# Stupid Questions Every Pax Asks. (join the fun...)



## Michael - Cleveland

PAX: So, are you from around here?
Driver: No, I flew in from my beach home in Jamaica to drive you around for $0.75/mi.


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## Uber Math Professor

I guess the stupidest thing I heard from PAX on two separate occasions I would drive towards ping and when I am a couple of blocks away they call me and ask if I am there yet. 

I get so confused at how to respond to a question so stupid. They have a map that shows where I am in real time and the app tells you when I arrive, so no, I have not in fact arrived yet and I just did a sloppy turn in front of a cop while talking on the phone to you to answer the dumbest question ever???


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## Fuzzyelvis

Uber Math Professor said:


> I guess the stupidest thing I heard from PAX on two separate occasions I would drive towards ping and when I am a couple of blocks away they call me and ask if I am there yet.
> 
> I get so confused at how to respond to a question so stupid. They have a map that shows where I am in real time and the app tells you when I arrive, so no, I have not in fact arrived yet and I just did a sloppy turn in front of a cop while talking on the phone to you to answer the dumbest question ever???


I have on more than one occasion arrived and called the pax to tell them where I am and what my car looks like. Often in a crowd of drunken people (all on their phones) outside a bar. And they will ask "Am I by your car?"

I tell them I don't know. They know what car I'm driving and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.

Oh and my car is YELLOW. How hard is that to spot?


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## BostonTaxiDriver

A few tines in the past few months. A yuppie seems confused that I am driving a taxi upon arrival. 

Well, didn't they or a friend CHOOSE UberTaxi on the app when ordering?


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## Michael - Cleveland

PAX: Do you do this for a living?
ME: You call this living?


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## UberHammer

Customer calls while I'm in route.
PAX: Are you coming?
ME: Not anymore. <click> [CANCEL]


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## NickNolte

Is it busy tonight?
Do you live downtown?
Do you do this full time?

These questions should be banned.


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## Michael - Cleveland

Driving Uber is the opposite of Taxi-Cab Confessions...
Every freakin' passenger feels they have to right to interview and ask you 600 personal questions.


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## Michael - Cleveland

PAX: So, where do you live?
DRIVER: You're sittin' in it. Welcome to my home.


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## Michael - Cleveland

PAX: So, how long have you worked for Uber.
ME: I don't work for Uber. Uber works for me. I pay them 20% of the fares that they set (and have no control over), but I have to charge you. Uber is MATCH.COM for people with cars, and people who need rides.


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## Michael - Cleveland

PAX: Is this YOUR Mercedes?
Driver: Hell no. I jacked it last night and figured I'd make a few bucks with it before I ditch it and set it on fire.


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## Michael - Cleveland

PAX: [phone call] Are you on your way here?
DRIVER: Yes, of course, let me just finish this pitcher and I'll be right there.


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## Michael - Cleveland

UberHammer said:


> Customer calls while I'm in route.
> PAX: Are you coming?
> ME: Not anymore. <click> [CANCEL]


PAX: Are you coming?
DRIVER: Heck no - I'm not even excited yet.


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## SDUberdriver

Fuzzyelvis said:


> I have on more than one occasion arrived and called the pax to tell them where I am and what my car looks like. Often in a crowd of drunken people (all on their phones) outside a bar. And they will ask "Am I by your car?"
> 
> I tell them I don't know. They know what car I'm driving and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.
> 
> Oh and my car is f***ing YELLOW. How hard is that to spot?


_Nothing to do with the topic. But it looks like the fat cat in your avatar is looking for a belly rub _


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## Lidman

Pax: Why did you move from North Caroline to Iowa?
me: The breath-taking scenery.
Pax: Is it busy tonight?
me: Not really. You saved me from a bad dream I was having while sleeping in the Walgreens Parking lot.
Pax: Do people ever (various derogatory sexual activities) in your car?
me: No. That's why we have Motel Sex is mean six.


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## CatnipHigh

"Do you get a raise if I give you 5 stars?"


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## uber_sea

Pax: so do you drive full time?
Me: oh no I just volunteer to use my car and my time to drive drunk people home safely. Uber is charity work.


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## OCBob

PAX: Do you like driving for Uber?
ME: You want the truth or the story with rainbows and unicorns?


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## Lidman

Michael - Cleveland said:


> Driving Uber is the opposite of Taxi-Cab Confessions...
> Every freakin' passenger feels they have to right to interview and ask you 600 personal questions.


 True. I get those 'what's your best cab stories'. Most the time I just make shit up so they'll stop pestering me with follow up of "why did you do this or that".....

One I made up that seems to work, is telling them about the "governors niece" that's a senior at our University who demands to ride around for free because of the connection. and paxs will reply with "what a self entitled biatch" no further hassles after that.

None of them ever ask ?'s that I think would be more suitable questions (on true cab confessions". Here would be some good ones.

1. Do you ever cherry pick your pax?
2. Have you ever "high flagged" (pocketing fare money)
3. If a pax left a credit card in your car, would you use it to fill your gas tank?
4. If pax(s) left wallet/purse behind with several 20's (bills) would you pocket some or of all of it?

They would never think of any questions like that.


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## driveLA

Where are you? (Basically means cancel ride as far as I'm concerned)

What's the craziest thing that's ever happened?

The tip is included... Right?


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## Mrpushpop

driveLA said:


> What's the craziest thing that's ever happened?


I actually like this question, gives me a chance to entertain for a 5 star and throw in a line about a tip. I have a good story I use that gets them laughing and reminds them about tipping. Success rate about 60% but better than my 2% non story success rate.


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## DrJeecheroo

PAX: How is your "partnership" with UBER?
PAX: Is this car really yours?
PAX: Do you get medical benefits from UBER? (this one really makes me laugh)
PAX: Does UBER provide stock options for their driver? Answer: If they ever get go public, feel free to ask that again.


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## DrJeecheroo

OCBob said:


> PAX: Do you like driving for Uber?
> ME: You want the truth or the story with rainbows and unicorns?


Yes, elaborate with the rainbows.


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## sam tall

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: So, are you from around here?
> Driver: No, I flew in from my beach home in Jamaica to drive you around for $0.75/mi.


Lol


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## Michael - Cleveland

CatnipHigh said:


> "Do you get a raise if I give you 5 stars?"


No... but I get 'fired' if you give me 4 stars.


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## OCBob

DrJeecheroo said:


> Yes, elaborate with the rainbows.


The complete opposite of life as you know it when behind the wheel during Uber time. Nothing but smiles and tips flowing inside your low mileage car.


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## Chicago-uber

I'm not driving a Toyota camry or Prius. So this one pax was shocked to see when I pulled up in my non-toyota, he asked me if uber started providing drivers with cars other than camry/Prius


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## Michael - Cleveland

PAX: How long have you been driving?
Me: Hmmm... since I was 16.
PAX: haha - no, how long have you been driving for Uber?
Me: Let's see... what time is it now?


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## Fuzzyelvis

CatnipHigh said:


> "Do you get a raise if I give you 5 stars?"


No. Only if you tip me.


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## Desert Driver

Both my Uber car and my weekend hot rod have five speed manual transmission. Yes, I ordered both of my cars in that configuration. But here's my favorite conversation, and it happens at least once a week.

PAX: Whoa! This is a manual transmission?
ME: Yeah, I enjoy being more directly in control of my driving experience.
PAX: I didn't think they built cars with stick shift anymore.
ME: They don't.
PAX: Huh?
ME: I got the last one.
PAX: Really?


Here's another frequent conversation:

PAX: Man, I could never learn how to drive a car with a clutch. It seems really difficult.
ME: Yeah, driving manual transmission takes a special kind of person and it's a special kind of skill.
PAX: How long did it take you to learn to drive a stick shift?
ME: About 30 minutes...you ****ing moron!


Only one thing stranger than fiction...


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## Optimus Uber

Pick up a hooker from my neighbors house.

It's a normal Sunday routine. He gets 3 of them every Saturday snd I run them home for him

She gets in the car and asks, is it cool for me to smoke in her?

I say, no smoking in the car

She says, not even for me?

No, not even for you

She says, not even for me?

This is a $60k car. There is no smoking in this car. If you want to smoke then you can get out of the car and I can take one of the other two home first

She looks at me baffled and says, how do you know?

I said he gets hookers three times a week and he always gets at least three. I live a block away and I take them home for him.

How was the coke? I hear he buys premium shit

Now, would you like to smoke or do you want to go home?

She decided to go home, she'd didn't want to get back in the que.

Guess she now knows her roll

At least the guy is cool enough to get them a ride home and treats them well


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## Michael - Cleveland

PAX: Is this REALLY a Mercedes?
ME: No, it's just a VW bug with some body trim and a Tri-Star hood ornament.
(gotta just love the quality of pax all of those Uber 'free rides' promos are bringing us.)


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## Michael - Cleveland

PAX: (drunk 30-something woman with her husband)
 So, Michael... What's your story?
Me: You first.


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## UberXking

Michael you should write a book! That's the most I have laughed since Uber posted lower prices means more $$$.


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## TittySprinkles

PAX: So you moved here to Uber?
ME: Yes. I moved 1,500 miles to drive people around for 90 cents a mile. Get out of my car.


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## painfreepc

Fuzzyelvis said:


> I have on more than one occasion arrived and called the pax to tell them where I am and what my car looks like. Often in a crowd of drunken people (all on their phones) outside a bar. And they will ask "Am I by your car?"
> 
> I tell them I don't know. They know what car I'm driving and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.
> 
> Oh and my car is f***ing YELLOW. How hard is that to spot?


Yellow cars are not allowed on uber..


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## Sydney Uber

Driving about 20 miles north of the city, through a heavily forested section there used to be a lot of Possums killed by passing traffic. 

A bright spark designed a Possum bridge and it was strung up to allow the little critters safe travel between the two half's of the forest.

Driving along one day A 20 something passenger looked up from her smartphone and asked what they were above the car.

"A Possum Bridge" I replied.

"Oh" she said "Are they man-made?"

I couldn't continue driving safely, I had to stop, tears streaming out at the vision of industrious little animals building themselves a rope bridge!


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## Sydney Uber

What's Uber?


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## Sydney Uber

What's an App?


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## Sydney Uber

Do you carry toilet paper?


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## Sydney Uber

Whilst in my Sedan

"Can we squeeze up and you take all seven of us?"


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## Fuzzyelvis

While on a 3.2 surge ride: "What does surge mean?"


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## Fuzzyelvis

Why is my pin 5 miles away from me?

(Because you're a f***ing idiot?)


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## Fuzzyelvis

But once you've accepted my call aren't you obligated to wait however long it takes me to come out?


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## Sydney Uber

Can I have a smoke?


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## Sydney Uber

How do you keep your car so clean?


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## Woober

The comment I love to work into the banter is the fact that we as drivers rate passengers as well. With 1-5 stars. Most riders are surprised... then worried. So they ask: *What is my rating? *To this I answer: _Most drivers just rate passengers the same number of stars that the passenger rates the driver._ (Yeah, a bold faced lie, LOL but they always rate me 5 stars as far as I can tell.)


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## brikosig

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: Is this YOUR Mercedes?
> Driver: Hell no. I jacked it last night and figured I'd make a few bucks with it before I ditch it and set it on fire.


Your last post...... "Match.com for drivers"..... LMFAO.

Edit:
Is this YOUR Mercedes?
Hell No.... I jacked it last night so I could run the 1000's of depreciation miles off someone else's car ....instead of my own.


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## brikosig

Fuzzyelvis said:


> While on a 3.2 surge ride: "What does surge mean?"


Surge stands for.... "Open your wallet and grab your ankles".


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## Uber-Doober

Sydney Uber said:


> How do you keep your car so clean?


^^^
And yoiu say: Oh, you didn't notice? You're sitting in vomit.


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## Michael - Cleveland

Woober said:


> The comment I love to work into the banter is the fact that we as drivers rate passengers as well. With 1-5 stars. Most riders are surprised... then worried. So they ask: *What is my rating? *To this I answer: _Most drivers just rate passengers the same number of stars that the passenger rates the driver._ (Yeah, a bold faced lie, LOL but they always rate me 5 stars as far as I can tell.)


Business Insider article based on driver's answers here in UberPeople:
'*How To Keep A 5-Star RIDER Rating*': http://chilp.it/e2d184a


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## Rubyson&sme

Two college girls got in my car near ASU and one of them started talking to the other as I'm driving away from the bar they were at. "Guys kept grabbing me, all over my body, all night!" "They wouldn't stop, even when I yelled at them, they wouldn't stop!" "I went to the bartender, and told him "If one more guy grabs or pinches me, I'm gonna hit him so hard he'll be Black and Blue!" And then her friend thought for a second...and then she said "Don't you mean White and Gold?


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## AdamW

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: So, are you from around here?
> Driver: No, I flew in from my beach home in Jamaica to drive you around for $0.75/mi.


I live and drive in Melbourne, Australia, but have a mostly American accent (from Cleveland originally!). I get asked on -every- trip if I moved here specifically to drive for Uber. I tell them I've been here for twenty years, since I was a kid. They tell me my accent is too American to have been here so long. Every. Goddamn. Trip.

Every. 
Goddamn.
Trip.


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## AdamW

"Mr Uber"

Next cute-f*ck pax calls me this gets kicked out and I ram the car into their hip.


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## elelegido

AdamW said:


> I live and drive in Melbourne, Australia, but have a mostly American accent (from Cleveland originally!). I get asked on -every- trip if I moved here specifically to drive for Uber. I tell them I've been here for twenty years, since I was a kid. They tell me my accent is too American to have been here so long. Every. Goddamn. Trip.
> 
> Every.
> Goddamn.
> Trip.


LOL. I feel your pain. I'm not from the USA, and every single trip:

- "You have an accent"
- "Yes, everyone does."

- "Why did you come here?"
- "I'm here for the sunshine, palm trees and beautiful women. But as Meatloaf once said, two out of three ain't bad". Works well if there's a woman in the car.

I should change this stock reply though. Maybe to, "I just happened to be here when I found out I am wanted back home." Or something.

- "How long have you been here?'
- <random number generated >

- "You haven't lost your accent"
- "I already knew how to speak before I came here"

- "Are you putting that accent on?"
- "Why, are you?"

As long as you laugh while saying some of these things, pax think you're joking with them.


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## ElectroFuzz

Drunk female pax: (Sunday morning!)
What is your badge number?

Me:
We don't have any.

Pax:
I know my rights, now give me your f*ing badge number or I'll sue you.


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## elelegido

ElectroFuzz said:


> Drunk female pax: (Sunday morning!)
> What is your badge number?
> 
> Me:
> We don't have any.
> 
> Pax:
> I know my right now give me your f*ing badge number or I'll sue you.


Sounds like a keeper


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## Denouber

Pax : what is the weirdest thing happen to you driving with Uber? 
Frustrated driver: driving you for .90 cents with no tip!


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## AdamW

elelegido said:


> LOL. I feel your pain. I'm not from the USA, and every single trip:
> 
> - "You have an accent"
> - "Yes, everyone does."
> 
> - "Why did you come here?"
> - "I'm here for the sunshine, palm trees and beautiful women. But as Meatloaf once said, two out of three ain't bad". Works well if there's a woman in the car.
> 
> I should change this stock reply though. Maybe to, "I just happened to be here when I found out I am wanted back home." Or something.
> 
> - "How long have you been here?'
> - <random number generated >
> 
> - "You haven't lost your accent"
> - "I already knew how to speak before I came here"
> 
> - "Are you putting that accent on?"
> - "Why, are you?"
> 
> As long as you laugh while saying some of these things, pax think you're joking with them.


Aussies are ok in that they at least acknowledge that everyone *has* an accent. Americans love playing the ignorant 'murican and saying they don't have an accent because they just talk normal. And this behaviour is not at all limited to just those Americans who are sweetly ******ed :|


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## OCBob

AdamW said:


> Aussies are ok in that they at least acknowledge that everyone *has* an accent. Americans love playing the ignorant 'murican and saying they don't have an accent because they just talk normal. And this behaviour is not at all limited to just those Americans who are sweetly ******ed :|


I dont feel I have an accent compared to others in the states. We tend to not draw out the words and we rarely forget to put a letter in our vocal use. This is not the case with those in New England and of course Scotland/Ireland which puts three words into one.


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## elelegido

AdamW said:


> Aussies are ok in that they at least acknowledge that everyone *has* an accent. Americans love playing the ignorant 'murican and saying they don't have an accent because they just talk normal. And this behaviour is not at all limited to just those Americans who are sweetly ******ed :|


I do find the "you have / do I detect an accent" comment the most asinine of all of them.


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## elelegido

OCBob said:


> I dont feel I have an accent compared to others in the states. We tend to not draw out the words and we rarely forget to put a letter in our vocal use. This is not the case with those in New England and of course Scotland/Ireland which puts three words into one.


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## OCBob

elelegido said:


>





AdamW said:


> Aussies are ok in that they at least acknowledge that everyone *has* an accent. *Americans love playing the ignorant 'murican and saying they don't have an accent* because they just talk normal. And this behaviour is not at all limited to just those Americans who are sweetly ******ed :|


I guess you couldn't follow along just as he stated.....sarcasm is not your friend.


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## elelegido

OCBob said:


> I guess you couldn't follow along just as he stated.....sarcasm is not your friend.


Erm... he wasn't being sarcastic.

But no harm, no foul. I love you yanks, otherwise I wouldn't be here. But as AdamW says, there is definitely the belief here among some that the USA is the center of the universe


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## Denouber

Pax: Do you do this for living?
Driver: nop ! I do it for fun .


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## Michael - Cleveland

AdamW said:


> I live and drive in Melbourne, Australia, but have a mostly American accent (from Cleveland originally!). I get asked on -every- trip if I moved here specifically to drive for Uber. I tell them I've been here for twenty years, since I was a kid. They tell me my accent is too American to have been here so long. Every. Goddamn. Trip.
> 
> Every.
> Goddamn.
> Trip.


ha... sorry, Mate!
(and Hi From Cleveland)


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## Michael - Cleveland

ElectroFuzz said:


> Drunk female pax: (Sunday morning!) What is your badge number?
> Me:We don't have any.


Ha!
We don't need no steekin' badges!


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## elelegido

Pax - "What are you doing out at this time of night?"
Me - "Ubering"
Pax - "Oh... yeah"
Me - "Yeah"


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## AdamW

OCBob said:


> I dont feel I have an accent compared to others in the states. We tend to not draw out the words and we rarely forget to put a letter in our vocal use. This is not the case with those in New England and of course Scotland/Ireland which puts three words into one.


Oh no.

My Uber brother, that's not what an accent is.


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## Sydney Uber

AdamW said:


> I live and drive in Melbourne, Australia, but have a mostly American accent (from Cleveland originally!). I get asked on -every- trip if I moved here specifically to drive for Uber. I tell them I've been here for twenty years, since I was a kid. They tell me my accent is too American to have been here so long. Every. Goddamn. Trip.
> 
> Every.
> Goddamn.
> Trip.


Give in! Tell'em your the UBER City Ops manager, out driving to evaluate a new Uber promotion. You were seeing which passengers tipped so that can be recorded on their customer profile and put in the running of a great UBER prize.


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## Mike78

on Monday, I took pax all the way up to the hills like 2 miles, before we dropped off her girlfriend total was $6.32, then I got a request, <call->
PAX: where are you? i see you coming from different way like circle.. around... (I was following uber direction)
Driver: what's the matter for you what way i'm coming?
PAX: that's long way (but it wasn't) ...someone waiting you at Starbuks..
Driver: ok...
GPS showed 7 minutes driving, I drove slowly and I was after 15 min, just I got at Starbuks I pushed button "do not charge rider" and continue to my way (it was rain).
Today, I got a request it shows 16 min...I didn't go...
PAX (she): (text) we are on a bench at the entrance of Observatory...I'm in a black coat, with a red fur collar, blonde hair and green eyes..lol


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## Rubyson&sme

"I'm so jealous, I heard you guys get a couple a thousand a week!"....Do you get a lot of girls offering freebies for a ride? (I'm 64, not exactly handsome, overweight and quick to judge) I asked him how long he'd been blind?...
Many many drunk college girls "Are you a student at ASU?...Can you give me change for a five, I want to give you a dollar tip?"...."Can you give me a ride over there? Where exactly? Right over there! (points across the street about 2oo yds away) Wouldn't it be easier and cheaper for you to walk? I've never been over there and I might get lost (not kidding)." Its an adventure whenever I go to ASU area.


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## OCBob

elelegido said:


> Erm... he wasn't being sarcastic.
> 
> But no harm, no foul. I love you yanks, otherwise I wouldn't be here. But as AdamW says, there is definitely the belief here among some that the USA is the center of the universe


No, but I was! Damn it sucks when you have to explain something....twice!


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## AdamW

Sydney Uber said:


> Give in! Tell'em your the UBER City Ops manager, out driving to evaluate a new Uber promotion. You were seeing which passengers tipped so that can be recorded on their customer profile and put in the running of a great UBER prize.


I'm a good liar. This would get out of hand *so* quickly...


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## Sydney Uber

AdamW said:


> I'm a good liar. This would get out of hand *so* quickly...


Go on! Watch the Tips come rolling in!


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## Sydney Uber

OCBob said:


> I dont feel I have an accent compared to others in the states. We tend to not draw out the words and we rarely forget to put a letter in our vocal use. This is not the case with those in New England and of course Scotland/Ireland which puts three words into one.


Reminds me of the great Robin Williams and his take on how the Scots invented Golf


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## Praxeology

I love hearing native Texans compliment me on how I don't have a Texan accent, even as these longstanding Texan residents....don't have a Texan accent.

Even urban Dallasites think their neighbors are a bunch of yokels, and they freaking live here. What world are we living in? I'm guessing they were expecting me to show up on a horse. Instead, I showed up with 115 Japanese manufactured VTEC powered horses.


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## Sydney Uber

"Why did you go straight back there!"

"Because when you got in you didn't give me an address and told me to head straight".


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## Praxeology

Sydney Uber said:


> "Why did you go straight back there!"
> 
> "Because when you got in you didn't give me an address and told me to head straight".


I had a good one tonight related to that. Dude literally could not explain where his car was parked except that it was "near an apt. complex". Nav showed inside a parking garage. I asked him point blank:

"Did you park indoors or outdoors?"

"I'll know it when I see it."

I can't wait for Google Translate to come up with the Uber algorithm.


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## Sydney Uber

"Why are you so grumpy"? Asked the guy I picked up with 4 friends from the Gay Mardi Gra last night - all tripping one way or another. 

"It's all relative I guess" I answer


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## Praxeology

Sydney Uber said:


> "Why are you so grumpy"? Asked the guy I picked up with 4 friends from the Gay Mardi Gra last night - all tripping one way or another.
> 
> "It's all relative I guess" I answer


I appreciated the passenger I had tonight who was asking his roommate whether he had special K over the phone. Uber riders are a class above the rest of us, and don't you ever forget it.


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## Sydney Uber

Praxeology said:


> I had a good one tonight related to that. Dude literally could not explain where his car was parked except that it was "near an apt. complex". Nav showed inside a parking garage. I asked him point blank:
> 
> "Did you park indoors or outdoors?"
> 
> "I'll know it when I see it."
> 
> I can't wait for Google Translate to come up with the Uber algorithm.


Uber would be tasked with developing a Sobriety test. If somehow the rider lets slip to the Robot he's going back to his car, the doors gets locked on the driverless car till the sobriety test is completed. Failure means a ride to the cop shop to drop off the car keys.


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## Praxeology

Sydney Uber said:


> Uber would be tasked with developing a Sobriety test. If somehow the rider lets slip to the Robot he's going back to his car, the doors gets locked on the driverless car till the sobriety test is completed. Failure means a ride to the cop shop to drop off the car keys.


I really should have reported that guy at that point


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## Sydney Uber

Praxeology said:


> I really should have reported that guy at that point


I had one big talking drunk idiot given a free ride home by his buddy. Once his buddy was dropped off he asked me to drive where his car was parked not home as his Mate was paying for. His car was 3 doors up from a Police Station.

Called the desk, 2 officers dashed out followed him for 100m and pulled him over. He is now probably a very good regular Uber rider.


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## Praxeology

Sydney Uber said:


> I had one big talking drunk idiot given a free ride home by his buddy. Once his buddy was dropped off he asked me to drive where his car was parked not home as his Mate was paying for. His car was 3 doors up from a Police Station.
> 
> Called the desk, 2 officers dashed out followed him for 100m and pulled him over. He is now probably a very good regular Uber rider.


In the future, this is how I will approach all potential DUIs. To be honest, at the moment, I didn't think this rider in particular was over the limit, although how could I be sure. He wasn't slurring when riding or stumbling when I picked him up. He was an overconfident dick who listened only to the sound of his own voice. Repeated requests of clarification on directions were met with non sequitur responses related to how he knows what the car looks like and what the location looks like where he parked. Fascinating to hear about your clarity, bro. Also fascinating you aren't even aware of what street it is on, WHAT COLOR YOUR CAR IS, or whether it was parked INSIDE OR OUTSIDE.

This was far more likely just a case of a dudebro who simply didn't hear a word I said over the overpowering intoxicating sound of his own inner dialogue about how he is master of the universe, a master who doesn't know where he parked his car.

I hope he remembers me when he orders the delicious pancakes I directed him to at Cafe Brazil. He couldn't even figure out how to direct himself to an extremely popular Dallas diner franchise after I referred him to several locations, including one nearby. He was just a c*8t.


----------



## Michael - Cleveland

Drunk Female Pax, midnight Saturday pick-up with boyfriend: Are you Palestinian?
ME No.
DFP: Oh, what are you?
ME: Ohioan, why?
DFP: <hiccup> you just look something <hiccup>
(it was then I realized she was noticing the black & white plaid muffler I had around my neck)


----------



## JohnMac

"I have a cousin who drives for Uber and he says he makes a TON of money every weekend!"
Riiiiight...


----------



## brikosig

ElectroFuzz said:


> Drunk female pax: (Sunday morning!)
> What is your badge number?
> 
> Me:
> We don't have any.
> 
> Pax:
> I know my rights, now give me your f*ing badge number or I'll sue you.


<sunday morning....LOL)

"BENDER?!?!!!!.............didn't even know'er!!"


----------



## Uberdawg

Michael - Cleveland said:


> it was then I realized she was noticing the black & white plaid muffler I had around my neck


Mistook you for Yasser Arafat

I had a DFP (actually 4 of them) last night. It was a Drive to Pin so I called and asked where she was. "I am under the Overpass". Well, there are three overpasses in that area. "The one next to Duvic's". Well, Duvics is in the middle of all three. Long story short, took me 5 minutes just to find her when I was within 100 yards of her the whole time. They get in, no address, so I do the "where we headed" thing. They are arguing about where they are going (Okay by me, 4.5 surge, no biggie). Finally, one in the back (DFP2) says "just go straight" I asked for an address so I could plug it in. "I'll get you there" DFP2 said. So, she starts giving me directions while they are arguing about where they are going. After about 3 miles and 10 minutes, we arrive back at the same spot I picked them up. DFP3 says "We just made a circle". DUH. So she takes over. Has me go all over creation to get to a spot 15 blocks away (not a circle but more 3 sides of a rectangle this time). We are going to DFP4's boyfriends house. They don't know the address but she is talking to the guy on the phone. Instead of asking him the address, she tells him to go outside. Has me pull up in front of this house and she says, "this is it, blow your horn". Well, it wasn't, his house was 2 blocks down.

He gets in and DFP1 (who has since passed out) wakes up and says "Where the **** are we, this isn't Bogies". Then they start arguing about where they are going again. DFP2 says "just drive". Now we are going to pick up DFP4's boyfriend who lives about 4 blocks away but we do it in 12 blocks. They have now decided they are going to Bogies after we pick up DBF2. We get to his house and now they start arguing about staying there. And DFP1 wakes up again and says, "lets stay here for an hour or so because we can drink free, then we will go to Bogies". She looks at me and says "you're going to wait right". Uh, NO. They get out, END TRIP, 1 Star.

Epilogue: 4 blonde chicks and a blonde BF (so much for Aryan Superiority) are worried about free drinks but they just spent $92 bucks to go (what should have been) about 2 miles. The next generation. This country is ****ed.


----------



## Michael - Cleveland

Uberdawg said:


> Mistook you for Yasser Arafat
> 
> I had a DFP (actually 4 of them) last night. ... they just spent $92 bucks to go (what should have been) about 2 miles.


I'm still teaching myself not to get annoyed at these types of rides... wtf do I care if I'm getting paid to drive 20 miles to a destination, or drive 20 miles in circles? It's the same pay. <sigh>



> The next generation. This country is ****ed.


I'll be dead and gone. It's THEIR problem.


----------



## Adieu

I have two horror stories.

Both tipped.$1 and $2.

Ending on that note evokes a "god. So scary and not worth it what were they thinking?",,, which gets my own pax thinking.



Mrpushpop said:


> I actually like this question, gives me a chance to entertain for a 5 star and throw in a line about a tip. I have a good story I use that gets them laughing and reminds them about tipping. Success rate about 60% but better than my 2% non story success rate.


----------



## TRW

The next time someone ask me"how did you become a Uber driver?" I'm going to reply "'My parole officer told me Uber might be a good way of getting back into society after being incarcerated so many years"


----------



## Adieu

Woober said:


> The comment I love to work into the banter is the fact that we as drivers rate passengers as well. With 1-5 stars. Most riders are surprised... then worried. So they ask: *What is my rating? *To this I answer: _Most drivers just rate passengers the same number of stars that the passenger rates the driver._ (Yeah, a bold faced lie, LOL but they always rate me 5 stars as far as I can tell.)


Huh? But that's the truth of it though... hence the polite indian housewives with the 3,3-4,3 ratings


----------



## Michael - Cleveland

Mitch J - you will want to read this thread from the start.


----------



## Fuzzyelvis

Uberdawg said:


> Mistook you for Yasser Arafat
> 
> I had a DFP (actually 4 of them) last night. It was a Drive to Pin so I called and asked where she was. "I am under the Overpass". Well, there are three overpasses in that area. "The one next to Duvic's". Well, Duvics is in the middle of all three. Long story short, took me 5 minutes just to find her when I was within 100 yards of her the whole time. They get in, no address, so I do the "where we headed" thing. They are arguing about where they are going (Okay by me, 4.5 surge, no biggie). Finally, one in the back (DFP2) says "just go straight" I asked for an address so I could plug it in. "I'll get you there" DFP2 said. So, she starts giving me directions while they are arguing about where they are going. After about 3 miles and 10 minutes, we arrive back at the same spot I picked them up. DFP3 says "We just made a circle". DUH. So she takes over. Has me go all over creation to get to a spot 15 blocks away (not a circle but more 3 sides of a rectangle this time). We are going to DFP4's boyfriends house. They don't know the address but she is talking to the guy on the phone. Instead of asking him the address, she tells him to go outside. Has me pull up in front of this house and she says, "this is it, blow your horn". Well, it wasn't, his house was 2 blocks down.
> 
> He gets in and DFP1 (who has since passed out) wakes up and says "Where the &%[email protected]!* are we, this isn't Bogies". Then they start arguing about where they are going again. DFP2 says "just drive". Now we are going to pick up DFP4's boyfriend who lives about 4 blocks away but we do it in 12 blocks. They have now decided they are going to Bogies after we pick up DBF2. We get to his house and now they start arguing about staying there. And DFP1 wakes up again and says, "lets stay here for an hour or so because we can drink free, then we will go to Bogies". She looks at me and says "you're going to wait right". Uh, NO. They get out, END TRIP, 1 Star.
> 
> Epilogue: 4 blonde chicks and a blonde BF (so much for Aryan Superiority) are worried about free drinks but they just spent $92 bucks to go (what should have been) about 2 miles. The next generation. This country is &%[email protected]!*ed.


At a 4.5 surge why not wait?


----------



## Michael - Cleveland

Sydney Uber said:


> "Why are you so grumpy"? Asked the guy I picked up


Me: Because I'm getting really, really good at it.


----------



## Schrodinger's Car

Pax: Are those cameras? (pointing to Falcon Zero 360)

Me: No, I just gave that Dos Equis guy a ride and now my car has _balls._
(I haven't actually said that, but it is sooooo tempting!)


----------



## RideshareSecrets

Hello I am trying to make a list of the most annoying asked questions driving for Uber and Lyft. I am going to make this into a blogpost. Please help me out...thanks

I will start it off.

1. How long have you been driving for Uber/Lyft? -_-


----------



## Kevin Melendez

2. Do you like driving for uber:lyft 

3. Do you make a lot of money

4. Busy tonight?


----------



## lyft_audi

Do you drive both uber AND lyft?

Do you prefer one over the other?

Is this your car?

Where are you from?

Is there any way I can get you to be my driver again later?


----------



## Kevin Melendez

Can we make a stop?


----------



## Stygge

Do you have a girlfriend?


----------



## Another Uber Driver

You drive Uber and a taxi? How does that work? (they see either the Uberfone on the middle console or the trade dress on the dashboard--or both).


----------



## NuberUber

What do you do when you are not driving for Uber?

Do you like driving for Uber?


----------



## Huberis

"What's the craziest thing you have seen as a driver?" by far followed by.......
"I bet you've seen some crazy sht."
"Ten points if you hit that guy."
"Have you ever had two girls go at it in the back seat?"
"I'll tip you real good/give you fifty bucks if you take us over your reservation." - Pony up.
"I'll tell you how to get there. I'll tell you where to turn" - Just not where we happen to be going itself.
"If she pukes, we'll clean it up for you"
"Just drive us, it's you F'ng-job." - Upon finding one member of the group is unconscious. 

"So what do you do?" - Response: Answer stupid questions. 

That's the short, more family oriented list.


----------



## Altima ATL

'Where are you from?' - when they hear my heavy Cockney accent


----------



## Uberchampion

How long have you been in Canada...?
Do you also have a *real* job in the day?
Did Uber give you this car new or was it used when they gave it to you?
Did you drive a taxi before Uber hired you?
Can we stop at (insert fast food joint)?
Is Uber legal?
Have you hooked up with a passenger?
My dad/mom/cousin etc drives for Uber...do you know them?


----------



## Huberis

A new one to the last year, that if you buy into Kalanick's rhetoric shouldn't be possible:

"Is this Uber??" 

or.... "Why don't you drive for/what do you think about Uber?"

How about, what is the sound of one hand clapping?


----------



## Huberis

Altima ATL said:


> 'Where are you from?' - when they hear my heavy Cockney accent


I hope you tell them northern New Jersey. Your expectations may be too high for Joe and Jane D'oh!


----------



## Altima ATL

Huberis said:


> I hope you tell them northern New Jersey. Your expectations may be too high for Joe and Jane D'oh!


I tell them Alabama


----------



## Huberis

Altima ATL said:


> I tell them Alabama


Might be more appropriate.


----------



## RideshareSecrets

Awesome everyone thanks for all of the responses. There are a lot of great responses I haven't heard lol


----------



## Huberis

Uberchampion said:


> How long have you been in Canada...?


"I have no idea." "Let's find out." "Canada? You're kidding right?" "So it is true?"


----------



## RideshareSecrets

Kevin Melendez said:


> 2. Do you like driving for uber:lyft
> 
> 3. Do you make a lot of money
> 
> 4. Busy tonight?


haha those questions get very old


----------



## Uberchampion

Huberis said:


> "I have no idea." "Let's find out." "Canada? You're kidding right?"


I wish I was....


----------



## RideshareSecrets

Uberchampion said:


> How long have you been in Canada...?
> Do you also have a *real* job in the day?
> Did Uber give you this car new or was it used when they gave it to you?
> Did you drive a taxi before Uber hired you?
> Can we stop at (insert fast food joint)?
> Is Uber legal?
> Have you hooked up with a passenger?
> My dad/mom/cousin etc drives for Uber...do you know them?


hahaha ya we know everyone that drives for Uber


----------



## wk1102

Can we go through McDonald's/Wendy's dive thru?


----------



## Uberchampion

RideshareSecrets said:


> hahaha ya we know everyone that drives for Uber


The one that kills me is when pax think Uber gave me a frigging car...


----------



## Huberis

"where's the action tonight?"
"Know where I can score some pot?"
"you were cool man if you wanna come in and have a beer or smoke a blunt?" 
"Oh, you're working."

"Take me to ____ bar." - "we are in front of it Mike"
"Take me to ____ bar." - "We are in front of it, Mike."
"take me to ____ bar." Me with motor boat sounds for effect, forget car sounds, boat sounds I find easier: "Ok we're there."
"Oh.... Ok, thanks....."


----------



## RideshareSecrets

Another one I remember
two girls
"Do you want to go inside the bar with us?"  haha


----------



## Huberis

"What's the farthest you've ever taken someone?"
"Do you go to "next town over"?
"Really who would pay for that???"
........... "Anyone taking the trip for starters."

A buddy of mine had four big obnoxious guys he was taking to the closest strip club of which we have only one and it isn't very close. The guy up front wants to prove he is the Alpha male:

"How do we know you aren't taking us the long way buddy?"
-He responds "You have no F'ng clue."
After a that question is exhausted he asks "What do you do if someone refuses to pay you?"
While pulling over...... "I pull over, stop the car and beat theF out of 'em."
One last time fromthe Big Dawg: "How do we know we can trust you?"
..... "Let me get this straight, you are paying me 20 bucks to take you here. You are all paying the same just to get in the door. Everyone of you is going to be throwing countless dollar bills at the twtss of women who couldn't give a sht about you..... And you want to know if you can trust me?"

That is the only story from that guy fit to print on this forum.

"Ever have anybody run without paying?" - You guys probably won't get that one.


----------



## A Morgan

Can you take all of us, it’s just a short ride?

Can you take all of us, I’ll pay the ticket if you get caught?

Will you take my drunk friend home, I’ll give you $50 if he pukes in your car?

Can we roll weed in your car?

Can we bring solo cups it’s just soda? Honey you mixed my soda too strong.


----------



## Huberis

A Morgan said:


> Can you take all of us, it's just a shirt ride?
> 
> Can you take all of us, I'll pay the ticket if you get caught?


Worthy of Hallmark.


----------



## Another Uber Driver

Huberis said:


> "So what do you do?" - Response: Answer stupid questions.


Post of the day. ROTFLMFAOWIPMGDP.

Here is one from back in the day when the cab driver frequently had to go inside the address to get his passenger:

Person in building: Are you a cab?
A: Lady, please, I know that I could stand to lose a few kilos, but let us please be charitable, shall we?

Here is one for the stand sitters. I never sit on stands too much unless I want to take a nap or something. So here I am, sawing wood, and this cute chick wakes me up:

Cute chick: Are you available?
Smart-Donkey cab driver: Are you married?


----------



## Huberis

Another Uber Driver said:


> Are you a cab?


WoW! I couldn't guess how many times I've heard that one. It makes me cringe.


----------



## ND379

just reading this makes me cringe. Lol. I am so sick of these stupid ass questions. The ONLY good thing about them is that I think my answers improve my tips on Lyft and sometimes I actually meet really cool people with great personalities and stories.


----------



## RideshareSecrets

ND379 said:


> just reading this makes me cringe. Lol. I am so sick of these stupid ass questions. The ONLY good thing about them is that I think my answers improve my tips on Lyft and sometimes I actually meet really cool people with great personalities and stories.


Ya it makes me wonder if the passengers ask every uber/Lyft driver the same questions. Maybe we should print out a paper that has all the answers to their questions. Hang it up on the back seat for the passengers to read it lol


----------



## Michael - Cleveland

Pax: "_I bet you're going to make a killing during the RNC_" (republican nat'l convention)

Me: Yeah - because I just live for those two block rides from a downtown hotel to a downtown restaurant where I wait 5 minutes for a rider to show up and earn all of $3 with no tip - and I am suddenly going to figure out how to do more than one ride at a time.


----------



## FAC

Pax: so how does this work, do I just hand you my credit card? 

Good thing she got an honest driver, I could have easily said sure, I have a square reader. Gotta give her credit, it was her very first time taking a Uber or Lyft. Gave me an opportunity to train her well. Got a $25 tip out of it too .


----------



## FAC

Another Uber Driver what does ROTFLMFAOWIPMGDP mean?


----------



## FAC

Another Uber Driver said:


> Post of the day. ROTFLMFAOWIPMGDP.
> 
> Here is one from back in the day when the cab driver frequently had to go inside the address to get his passenger:
> 
> Person in building: Are you a cab?
> A: Lady, please, I know that I could stand to lose a few kilos, but let us please be charitable, shall we?
> 
> Here is one for the stand sitters. I never sit on stands too much unless I want to take a nap or something. So here I am, sawing wood, and this cute chick wakes me up:
> 
> Cute chick: Are you available?
> Smart-Donkey cab driver: Are you married?


So you're stories of old remind me of one of the funniest family stories ever. The story still lives on in our family with a chuckle. It happened in the 60s, before it was taboo to drink and drive.

My dear old Uncle Gene, full blood Irishman, enjoyed his whiskey ALOT! One night at a party after he had his fair share of whisky, someone suggested he take a cab home. So someone called a taxi. The cabbie shows up, walks in to find my uncle. At the same time my uncle walks outside, see's the cab, got in and drove the cab home. So I guess you can say he literally took a cab home that night.


----------



## hangtyte

ME: I have a black car with my hazards on
PAX: Is that you with your hazards on
ME: No... (sarcastically)
PAX: Where are you ?
ME: Cancel ...


----------



## Force of Nature

(PAX: "How long you've been working for Uber?" ME: "A few months")

=> PAX: You must like doing Uber! ME: -_-


----------



## shiftydrake

FAC said:


> Another Uber Driver what does ROTFLMFAOWIPMGDP mean?


Rolling on the floor laughing my fat as off while I pee my gosh darned pants.......(cleaned it up for the ladies)


----------



## SumGuy

PAX - How long have you been working today?
Me - I'm going on my second day straight right now.


----------



## vesolehome

PAX (calls) "Are You ON Your Way? I have to get to work"
DRIVER "Looks like you're going to be late since you waited to the last minute to order your Uber who was 10 minutes away" (click) Cancel


----------



## Dan The Lyft Man

UberHammer said:


> Customer calls while I'm in route.
> PAX: Are you coming?
> ME: Not anymore. <click> [CANCEL]


I would have done... "yup be there in a min" 
Me: ----Cancel and then laugh


----------



## Dan The Lyft Man

I got to the location (in China Town Boston)... Waited for the PAX

Pax calls me -- "were are at"
I see her and let her know "I'm over here" waving my hands in the air...
Pax- "oh I see you now, can you drive over to me I have a lot of grocery bags"
Me- "ok????"
Cancel trip (Lyft) reason - cannot get to pax... 

No loss for me I just got another request


----------



## Manotas

Pax: Do you have a card or phone number you can give me? I would like to request you again
Me: uh! I guess but you know I might be driving in a different part of town, far from here
Pax: I know but I can call you 3 hours before I need the car. Right?
Me Thinking: (WTF! This lady wants me to drive here from 30 min or more to come pick her up and drive her 7 minutes to her job???)


----------



## hanging in there

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: So, are you from around here?
> Driver: No, I flew in from my beach home in Jamaica to drive you around for $0.75/mi.


In my taxi 90% of pax ask me "How has Uber affected your business?

I get so tired of that question, it's a "no-win" situation regardless of the answer. Lately my answer has been " No effect whatsoever." That shuts them up. Any other answer leads to endless follow-up questions.


----------



## Modern-Day-Slavery

painfreepc said:


> Yellow cars are not allowed on uber..


True?


----------



## janewalch

My favorite (which has happened multiple times) "so, are you working today?" 

Nope, just driving you around for fr re today.


----------



## Another Uber Driver

Michael - Cleveland said:


> I wait 5 minutes for a rider to show up and earn all of $3 with no tip - and I am suddenly going to figure out how to do more than one ride at a time.


Uber Pool! You will earn all of FOUR dollars total and STILL with no tip!



FAC said:


> Another Uber Driver what does ROTFLMFAOWIPMGDP mean?


\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ Close enough^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


shiftydrake said:


> Rolling on the floor laughing my fat as off while I pee my gosh darned pants.......(cleaned it up for the ladies)





Manotas said:


> Pax: Do you have a card or phone number you can give me? I would like to request you again
> Me: I might be driving in a different part of time far from here
> Pax: I can call you 3 hours before Right?
> Me Thinking: This lady wants me to drive here from 30 min or more to come pick her up and drive her 7 minutes to her job???


I get this all the time in the cab, especially from people who tip from zero to fifty cents. Either they want to call and have me pick them up or want to arrange a pick-up time. I simply tell them that I will not be available. Yeah, right, like I am going to knock off early so that I can make sure that I am at your address waiting with baited breath for your thirty cent tip. Sure, all day, every day especially on Sunday.



hanging in there said:


> In my taxi 90% of pax ask me "How has Uber affected your business?


I tell them that since I have Uber Taxi, it actually has helped. Sadly for you, it is not available in your market.


----------



## MeanBear

NickNolte said:


> Is it busy tonight?
> Do you live downtown?
> Do you do this full time?
> 
> These questions should be banned.


I usually say, no, I am a high paying prostitute full time, I do this to fool the IRS


----------



## Another Uber Driver

MeanBear said:


> I usually say, no, I am a high paying prostitute full time, I do this to fool the IRS


In my few years on this planet, I have known a number of women of ill repute and those who operated clandestine apothecaries who had a menial job that they would work, say, twenty to thirty hours per week for just that purpose.


----------



## MeanBear

Another Uber Driver said:


> In my few years on this planet, I have known a number of women of ill repute and those who operated clandestine apothecaries who had a menial job that they would work, say, twenty to thirty hours per week for just that purpose.


Get their cards for me, I have a few business-related questions. Namely, can I put a phone number of my ex boyfriend on the fake cards I give out? (The card gives my name, and title: high paying prostitute. But I can write "man of ill repute", too.)


----------



## Another Uber Driver

MeanBear said:


> high paying


I assume that you mean "highly paid".

I do not know that any of them ever had cards, especially those clandestine chemists. The call girls are long since retired and most have left the area. There are some who remain, but I am not in regular communication with them. Most of the clandestine chemists also have retired from that business, either voluntarily or were compelled to do so as a condition of probation or they simply were afraid that the odds would catch up to them and they would be apprehended. Some had some close calls which compelled their retirement.

My giving up smoking tobacco severely curtailed my appearance in gin mills, as if I do imbibe, I want a cigaret. I really do not want to start smoking, again, if for no other reason than it just costs too bleeping much. For that reason, I do not move in the same circles that I used to move.

I suppose that you could _*stet*_ "high-paying" if it involves a former BF. Might I guess that failure to understand certain aspects of a committed relationship explains his designation as "former"?


----------



## Mitch J

Passanger: Is Uber killing you 
Me: No really never did
Me: I can count like 5 times though


----------



## ChortlingCrison

Here's one I got all the time. "Why did you move to Iowa"? I started answering with "I love the cornfields etc.


----------



## Bogdan48

A huge concrete wall on my right. 
PAX (female): Turn right, NOW


----------



## wk1102

Another Uber Driver said:


> I get this all the time in the cab, especially from people who tip from zero to fifty cents. Either they want to call and have me pick them up or want to arrange a pick-up time. I simply tell them that I will not be available. Yeah, right, like I am going to knock off early so that I can make sure that I am at your address waiting with baited breath for your thirty cent tip. Sure, all day, every day especially on Sunday.


I picked up a guy, 2am, at a local dive bar, he was pretty hammered. He had somehow convinced a lady to go home with him. She was pretty, a little buzzed but not bad. She did not look like she belonged at that bar, at least from tje way she was dressed. The guy had never used Uber before, wanted my number so he could call me in the morning and take them to breakfast. Someone requested the ride for him. I dropped them off at his semitruck with sleeper cab around the corner, min fare.

He kept bugging me for my #, I finally told him i only give my private number to people the take care of me well. He didn't catch on and was still asking and in my car. Then I was more blunt and said you know the ones who tip me big. He gave me $2.00. :/

I wrote on a piece of paper 
Bill 7


----------



## UberLaLa

Uber Math Professor said:


> I guess the stupidest thing I heard from PAX on two separate occasions I would drive towards ping and when I am a couple of blocks away they call me and ask if I am there yet.
> 
> I get so confused at how to respond to a question so stupid. They have a map that shows where I am in real time and the app tells you when I arrive, so no, I have not in fact arrived yet and I just did a sloppy turn in front of a cop while talking on the phone to you to answer the dumbest question ever???


I actually think this is due to 'lag' most of the time. Either their data/WiFi is not updating our progress, or our data while driving is not, or the App is being stupid and not showing them our movement. I'm of the suspicion some of the Rider Cancels and not coming out when we arrive are due to same.


----------



## Schrodinger's Car

1. Pax: "Have you ever had anyone naked in your car?" Me: "Just me, it was really hot earlier today."

2. Got a ping from a nearby hotel about 4AM. I accept and immediately get a text from pax asking if I can take them to the airport an hour from now. I text them back, "I'm only 5 minutes away, better hurry!" and cancel.

3. Phone call from pax an hour after dropping off: "Hey man, what's up? Are you busy?"

4. "They sure give you nice cars!"

5. "Easy money, eh?"


----------



## Schrodinger's Car

UberLaLa said:


> I actually think this is due to 'lag' most of the time. Either their data/WiFi is not updating our progress, or our data while driving is not, or the App is being stupid and not showing them our movement. I'm of the suspicion some of the Rider Cancels and not coming out when we arrive are due to same.


Yep, happened to me yesterday. Met pax at the pickup address, but she was confused because her app said I was still 3 minutes away and she didn't get the arrival notice.


----------



## UberLaLa

Schrodinger's Car said:


> Yep, happened to me yesterday. Met pax at the pickup address, but she was confused because her app said I was still 3 minutes away and she didn't get the arrival notice.


If pax isn't standing outside I text them as soon as I roll up- _Uber out front, thanks. _Half say, _Thanks for texting me, the app said you were still 2 minutes away. 
_
My Time Is Money...


----------



## UberLaLa

elelegido said:


> Erm... he wasn't being sarcastic.
> 
> But no harm, no foul. I love you yanks, otherwise I wouldn't be here. But as AdamW says, there is definitely the belief here among some that the USA is the center of the universe


You guys (what we say in California, even if it's all girls) have it a tad wrong. Most Americans wish they had an accent (I say most, cuz Southerners sometimes don't) because the girls likey the accents here. Now, do me a little test...sing a little tune...you sound American now don't you? Ya see...we don't have an accent : (


----------



## UberLaLa

Michael - Cleveland said:


> Ha!
> We don't need no steekin' badges!


----------



## UberEricLong

Uber XL Pax Calls me obviously drunk while I'm in route to pick up "We're hungry! We want Mexican Food" 
Me: "Ok, thanks for the heads up" CANCEL

Yea, I want an XL full of drunks eating Mexican food in my car.


----------



## UberLaLa

elelegido said:


> I do find the "you have / do I detect an accent" comment the most asinine of all of them.


I was born in the UK but left when I was a baby....love to tell Brit pax I'm from there and watch their response. It's usually_, But you don't have an accent...? _To which I reply, _See, even you guys say we don't have any accents here in California! _


----------



## GambitFW

Passengers wanted to play 2 Truths, 1 Lie (simple rules, you state 2 truths and one lie and the others guess which is the lie):

At my turn:
1. I met my wife on the internet
2. I have 3 kids
3. Uber is incredibly lucrative to drive for

I won because they could not guess the lie.


----------



## Sydney Uber

Praxeology said:


> In the future, this is how I will approach all potential DUIs. To be honest, at the moment, I didn't think this rider in particular was over the limit, although how could I be sure. He wasn't slurring when riding or stumbling when I picked him up. He was an overconfident &%[email protected]!* who listened only to the sound of his own voice. Repeated requests of clarification on directions were met with non sequitur responses related to how he knows what the car looks like and what the location looks like where he parked. Fascinating to hear about your clarity, bro. Also fascinating you aren't even aware of what street it is on, WHAT COLOR YOUR CAR IS, or whether it was parked INSIDE OR OUTSIDE.
> 
> This was far more likely just a case of a dudebro who simply didn't hear a word I said over the overpowering intoxicating sound of his own inner dialogue about how he is master of the universe, a master who doesn't know where he parked his car.
> 
> I hope he remembers me when he orders the delicious pancakes I directed him to at Cafe Brazil. He couldn't even figure out how to direct himself to an extremely popular Dallas diner franchise after I referred him to several locations, including one nearby. He was just a c*8t.


 Yeah maybe you are right! Not drunk at all, perhaps just an Uber executive !


----------



## Tequila Jake

Me, dropping pax at airport: "Have a good flight!"

Pax: "You too"


----------



## Schrodinger's Car

UberLaLa said:


> If pax isn't standing outside I text them as soon as I roll up- _Uber out front, thanks. _Half say, _Thanks for texting me, the app said you were still 2 minutes away.
> _
> My Time Is Money...


I do the same thing, unless it's a pickup location where I can't park. I start off the text with a friendly "Hello!" or "Good morning/evening/afternoon" and tell them where I am. Most pax like the friendly greeting, makes it seem less like I'm nagging them. They usually show up less than a minute later.


----------



## UberLaLa

hanging in there said:


> In my taxi 90% of pax ask me "How has Uber affected your business?
> 
> I get so tired of that question, it's a "no-win" situation regardless of the answer. Lately my answer has been " No effect whatsoever." That shuts them up. Any other answer leads to endless follow-up questions.


They want you to poor your heart out about how it has killed taxis and whatnot. Pax hate the fact that there was a period in history where they actually had to _pay for what they were getting... _


----------



## UberLaLa

Schrodinger's Car said:


> I do the same thing, unless it's a pickup location where I can't park. I start off the text with a friendly "Hello!" or "Good morning/evening/afternoon" and tell them where I am. Most pax like the friendly greeting, makes it seem less like I'm nagging them. They usually show up less than a minute later.


I'm NAGGING them....lol


----------



## UberLaLa

2nd Pool Pax as she gets in car: _How long until we get to Beverly Hills? _
Me: _Let me start your trip....okay, you will be there around 6:30 _(it was rush hour)
2nd Pool Pax: _Can we get there in 10 minutes?_
Me: _It's 6pm with rush hour traffic...I might be able to get you there in 25 minutes if traffic allows._
2nd Pool Pax: _What if you drop me off before her? _(re: 1st Pool pax in backseat)
Me: _*I am* dropping you off before her._
2nd Pool Pas: _Oh good. Then 10 minutes?_



Picked up four 19-22 year olds going to a party.

19 year female pax in backseat - within first minute of drive: _Ever seen anyone get head in your Uber? _She went on before I could reply. _I asked an UberBlack driver that last week, and he said, 'Depends on who's getting it?' _She then tells me, _I said my boyfriend here _(same guy sitting next to her in the back of my UberX) she goes on, _So that UberBlack driver pulled over and watched. _She asks me again, _So, have you ever seen anyone get head in YOUR Uber?_

Me: _Hate to ruin your batting average, but I'm only an UberX - no head giving in here. _


----------



## ND379

UberLaLa said:


> 2nd Pool Pax as she gets in car: _How long until we get to Beverly Hills? _
> Me: _Let me start your trip....okay, you will be there around 6:30 _(it was rush hour)
> 2nd Pool Pax: _Can we get there in 10 minutes?_
> Me: _It's 6pm with rush hour traffic...I might be able to get you there in 25 minutes if traffic allows._
> 2nd Pool Pax: _What if you drop me off before her? _(re: 1st Pool pax in backseat)
> Me: _*I am* dropping you off before her._
> 2nd Pool Pas: _Oh good. Then 10 minutes?_
> 
> 
> 
> Picked up four 19-22 year olds going to a party.
> 
> 19 year female pax in backseat - within first minute of drive: _Ever seen anyone get head in your Uber? _She went on before I could reply. _I asked an UberBlack driver that last week, and he said, 'Depends on who's getting it?' _She then tells me, _I said my boyfriend here _(same guy sitting next to her in the back of my UberX) she goes on, _So that UberBlack driver pulled over and watched. _She asks me again, _So, have you ever seen anyone get head in YOUR Uber?_
> 
> Me: _Hate to ruin your batting average, but I'm only an UberX - no head giving in here. _


And here I was feeling sorry for myself thinking that I had a bad weekend. Lol


----------



## AceManShow

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: So, are you from around here?
> Driver: No, I flew in from my beach home in Jamaica to drive you around for $0.75/mi.


"Is the name on your profile your real name, or is that like a stage name from FUBER?"

Lmao wtf??


----------



## KMANDERSON

I like the ones that are quiet.Uber don't pay me enough to entertain them.


----------



## HERR_UBERMENSCH

Guy got into my Uber Black car the other day and said 'Is it OK if I ride in this car, I'm white'.


----------



## yoyodyne

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: So, are you from around here?
> Driver: No, I flew in from my beach home in Jamaica to drive you around for $0.75/mi.


Every pax doesn't ask this question, but I promise you that 2 out of 1600 did.

Phone call from pax: "Hey, did I order an Uber?"


----------



## painfreepc

Manotas said:


> Pax: Do you have a card or phone number you can give me? I would like to request you again
> Me: uh! I guess but you know I might be driving in a different part of town, far from here
> Pax: I know but I can call you 3 hours before I need the car. Right?
> Me Thinking: (WTF! This lady wants me to drive here from 30 min or more to come pick her up and drive her 7 minutes to her job???)


the same stupid request from passengers when I drove Taxi, it really amazes me that some of taxi drivers who would commit to like $50 a week to take somebody to work every morning at 7 o'clock, fifty bucks a week, but hey you're missing out on a chance to go to the airport or to go to the next city over for only $10 a day..


----------



## HERR_UBERMENSCH

Pax: Do you mind if I sit in the front?

Me: No, do you mind if I sit in the back?


----------



## Sydney Uber

Uberdawg said:


> Mistook you for Yasser Arafat
> 
> I had a DFP (actually 4 of them) last night. It was a Drive to Pin so I called and asked where she was. "I am under the Overpass". Well, there are three overpasses in that area. "The one next to Duvic's". Well, Duvics is in the middle of all three. Long story short, took me 5 minutes just to find her when I was within 100 yards of her the whole time. They get in, no address, so I do the "where we headed" thing. They are arguing about where they are going (Okay by me, 4.5 surge, no biggie). Finally, one in the back (DFP2) says "just go straight" I asked for an address so I could plug it in. "I'll get you there" DFP2 said. So, she starts giving me directions while they are arguing about where they are going. After about 3 miles and 10 minutes, we arrive back at the same spot I picked them up. DFP3 says "We just made a circle". DUH. So she takes over. Has me go all over creation to get to a spot 15 blocks away (not a circle but more 3 sides of a rectangle this time). We are going to DFP4's boyfriends house. They don't know the address but she is talking to the guy on the phone. Instead of asking him the address, she tells him to go outside. Has me pull up in front of this house and she says, "this is it, blow your horn". Well, it wasn't, his house was 2 blocks down.
> 
> He gets in and DFP1 (who has since passed out) wakes up and says "Where the &%[email protected]!* are we, this isn't Bogies". Then they start arguing about where they are going again. DFP2 says "just drive". Now we are going to pick up DFP4's boyfriend who lives about 4 blocks away but we do it in 12 blocks. They have now decided they are going to Bogies after we pick up DBF2. We get to his house and now they start arguing about staying there. And DFP1 wakes up again and says, "lets stay here for an hour or so because we can drink free, then we will go to Bogies". She looks at me and says "you're going to wait right". Uh, NO. They get out, END TRIP, 1 Star.
> 
> Epilogue: 4 blonde chicks and a blonde BF (so much for Aryan Superiority) are worried about free drinks but they just spent $92 bucks to go (what should have been) about 2 miles. The next generation. This country is &%[email protected]!*ed.


I'm a bit late on this - but that story wins the trip of the week award in my book!


----------



## Sydney Uber

Q: Do you do this for a Living?
A: Nah! Before driving for Uber, I never knew there were so many genuine charity cases needing Limo transport between parties!


----------



## painfreepc

Uberdawg said:


> Mistook you for Yasser Arafat
> 
> I had a DFP (actually 4 of them) last night. It was a Drive to Pin so I called and asked where she was. "I am under the Overpass". Well, there are three overpasses in that area. "The one next to Duvic's". Well, Duvics is in the middle of all three. Long story short, took me 5 minutes just to find her when I was within 100 yards of her the whole time. They get in, no address, so I do the "where we headed" thing. They are arguing about where they are going (Okay by me, 4.5 surge, no biggie). Finally, one in the back (DFP2) says "just go straight" I asked for an address so I could plug it in. "I'll get you there" DFP2 said. So, she starts giving me directions while they are arguing about where they are going. After about 3 miles and 10 minutes, we arrive back at the same spot I picked them up. DFP3 says "We just made a circle". DUH. So she takes over. Has me go all over creation to get to a spot 15 blocks away (not a circle but more 3 sides of a rectangle this time). We are going to DFP4's boyfriends house. They don't know the address but she is talking to the guy on the phone. Instead of asking him the address, she tells him to go outside. Has me pull up in front of this house and she says, "this is it, blow your horn". Well, it wasn't, his house was 2 blocks down.
> 
> He gets in and DFP1 (who has since passed out) wakes up and says "Where the &%[email protected]!* are we, this isn't Bogies". Then they start arguing about where they are going again. DFP2 says "just drive". Now we are going to pick up DFP4's boyfriend who lives about 4 blocks away but we do it in 12 blocks. They have now decided they are going to Bogies after we pick up DBF2. We get to his house and now they start arguing about staying there. And DFP1 wakes up again and says, "lets stay here for an hour or so because we can drink free, then we will go to Bogies". She looks at me and says "you're going to wait right". Uh, NO. They get out, END TRIP, 1 Star.
> 
> Epilogue: 4 blonde chicks and a blonde BF (so much for Aryan Superiority) are worried about free drinks but they just spent $92 bucks to go (what should have been) about 2 miles. The next generation. This country is &%[email protected]!*ed.


So let me get this straight, you made 92 bucks on a 4.5 surge you got paid but you gave them a one-star, I don't get it I don't understand some of you fools on this site..


----------



## painfreepc

Fuzzyelvis said:


> At a 4.5 surge why not wait?


He probably doesn't know that the surge applies to the per minute rate,

In my taxi days I picked up a group of four passengers in Corona and took them to Pechanga Casino down in Temecula, they like me they like my car very much, so they paid me $100 for the trip Plus an additional $200 to sit and wait 6 hours and take them back to Corona, they gave me $100 for the trip home plus a $50 tip so basically I made $250.00 to sleep in my car for 6 plus $200.00 taxi fare, God I miss the taxi days..
.


----------



## yoyodyne

painfreepc said:


> I don't get it I don't understand


Exactly.


----------



## FAC

I was a pax today since my car is at the dealership getting a tune up. I'm known to be a Chatty Cathy both as a driver and a pax. But this thread kept going through my head...I can't tell you how hard it was not to ask many of the stupid questions listed on this thread. Especially how long have you been driving, do you drive both Lyft/Uber, etc. I know curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back to life. I did ask where he was from and what brought him to Denver. I also was a bad pax, I needed to make a stop at the pharmacy drive thru. If I wasn't completely out of my Rx I wouldn't have asked. I tried so hard not to be the annoying pax. I apologized for needing to make the stop and thanked him profusely. Didn't tell him I was a driver until we reached my destination, apologized again for the unforgivable request for the stop through the drive thru and gave him a $15 tip. Just to make it worse, I did another unspeakable act...I forgot a sentimental coin purse in the back seat. Thankfully he was a great driver and noticed it and brought it back to me a few minutes later.


----------



## Rat

Fuzzyelvis said:


> I have on more than one occasion arrived and called the pax to tell them where I am and what my car looks like. Often in a crowd of drunken people (all on their phones) outside a bar. And they will ask "Am I by your car?"
> 
> I tell them I don't know. They know what car I'm driving and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.
> 
> Oh and my car is f***ing YELLOW. How hard is that to spot?


I heard of school bus yellow, mustard yellow, even baby shit yellow. But I can't recall ever seeing yellow. Can you send me a paint chip?


----------



## HERR_UBERMENSCH

Rat said:


> I heard of school bus yellow, mustard yellow, even baby shit yellow. But I can't recall ever seeing yellow. Can you send me a paint chip?


It is a standard Ford color, paint code isYLW


----------



## Rat

FAC said:


> Another Uber Driver what does ROTFLMFAOWIPMGDP mean?


Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off while I piss my God damn pants?


----------



## Rat

HERR_UBERMENSCH said:


> It is a standard Ford color, paint code is FCKNGYLW


LOL


----------



## Kmiles

I picked up a pax in downtown Houston today. Hilton to an office building 4 blocks away....

Pax: "You must put a lot of miles on your car huh?"

Me: "I stay downtown and hope all of my trips are short so I can keep the miles down."

Pax: face his in phone until the trip ends.


----------



## Sydney Uber

HERR_UBERMENSCH said:


> Guy got into my Uber Black car the other day and said 'Is it OK if I ride in this car, I'm white'.


Was that Archie Bunker?


----------



## Fuzzyelvis

Modern-Day-Slavery said:


> True?


Depends on the city. Allowed in Houston.


----------



## ronnie2016

Hear this, "Are you here? (me: Yes). " I will be out in a sec." (me: ok). After 4-7 minutes the pax gets out of the house and doesn't see you. Ring, ring.....(pax) "where are you? I can't see you". (me) Can you come over because it's one-way. Pax cancels???????


----------



## FAC

Rat said:


> Rolling on the floor laughing my f***ing ass off while I piss my God damn pants?


Unfortunately I'm the type of gal who needs things spelled out for her. Thanks


----------



## HERR_UBERMENSCH

Sydney Uber said:


> Was that Archie Bunker?


Don't know, looked more like a meat head.


----------



## shiftydrake

pax: do you have a Card so I can call you? Me: only card I carry says F.B.I. female body inspector.......female pax: wanna inspect mine? ME: I can't I'm blind  ....pax: how are you driving the car?..........me: with a seeing eye dog....I CAN reach the pedals. She tells me when to turn and stop.....
...
..............some people (shaking head)


----------



## JimS

Lyft Pax pings me from a no-drive zone. I call:

"Hey there - I'm as close as I can get. The roads are closed, so if you could be so kind to walk a block, I'm here waiting for ya!"

"F*** YOU! IF I WANTED TO WALK, I WOULDN'T HAVE CALLED A LYFT! I'm calling UBER!"

I sit five cancel, collect $4.

A few minutes later, same pax pings me. Won't receive texts or phone calls (phone dead now, idiot?).

Sit, wait, cancel, collect $4 more.

Next day, talked to Uber driver that cancelled him for being a rude jackass calling from inside a no-car zone. She collected $4, too.


----------



## Another Uber Driver

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: Is this REALLY a Mercedes?
> ME: No, it's just a VW with some body trim


You are describing an Audi. All that you would need to add would be the Mercedes-Benz price tag.


----------



## Harley1

OCBob said:


> PAX: Do you like driving for Uber?
> ME: You want the truth or the story with rainbows and unicorns?


Happens every day lol


----------



## hanging in there

Another Uber Driver said:


> I get this all the time in the cab, especially from people who tip from zero to fifty cents. Either they want to call and have me pick them up or want to arrange a pick-up time. I simply tell them that I will not be available. Yeah, right, like I am going to knock off early so that I can make sure that I am at your address waiting with baited breath for your thirty cent tip. Sure, all day, every day especially on Sunday.


I get that all the time, people ask me for a card so they can call me later for another ride, and at the same time tip me little or nothing, especially on a short ride in a bad hood that I had to go out of my way for. The smart ones throw me a nice bone and let me know it's worth it to go out of my way for them and/or to schedule their ride. I have 2 phones. The smart ones get the phone # that I always answer, the dumb cheapo's get the phone # that I only use to make call-outs to pax, almost never answer unless it's a realllllllyy slowww night.

They almost always say the same thing "It's so hard to get a taxi out here, it takes forever or they don't ever show up. It would be so nice to just be able to call you." I understand from their perspective, but from mine, it doesn't make sense. I feel like saying "Here's a promo code for Uber/Lyft, I think that you would get better faster service with them." But in my taxi I can't say or do that or I would run the risk of being terminated.


----------



## Another Uber Driver

hanging in there said:


> tip me little or nothing, especially on a short ride in a bad hood that I had to go out of my way for.
> 
> The smart ones throw me a nice bone and let me know it's worth it to go out of my way for them and/or to schedule their ride.
> 
> I have 2 phones. The smart ones get the phone # that I always answer, the dumb cheapo's get the phone # that I only use to make call-outs to pax, almost never answer unless it's a realllllllyy slowww night.
> 
> "It's so hard to get a taxi out here, it takes forever or they don't ever show up.
> 
> It would be so nice to just be able to call you."
> 
> I understand from their perspective, but from mine, it doesn't make sense.
> 
> in my taxi I can't say or do that or I would run the risk of being terminated.


They do not understand why you are so unwilling to make a special trip for no money to get them. The Poliiticians, the Regulators and the Riding Public seem to forget quickly that we, like anyone else in business, are in business primarily to make a profit. "Public Service" is strictly a secondary consideration, if it is even that. (Read Jack London's _*Wanted, a New Law of Development*_ from either the Spring or Fall, 1901 issue of _*Cosmopolitan*_ magazine. Yes, I did cite an article that is over one-hundred years old and it was published in _*Cosmopolitan*_---"Cosmo" ws quite the different magazine back then. I just forget whether it was Spring or Fall).

That is it, right there, this is America. You can have anything that you want as long as you are willing to pay for it. More than one foreigner has told me that this is what makes this country the Greatest in the World. In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash (or American Express, where accepted).

Not a bad idea for the really slow nights. Substandard pay is better than none.

It takes forever because the driver does not make a profit driving all the way out here and hauling you a couple of blocks for just what is on the meter. Add to that your call's being the only one out here for the next hour and you will see why you do not get fast service.

It would be nice for the both of us, then, if you could make it worth my trouble to drive out here to haul you a couple of blocks.

True, we must earn some money beyond what is required to pay the cab rent and fill the gasolene tank.

Do you rent or work for the company? I own my cab. I suppose that my company might kick me out if I told a customer something like that and the customer complained, but, there are so many companies here that just do not care that I could be back on the street to-morrow. As the City is phasing in a uniform color scheme for the cabs, thirty minutes with a blow dryer will remove the old lettering so that the new company can replace it with its lettering. The new company even will pay for the change. The drivers here are not company employees. Either they own or rent their cabs and affiliate with the companies by contract.


----------



## shiftydrake

Just like me Another Cab Driver I own mine and could go to any other co. Here in town......I just contract with the best so not wanting to go anyplace else.


----------



## hanging in there

Another Uber Driver said:


> They do not understand why you are so unwilling to make a special trip for no money to get them. The Poliiticians, the Regulators and the Riding Public seem to forget quickly that we, like anyone else in business, are in business primarily to make a profit. "Public Service" is strictly a secondary consideration, if it is even that. (Read Jack London's _*Wanted, a New Law of Development*_ from either the Spring or Fall, 1901 issue of _*Cosmopolitan*_ magazine. Yes, I did cite an article that is over one-hundred years old and it was published in _*Cosmopolitan*_---"Cosmo" ws quite the different magazine back then. I just forget whether it was Spring or Fall).
> 
> That is it, right there, this is America. You can have anything that you want as long as you are willing to pay for it. More than one foreigner has told me that this is what makes this country the Greatest in the World. In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash (or American Express, where accepted).
> 
> Not a bad idea for the really slow nights. Substandard pay is better than none.
> 
> It takes forever because the driver does not make a profit driving all the way out here and hauling you a couple of blocks for just what is on the meter. Add to that your call's being the only one out here for the next hour and you will see why you do not get fast service.
> 
> It would be nice for the both of us, then, if you could make it worth my trouble to drive out here to haul you a couple of blocks.
> 
> True, we must earn some money beyond what is required to pay the cab rent and fill the gasolene tank.
> 
> Do you rent or work for the company? I own my cab. I suppose that my company might kick me out if I told a customer something like that and the customer complained, but, there are so many companies here that just do not care that I could be back on the street to-morrow. As the City is phasing in a uniform color scheme for the cabs, thirty minutes with a blow dryer will remove the old lettering so that the new company can replace it with its lettering. The new company even will pay for the change. The drivers here are not company employees. Either they own or rent their cabs and affiliate with the companies by contract.


I am an owner/operator and yes we are all 1099's, but I am working with the best company in this town and would not want to change to one with less calls and less accounts. Been there, done that. I'm barely "hanging in there" as it is.

Great idea on the standard color scheme, I wish the powers-that-be did that here so that if needed, I could switch my van to another company without paying $700 for another paint job. Plus, you can only paint a car so many times before it just becomes an unholy mess.

We sign an agreement as part of our weekly contract that we can not offer advise or information as to any other mode of transportation or any other company. Someone got "fired" recently for telling the pax to call a different cab company that had a much higher percentage of minivans in their fleet, since that suited their needs better.


----------



## phillipzx3

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: So, are you from around here?
> Driver: No, I flew in from my beach home in Jamaica to drive you around for $0.75/mi.


Nothing stupid about that at all. When Goober first came to Portland they brought a bunch of imported "locals" from California with "We love driving for Goober" black t-shirts. None of these "local" idiots could pronounce popular streets, towns, or rivers. We have Goobers in Portland with California, Washington, Texas, Arizona....you name it, plates on their cars. And you think a "pax" asking if you're from the area is a stupid question?


----------



## jaien39

PAX: So, are you from around here?
Dirver: Yes this 1 mile radius. I know EVERY street name in here by heart, every shop, every gas station and every restaurant by name and by location.
(Sometimes the PAX are just so stupid and lazy, you have to wonder how we are gonna complete with the rest of the world)


----------



## $4Cervesa

Pax: So how's your night going?
Me: Anytime the wife forgets to hide her car keys,we're rollin, know what I'm sayin?

College Pax: there's a third seat,you can take 7?
Me: Can't I got warrants,we get pulled over and I'm going to jail
College Pax: but our last driver said it was cool
Me: He wasn't wanted for vehicular homicide no doubt.
Pax: so how long you been driving for Uber?
Me: since my wife retired, came home and got all up in my business you know asking questions like you smoke crack everyday?


----------



## Brandon0315

HERR_UBERMENSCH said:


> Guy got into my Uber Black car the other day and said 'Is it OK if I ride in this car, I'm white'.


You win!


----------



## UberLaLa

$4Cervesa said:


> Pax: So how's your night going?
> Me: Anytime the wife forgets to hide her car keys,we're rollin, know what I'm sayin?
> 
> College Pax: there's a third seat,you can take 7?
> Me: Can't I got warrants,we get pulled over and I'm going to jail
> College Pax: but our last driver said it was cool
> Me: He wasn't wanted for vehicular homicide no doubt.
> Pax: so how long you been driving for Uber?
> Me: since my wife retired, came home and got all up in my business you know asking questions like you smoke crack everyday?


LOL!

So, how are things over there in NO RIDESHARE Austin?


----------



## NachonCheeze

UberHammer said:


> Customer calls while I'm in route.
> PAX: Are you coming?
> ME: Not anymore. <click> [CANCEL]


Unless a surge is going on don't cancel....turn around, drive in the opposite direction and collect the cancellation fee. Admittedly I have had some dumb %$#^ that don't catch on and I eventually have to cancel myself....still collect the fee though


----------



## donurs

An interesting 2 AM conversation I had recently with a female passenger calling from a bar:

Pax: What are you driving?
Me: A black viper!!
Pax: What? Is that a new car?
Me: No - it's a snake!
Pax: You're kidding me! So how long will you take to get here? I really need to get something to eat.
Me: I'm a couple of miles away, guess I'll crawl up in, say, 15-20 minutes! Where do you want to go?
Pax: Oh - Is there a lot of traffic? I live real close by. Can you get here in less than ten minutes? (Sure can if she wasn't so drunk and its 2 AM!!)
Me: Check your phone.
Decided it was time to stop responding and cancelled the call.


----------



## GerryWithaG

Pax: so how's your night going? 
Me: pretty good! Just a little tired.
Pax: why are you tired? 
Me: I'm working and and 2am. 
Pax: that's not a reason to be tired
Me: oh.... Working isn't a reason to be tired? That's a first


----------



## bondad

ronnie2016 said:


> Hear this, "Are you here? (me: Yes). " I will be out in a sec." (me: ok). After 4-7 minutes the pax gets out of the house and doesn't see you. Ring, ring.....(pax) "where are you? I can't see you". (me) Can you come over because it's one-way. Pax cancels???????


After 5 minutes he wouldn't have seen me because I would have cancelled his ass and moved on. A "sec" is a minute or so..


----------



## ChortlingCrison

Here's a general one that gets asked all the time: Pax: What is your best cab story. Answer: I just make one up on the spot.


----------



## darkshy77

Uber gives you a nice car....


----------



## SeeTeeDee

Manotas said:


> Pax: Do you have a card or phone number you can give me? I would like to request you again
> Me: uh! I guess but you know I might be driving in a different part of town, far from here
> Pax: I know but I can call you 3 hours before I need the car. Right?
> Me Thinking: (WTF! This lady wants me to drive here from 30 min or more to come pick her up and drive her 7 minutes to her job???)


I have gained numerous repeat pax turned clients using this method. Sure, it may start off as a crappy minimum fare trip, but they generally blossom into lucrative trips, i.e. Repeat airport runs, concerts at Red Rocks and even a guy who only seems to go out in Longmont, yet he lives near 1st Bank Center. $$$

Sometimes opportunity knocks, and sometimes it's just walking down the sidewalk in front of your house. Open the door either way.


----------



## UberHammer

SeeTeeDee said:


> I have gained numerous repeat pax turned clients using this method. Sure, it may start off as a crappy minimum fare trip, but they generally blossom into lucrative trips, i.e. Repeat airport runs, concerts at Red Rocks and even a guy who only seems to go out in Longmont, yet he lives near 1st Bank Center. $$$
> 
> Sometimes opportunity knocks, and sometimes it's just walking down the sidewalk in front of your house. Open the door either way.


Opportunity that is 30 minutes away better be higher than Uber's rates.


----------



## negeorgia

Me: I have given over 5000 rides, so I guess I like it. Them: Oh wow, did Uber give you a bonus or anything extra for that? Me: No, I make less now than when I started.


----------



## UberLaLa

GerryWithaG said:


> Pax: so how's your night going?
> Me: pretty good! Just a little tired.
> Pax: why are you tired?
> Me: I'm working and and 2am.
> Pax: that's not a reason to be tired
> Me: oh.... Working isn't a reason to be tired? That's a first


What she/he meant was 'your work' is not tiring...everyone knows driving Uber we get paid too much money for virtually doing _nothing... _


----------



## negeorgia

Them: You mean you don't get all of the fare?


----------



## R44KDEN

Pax: Whats the difference between UberBlack and regular Uber?
Me: You'll find out in about 30 mins...

Pax: How much will it cost to go to DIA? (morning after 2 feet of snow this past winter, 3.4X surge on BlackSUV)
Me: About $400
Pax: Haha, thats a good one...and proceeds to get in after I help him load his mountain bike.

_(Takes 48 mins to get to airport, bill was $412)_

Pax: Can we really drink in here?
Me: No, its just been a boring night and I really want both of us to get arrested

Drunk pax: How long have you been in this country?
Me: About 4 years
Drunk pax: Where are you from?
Me: Australia
Drunk pax to his drunk buddy: Do we own Australia?


----------



## bingybingyfoo

Fuzzyelvis said:


> I have on more than one occasion arrived and called the pax to tell them where I am and what my car looks like. Often in a crowd of drunken people (all on their phones) outside a bar. And they will ask "Am I by your car?


 "Can you see a white girl?"
Omg seriously? Always when I am on one corner of the bar, and calling to say so, and she hasn't looked around from the other facing street...
I see a lot of white girls from here. Can you see the one *in the car?* Yeah, a RED one. Uh-huh.


----------



## UberQueen16

Fuzzyelvis said:


> I have on more than one occasion arrived and called the pax to tell them where I am and what my car looks like. Often in a crowd of drunken people (all on their phones) outside a bar. And they will ask "Am I by your car?"
> 
> I tell them I don't know. They know what car I'm driving and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.
> 
> Oh and my car is YELLOW. How hard is that to spot?


So I play the, waive your hands in the air like you don't care game, and ask them to do jumping jacks. Its hysterical.


----------



## Lost In Translation

PAX (calling me after I pull up on 16th Ave): I don't know how the pin got on 16th Avenue and Clement. I am on the corner of 12th and California. Can you come get me?
ME: I can come get you. Can I start your ride now?
PAX: I wish you wouldn't.
ME: I wish you'd learn how to use the app.
PAX: OK, you can start the ride if you have to.
ME: (no response. I just canceled his ride with a Wrong Address reason)


----------



## UberLaLa

UberQueen16 said:


> So I play the, waive your hands in the air like you don't care game, and ask them to do jumping jacks. Its hysterical.


----------



## UberLaLa

Lost In Translation said:


> PAX (calling me after I pull up on 16th Ave): I don't know how the pin got on 16th Avenue and Clement. I am on the corner of 12th and California. Can you come get me?
> ME: I can come get you. Can I start your ride now?
> PAX: I wish you wouldn't.
> ME: I wish you'd learn how to use the app.
> PAX: OK, you can start the ride if you have to.
> ME: (no response. I just canceled his ride with a Wrong Address reason)


PAX wishes you wouldn't cuz they probably put it at 16th to avoid Surge


----------



## Lnsky

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: So, are you from around here?
> Driver: No, I flew in from my beach home in Jamaica to drive you around for $0.75/mi.


Calm down. They mean originally but even if they didn't Uber and Lyft both fly drivers in to drive. So yes. Drivers do come in to town to drive people around for less than minimum wage.

Secondly, they are just trying to be conversational because they feel awkward about raping you up the ass. Some are simply misguided. They know they need the service, they know the service isn't working for you, but they were told you can't accept tips so they feel powerless.

It's the people that do t ask if you are from around here that are the assholes.


----------



## negeorgia

Lnsky said:


> Calm down. They mean originally but even if they didn't Uber and Lyft both fly drivers in to drive. So yes. Drivers do come in to town to drive people around for less than minimum wage.
> 
> Secondly, they are just trying to be conversational because they feel awkward about raping you up the ass. Some are simply misguided. They know they need the service, they know the service isn't working for you, but they were told you can't accept tips so they feel powerless.
> 
> It's the people that do t ask if you are from around here that are the assholes.


Shouldn't they be mature enough to not believe everything they have been told? Uber says I am free to except tips, when offered.


----------



## Lnsky

negeorgia said:


> Shouldn't they be mature enough to not believe everything they have been told? Uber says I am free to except tips, when offered.


Tipping is an odd social protocol. If you KNOW the person works for tips you have no problem doing it. BUT sometimes you WANT to tip someone but protocol says otherwise and you don't want to offend them. You also embarrass yourself when you try to tip the wrong person. Uber exploits this.

Lyft riders tip more than not. I made enough in tips to where even after Lyft's 20% I was coming out ahead. I drove enough for power drive bonus so even more after that.

Your riders are mature enough. They are so mature they are following social protocol. They don't want to turn you into a beggar even though you already are. By throwing cash in your face they are no longer your peer, to them it is insulting to you. But some would gladly tip in the app. Blame your master not the rider.

Think about it, if you have ever given someone a tip making them take the money out of your hand making eye contact it is awkward.

When I tip my ride share driver I don't hand it to them I leave it on the console. When I used to travel for work we all pooled money into an envelope to tip to hotel driver. It's cocky and rude to hand him a $20. It's respectful in an envelope. This is for a ride over 30 minutes.


----------



## negeorgia

Lnsky said:


> Tipping is an odd social protocol. If you KNOW the person works for tips you have no problem doing it. BUT sometimes you WANT to tip someone but protocol says otherwise and you don't want to offend them.  You also embarrass yourself when you try to tip the wrong person. Uber exploits this.
> 
> Lyft riders tip more than not. I made enough in tips to where even after Lyft's 20% I was coming out ahead. I drove enough for power drive bonus so even more after that.
> 
> Your riders are mature enough. They are so mature they are following social protocol. They don't want to turn you into a beggar even though you already are. By throwing cash in your face they are no longer your peer, to them it is insulting to you. But some would gladly tip in the app. Blame your master not the rider.
> 
> Think about it, if you have ever given someone a tip making them take the money out of your hand making eye contact it is awkward.
> 
> When I tip my ride share driver I don't hand it to them I leave it on the console. When I used to travel for work we all pooled money into an envelope to tip to hotel driver. It's cocky and rude to hand him a $20. It's respectful in an envelope. This is for a ride over 30 minutes.


Oh, I don't blame the riders, exceptions being longer non surge rides or over 9 minutes to pick up a non surge ride. Basic math and decency should rule.


----------



## Manotas

negeorgia said:


> Oh, I don't blame the riders, exceptions being longer non surge rides or over 9 minutes to pick up a non surge ride. Basic math and decency should rule.


Like he said blame Eewber and Lyft, they should be paying more, or at least enough that we shouldn't be begging for tips


----------



## negeorgia

Manotas said:


> Like he said blame Eewber and Lyft, they should be paying more, or at least enough that we shouldn't be begging for tips


No begging or signs educating riders in my car. Just waiting for Lyft to launch in my town. Surge is tips. Uber's way of getting 20% of my tips is to call it surge. Tips are people willing to pay more, surge is people that do pay more so surge=tip.


----------



## socal_uberx

Optimus Uber said:


> Pick up a hooker from my neighbors house.
> 
> It's a normal Sunday routine. He gets 3 of them every Saturday snd I run them home for him
> 
> She gets in the car and asks, is it cool for me to smoke in her?
> 
> I say, no smoking in the car
> 
> She says, not even for me?
> 
> No, not even for you
> 
> She says, not even for me?
> 
> This is a $60k car. There is no smoking in this car. If you want to smoke then you can get out of the car and I can take one of the other two home first
> 
> She looks at me baffled and says, how do you know?
> 
> I said he gets hookers three times a week and he always gets at least three. I live a block away and I take them home for him.
> 
> How was the coke? I hear he buys premium shit
> 
> Now, would you like to smoke or do you want to go home?
> 
> She decided to go home, she'd didn't want to get back in the que.
> 
> Guess she now knows her roll
> 
> At least the guy is cool enough to get them a ride home and treats them well


ha, I've got a friend who's hooked up this type of scenario w/ a few local high end escorts! picked them up @ various strip clubs & talked to them about a partnership... they give clients a google phone # (routed to my iPhone) to place the pin @ the girls' location. gets paid to start the ride immediately (no matter where I'm @) & pick her up, then drop her off. they feel safe b/c it's a woman chauffeuring them around & the girl gets paid for ridiculous fares (deadhead & everything) plus $$$ tips as her fee!

#UberPimp???


----------



## OneDay

The idea that surge=tips from the person above is so off and wrong.


----------



## 75drive

You Uber?
No I'm Mike! Who would name their kid Uber?


----------



## negeorgia

OneDay said:


> The idea that surge=tips from the person above is so off and wrong.


Please explain. Uber does not allow a tip in the app but does have surge. In my market, college kids don't tip when I take them downtown and they are underpaying. When I take them home at bar close time they are overpaying. The driver that drives the surge, gets the tips/surge.


----------



## Tim In Cleveland

Pax: "Are you a felon?"
Me: "Yes"
Pax: "What did you do?"
Me: "I used to be a cab driver and I kept murdering my passengers. BUT, I'm allllll better now."
Pax: "That's not funny."
I thought it was.


----------



## 75drive

Tim In Cleveland said:


> Pax: "Are you a felon?"
> Me: "Yes"
> Pax: "What did you do?"
> Me: "I used to be a cab driver and I kept murdering my passengers. BUT, I'm allllll better now."
> Pax: "That's not funny."
> I thought it was.


It's funny if you have a sense of humor!


----------



## MetalVan

Do you have a bag or something? My friend's a little drunk.


----------



## Lnsky

negeorgia said:


> Please explain. Uber does not allow a tip in the app but does have surge. In my market, college kids don't tip when I take them downtown and they are underpaying. When I take them home at bar close time they are overpaying. The driver that drives the surge, gets the tips/surge.


I'm sorry but you're stupid. Bad strategy and still not a tip. Here's a hint don't drive when it is t surging and certainly don't accept a ping from college kids period.


----------



## SMOTY

Yo


Lnsky said:


> Tipping is an odd social protocol. If you KNOW the person works for tips you have no problem doing it. BUT sometimes you WANT to tip someone but protocol says otherwise and you don't want to offend them. You also embarrass yourself when you try to tip the wrong person. Uber exploits this.
> 
> Lyft riders tip more than not. I made enough in tips to where even after Lyft's 20% I was coming out ahead. I drove enough for power drive bonus so even more after that.
> 
> Your riders are mature enough. They are so mature they are following social protocol. They don't want to turn you into a beggar even though you already are. By throwing cash in your face they are no longer your peer, to them it is insulting to you. But some would gladly tip in the app. Blame your master not the rider.
> 
> Think about it, if you have ever given someone a tip making them take the money out of your hand making eye contact it is awkward.
> 
> When I tip my ride share driver I don't hand it to them I leave it on the console. When I used to travel for work we all pooled money into an envelope to tip to hotel driver. It's cocky and rude to hand him a $20. It's respectful in an envelope. This is for a ride over 30 minutes.


You're so wrong about this. Cash tips are always better no matter what. You're over doing it in the envelope. Just hand the money look them in the eye and say your thank yous... It's not awkward to accept tips at all. You obviously never worked for tips (nothing wrong with that) wether it's expected or not it's a sign of your apreciation. Oh and the leaving it at the console thing is real ******. Just be a man and look him in the eyes!!!


----------



## negeorgia

Lnsky said:


> I'm sorry but you're stupid. Bad strategy and still not a tip. Here's a hint don't drive when it is t surging and certainly don't accept a ping from college kids period.


80% of requests here are college kids. 60-70% are minimum fares. This week, 43 trips, 2 tips, 3 with surge. With your hints and suggestions there would be no online time. High mileage weeks make the tax bill smaller on high money weeks. I bought a car to get 100,000 business miles. Uber is a great way to get those business miles. I would never recommend Ubering with a car payment or with a car someone actually needs.


----------



## Lnsky

SMOTY said:


> Yo
> 
> You're so wrong about this. Cash tips are always better no matter what. You're over doing it in the envelope. Just hand the money look them in the eye and say your thank yous... It's not awkward to accept tips at all. You obviously never worked for tips (nothing wrong with that) wether it's expected or not it's a sign of your apreciation. Oh and the leaving it at the console thing is real ******. Just be a man and look him in the eyes!!!


Dude like I said I just leave the money in the console no envelope for my Uber driver. They refuse to take it sometimes if I try to hand it to them.

The envelope scenario is used in Ireland and Britain. They don't have bills below 5 so sometimes we had coins. It's just easier to hand them their tip in an envelope but they were also reluctant to take tips.


----------



## MetalVan

negeorgia said:


> 80% of requests here are college kids. 60-70% are minimum fares.


You get college students in the summer? I live in a college town and it's stupid quiet here in the summer. Not worth driving until they come back. Even bar rush is slow


----------



## negeorgia

MetalVan said:


> You get college students in the summer? I live in a college town and it's stupid quiet here in the summer. Not worth driving until they come back. Even bar rush is slow


My 80% figure is based on annual estimate. My earnings are down 60-70% for the summer.... Agreed on the not worth it. Lots of weddings, there are 3 breweries that have tours/events and Athens is way cheaper to party at than Atlanta, so weekends are not a complete disaster here, still some requests but way less surges. I got a 2.4, 2.5 and 2.8 yesterday... No requests for me when 3.8 or 3.4. Usually 2 or 3 requests over 3x on Saturday nights.


----------



## AvsUberJunkie

I had to bite my tounge last night when the pax asked " are you from around here?"
I wanted to say , no, i live in Montana, i just drive down here each weekend to have an Uber experience.


----------



## Lnsky

AvsUberJunkie said:


> I had to bite my tounge last night when the pax asked " are you from around here?"
> I wanted to say , no, i live in Montana, i just drive down here each weekend to have an Uber experience.


They are just asking where you are originally from as a convo starter. They are trying to be polite. Again I much more hate the ones that couldn't even care less about being polite and sit behind you.

I suppose the only question I dislike is why I'm driving for Uber. If I'm picking you up on Uber its for money. If I'm picking you up on Lyft it was because I liked it. ,


----------



## UberDriver72

Michael - Cleveland said:


> PAX: So, are you from around here?
> Driver: No, I flew in from my beach home in Jamaica to drive you around for $0.75/mi.


"So...uhhhh...how long have you been doing this....uhhhhhhhhh?" And, of course, "Uhhhh....do you like it?"


----------



## UberDriver72

Fuzzyelvis said:


> I have on more than one occasion arrived and called the pax to tell them where I am and what my car looks like. Often in a crowd of drunken people (all on their phones) outside a bar. And they will ask "Am I by your car?"
> 
> I tell them I don't know. They know what car I'm driving and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.
> 
> Oh and my car is YELLOW. How hard is that to spot?


Geez..


----------



## mick511

How long have you been driving? My response, today is my first day with my drivers license and your my first ride, I have never driven on the highway so your my first lucky victim! Buckle up!


----------



## Schrodinger's Car

A couple more:

1. "I love you man!" (from a seriously drunk pax, at 7AM on a Tuesday.)

2. "Can you take off the surge pricing?" (from an apparently sober pax around 2AM over the weekend.)


----------



## elelegido

"Uh, where are you?"

Listen, doofus, I'm the one with the car. You currently have no car, which is why you summoned me. So how about you confirm where _you_ are and I'll drive to you.


----------



## Schrodinger's Car

elelegido said:


> "Uh, where are you?"
> 
> Listen, doofus, I'm the one with the car. You currently have no car, which is why you summoned me. So how about you confirm where you are and I'll drive to you.


Yep, probably the #1 dumb question. Pax can see our location on the app and all we can see is the address or pin drop location they sent us. And people who can use the pin drop accurately are few and far between.

I hate getting that call as soon as I accept a request, but it's even worse when I drive to their location and get that call when I'm 20 feet away.


----------



## elelegido

Schrodinger's Car said:


> Yep, probably the #1 dumb question. Pax can see our location on the app and all we can see is the address or pin drop location they sent us. And people who can use the pin drop accurately are few and far between.
> 
> I hate getting that call as soon as I accept a request, but it's even worse when I drive to their location and get that call when I'm 20 feet away.


The call that comes in right after they requested is bad news. It translates as, "I have no understanding of space or time and I expect you to be here immediately. If you cannot distort space or time then I am going to ***** & moan at you when you do arrive and then one star you".

I never pick those ones up - the best thing to do with them is to quote them a ridiculously long pickup time - if you're 5 minutes away then tell them there'll be a 20 minute wait for you to reach them etc. They'll get even more impatient, probably tell you where to go (which will inevitably not be the location in the app) and then they'll cancel the ride. Win-win.


----------



## El Janitor

"Is it ok to smoke a joint in here?"


----------



## rome919

Pax "Is it ok to have sex in your back seat."

Me "**** no."


----------



## Exclusif

rome919 said:


> Pax "Is it ok to have sex in your back seat."
> 
> Me "&%[email protected]!* no."


Ofcouse...just sign here and you'll be famous...


----------



## [email protected]

I just answer the questions. There are no stupid questions only stupid people who can't recognize when someone is making their best attempt yet to connect with another human being one on one in real life. For some folks in this world, going to the mall or the doctor or,yes, taking an UBER, is their best rescue from complete social isolation. And as everyone has probably discovered, UBER drivers are the most for REAL, PEOPLE's people and greatest drivers on the planet (OK you got me-LYFT drivers, too). So drive the frikkin car and help your pax keep a social grip as well.


----------



## rome919

im not paid nuff to be Dr. Phil.


----------



## easteuropeboy

What is your name ?


----------



## UberQueen16

UberLaLa said:


>


gee, thanks for ruining my fun... lol.


----------



## WhySoSerious

"Are you a wader or a folder?"


----------



## negeorgia

It was a comment, I like Uber because they don't make you tip. I don't like Lyft because they make you tip.


----------



## tohunt4me

elelegido said:


> The call that comes in right after they requested is bad news. It translates as, "I have no understanding of space or time and I expect you to be here immediately. If you cannot distort space or time then I am going to ***** & moan at you when you do arrive and then one star you".
> 
> I never pick those ones up - the best thing to do with them is to quote them a ridiculously long pickup time - if you're 5 minutes away then tell them there'll be a 20 minute wait for you to reach them etc. They'll get even more impatient, probably tell you where to go (which will inevitably not be the location in the app) and then they'll cancel the ride. Win-win.


Instant cancel.

The UBER rating system makes this requirement for self preservation.


----------



## Rat

negeorgia said:


> It was a comment, I like Uber because they don't make you tip. I don't like Lyft because they make you tip.


How is anyone forcing you to tip?


----------



## cycione77

"Is it ok if I do some coke when we hit the highway?"


----------



## negeorgia

Rat said:


> How is anyone forcing you to tip?


I was too stunned by a certain someone's logic to confront them. They had already shared being 'stalked' by a cabbie. Being 'groped' by a cabbie. Being locked in an Uber by the driver demanding cash for gas. She stated Lyft drivers would expect tips and that Uber drivers don't. I didn't want to wreck her world by explaining that both companies allow cash tips, and Lyft doesn't require in app tips. It was a guarantee trip so I got over $10 and she paid $5.


----------



## CrazyT

Praxeology said:


> I appreciated the passenger I had tonight who was asking his roommate whether he had special K over the phone. Uber riders are a class above the rest of us, and don't you ever forget it.


Sounds like a phone call from my backseat the other night. Picked up two girls from a hotel outside Baltimore heading to Alexandria, VA. We get on the highway and I hear the phone call..."yeah we're the girls from New York. We were told to pick up some bud for your party." funny how a sentence or two later she said they were dropping off "books".


----------



## the rebel

Worst question I had was about that driver in Michigan that killed those people, I had it about 100 times it seemed like. 
My answer, "I am not saying I would do it but between Uber and some of the passengers I have to pick up I understand how someone could snap."

About half the time people would almost fall out of the car laughing so hard, occasionally people would freak out and look like I had just pulled a gun on them, but it almost always led to a conversation about the way drivers are treated, the things that passengers do to screw up our day, and the lack of tips to put up with it. Also led to more tips for me as well.


----------



## UberLaLa

the rebel said:


> Worst question I had was about that driver in Michigan that killed those people, I had it about 100 times it seemed like.
> My answer, "I am not saying I would do it but between Uber and some of the passengers I have to pick up I understand how someone could snap."
> 
> About half the time people would almost fall out of the car laughing so hard, occasionally people would freak out and look like I had just pulled a gun on them, but it almost always led to a conversation about the way drivers are treated, the things that passengers do to screw up our day, and the lack of tips to put up with it. Also led to more tips for me as well.


That driver did not shoot any of his passengers, though. Just the same if you were my driver and told me that....I'd toss you a $20 immediately, until we go to a safe place I could get out! lol


----------



## bigdog305

In Miami mostly all PAX asks if I speak English. Wonder why??????? Welcome to south of the border!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## EX_

"Do you like doing Uber?"


----------



## Who35

Michael - Cleveland said:


> Driving Uber is the opposite of Taxi-Cab Confessions...
> Every freakin' passenger feels they have to right to interview and ask you 600 personal questions.


Next time make up an interesting story. Tell them your real name is Hans an Olympic skier from Switzerland.


----------



## Fuzzyelvis

How do you make money at these rates?

Oh, wait, that's actually NOT a stupid question!


----------



## WBdriving

I like it when the pax calls you to either tell you were they are or ask you how it's going to take for you to get there before the map has had a chance to load onto your screen.


----------



## Manotas

WBdriving said:


> I like it when the pax calls you to either tell you were they are or ask you how it's going to take for you to get there before the map has had a chance to load onto your screen.


That sir should be your queue to cancel on them... Just like a Pax that calls you when you're at a red light or the guard gate to get to their commuity and calls you to tell you the haven't seen your car move for a couple of minutes


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## UberLaLa

_Where are you?_ Asks passenger, nicely. (if they ask with vinegar&piss = cancel) But, these are the ones I have called them because Uber's pin drop system (really it's Google's, but that's a different rant) has sent me a block or two away. _I am at 2nd and Los Angeles street._ To which they usually reply, _Oh, do you see me?_ _Oh! Wait wait, I see you...is that you? _

Of course there isn't a soul anywhere around me, because it's late at night and the pin drop has me a block or two away. _No, that isn't me...I am at 2nd and Los Angeles street. _To which they then ask, _Why?_ And I reply, _That's where the App says you are, but that is why I am calling you. _Then the, _Oh, there you are! Wait, why are you turning around? _Me, _That's not me...Can you give me the address of where you are standing? That's why I am calling you, the App did not show me where you really are. _Passenger, _I'm in front of the coffee shop on...(to their friend or whomever) What street is this? .... I'm in front of the coffee shop across from the bakery, I don't know the street, I think it's third street. Where are you? I will come to you.

I have the car, let me come to you....if you could give me the address or a business name of where you are, I'll put it into my navigation and be there pronto. _Passenger, _I don't know...where are you, again?

 _


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## WBdriving

Manotas said:


> That sir should be your queue to cancel on them... Just like a Pax that calls you when you're at a red light or the guard gate to get to their commuity and calls you to tell you the haven't seen your car move for a couple of minutes


I work in a diverse area so there is sometimes a language barrier but if they seem nice I'm willing to give them a chance and I will take the time to explain to them what they did and recommend what they should do just so it's easier and much faster for them to get pickup and to their destination next time.


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## WBdriving

Ok so I got this ping and I just so happen to be right around the corner and all I have to do is go down the hill turn the corner then take my first right drive up the horse shoe and I'm right there. But just as I'm taking the corner my phone rings so I pull over and answer it and some drunk guy (during the day) is trying to explain to me where he is by telling me where all this stuff is around him and I'm telling him that I don't know any of that all I have to go by is the GPS but can't because I'm on the phone with him. He ask's all is this you in the gray van? I'm like no I'm still parked on the side of the road talking to you and I'll be there in a few minutes. So I hang up and go up there and there he and his buddy is talking to the guy in the gray van who isn't even an Uber driver. 

I only took the ride because he was two minutes away and I really wanted to give him 1 star.


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## chris1966

PAX: Boxers or Briefs?

Me: Commando


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## Campark

2 seconds from the pickup location the pax screams where are we?


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## uanic

Schrodinger's Car said:


> Yep, probably the #1 dumb question. Pax can see our location on the app and all we can see is the address or pin drop location they sent us. And people who can use the pin drop accurately are few and far between.
> 
> I hate getting that call as soon as I accept a request, but it's even worse when I drive to their location and get that call when I'm 20 feet away.


LOL why are you answer a phone while driving? If it is something really important they will sent a text.


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## Fuzzyelvis

UberLaLa said:


> _Where are you?_ Asks passenger, nicely. (if they ask with vinegar&piss = cancel) But, these are the ones I have called them because Uber's pin drop system (really it's Google's, but that's a different rant) has sent me a block or two away. _I am at 2nd and Los Angeles street._ To which they usually reply, _Oh, do you see me?_ _Oh! Wait wait, I see you...is that you? _
> 
> Of course there isn't a soul anywhere around me, because it's late at night and the pin drop has me a block or two away. _No, that isn't me...I am at 2nd and Los Angeles street. _To which they then ask, _Why?_ And I reply, _That's where the App says you are, but that is why I am calling you. _Then the, _Oh, there you are! Wait, why are you turning around? _Me, _That's not me...Can you give me the address of where you are standing? That's why I am calling you, the App did not show me where you really are. _Passenger, _I'm in front of the coffee shop on...(to their friend or whomever) What street is this? .... I'm in front of the coffee shop across from the bakery, I don't know the street, I think it's third street. Where are you? I will come to you.
> 
> I have the car, let me come to you....if you could give me the address or a business name of where you are, I'll put it into my navigation and be there pronto. _Passenger, _I don't know...where are you, again?
> 
> _


Wow. We are all picking up the exact same pax. I swear I've had that exact same conversation at least 100 times.

My favorite is when you finally figure out where they are but they've wandered off (against your instructions) trying to find you and are no longer there.

I usually try to get them to go look at the street signs at the closest intersection. But drunk people don't listen.


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## UberLaLa

Fuzzyelvis said:


> Wow. We are all picking up the exact same pax. I swear I've had that exact same conversation at least 100 times.
> 
> My favorite is when you finally figure out where they are but they've wandered off (against your instructions) trying to find you and are no longer there.
> 
> I usually try to get them to go look at the street signs at the closest intersection. But drunk people don't listen.


Yup. Uber has been very successful at spinning two lies - _The tip is in the App & Just push the button and the Uber driver will magically find you. _


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## bingybingyfoo

UberLaLa said:


> _Where are you?_ Asks passenger, nicely. (if they ask with vinegar&piss = cancel) But, these are the ones I have called them because Uber's pin drop system (really it's Google's, but that's a different rant) has sent me a block or two away. _I am at 2nd and Los Angeles street._ To which they usually reply, _Oh, do you see me?_ _Oh! Wait wait, I see you...is that you? _
> 
> Of course there isn't a soul anywhere around me, because it's late at night and the pin drop has me a block or two away. _No, that isn't me...I am at 2nd and Los Angeles street. _To which they then ask, _Why?_ And I reply, _That's where the App says you are, but that is why I am calling you. _Then the, _Oh, there you are! Wait, why are you turning around? _Me, _That's not me...Can you give me the address of where you are standing? That's why I am calling you, the App did not show me where you really are. _Passenger, _I'm in front of the coffee shop on...(to their friend or whomever) What street is this? .... I'm in front of the coffee shop across from the bakery, I don't know the street, I think it's third street. Where are you? I will come to you.
> 
> I have the car, let me come to you....if you could give me the address or a business name of where you are, I'll put it into my navigation and be there pronto. _Passenger, _I don't know...where are you, again?
> 
> _


OMG this. Worst part of the job. Thankfully I have got better at preventing or cancelling most of them, but argh, when I was new... edit - not the worst part, in potential at least. I will call it one of my most unfavorite parts.


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## Red Leader

the rebel said:


> Worst question I had was about that driver in Michigan that killed those people, I had it about 100 times it seemed like.
> My answer, "I am not saying I would do it but between Uber and some of the passengers I have to pick up I understand how someone could snap."
> 
> About half the time people would almost fall out of the car laughing so hard, occasionally people would freak out and look like I had just pulled a gun on them, but it almost always led to a conversation about the way drivers are treated, the things that passengers do to screw up our day, and the lack of tips to put up with it. Also led to more tips for me as well.


My response is....you haven't heard of Uber Roulette?


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## Red Leader

UberLaLa said:


> _Where are you?_ Asks passenger, nicely. (if they ask with vinegar&piss = cancel) But, these are the ones I have called them because Uber's pin drop system (really it's Google's, but that's a different rant) has sent me a block or two away. _I am at 2nd and Los Angeles street._ To which they usually reply, _Oh, do you see me?_ _Oh! Wait wait, I see you...is that you? _
> 
> Of course there isn't a soul anywhere around me, because it's late at night and the pin drop has me a block or two away. _No, that isn't me...I am at 2nd and Los Angeles street. _To which they then ask, _Why?_ And I reply, _That's where the App says you are, but that is why I am calling you. _Then the, _Oh, there you are! Wait, why are you turning around? _Me, _That's not me...Can you give me the address of where you are standing? That's why I am calling you, the App did not show me where you really are. _Passenger, _I'm in front of the coffee shop on...(to their friend or whomever) What street is this? .... I'm in front of the coffee shop across from the bakery, I don't know the street, I think it's third street. Where are you? I will come to you.
> 
> I have the car, let me come to you....if you could give me the address or a business name of where you are, I'll put it into my navigation and be there pronto. _Passenger, _I don't know...where are you, again?
> 
> _


Hi....where are you?

I'm in the black car with the flashing lights right behind you.

I don't see you.

Turn around....

Oh....there you are.

I won't get started on the ones facing the vehicle.


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## bingybingyfoo

[On a corner. The other street, one way away from the location.]
"Can you see a white girl? With long hair? "
Yes. I see about twenty such girls. Most are on the phone. 
"Can _you _see a white girl? In a RED car? With flashing lights?
No? 
Did you look behind you yet?"
Some people.


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## UberLaLa

bingybingyfoo said:


> [On a corner. The other street, one way away from the location.]
> "Can you see a white girl? With long hair? "
> Yes. I see about twenty such girls. Most are on the phone.
> "Can _you _see a white girl? In a RED car? With flashing lights?
> No?
> Did you look behind you yet?"
> Some people.


Almost all passengers assume two wrong things. 1. That we have their picture, like they do ours. 2. That the pin drop is accurate and we should be able to just drive right to them.

In these cases I, in passing, let them know we do not receive their picture. (Thus how I know they think we do - 100% say: _Oh, really? I thought you get our picture, too._) And, I simply explain, _Pin drop is +/- 100 feet accurate. Thus, 50% of the time it puts you on the other side of the street, or up/down the street._


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## Red Leader

UberLaLa said:


> Almost all passengers assume two wrong things. 1. That we have their picture, like they do ours. 2. That the pin drop is accurate and we should be able to just drive right to them.
> 
> In these cases I, in passing, let them know we do not receive their picture. (Thus how I know they think we do - 100% say: _Oh, really? I thought you get our picture, too._) And, I simply explain, _Pin drop is +/- 100 feet accurate. Thus, 50% of the time it puts you on the other side of the street, or up/down the street._


Many times.....we don't even have their names.


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## Gina Olivieri

Lidman said:


> Pax: Why did you move from North Caroline to Iowa?
> me: The breath-taking scenery.
> Pax: Is it busy tonight?
> me: Not really. You saved me from a bad dream I was having while sleeping in the Walgreens Parking lot.
> Pax: Do people ever (various derogatory sexual activities) in your car?
> me: No. That's why we have Motel Sex is mean six.


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## Gina Olivieri

I loved your dry humor. I drive in Iowa too. If you would like to read My Car as a Cab, it's a comedy about driving for Uber coming out in a couple of weeks. If interested, send a friend request to facebook under "Gina Olivieri Schulte" in Omaha.


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## Gina Olivieri

I asked "Where am I taking you?" Pax says "wherever you want." I say "You couldn't afford it"


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