# Slamming The Doors.



## Doyle Hargraves (Oct 11, 2014)

I drive UBERX. I'm at the bottom of the totem pole and I don't provide candy and water or any of that bullshit. If they want to drink booze in the vehicle that's fine with me. They can do drugs as long as it's not something that's going to stink the vehicle up. Want to snort some heroin, fine. But don't even think about using a little spoon to cook anything in the vehicle...and NO weed either, it stinks and the next PAX will ***** about it and low rate me. I'm very lenient with my customers. If a PAX comes running out of a house with a flat-screen TV and jumps in and yells "GO! GO! GO!" I'm tolerable with something like that, but I do ask for a FIVE STAR rating.

However, the one thing that really aggravates me is the slamming of the doors. I drive a nice ride and when they get out of it, they slam the door so hard, that I wonder how the window glass didn't break. They don't respect my ride. Just a bunch of $30,000 a year millionaires. NO! I will not get out of the vehicle to open and close doors for these people to alleviate this problem. It shouldn't have to be that way. I'm not a chauffeur. I'm UBERX

So what I started doing to stop the problem, is use a toilet plunger. I took the "butt" end of pool cue stick and screwed it into the handle part of the plunger. It's very sleek and slides in between my front seat and center console. Most of my people jump in the front seat. When the PAX gets out, I pull out the (now long) plunger and aim it towards the door. He goes to slam the door and I've stopped it! Then, I take the plunger and stick it to the window and close the door myself. The PAX will usually look confused. I give him a ONE STAR rating and go to the next ping.


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## LAuberX (Jun 3, 2014)

That answers the question of WWDD?

Welcome back.


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## painfreepc (Jul 17, 2014)

Doyle Hargraves said:


> I drive UBERX. I'm at the bottom of the totem pole and I don't provide candy and water or any of that bullshit. If they want to drink booze in the vehicle that's fine with me. They can do drugs as long as it's not something that's going to stink the vehicle up. Want to snort some heroin, fine. But don't even think about using a little spoon to cook anything in the vehicle...and NO weed either, it stinks and the next PAX will ***** about it and low rate me. I'm very lenient with my customers. If a PAX comes running out of a house with a flat-screen TV and jumps in and yells "GO! GO! GO!" I'm tolerable with something like that, but I do ask for a FIVE STAR rating.
> 
> However, the one thing that really aggravates me is the slamming of the doors. I drive a nice ride and when they get out of it, they slam the door so hard, that I wonder how the window glass didn't break. They don't respect my ride. Just a bunch of $30,000 a year millionaires. NO! I will not get out of the vehicle to open and close doors for these people to alleviate this problem. It shouldn't have to be that way. I'm not a chauffeur. I'm UBERX
> 
> So what I started doing to stop the problem, is use a toilet plunger. I took the "butt" end of pool cue stick and screwed it into the handle part of the plunger. It's very sleek and slides in between my front seat and center console. Most of my people jump in the front seat. When the PAX gets out, I pull out the (now long) plunger and aim it towards the door. He goes to slam the door and I've stopped it! Then, I take the plunger and stick it to the window and close the door myself. The PAX will usually look confused. I give him a ONE STAR rating and go to the next ping.


I call total BS, you would not have time to do this, and how do you know that passenger will slam the door..


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## chi1cabby (May 28, 2014)

painfreepc said:


> I call total BS, you would not have time to do this, and how do you know that passenger will slam the door..


It's dime store fiction written by @Doyle Hargraves , not meant to be taken literally. Just enjoy Doyle's creativity. #WWDD


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## unter ling (Sep 29, 2014)

chi1cabby said:


> It's dime store fiction written by @Doyle Hargraves , not meant to be taken literally. Just enjoy Doyle's creativity. #WWDD


Doyles stories are no more far fetched than the crap uber tries to feed riders and drivers, and at least he is entertaining.

This wasnt one of his best posts but maybe he will spin a good christmas yarn for us.


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## Worcester Sauce (Aug 20, 2014)

Doyle Hargraves said:


> I drive UBERX. I'm at the bottom of the totem pole and I don't provide candy and water or any of that bullshit. If they want to drink booze in the vehicle that's fine with me. They can do drugs as long as it's not something that's going to stink the vehicle up. Want to snort some heroin, fine. But don't even think about using a little spoon to cook anything in the vehicle...and NO weed either, it stinks and the next PAX will ***** about it and low rate me. I'm very lenient with my customers. If a PAX comes running out of a house with a flat-screen TV and jumps in and yells "GO! GO! GO!" I'm tolerable with something like that, but I do ask for a FIVE STAR rating.
> 
> However, the one thing that really aggravates me is the slamming of the doors. I drive a nice ride and when they get out of it, they slam the door so hard, that I wonder how the window glass didn't break. They don't respect my ride. Just a bunch of $30,000 a year millionaires. NO! I will not get out of the vehicle to open and close doors for these people to alleviate this problem. It shouldn't have to be that way. I'm not a chauffeur. I'm UBERX
> 
> So what I started doing to stop the problem, is use a toilet plunger. I took the "butt" end of pool cue stick and screwed it into the handle part of the plunger. It's very sleek and slides in between my front seat and center console. Most of my people jump in the front seat. When the PAX gets out, I pull out the (now long) plunger and aim it towards the door. He goes to slam the door and I've stopped it! Then, I take the plunger and stick it to the window and close the door myself. The PAX will usually look confused. I give him a ONE STAR rating and go to the next ping.


Doyle....you are my hero!


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## chi1cabby (May 28, 2014)

*Collected Works of @Doyle Hargraves* 


Doyle Hargraves said:


> I've been "pinged" 5 times since I started. I've cancel all of them. Just too damn nervous to go pick up a stranger. Well, this evening, after my brother said "see, told you wouldn't be a driver"....I said to hell with it and drink me a couple/three beers to relax and then I went "online"....sure enough I got "pinged" and I finished my last swig and headed to the airport to pickup the customer. I noticed after those few beers that I was much more relaxed. I chewed some gum and arrived to pickup a lady that was waving me down. She jumped in the front seat...which I thought was kinda weird. She was talkative and said she had only used Uber twice. We laughed a little and her destination was 5 miles away. the fare ended up being $16.60 and she said her husband told her she didn't have to tip. Anyway, I finally did my first "taxi drive" if you will, and it was very easy with a light buzz. I'm wondering do the nerves go away after awhile or is it okay to have just a couple cold ones to sooth the nerves before my shift?





Doyle Hargraves said:


> Do any of you fellas ever bring you're 'ol lady along? I work construction and so that takes up most of my time during the day and the wife already complains about not spending enough time together. Bills have been piling up, so I decided to work Uber at nights. I've been on 4 runs now and I am happy with meeting new folks and making some extra dough. I drive a big enough vehicle to were there is plenty of room for 3 in the back. Plenty of leg room. Well, the 'ol lady is sayin' we don't spend enough time together and wants to know if she could ride out with me some evening. I think she just want's to see what I'm really doing out there at all hours of the night. She's still having a hard time believing that I'm a part-time taxi driver. Ah hell, I'm ramblin' again. Long and short of it is, she figured we could at least spend time together and sit and visit while waiting to get "pinged"...Do you think my customers would mind if there was another person in the truck? Sitting in the front of course...Have any of you fellas ever had somebody ride along with you? Just wondering...Thanks in advance! By the way, on my first 4 customers I've gotten 3 (5) Stars and 1 (3) Star. That 3 Star came from a C u Next Tuesday that said the vehicle smelled "smoky"





Doyle Hargraves said:


> I started driving a few days ago. I've had 4 customers so far. I've read that most Uber riders are 18-35 years of age and somewhat tech savvy/educated. I'm not counting the folks that are drunk or under the influence of barbiturates. If I roll up on a ping, do I have the right to profile? Can I cancel on flat-billed ball caps and saggy pants? If I pull up on a black guy that has a hair pick in his fro and pants hanging to his knees, am I required to give him a ride?!? He may be the nicest guy in town, but something tells me there could be trouble. I know, I know,...Not just with blacks, so if I roll up on some white trash with meth mouth...the same question applies. Can we profile and haul ass out of there?!!! The four customers I've had have all been great and seemed really happy with the service and the vehicle. All four were clean cut folks and seemed like they had careers. I've received 3 FIVE STARS and 1 THREE STAR. The lady that gave me a THREE was kind of a C U Next Tuesday and said the vehicle smelled a little smoky. I even opened the door for her and gave her Fuji water.





Doyle Hargraves said:


> If Forrest Gump was an Uber driver, he'd compare picking up customers to a box of chocolates&#8230;you never know what you're going to get. I keep a Ruger SR9 in my side door jam and a .357 Colt Python is on the inside of my center console lid. It's not IF, but WHEN I finally get held up, the pax is prolly going to want money&#8230;I'll them it's in the console. I open the console and that Python will take care of BIDness. I generally wear a sport coat (dinner jacket) when I drive and most of the time I'll holster a neat little .38 Smith & Wesson Centennial&#8230;It's a snub-nose with an enclosed hammer. Really light gun. Had a close call yesterday evening. This customer was really shady. He was a black guy and said very few words when he got in. I'm still kicking myself for driving over to that bad side of town to pick this guy up. Oh well, I pull up and he's pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. He's smoking a cigarette and I asked him to put it out. He gets in and I say "where to buddy?" and he responded with "start driving"&#8230;Anyway, as we are driving I look in my rear-view mirror and see his black eyes staring at me. He then says "how much money do you guys make?"&#8230;I said it was very little and nobody ever tips. He then goes "how much cash do you have on you right now?"&#8230;.That's when I smoothly pulled the Ruger 9 out of the door jam and gently slid the hammer back as I held the gun with my right hand on the console. Once he heard and saw that distinct metal clang of the weapon being engaged. He told me to let him out now because he just "sharted". He claimed he asked that question because he was going to tip me, but only had a $100 bill and was wondering if I had change. I call BS on that. I gave him a 1 STAR rating and I'm sure he'll do the same to me. Anyway, I don't know if you guys have "Conceal and Carry" in your state, but if you do. Get your license! It's makes driving less nerve racking.





Doyle Hargraves said:


> Earlier this evening I was sitting at my "honey hole"..:that's where I get pinged the most. I get a ping and accept the ride. The pax informs me that she doesn't want a ride, but wants me to go pick up some to-go food for her. She said she ordered from Chili's and the order would be under the name "Carrie"...I immediately start the trip and head to the location she told me. I wait 10 minutes at the counter because the food wasn't ready. The total for the food was $27.44. I then contact her for her location and I begin to head to her apartment. I walk up three flights of stairs and ring the doorbell. She yells through the door to just leave the food there and thanks! I said I need to get the money for the food and she says to just put it on her Über bill. I said I can't and that I'm out almost $28. NO RESPONSE. I ring the doorbell a couple times, NO RESPONSE! I start kicking the door a little and she says she going to call the police. I called her the "C" word and said I wasn't going to end the trip until I knew it was around $28 and she screamed "FINE!"....I gave her a 1 star rating and called it a night. No more food deliveries for me.





Doyle Hargraves said:


> As I've stated before, roughly 80% of my customers are shit faced. I know that asking them to tip can get us in trouble. The way I see it, my passengers probably won't even know the difference. So I've come up with, what I believe, a genius way of getting them to tip. I stole this tip jar (it was empty when I took it) at a bar yesterday evening before my shift. I've placed it into one of my drink holders. I pick up most people from bars and I figure they have been looking at these type of tip jars all night and know exactly how they work. Once the ride ends, they'll just throw a couple bucks in the jar like they've been doing all night at the bar! It'll just be old habit for them. They're not going to remember to call and report me. I CAN'T WAIT for tonight's shift. Monday Night Football and bar drunks! I've even baited the jar with a couple/three dollars. If I get "pinged" at a non-bar location...I just hide the jar in my console. Show me the MONEY!!!














Doyle Hargraves said:


> I love driving for UBER and I've been making a killing doing it. The only problem is, my ratings. I'm at 2.38. I've had some real shitty customers and I've put myself in some bad spots. I have a nice ride, but my attitude is sometimes miserable. The money is too good to turn back now, and I know that low of a rating would bring me a pink slip. It is or was probably coming. I decided to open myself up an UBER passenger account using a Visa cash gift card and an old Samsung smart phone I had. I then went a few miles down the road from where I live. I sat in the vehicle and requested a ride exactly where I was sitting. Boom! I "pinged" myself! Me and Myself next drove down the road 1/2mile. I get charged a minimum and OF COURSE I give myself a 5 STAR! I did this 9 times for a total of around $50&#8230;UBER will get around $10 of that. That gave me 9 (5) STAR rides in matter of an hour or so. Bumping my rating up the next day to a 4.35! AWESOME! Just a helpful tip for you guys and gals worried about your ratings. Have a good shift and all the best&#8230;.Doyle


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## Worcester Sauce (Aug 20, 2014)

chi1cabby said:


> *Collected Works of @Doyle Hargraves*
> 
> View attachment 2879


Pulp Fiction of the highest order. Doyle for president.


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## suewho (Sep 27, 2014)

You dont have to like him, but you gotta admit....hes got style


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## Kim Chi (Dec 10, 2014)

Hiyah! I think Yah Rock.


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## JeffD1964 (Nov 27, 2014)

Points for creativity!


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## UberHammer (Dec 5, 2014)

I rigged up something similar using an old bicycle tire, a trombone and a 10 lb dumbbell. 

Unfortunately it tends to malfunction on the pax like they're Wile E Coyote.


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## ivan jurgenhoff (Nov 21, 2014)

you know i can't stand midgets, ******s and antique furniture


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## Kim Chi (Dec 10, 2014)




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## Doyle Hargraves (Oct 11, 2014)

ivan jurgenhoff said:


> you know i can't stand midgets, ******s and antique furniture


You too?!?...I can't so much as drink a glass of water around a midget or a piece of antique furniture!


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## haji (Jul 17, 2014)

slamming the door is the driver tip uber style.


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## DriversOfTheWorldUnite (Nov 11, 2014)

would love to see a video of this in action


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## elelegido (Sep 24, 2014)

This could be made into a device for non-tippers. Tie a long cord to the handle end and mount the plunger on a harpoon gun.

Then wait for a non-tipper. Would work best with the classier female clients who wear PVC miniskirts or dresses. As the offender walks away from the vehicle, lift the device, aim for a buttock, fire the harpoon and *thwock* the plunger latches on to the target. Use the cord to reel her back towards the car. Upon payment of a tip, grab the plunger handle and snap back sharply. Another *thwock* and the target is released.


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## UberFrolic (Sep 18, 2014)

I'm not being racist or Anything. But every Asian slams my door pretty hard. 

And they ALWAYS ride in the front guaranteed. Can anyone explain that ?


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## elelegido (Sep 24, 2014)

UberFrolic said:


> I'm not being racist or Anything. But


Mugger: I'm not mugging you or anything, but hand over your Fking wallet.


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## UberFrolic (Sep 18, 2014)

elelegido said:


> Mugger: I'm not mugging you or anything, but hand over your Fking wallet.


I guess.

Observations don't count anymore these days.


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## Lou W (Oct 26, 2014)

Doyle Hargraves said:


> I drive UBERX. I'm at the bottom of the totem pole and I don't provide candy and water or any of that bullshit. If they want to drink booze in the vehicle that's fine with me. They can do drugs as long as it's not something that's going to stink the vehicle up. Want to snort some heroin, fine. But don't even think about using a little spoon to cook anything in the vehicle...and NO weed either, it stinks and the next PAX will ***** about it and low rate me. I'm very lenient with my customers. If a PAX comes running out of a house with a flat-screen TV and jumps in and yells "GO! GO! GO!" I'm tolerable with something like that, but I do ask for a FIVE STAR rating.
> 
> However, the one thing that really aggravates me is the slamming of the doors. I drive a nice ride and when they get out of it, they slam the door so hard, that I wonder how the window glass didn't break. They don't respect my ride. Just a bunch of $30,000 a year millionaires. NO! I will not get out of the vehicle to open and close doors for these people to alleviate this problem. It shouldn't have to be that way. I'm not a chauffeur. I'm UBERX
> 
> So what I started doing to stop the problem, is use a toilet plunger. I took the "butt" end of pool cue stick and screwed it into the handle part of the plunger. It's very sleek and slides in between my front seat and center console. Most of my people jump in the front seat. When the PAX gets out, I pull out the (now long) plunger and aim it towards the door. He goes to slam the door and I've stopped it! Then, I take the plunger and stick it to the window and close the door myself. The PAX will usually look confused. I give him a ONE STAR rating and go to the next ping.


You are a damned genius. I salute you sir.


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## sts713 (Oct 4, 2014)

chi1cabby said:


> *Collected Works of @Doyle Hargraves*
> 
> We missed you Doyle! Welcome back!
> 
> View attachment 2879


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## No-tippers-suck (Oct 20, 2014)

yeah.. total BS story
"GoGoGooooo.... with the flat screen TV" hilarious !

thank you for entertaining !


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## Frank Martin (Nov 12, 2014)

1 star for vehicular damage!


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## JeffD1964 (Nov 27, 2014)

We don't do politically correct in here do we? Personally, I love little people. I just saw my first one in several years two days ago. She was adorable. And who doesn't love Peter Dinklage?


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## SmoothMiamidrive (Nov 6, 2015)

You crack me up! What a tremendous invention. You must of been so high when u created that plunger trick


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## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

ivan jurgenhoff said:


> you know i can't stand midgets, ******s and antique furniture


I love antique furniture! What's wrong with you?


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## MPG-Unit (Dec 30, 2015)

You keep mentioning that you're JUST Uber X and the lowest of the totem pole...think higher of yourself and you'll be elevating you self worth and other will take note and may show you an ounce of respect.


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