# Open for advice questions



## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


Thank goodness you are here!

Why is Uber taking more that 25% of my fare?

Also, why do surges disappear after I arrive?

Thanks!


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## Anthony 11 (Jan 1, 2018)

How to I save on gas and maintenance costs? Where can I select not to pick up drunks? Why don't 80% of people tip?


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## Zeeeeee (Jan 10, 2018)

Are you in Seattle? How do we earn weekday afternoons?


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## Expiditer77 (Dec 11, 2017)

Which state is the Springfield in us cities in?


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## Anthony 11 (Jan 1, 2018)

What state is Springfield from the Simpsons in?


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## Merc7186 (Jul 8, 2017)

Thank Goodness for your arrival...I have pulled zero out of this website and all of its members since its inception.

Please, go ahead...the floor is yours...


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## Expiditer77 (Dec 11, 2017)

What does the magnifying glass icon do? Is there a place I can search what that does?


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## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

Finally. Someone who has some answers.

Is a 4.2 rating bad

What is an ox cord?

Why does it feel like it’s not worth it most nights?

Why do college kids take such short rides and slam your door?

How come I can only fit 6 in my Uber X?


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

Where is Jimmy Hoffa buried & is he a whole body or taken apart in pieces and scattered around after death.


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## Flier5425 (Jun 2, 2016)

Anthony 11 said:


> What state is Springfield from the Simpsons in?


Oh! I Know that one! OHIO!


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## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

Lol!!! Looks like a lot of questions obviously some jokesters here too but that's great ! 
As for fuel and maintenance costs- I would suggest not driving around to find pings!! I have found over the years that driving between"pings" (passenger requests) is often a waste of money because you never can tell exactly where a ping will come from- you may be driving the wrong direction! Then you would need to double back, wasting precious fuel.

I noticed another question about surge- I know it can be tempting to move toward the extra fare surge prices but often they will not last long so if you aren't very close, you definitely shouldn't move toward them if it would mean going out of your way. 
I'm very sorry but I'll have to answer more later as I'm ubering right now as we speak.


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> Lol!!! Looks like a lot of questions obviously some jokesters here too but that's great !
> As for fuel and maintenance costs- I would suggest not driving around to find pings!! I have found over the years that driving between"pings" (passenger requests) is often a waste of money because you never can tell exactly where a ping will come from- you may be driving the wrong direction! Then you would need to double back, wasting precious fuel.
> 
> I noticed another question about surge- I know it can be tempting to move toward the extra fare surge prices but often they will not last long so if you aren't very close, you definitely shouldn't move toward them if it would mean going out of your way.
> I'm very sorry but I'll have to answer more later as I'm ubering right now as we speak.


You are wise beyond your years!


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## Wh4tev3r!!!! (Jul 21, 2017)

Can you recommend a car that has built in car seats?


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

why don't riders tip?


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## Wh4tev3r!!!! (Jul 21, 2017)

How do I get only the attractive females as passengers?


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

Should I walk the dog immediately after she's done eating or give her digestive time.


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## Roadmasta (Aug 4, 2017)

What's the meaning of life?


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## Expiditer77 (Dec 11, 2017)

Sitting on a toilet in a public restroom. Should I log off?


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## SibeRescueBrian (May 10, 2015)

Roadmasta said:


> What's the meaning of life?


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Expiditer77 said:


> Sitting on a toilet in a public restroom. Should I log off?


Should you what off?


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## Trunkcorpse (Oct 27, 2017)

If I murder a pax that's an Uber employee, and after killing them, I take their phone and 5-star myself, and give myself a badge (I'd give myself an "all-star driver" badge,) but am subsequently charged and arrested and found guilty of murder, will Uber retroactively one-star me and remove my badge from said dead Uber employee's account?



Expiditer77 said:


> Sitting on a toilet in a public restroom. Should I log off?


Just log out


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## SibeRescueBrian (May 10, 2015)

If anything is possible, is it possible for anything to be impossible?


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

SibeRescueBrian said:


> If anything is possible, is it possible for anything to be impossible?


Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahababababaahahahahahahaahahahha


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## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

SibeRescueBrian said:


> View attachment 193921
> [/QUO





tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


How much longer till the Cubbies win a World Series again?

Is Shameless real and if so do you know Frank Gallagher?

Why do they call it the 'Windy City'?


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

SibeRescueBrian said:


> View attachment 193921


Hahahahahhahhahhaahahaahahahaahhaahahahahahahaahahahaahahah


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## upyouruber (Jul 24, 2017)

Roadmasta said:


> What's the meaning of life?


Ask the Wisest of Them All, Rakos!



Saltyoldman said:


> I believe he was referring to his penis


Thats' disgusting!



tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


Which is better, left Twix or right Twix?


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## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

Ok obviously there are a lot of joke questions here- can everyone please stick to legitimate Uber questions in this thread only ?? Thank you


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## upyouruber (Jul 24, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> Ok obviously there are a lot of joke questions here- can everyone please stick to legitimate Uber questions in this thread only ?? Thank you


Thats hilarious!
Legitimate, and Uber, in the same sentence HAAHAAHAA


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## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

upyouruber said:


> Thats hilarious!
> Legitimate, and Uber, in the same sentence HAAHAAHAA


Isn't that an oxymoron??



tuneman777 said:


> Ok obviously there are a lot of joke questions here- can everyone please stick to legitimate Uber questions in this thread only ?? Thank you


There we go again treating Lyft like a illegitimate red headed step child!


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## upyouruber (Jul 24, 2017)

Saltyoldman said:


> Isn't that an oxymoron??
> 
> There we go again treating Lyft like a illegitimate red headed step child!


Sure sounds like it!


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## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

upyouruber said:


> Sure sounds like it!


Yes......Yes it does



tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


Did lilcindy put you up to this??



tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


Is Tipping a city in China?


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## SibeRescueBrian (May 10, 2015)

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

And why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour?"


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## Trunkcorpse (Oct 27, 2017)

The OP is obviously a troll. Several forum users have, in good faith, asked many questions, but tuneman777 has deemed them not "legitimate."

Hey, tuneman777 , what specific questions do you want to answer? I'm stoked.


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## semi-retired (Nov 21, 2017)

How many pool trips does it take to get to the center of the uberverse (universe)?

If a driver farts in his car and there are no pax will it still smell?


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## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

semi-retired said:


> How many pool trips does it take to get to the center of the uberverse (universe)?
> 
> If a driver farts in his car and there are no pax will it still smell?


Dude it never fails, you could hold one in for 20 mins then as soon as you unleash the beast....PING 3 mins away


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> Ok obviously there are a lot of joke questions here- can everyone please stick to legitimate Uber questions in this thread only ?? Thank you


Plenty of legitimate questions.

ANSWER THEM!!!


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## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

SibeRescueBrian said:


> If anything is possible, is it possible for anything to be impossible?


It possibly could.


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## Merc7186 (Jul 8, 2017)

SibeRescueBrian said:


> View attachment 193921


 Always this.


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## semi-retired (Nov 21, 2017)

Merc7186 said:


> Always this.


Doug Adams lives on.


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## Merc7186 (Jul 8, 2017)

Trunkcorpse said:


> Just log out


Isn't that what going to the bathroom all about???


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> Ok obviously there are a lot of joke questions here- can everyone please stick to legitimate Uber questions in this thread only ?? Thank you


We trying to get you to feature thread status


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## UberLaLa (Sep 6, 2015)

If a passenger requests both an Uber and a Lyft simultaneously, which one will get there first?


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## Pulledclear (Oct 31, 2017)

What is the plural form of Sasquatch and have you ever seen a grown man naked?


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Merc7186 said:


> Always this.





semi-retired said:


> Doug Adams lives on.


I guess I missed this movie.

Worth watching?



UberLaLa said:


> If a passenger requests both an Uber and a Lyft simultaneously, which one will get there first?


This question just blew my mind.

If OP can answer this, then we should all accept him as the ride share king.


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## SibeRescueBrian (May 10, 2015)

Cableguynoe said:


> I guess I missed this movie.
> 
> Worth watching?


The movie was just ok, nothing more IMHO. The books are MUCH better!


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## Spider-Man (Jul 7, 2017)

I'm still waiting for this rideshare savior to answer why RS should get 25% of my fare? That Cableguynoe asked. I gas/insurance/register /drive / traffic / etc . All they do is supply me the ping . Should be no more than 10%


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Spider-Man said:


> I'm still waiting for this rideshare savior to answer why RS should get 25% of my fare? That Cableguynoe asked. I gas/insurance/register /drive / traffic / etc . All they do is supply me the ping . Should be no more than 10%


Very first question and he ignored it. 
Some Savior he turned out to be.


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

Cableguynoe said:


> Very first question and he ignored it.
> Some Savior he turned out to be.


He'll be back...theres a lot of data to analyze


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## Spider-Man (Jul 7, 2017)

Cableguynoe said:


> Very first question and he ignored it.
> Some Savior he turned out to be.


Cause he's a _____ . Just as you sarcastically pointed out the whole point to this forum is what he wants to do all on his own , obviously he's a _____!


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## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

Roadmasta said:


> What's the meaning of life?


42


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## Surgeio (Aug 14, 2017)

When will TNC's raise driver rates?

Oh, that's right, you only wanted legitimate questions.


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## UsedToBeAPartner (Sep 19, 2016)

tuneman777 said:


> Ok obviously there are a lot of joke questions here- can everyone please stick to legitimate Uber questions in this thread only ?? Thank you


You do know that you are simply the butt of your own joke, right? No one gives a shit about you having arrived to be our savior! If you want to teach a class for newbies, feel free to do so. If you want to come into a forum of highly experienced Uber/Lyft drivers claiming to have all the answers you should expect to be responded to in the way you have been. It should be fun though to watch the BS thrown at you.


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## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

I have nearly two years of ride-sharing experience, averaging over 4.8- you don't just wake up one day randomly with that kind of number. I'm fine driving- I didn't need to do this but I wanted to help others and obviously this forum is filled with sarcastic ungrateful people. The ride share world can be exhilarating, but it can eat you up if you don't know the streets- none of you have a clue clearly as you don't even have real questions you just drop silly jokes.


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## semi-retired (Nov 21, 2017)

You just don't get it... we are having fun at your expense so...


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> I have nearly two years of ride-sharing experience, averaging over 4.8- you don't just wake up one day randomly with that kind of number. I'm fine driving- I didn't need to do this but I wanted to help others and obviously this forum is filled with sarcastic ungrateful people. The ride share world can be exhilarating, but it can eat you up if you don't know the streets- none of you have a clue clearly as you don't even have real questions you just drop silly jokes.


Dude, why don't you just go with the flow, have fun & meet people here. You can probably help more people in different threads here instead of just one Dr. Ruth looking one.

Try hitting up the people section or something for helping people out.

Leave the stress for the road !!!!!


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## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

Whatever seriously you guys are so clueless- I guarantee I make more than all of you hourly put together- keep talking trash. You will get ZERO from me now- congratulations on screwing this up.


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## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

Wtf is a little Cindy ?

Btw what are you saying you're all a bunch of trashy people with baby momma drama? I hope none of you are actually Uber drivers as it would bode quite poorly for the profession. I'm guessing this forum is 14 yr olds who can only dream of the real open road.


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> Wtf is a little Cindy ?
> 
> Btw what are you saying you're all a bunch of trashy people with baby momma drama? I hope none of you are actually Uber drivers as it would bode quite poorly for the profession. I'm guessing this forum is 14 yr olds who can only dream of the real open road.


Please....I'll post up my stats from driving. You just need to learn a sense of humor....I bet that serious rage problem you have helps with your 4.8 rating.
I take my driving seriously and have a blast here & it's my escape from the stress of Uber/Lyft


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## Wh4tev3r!!!! (Jul 21, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


I didn't realize this was actually a serious post! I thought you were trying to have some fun with the forum. My bad.

What number of cars in the airport queue would keep you from leaving the queue and moving on so you don't waste your time waiting too long??


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## steveK2016 (Jul 31, 2016)

tuneman777 said:


> I have nearly two years of ride-sharing experience, averaging over 4.8- you don't just wake up one day randomly with that kind of number. I'm fine driving- I didn't need to do this but I wanted to help others and obviously this forum is filled with sarcastic ungrateful people. The ride share world can be exhilarating, but it can eat you up if you don't know the streets- none of you have a clue clearly as you don't even have real questions you just drop silly jokes.


You opened yourself up to this trolling. Who just signs up on the forum, declares themselves the expert and posts an AMA like he's gods gift to Uber? I have a 4.94 rating, and there are plenty others here who have higher than your 4.8 average rating and who have driven longer than you.

Thats Why you are getting snarky and sarcastic replies, you jumped on as if you were the first poster to the forum.

You think no one has given the advise to not drive for pings or to not chase a surge? Both advise are posted on a nearly daily basis here.


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## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

Wh4tev3r!!!! said:


> I didn't realize this was actually a serious post! I thought you were trying to have some fun with the forum. My bad.
> 
> What number of cars in the airport queue would keep you from leaving the queue and moving on so you don't waste your time waiting too long??


Thank you here obviously is someone who has some respect for the profession. This depends on many factors. Some factors may be personal as well- for me personally I find the Ord area to be dead and not terribly productive so leaving the airport que can be a complex decision because you may be in an unproductive area. On the flip side ORD lines can kill over an hour so maybe productivity at a low level is better than zero productivity in line. In addition to these factors there is the risk of a short trip even from ORD which would be worst case scenario.

Let's examine strategies: 
Staying in line with 50 or so cars equates to about one hour, then we factor in an average trip which is something between the city (about 25$) and the short trip which Occurs in my experience approximately ten percent of the time. Doing the math means ORD is approximately worth 22$ with the wild card of a very long trip maybe bumping the average to 23$. My goal is always to net at least ten dollars per hour so I would wait up to one hour- possibly more but not much more.

A factor which would change this is obviously surge which alters the equation. Also on busy days or times the area around ORD may be productive in which case it's typically always the right move to leave the airport and work that area. As for Midway the area is completely dead so it's almost always better to wait there at the airport unless the line is just egregious. As you can see from the above analysis it isn't always best to go off in random directions- there is much strategy to this ride share profession and if you approach with a professional mindset you can make professional money.

I hope also that people can now see the value of real analysis and not ridiculous mocking.


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

steveK2016 said:


> You opened yourself up to this trolling. Who just signs up on the forum, declares themselves the expert and posts an AMA like he's gods gift to Uber? I have a 4.94 rating, and there are plenty others here who have higher than your 4.8 average rating and who have driven longer than you.
> 
> Thats Why you are getting snarky and sarcastic replies, you jumped on as if you were the first poster to the forum.
> 
> You think no one has given the advise to not drive for pings or to not chase a surge? Both advise are posted on a nearly daily basis here.


And geez, it would be real hard to scroll through and answer the serious questions that were posted anyway. I think there were 3 serious ones....lol



tuneman777 said:


> Thank you here obviously is someone who has some respect for the profession. This depends on many factors. Some factors may be personal as well- for me personally I find the Ord area to be dead and not terribly productive so leaving the airport que can be a complex decision because you may be in an unproductive area. On the flip side ORD lines can kill over an hour so maybe productivity at a low level is better than zero productivity in line. In addition to these factors there is the risk of a short trip even from ORD which would be worst case scenario.
> 
> Let's examine strategies:
> Staying in line with 50 or so cars equates to about one hour, then we factor in an average trip which is something between the city (about 25$) and the short trip which Occurs in my experience approximately ten percent of the time. Doing the math means ORD is approximately worth 22$ with the wild card of a very long trip maybe bumping the average to 23$. My goal is always to net at least ten dollars per hour so I would wait up to one hour- possibly more but not much more.
> ...


Do you use a airport tracking app


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> I have nearly two years of ride-sharing experience, averaging over 4.8- you don't just wake up one day randomly with that kind of number. I'm fine driving- I didn't need to do this but I wanted to help others and obviously this forum is filled with sarcastic ungrateful people. The ride share world can be exhilarating, but it can eat you up if you don't know the streets- none of you have a clue clearly as you don't even have real questions you just drop silly jokes.





semi-retired said:


> You just don't get it... we are having fun at your expense so...
> 
> View attachment 194056


Dude doesn't get it.

Even if you are very experienced in driving and have figured a few things out.

Why would we ask you any questions? You just got here. Who the hell are you?

You think you're important? Bro, you're an Uber driver!


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## UberLaLa (Sep 6, 2015)

tuneman777 said:


> *My goal is always to net at least ten dollars per hour so I would wait up to one hour- possibly more but not much more.*
> 
> A factor which would change this is obviously surge which alters the equation. Also on busy days or times the area around ORD may be productive in which case it's typically always the right move to leave the airport and work that area. As for Midway the area is completely dead so it's almost always better to wait there at the airport unless the line is just egregious. As you can see from the above analysis it isn't always best to go off in random directions- there is much strategy to this ride share profession and if you approach with a professional mindset you can make professional money.
> 
> I hope also that people can now see the value of real analysis and not ridiculous mocking.


SadUber - You messin' wit us..!


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## semi-retired (Nov 21, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> Let's examine strategies:
> Staying in line with 50 or so cars equates to about one hour, then we factor in an average trip which is something between the city (about 25$) and the short trip which Occurs in my experience approximately ten percent of the time. Doing the math means ORD is approximately worth 22$ with the wild card of a very long trip maybe bumping the average to 23$. My goal is always to net at least ten dollars per hour so I would wait up to one hour- possibly more but not much more.


So you are saying with all your experience and passenger rating of 4.8 that you would sit idle in the airport for one hour with a queue of 50 other people to get a ride that would make you maybe $25 that may or may not take you in the opposite direction in which you want to go. And if the trip takes you out of your way that creates dead miles for you on the way back of lets say 20 - 30 minutes which then means your time sitting at the airport for an hour and those dead miles just made that non income generating time 1.5 hours, which skews your goal of want you want to make.

On the other hand you can drop the passenger off at the airport, leave the airport with the app running, drive toward the direction you want to go and more than likely pick up rides along the way that can take you to random places in the city but 2 or 3 rides might make you the $23 in that time that you just sat at the airport like a lemming (no insult intended to lemmings or airport campers  ).

For me, I will take my opportunity costs and weigh the risks and not stop at the airport queue after dropping of a passenger, because nothing guarantees anyone that with 50 cares in queue that you will get a ride in an hour. So now, not only have you spent an hour waiting in the queue and not get a ride you are now looking for rides outside the airport queue as you head toward your normal hunting grounds and lost the income potential of the last hour.

Please provide additional analysis on your recommendations above versus mine and get back to me on whether or not your analysis and recommendations are the best advice to provide the newbs like me and the veterans of Uber and Lyft on how to run their business. I will gladly bounce ideas and opinions back and forth, hell who knows I might even learn something. (Which I usually do when the members of the forum post their advice, good, bad or ugly)


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

I asked a serious question if he uses a airport traffic app that displays passenger volume coming and going to determine length of stay in an airport queue, and of course, no answer!!!


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## UberLaLa (Sep 6, 2015)

jgiun1 said:


> I asked a serious question if he uses a airport traffic app that displays passenger volume coming and going to determine length of stay in an airport queue, and of course, no answer!!!


Patience young padawan, he's _analyzing..._


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## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

Hello sorry it took me so long, But in answer to Jglun yes of course I use that app- it factors into the equation as well. If there is a lot of traffic coming in then it can help to alter the wait time equation. 

To semi retired- Thank you! I love these discussions. I hope that people can start to see that guys like us are analytical- we like to handle things in an intelligent way but we are making progress! Personally I do not have a specific destination or hunting ground. I will not waste time or energy going around deadheading as I discussed earlier in this thread so these issues are not a factor for me. I also would not recommend trying to go in a particular direction without a destination filter set if you need to go toward a certain area. Every trip has a chance of going in any direction and its fairly unlikely that passengers will be going in the direction you would want to go. 

Time management in this business requires a certain commitment. The talk about total freedom from Uber is just a bit overblown as it does require that you spend at least a few hours if you are pulled to a random area before just going back to the place you started or the place you'd prefer to work. For maximum profitability it requires that one go with the flow. 

On a side note- I think we are making progress here and would like to request that the mods revoke unrelated responses to this thread. If we keep this thread to more relevant discussion as we can see there is much education to be had.


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## FMLUber (Nov 15, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


At what size (circumference or weight) should a passenger be required to use UberXL instead of UberX?


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## UberLaLa (Sep 6, 2015)

*Why is Chicago Called the "Windy City"?*

http://mentalfloss.com/article/49651/why-chicago-called-windy-city
_...
According to Barry Popik, a New York City parking-ticket judge by day and a word sleuth by night, he has found the true origins of the phrase. He came across an entry in a May 9, 1876 Cincinnati Enquirer article with the headline, "THAT WINDY CITY. Some of the Freaks of the Last Chicago Tornado." Popik said the headline used innuendo to comment on *the speakers who were full of wind and that there was a windstorm. This is the earliest found reference of Chicago being called the Windy City, predating Dana's use of the phrase by a little more than a decade.*_


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## semi-retired (Nov 21, 2017)

semi-retired said:


> (Which I usually do when the members of the forum post their advice, good, bad or ugly)


I think someone missed the point.


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

semi-retired said:


> I think someone missed the point.


We used to call it....."went right over my head"


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## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

FMLUber said:


> At what size (circumference or weight) should a passenger be required to use UberXL instead of UberX?


This is a particularly interesting question which I would have to say has many possible answers. I have personally transported people who must have been in excess of 400 pounds and barely fit into the back of my car. If they were accepting of the arrangement I would say that as long as they can safely sit in the car with the seatbelt buckled that they can safely use the service they have chosen. 
We also must look at the comfort level of the driver- if you are uncomfortable with the size either circumference or weight then it should ultimately fall to you as to whether or not you would like to have the person ride in your vehicle. Unfortunately however there are questions as to the Americans With Disabilities Act- as you know most likely, we are required to carry service dogs and in essence accommodate disabled persons in our vehicles or else we will be in violation of the law. If a person can safely ride in your vehicle, I would imagine it would be a violation of the ADA to deny them service but then again I have to preface that I am not a lawyer. I would suggest contacting a lawyer on this matter if it is something you are concerned with.


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## semi-retired (Nov 21, 2017)

FMLUber said:


> At what size (circumference or weight) should a passenger be required to use UberXL instead of UberX?


If you need vaseline or crisco to get them in the seat that is when you would know.


----------



## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

tuneman777 said:


> I have nearly two years of ride-sharing experience, averaging over 4.8- you don't just wake up one day randomly with that kind of number. I'm fine driving- I didn't need to do this but I wanted to help others and obviously this forum is filled with sarcastic ungrateful people. The ride share world can be exhilarating, but it can eat you up if you don't know the streets- none of you have a clue clearly as you don't even have real questions you just drop silly jokes.


So salty bro.... I appreciate your willingness to put yourself out there like that. But the fact of the matter is lots of people here have been doing this longer with a much better rating, so my question to you is do you need any advice? Let me give you some, read through here and see the topics covered already and drop your two cents as you see fit. Humor is what keeps this fun on here, atleast to me.


----------



## SuzeCB (Oct 30, 2016)

Waffles said:


> Tuneman,
> 
> Why is Ron Jeremy so long?


And does he tip?


----------



## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

UberLaLa said:


> *Why is Chicago Called the "Windy City"?*
> 
> http://mentalfloss.com/article/49651/why-chicago-called-windy-city
> _...
> According to Barry Popik, a New York City parking-ticket judge by day and a word sleuth by night, he has found the true origins of the phrase. He came across an entry in a May 9, 1876 Cincinnati Enquirer article with the headline, "THAT WINDY CITY. Some of the Freaks of the Last Chicago Tornado." Popik said the headline used innuendo to comment on *the speakers who were full of wind and that there was a windstorm. This is the earliest found reference of Chicago being called the Windy City, predating Dana's use of the phrase by a little more than a decade.*_


Perfect. That is a weight lifted off my mind


----------



## Anthony 11 (Jan 1, 2018)

Why is your rating so low? A 4.8? You must be giving bad advice.


----------



## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

Anthony 11 said:


> Why is your rating so low? A 4.8? You must be giving bad advice.


Obviously he hasn't learned to avoid millennials


----------



## sirius black (Apr 20, 2017)

If only 777 was here last week to meet the last, Best_Uber_Driver_Ever, the guy who was the best driver on the East coast, and maybe even the entire U.S., they could have joined forces to create the 777 School For People Who Don’t Uber Good and Want To Do Other Things Good, Too.


----------



## UsedToBeAPartner (Sep 19, 2016)

tuneman777 said:


> Hello sorry it took me so long, But in answer to Jglun yes of course I use that app- it factors into the equation as well. If there is a lot of traffic coming in then it can help to alter the wait time equation.
> 
> To semi retired- Thank you! I love these discussions. I hope that people can start to see that guys like us are analytical- we like to handle things in an intelligent way but we are making progress! Personally I do not have a specific destination or hunting ground. I will not waste time or energy going around deadheading as I discussed earlier in this thread so these issues are not a factor for me. I also would not recommend trying to go in a particular direction without a destination filter set if you need to go toward a certain area. Every trip has a chance of going in any direction and its fairly unlikely that passengers will be going in the direction you would want to go.
> 
> ...


Yeah, the mods are going to step in and stop folks from posting that this is a stupid, silly topic posted by someone from Chicago who thinks he knows everything about what's going on in every City and State in the US. You, sir, are clueless. I have been driving longer and smarter than you and I would never be so presumptuous as to come into this forum and offer to solve all the problems this pseudo business creates.


----------



## Anthony 11 (Jan 1, 2018)

UsedToBeAPartner said:


> Yeah, the mods are going to step in and stop folks from posting that this is a stupid, silly topic posted by someone from Chicago who thinks he knows everything about what's going on in every City and State in the US. You, sir, are clueless. I have been driving longer and smarter than you and I would never be so presumptuous as to come into this forum and offer to solve all the problems this pseudo business creates.


 any chance you can step in and answer these questions he wasn't qualified to answer?


----------



## Trunkcorpse (Oct 27, 2017)

tuneman777 I smoke cosntantly while I drive (even with pax in the car.) I have a 4.6 rating, and I feel like the smoking has something to do with it. I just really feel discriminated against. This is supposed to be "ride-sharing." So, shouldn't I be able to smoke without people telling me to not smoke. It's my car! Mine! I smoke when I want to smoke. And once cocaine is decriminalized, I'll do that when I want to.


----------



## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)




----------



## Dropking (Aug 18, 2017)

1. If the walrus is Paul, does that make Travis the wet beaver?

2. When I see a glowing radiating pink lyft amp in the window, is it normal of me to think sexually of a hot vagina or should I be worried?

3. Uber spelled backward is Rebu. What does it mean?

I await The Sensi's response.


----------



## dmoney155 (Jun 12, 2017)

SibeRescueBrian said:


> And why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour?"


Or why we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?! the madness of it all.


----------



## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

tuneman777 said:


> Thank you here obviously is someone who has some respect for the profession. This depends on many factors. Some factors may be personal as well- for me personally I find the Ord area to be dead and not terribly productive so leaving the airport que can be a complex decision because you may be in an unproductive area. On the flip side ORD lines can kill over an hour so maybe productivity at a low level is better than zero productivity in line. In addition to these factors there is the risk of a short trip even from ORD which would be worst case scenario.
> 
> Let's examine strategies:
> Staying in line with 50 or so cars equates to about one hour, then we factor in an average trip which is something between the city (about 25$) and the short trip which Occurs in my experience approximately ten percent of the time. Doing the math means ORD is approximately worth 22$ with the wild card of a very long trip maybe bumping the average to 23$. My goal is always to net at least ten dollars per hour so I would wait up to one hour- possibly more but not much more.
> ...


Whoa whoa whoa!!! 10$ an hour?? You need to pull the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. Read and learn tuneman


----------



## Dropking (Aug 18, 2017)

Saltyoldman said:


> Whoa whoa whoa!!! 10$ an hour?? You need to pull the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. Read and learn tuneman


Do not question The Sensi. He is omnipotent and wise. Like Yoda.


----------



## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

Honestly at this point I'm going to close this thread- I thought this site had willing people who were interested in learning but apparently not. I'm not stupid I can see that none of you are serious about this profession. I'm taking my knowledge to a different arena.


----------



## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> Honestly at this point I'm going to close this thread- I thought this site had willing people who were interested in learning but apparently not. I'm not stupid I can see that none of you are serious about this profession. And obviously your baseness has come to the fore via your penis references. I'm taking my knowledge to a different arena.


I think you meant to say "I'm taking my knowledge to a different planet" 
With that sense of humor, you'll be a big hit in any galaxy......may the force be with you!!!


----------



## Merc7186 (Jul 8, 2017)

Guys we should lay off the OP, he can share his knowledge with us and we too can get our ratings to a 4.8.

So OP, what great wisdom can you bestow upon me so that I can lower my rating down to a 4.8??


----------



## Grahamcracker (Nov 2, 2016)

Cableguynoe said:


> Thank goodness you are here!
> 
> Why is Uber taking more that 25% of my fare?
> 
> ...


LMAO! I hate you


----------



## Statia (Jan 19, 2017)

Cableguynoe said:


> You are wise beyond your years!


Ur killing me


UberLaLa said:


> SadUber - You messin' wit us..!


Where is my handsome Manesh. I'm sure he has plenty of questions. Once he joins in on this I'll go grab my bag of popcorn. Who's with me??


----------



## FormerTaxiDriver (Oct 24, 2017)

How come minimum wage has gone up, but Uber and Lyft fare rates has remained stagnated?


----------



## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

By the way when I said 10 dollars per hour that was AFTER expenses (net). I make much more than that gross.


----------



## bmedle (Jul 19, 2017)

Dropking said:


> 1. If the walrus is Paul, does that make Travis the *wet beaver*?


Why did I initially read this as "bed wetter"?


----------



## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

tuneman777 said:


> By the way when I said 10 dollars per hour that was AFTER expenses (net). I make much more than that gross.


I stand corrected sir


----------



## UberLaLa (Sep 6, 2015)

This entire thread reminds me of~








Statia said:


> Ur killing me
> 
> Where is my handsome Manesh. I'm sure he has plenty of questions. Once he joins in on this I'll go grab my bag of popcorn. Who's with me??


Just asked him...he replied, _Nopes. _


----------



## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> . I'm taking my knowledge to a different arena.


Please stick around! We'll tone it down a bit but this is too much fun.
Plus SadUber still hasn't been around, so we need the crazy threads.

We have a section specific to ratings. Maybe you can go there and start a thread showing everyone how to get their rating up or down to 4.8.

Also, we have a Tip section. There you can tell us what things we can do different to better improve our tips.
So forth and so on. We have many areas where we can use your knowledge. This thread was too general.
Try getting more specific per thread.

Thanks again for being there for us!


----------



## gofry (Oct 20, 2015)

This guy (the OP) is gold, pure gold.


----------



## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

Kinda hoping he stuck around so we can turn another advice thread into the Jerry Springer show.


----------



## grabby (Nov 5, 2017)

I too am open for Advice Questions!

First Answer despite there being no question:

It is entirely possible to become a Jaded and very Experienced/Arrogant Uber/Lyft driver in a mere 2 months, you do not need to operate for 2 years. If it takes you 2 years to get there, you should consider other options for making chump change.

You can always get employment at one of these companies, or start your own with the business facts you learn being a ride share driver.

http://drpoolittle.com/?gclid=CjwKC...uVAmVAeJRyPL7PgeY2LQsMDiZsCAFBshoCRaIQAvD_BwE


----------



## UsedToBeAPartner (Sep 19, 2016)

Darn, now HE is going to close this thread. I didn't know he was also a moderator of this forum. He should have given ALL of his credentials before he started this nonsense.


----------



## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

UsedToBeAPartner said:


> Darn, now HE is going to close this thread. I didn't know he was also a moderator of this forum. He should have given ALL of his credentials before he started this nonsense.


HE is all knowing and all powerful.


----------



## semi-retired (Nov 21, 2017)

Cableguynoe said:


> HE is all knowing and all powerful.


I thought that was Rakos our fearful leader.


----------



## Statia (Jan 19, 2017)

UberLaLa said:


> This entire thread reminds me of~
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh how I miss Mr Patel. Send him my luv!!


----------



## grabby (Nov 5, 2017)

Singing in the Rain said:


> Man, I am so glad you're here. I have just two questions.
> 1) When will Uber drivers actually be insured?
> 2) Does Uber plan to become an ethical company?
> 
> Thanks, Amigo! Can't wait to hear back!


1.) Use your large tip bucket to buy a ridesharing endorsement on your personal auto insurance, sheesh

2.) What country are you in?


----------



## Ubernomics (Nov 11, 2015)

Welcome
Now this my friends is some funny shit. You got yourself in a little over your head aye tuneman. This site has a ton of experienced drivers on it.

Kinda weird you never found it honestly. You must have been driving blind for years!


----------



## Ms Stein Fanboy (Feb 11, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


Shouldn't this be in the Chicago section?



tuneman777 said:


> As for fuel and maintenance costs- I would suggest not driving around to find pings!! I have found over the years that driving between"pings" (passenger requests) is often a waste of money because you never can tell exactly where a ping will come from- you may be driving the wrong direction! Then you would need to double back, wasting precious fuel.


Wait, driving uses up gas and increases my mileage? Damn, this guy really knows his stuff. I thought my car stopped being subject to entropy as soon as the rider left the car.

He did say he found this out "over the years". To be not sarcastic now, I knew it before I started Ubering. Am I like a genius or something? Did anyone else find "over the years" that driving uses up gas and increases mileage? Or did you learn that some time around being 5 years old and realizing people took their cars to gas stations, like animals need to eat?


----------



## steveK2016 (Jul 31, 2016)

tuneman777 said:


> Honestly at this point I'm going to close this thread- I thought this site had willing people who were interested in learning but apparently not. I'm not stupid I can see that none of you are serious about this profession. I'm taking my knowledge to a different arena.





tuneman777 said:


> By the way when I said 10 dollars per hour that was AFTER expenses (net). I make much more than that gross.


10 WHOLE Dollars?!


----------



## Notjust A. Nutherant (Jun 10, 2017)

Is the OP still around?

When driving, why do those squirrels always run right in the middle of the street, probably with a nut in hand, stop and stare as you approach???









serious question


----------



## Uber's Guber (Oct 22, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world.


Why do they call it ride-sharing? How come they don't call it sharing-ride?



tuneman777 said:


> As for fuel and maintenance costs- I would suggest not driving around to find pings!! I have found over the years that driving between"pings" (passenger requests) is often a waste of money because you never can tell exactly where a ping will come from- you may be driving the wrong direction! Then you would need to double back, wasting precious fuel. I noticed another question about surge- I know it can be tempting to move toward the extra fare surge prices but often they will not last long so if you aren't very close, you definitely shouldn't move toward them if it would mean going out of your way.


You know so much already. This must be your second week of driving!


----------



## Satchel49 (Jan 14, 2018)

tuneman777 said:


> hello everyone just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm signed up and ready to advise anyone who needs help in the ride-sharing world. I have years of experience and am incredibly well versed in the nuance that can be ride share driving. Feel free to direct your questions and I will attempt to answer them as quickly as possible!! Thanks!!


Hello I just joined the Forum and I had some questions about ubereats and flex. I am a pizza delivery driver and have been curious about Uber but don't really want to drive a whole lot and risk people puking. So that is why I am more of a package delivery driver. Tired of pizza delivery though. Was wondering what kind of opportunities Uber has. I don't mind doing more than one service but I don't want to be driving all around town either. Pizza delivery has enough driving and I don't want to exceed that.


----------



## UsedToBeAPartner (Sep 19, 2016)

You will make much more money delivering Pizza than you will ever make driving Uber. Amazon Flex might be OK but I understand it can be tough to get the driving slots you might want. You will drive 10 times as much with Uber to make the same money you make driving Pizza delivery. Stay away from Uber Eats as it's pretty much a zero net gain.


----------



## Ziggy (Feb 27, 2015)

Wh4tev3r!!!! said:


> Can you recommend a car that has built in car seats?


while not a full blown child seat, Volvo comes with a built-in booster seat (https://www.volvocars.com/us/cars/new-models/xc90/features#/galleryview)


----------



## UpoorPeople (Apr 13, 2017)

Is saduber real? Is Santa real? What is "real"? Should I take the blue pill or the red pill?


----------



## Big Wig !!! (Sep 16, 2016)

Is driving too many hours a day causing my nuts to itch?


----------



## grabby (Nov 5, 2017)

UpoorPeople said:


> Is saduber real? Is Santa real? What is "real"? Should I take the blue pill or the red pill?


It has taken me many many many Uber riders to reach these conclusions:

Is Santa real? - https://www.sciencenews.org/blog/growth-curve/science-kids-belief-santa

What is "Real"? - 




Should I take the blue pill or the red pill? - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_pill_and_blue_pill



Big Wig !!! said:


> Is driving too many hours a day causing my nuts to itch?


The solution, is stop pissing your pants, pull over every now and then and drain it.



Notjust A. Nutherant said:


> When driving, why do those squirrels always run right in the middle of the street, probably with a nut in hand, stop and stare as you approach???


It is mandatory for every squirrel to taunt the cars, if they want to keep their "Patch" and not get kicked out of the Acorn Gang.


----------



## Over/Uber (Jan 2, 2017)

You will do well here.


----------



## Over/Uber (Jan 2, 2017)

I say the mods delete every other advice thread and just leave this one open. Don’t need anything else.


----------



## OCJarvis (Sep 4, 2017)

Im here for the $10 per hour knowledge

Also

Where IS the best place to drop a deuce at 3:30am??


----------



## SibeRescueBrian (May 10, 2015)

OCJarvis said:


> Also
> 
> Where IS the best place to drop a deuce at 3:30am??


Either the restrooms in the lobby of a hotel or the ones in a hospital emergency room.


----------



## UberLaLa (Sep 6, 2015)

_Dearsd OP (think that's what his called, yess?),

At Ubers we appriciates knowings and experince. If possibless we woulds like to works closest with you to helps many manies drivrs and Uber the worlds to beterr places. Contacts me following: [email protected]

Greatfulls and yors truestly,

Manesh_


----------



## 2Cents (Jul 18, 2016)

How do I generate a profit while the current local rate is .52 per paid mile??


----------



## Notjust A. Nutherant (Jun 10, 2017)

grabby said:


> It is mandatory for every squirrel to taunt the cars, if they want to keep their "Patch" and not get kicked out of the Acorn Gang.


Thank you soo much for answering! I kind of figured it had something to do with this.

We're going to go ahead and put you in position of answering all questions......we'll call you Sherwin Williams.

And on that note, can you explain what this Uber driver was thinking:


----------



## Ubernomics (Nov 11, 2015)

Notjust A. Nutherant said:


> Is the OP still around?
> 
> When driving, why do those squirrels always run right in the middle of the street, probably with a nut in hand, stop and stare as you approach???
> 
> ...


Lmmfao!



OCJarvis said:


> Im here for the $10 per hour knowledge
> 
> Also
> 
> Where IS the best place to drop a deuce at 3:30am??


Lmmfao!!



Expiditer77 said:


> What does the magnifying glass icon do? Is there a place I can search what that does?


Lmmfao! You guys are killing me!!!lol



grabby said:


> I too am open for Advice Questions!
> 
> First Answer despite there being no question:
> 
> ...


The bums with the signs do pretty good I hear. Don't have to buy gas either!



semi-retired said:


> You just don't get it... we are having fun at your expense so...
> 
> View attachment 194056


Lmao



tuneman777 said:


> Thank you here obviously is someone who has some respect for the profession. This depends on many factors. Some factors may be personal as well- for me personally I find the Ord area to be dead and not terribly productive so leaving the airport que can be a complex decision because you may be in an unproductive area. On the flip side ORD lines can kill over an hour so maybe productivity at a low level is better than zero productivity in line. In addition to these factors there is the risk of a short trip even from ORD which would be worst case scenario.
> 
> Let's examine strategies:
> Staying in line with 50 or so cars equates to about one hour, then we factor in an average trip which is something between the city (about 25$) and the short trip which Occurs in my experience approximately ten percent of the time. Doing the math means ORD is approximately worth 22$ with the wild card of a very long trip maybe bumping the average to 23$. My goal is always to net at least ten dollars per hour so I would wait up to one hour- possibly more but not much more.
> ...


$10 hr in a car....that uses gas..how ever will you replace the car just driving it for a paltry wage? You do know the car has sn expiration date correct?


----------



## grabby (Nov 5, 2017)

Notjust A. Nutherant said:


> Thank you soo much for answering! I kind of figured it had something to do with this.
> We're going to go ahead and put you in position of answering all questions......we'll call you Sherwin Williams.
> And on that note, can you explain what this Uber driver was thinking:


That is a picture of Uber's experimentation with Autonomous Flying Cars, I think that is pretty obvious.



2Cents said:


> How do I generate a profit while the current local rate is .52 per paid mile??


Ignore the mileage rate, and claim a corner in a busy downtown city area and do more profitable work.



OCJarvis said:


> Im here for the $10 per hour knowledge
> Also
> Where IS the best place to drop a deuce at 3:30am??


We appologize, but the $10 surge is over, if you require that much you will need to hold your Duece until the next time, thank you.


----------



## 2Cents (Jul 18, 2016)

How can I ignore the mileage rate. Can I also ignore the posted sales price the next time I buy tires?


----------



## grabby (Nov 5, 2017)

2Cents said:


> How can I ignore the mileage rate. Can I also ignore the posted sales price the next time I buy tires?


*How can I ignore the mileage rate.?:* Just do it, or maybe apply black electrical tape over the odometer in your vehicle
*Can I also ignore the posted sales price the next time I buy tires?:* Stop by most any tire store in the dark of night, and grab as many of those tires sitting outside in the Stack Rack for disposal as you can fit in your Uber car, there is great value to be had this way.


----------



## 2Cents (Jul 18, 2016)

grabby said:


> *How can I ignore the mileage rate.?:* Just do it, or maybe apply black electrical tape over the odometer in your vehicle
> *Can I also ignore the posted sales price the next time I buy tires?:* Stop by most any tire store in the dark of night, and grab as many of those tires sitting outside in the Stack Rack for disposal as you can fit in your Uber car, there is great value to be had this way.


Great so assuming there is no cost involved operating your rideshare car, that's the only to turn a profit.
Not likely.


----------



## grabby (Nov 5, 2017)

2Cents said:


> Great so assuming there is no cost involved operating your rideshare car, that's the only to turn a profit.
> Not likely.


We fully support your right to your own opinion. 
It is important to all of the customers that you keep driving, no matter what we tell you or what you believe. Thank you for asking for Advice


----------



## tuneman777 (Jan 10, 2018)

There were some really good questions here- obviously they will not get answered by me. I hope those who decided this thread was a big joke are happy that they have prevented good knowledge from being gleaned. On a side note no I have never used any online resources for ride share driving. Everything I learned was from the street. 

In an aside- I cannot let one thing about depreciation go unsaid despite me not wishing this thread to continue. Depreciation as an economic factor is irrelevant for most people. The reason is that you SHOULD NOT sell a car you have been using for Uber. If you do not sell the car, you do not "realize" (economic term here) the depreciation. Until you sell the car you DO NOT calculate depreciation in your expenses.


----------



## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

Congrats all...

In less than a week. .

You TOTALLY pwned and shredded...

The OP...and I might add hilariously...

I have been ROFLMFAO hysterically....

To the OP...sorry...butt...

You DID come out a bit pretentious...

Makes you look like...

Corporate shill or bot...

Or know it all...8>O

Collectively there is well over...

1000s of years of experience here...

Even when measured in monkey years...

Your welcome to hang around...

Be ready for a poo fight...

You may get lucky...

and learn somethin...8>)

Rakos


----------



## grabby (Nov 5, 2017)

tuneman777 said:


> There were some really good questions here- obviously they will not get answered by me. I hope those who decided this thread was a big joke are happy that they have prevented good knowledge from being gleaned. On a side note no I have never used any online resources for ride share driving. Everything I learned was from the street.
> 
> In an aside- I cannot let one thing about depreciation go unsaid despite me not wishing this thread to continue. Depreciation as an economic factor is irrelevant for most people. The reason is that you SHOULD NOT sell a car you have been using for Uber. If you do not sell the car, you do not "realize" (economic term here) the depreciation. Until you sell the car you DO NOT calculate depreciation in your expenses.


Welcome to Public Internet Forums, hopefully you have been able to add some things to your sum of knowledge. There are many many Forum Warriors here and on other Public Forums.
The most important lesson to be learned, is learn to utilize the Search Function in Forums. Most every topic, unless it involves some sort of new change, has been discussed many many times over. 
We hope you enjoy your stay, now lighten up and realize that there are many "Experts" here.


----------



## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

And more than a few smart a$$es...8>)


----------



## SuzeCB (Oct 30, 2016)

Rakos said:


> And more than a few smart a$$es...8>)
> View attachment 195912


Is it just me, or does that jackass look downright _*happy*_?!


----------



## grabby (Nov 5, 2017)

Rakos said:


> And more than a few smart a$$es...8>)
> View attachment 195912


EXCUSE ME! That is NOT a Primate as expected, please resolve this issue immediately!


----------



## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

grabby said:


> EXCUSE ME! That is NOT a Primate as expected, please resolve this issue immediately!


It's OK Grabby...

Gorillas sometimes resemble...

An A$$ like this...

So I think it qualifies...8>)

Rakos


----------



## tradedate (Nov 30, 2015)

I just stumbled into this thread late. From the original post, I knew exactly how this was going to go.

Thanks UP for not disappointing. Funniest stuff I've read all day.

To the OP, don't take it personal. You should have at least read the thousands of archived topics here first. 

Join into the community as an equal and you will be better received. These guys are just having fun with you. 

Take it with a sense of humor.


----------



## VictorUBLY (Jan 27, 2018)

On a slow day why do I only get a pin immediately after I fart in my car


----------



## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

VictorUBLY said:


> On a slow day why do I only get a pin immediately after I fart in my car


I assume that you meant ping...

I believe what you are hearing...

Is not actually a ping...

Butt...instead is prolly...

Just a harmonic echo of your fart...

That sounds curiously enuff...

Very similar to a ping...8>)

Butt...I could be wrong...

After all...

monkey farts don't ping...

And they smell like bananas...8>)

Rakos


----------



## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

UpoorPeople said:


> Is saduber real? Is Santa real? What is "real"? Should I take the blue pill or the red pill?


Always take the blue one, always


----------



## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

Saltyoldman said:


> Always take the blue one, always


Au contraire...my good and salty man...

Take the RED one...

Blue ones are for depression...downers...

Red ones are more FUN...

trust me... I'm a monkey...

I should know...8>)

Rakos


----------



## Notjust A. Nutherant (Jun 10, 2017)

hey!!! what happened to the OP? I've got more questions!! Grabby/Sherwin Williams you still around? I need advice!


----------



## Pawtism (Aug 22, 2017)

If pro is the opposite of con, then isn't progress the opposite of Congress?

Who *IS* buried in Grant's Tomb anyway?

Oh and what is that number that I'm supposed to call to reach a 911 operator?!? In the middle of an emergency I don't have time to look that up!


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## Saltyoldman (Oct 18, 2016)

VictorUBLY said:


> On a slow day why do I only get a pin immediately after I fart in my car


That's how I drum up business, works nine out of ten times.


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## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

Seems like the more I read UP.NET...

The quicker I get pings..

Butt...that could just be...

Crazy monkey logic...8>)

Rakos


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## dctcmn (Sep 21, 2017)

Notjust A. Nutherant said:


> hey!!! what happened to the OP? I've got more questions!! Grabby/Sherwin Williams you still around? I need advice!


Haven't you heard? grabby got a big boy job.


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## Rakos (Sep 2, 2014)

dctcmn said:


> Haven't you heard? grabby got a big boy job.


That can't happen...8>O

Quick...somebody stop up the hole...8>)

Gabby...Gabby...back to the funny farm...

Err...zoo...8>)

Rakos


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## Uber Crack (Jul 19, 2017)

Rakos said:


> That can't happen...8>O
> 
> Quick...somebody stop up the hole...8>)
> 
> ...


Nice pro pic Rakos. Really groovy man.


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