF driver comes along with something funny and manages to de-escalate lol...
> 
> @DJ.. So you're judging me without even knowing me right?


I've only read what you've typed here. I totaly come off as an asshole here from time to time. No one will say it to my face in public though - I'm always the nice guy


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## No-tippers-suck

That's interesting because I would rather switch the can to my left hand and show you the most correct respectful gesture.


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## No-tippers-suck

well.. I admired your honesty..
Rather slap me in the face than stabbing me in the back.

We don't always have to agree but I will refuse to shake your hand left/right doesn't matter now anymore..
Since you never said which hand you use and if you even wash it or just eat with the same hand lol...


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## DjTim

No-tippers-suck said:


> well.. I admired your honesty..
> Rather slap me in the face than stabbing me in the back.
> 
> We don't always have to agree but I will refuse to shake your hand left/right doesn't matter now anymore..
> Since you never said which hand you use and if you even wash it or just eat with the same hand lol...


What if I told you that I don't wipe my ass with either hand.....what would you think then hehehehe


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## UL Driver SF

DjTim said:


> What if I told you that I don't wipe my ass with either hand.....what would you think then hehehehe


You have trained monkey too?


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## DjTim

No-tippers-suck said:


> That's interesting because I would rather switch the can to my left hand and show you the most correct respectful gesture.


I tried that at first, switching hands. And it just get's all awkward and people put their left, then their right. Next thing we are dancing and I'm hitting them in their shins with a cane.

It's never easy to figure out what to do when you need something to walk with. When I get out of the car and people see that I have a huge prosthetic on my right foot or if they see me using my left foot to gas/brake they look at me weird. But it is what it is right?


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## DjTim

UL Driver SF said:


> You have trained monkey too?


Who doesn't? Tax deduction right? Or has my tax guy been blowing smoke up my ass about that too?


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## No-tippers-suck

"I" have a trained monkey too, my friend.. and bet your Ass that he is almost ready for you


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## UL Driver SF

DjTim said:


> Who doesn't? Tax deduction right? Or has my tax guy been blowing smoke up my ass about that too?


I claim mine as a dependent.


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## UL Driver SF

No-tippers-suck said:


> "I" have a trained monkey too, my friend.. and bet your Ass that he is almost ready for you


You keep making that monkey work out and he's gonna rip your nuts off next time he wipes you.


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## ccphilly1984

DjTim said:


> Cool - first uber ride in your vehicle - I'm vaping - this would be so much fun watching your head explode at the same time as trying to pull over to the curb to kick me out.
> 
> While I agree with you that it's your vehicle, your rules - you seem like a total prick, and not fun to be around. Why is that?


Yes... that is torally what i was getting at.


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## ccphilly1984




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## ccphilly1984

UberMan com said:


> I picked up a drunk couple in hollywood, who at first let me know to just start driving east. About 3 min. later, the bold amped up gal in the back seat asked me point blank if I would grant them permission to F**k in my car. This was not told in jest. They were serious. I told then no, considering the same car will be used the next morning to drive my four and half year old daughter to pre-school. I just can't have that kind of energy, karma or undiscovered accidents left over the next day. As I firmly informed them of my "no F**C***g in my back seat policy" , they seemed a little upset at my rule. Again, I explained that my suburbanite SUV will be doomed of all its family innocence if I allowed such behavior. The couple then requested I find the nearest , most inexpensive, yet non flea- bag hotel I could find within a two mile radius. I kind of new of a spot on highland about 3 miles away. However, I discovered something closer that I thought seemed okay, not really being too knowledgeable, of the classy yet non expensive hook up sex hotels in the area. They seemed happy with my recommendation. The next morning I found out that my star rating went down a tad. I wonder if this was because of my no sex policy in the back seat?
> 
> Love,
> 
> UberMan


That, my friends, is why i drive a crew cab truck for uber x... best customer service and better fares. I will gladly take them somewhere secluded so they can have play time in the bed. Insert michael jackson popcorn meme here.

Use that minute rate like a 1-900 number.


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## Tim In Cleveland

If a customer initiates sex, or even asks permission, I would kick them out IMMEDIATELY. That's disgusting! If you try and just say no they will give you a bad rating. Your next customer does not want to sit in someone's body fluids.


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## ccphilly1984

Tim In Cleveland said:


> If a customer initiates sex, or even asks permission, I would kick them out IMMEDIATELY. That's disgusting! If you try and just say no they will give you a bad rating. Your next customer does not want to sit in someone's body fluids.


Did you read my reply. Truck bedliner. . Let em have at it customer service... lmao


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## Jay2dresq

ccphilly1984 said:


> No vaping? Id hate riding in ur uber...


No vaping in my car either. My car is like new inside and out, and has no strong odors (good or bad). I understand that some of the vape formulas smell pretty good, but I don't want to take the chance. On the rare occasions that I smoke, I smoke cigars made out of pipe tobacco. They smell really good, but I'm still not doing it in my car.


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## DjTim

Jay2dresq said:


> No vaping in my car either. My car is like new inside and out, and has no strong odors (good or bad). I understand that some of the vape formulas smell pretty good, but I don't want to take the chance. On the rare occasions that I smoke, I smoke cigars made out of pipe tobacco. They smell really good, but I'm still not doing it in my car.


I totally get that. There are some FOUL smelling juices out there. I use to smoke a cigar once a week along with 2 packs a day. I've got some strong cigar/tobacco flavors that I couldn't let near my car just for the fact it could offend someone. I guess vaping is really like anything else. If someone likes video games or sports, your going to talk games & sports with them. Vaping is that with me. Though I allow it, I think if the juice was really bad I would ask them to keep the window down further or to stop, it just hasn't happened with me yet. The people who used vaping as a pathway to stop smoking are the ones that understand the most. The ones that started vaping to "see the clouds" don't understand, and think it's their god given right to do this anywhere, and which is the stance I don't agree with.

My posts above, though I was using vaping as an example, were just to outline how worked up people get about the "rules" of their vehicle. Kicking people out for eating or drinking legal beverages in their car etc... Maybe I just haven't seen the bad side of riders. I am not some naive person born yesterday looking through rose colored glasses thinking the world is all great with Uber. Maybe it's just super awesome luck.


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## Jay2dresq

Someone posted a copy of the text they send out to all clients before they arrive, and I modified it slightly. Works great, and I really don't have a problem with pin drops anymore. This is what I'm using:

_Hi, this is Jay, your Uber driver, and I'm on my way to your location! Some friendly reminders: no open containers, tobacco, or e-cigarettes, and there is a maximum of 4 passengers. If you would please reply back and confirm your pickup location it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for choosing Uber, and I will see you soon!_

I usually send it to them at the first traffic light I stop at.


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## Sydney Uber

UL Driver SF said:


> You use your left hand to wipe your ass??? You do know about toilet paper right? Even leaves will work. You can even use a rabbit in a pinch. Just ask a bear.


Thanks UL Driver! That was visually funny!


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## Sydney Uber

DjTim said:


> The left hand/right hand thing has always been something recognized outside of the US. From time to time, I need to use a cane in my right hand - so I have to shake with my left hand even though it feels weird.


Life as an amputee is heaps harder than I thought. ....


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## DjTim

Sydney Uber said:


> Life as an amputee is heaps harder than I thought. ....


I haven't lost my right leg just yet, but the bone is more or less destroyed, where I can't bear full weight. I need a large prosthetic boot.

I almost had them just slice it off. Some people actually recover quickly from an amputation. I didn't want to take that chance.


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## UL Driver SF

I have a mini fire extinguisher in my car. It's about 8 inches long.

I dare ya to lite up in my car.


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## DjTim

UL Driver SF said:


> I have a mini fire extinguisher in my car. It's about 8 inches long.
> 
> I dare ya to lite up in my car.


You know that most people say that you overestimate length. 8" to you is only like 3" to the real world LOL


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## UL Driver SF

DjTim said:


> You know that most people say that you overestimate length. 8" to you is only like 3" to the real world LOL


Or as a woman would say....

Remember....measure from the tip to your belly...not your asshole.


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## UL Driver SF

Tim In Cleveland said:


> If a customer initiates sex, or even asks permission, I would kick them out IMMEDIATELY. That's disgusting! If you try and just say no they will give you a bad rating. Your next customer does not want to sit in someone's body fluids.


Well...what if...and I'm just spit ball'in here....she offers you sloppy seconds? Free even? A hand job? Swallows? 5 star rating?

There are things to consider.


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## DjTim

UL Driver SF said:


> Well...what if...and I'm just spit ball'in here....she offers you sloppy seconds? Free even? A hand job? Swallows? 5 star rating?
> 
> There are things to consider.


Who wants the Clap for a 5 star rating?


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## UL Driver SF

DjTim said:


> Who wants the Clap for a 5 star rating?


I like it when they applaud.


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## Casuale Haberdasher

DjTim said:


> This is all I see after every comment in this thread:


THREAD # 37 / PIRATE MONKEY DRUMMER:
Tim the comedian stikes again!! LOL


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## Ehmtbescrewingus

Jay2dresq said:


> No vaping in my car either. My car is like new inside and out, and has no strong odors (good or bad). I understand that some of the vape formulas smell pretty good, but I don't want to take the chance. On the rare occasions that I smoke, I smoke cigars made out of pipe tobacco. They smell really good, but I'm still not doing it in my car.


Had a passenger get in my car with a lit cigarette, immediately cancelled the ride and told them to hit the street.


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## Lou W

Haven't had no firm sex in years.


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## Remy Hendra

Would Uber charge them $250 for cleaning fee if you were to let them ****ing in your car and call it a night...gotta love that extra $250 lmao.


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## westorange

i can't believe none of my passengers have asked for sex with me


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## Lou W

westorange said:


> i can't believe none of my passengers have asked for sex with me


How much to **** a fold?


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## Scott Roe

Uber Driver 007 said:


> "Having intercourse is now part of your 5-Star experience. All participating drivers will have 'Kinky' mode on. Uber On!"


I have a dual-lens dash cam available to capture the moment.


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## WillowHannigan

Fauxknight said:


> I read that and thought, huh, that sounds like something UberMan would make up, then i scrolled back up and saw who posted it.
> 
> Sorry, but I'm calling shenanigans on UberMan, he comes up with a story like this every other day just to get attention...and hits on his blog. I've been driving for Uber for quite some time and generally have never had any issues anything like what he supposedly runs into daily...and those few weird ones I do get I generally respect the privacy of my passengers enough to not say anything about it.


I had an experience similar to this my first weekend out. I had no idea what to do. I was trying to be nice. I picked up two couples from a local bar and had to drive them to a nearby city (about 45 miles). I thought okay no problem long haul drive. So after we stop at a convenient store for all to pee and we get on the road the two women start making out. Then one of the women make out with the guy and then back to the other woman. I am not a prude. So the kissing didn't bother me, I have the road to watch but when the one girl got up and straddled the other girls I had to say something. So I told them that they all had to be in their seatbelts. They sat in the seat for about one minute and then I didn't see one of the girl's head the rest of the trip. I don't understand how people can do that not only in front of a stranger (namely me) but with their boyfriend/husband sitting right next to them. I couldn't wait to get them out of my car. I don't know what my rating was after that. I didn't care.


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## Realityshark

Best thread ever! It has all the elements that make a blog so fun to read: Sex, bacon, VD, college kids, vaping, homophobic insults, dash cams, sloppy seconds, handjobs, fantasies and monkeys.


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## Scott Roe

Sure you can have sex in my car. Just leave me your bank account info or your wife's e-mail address!


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## forkedover

My policy has always been, if you know your getting rated low you might as well bill the trip home.


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## pasadenauber

WillowHannigan said:


> I had an experience similar to this my first weekend out. I had no idea what to do. I was trying to be nice. I picked up two couples from a local bar and had to drive them to a nearby city (about 45 miles). I thought okay no problem long haul drive. So after we stop at a convenient store for all to pee and we get on the road the two women start making out. Then one of the women make out with the guy and then back to the other woman. I am not a prude. So the kissing didn't bother me, I have the road to watch but when the one girl got up and straddled the other girls I had to say something. So I told them that they all had to be in their seatbelts. They sat in the seat for about one minute and then I didn't see one of the girl's head the rest of the trip. I don't understand how people can do that not only in front of a stranger (namely me) but with their boyfriend/husband sitting right next to them. I couldn't wait to get them out of my car. I don't know what my rating was after that. I didn't care.


Let me guess she was doing something


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## Jedi Driver

"...sloppy seconds? Free even? A hand job? Swallows? 5 star rating?

There are things to consider."

Gross.


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## WillowHannigan

Scott Roe said:


> Sure you can have sex in my car. Just leave me your bank account info or your wife's e-mail address!
> View attachment 12144


Where do you get that? I want one.


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