# Leaving soon, looking to troll pax. Ideas?



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

Leaving in a couple weeks for a job with survivable wages! Looking to have a little fun with my pax on my last day. Let all your resentment channel into ideas, comrades!


----------



## Bart McCoy (Nov 4, 2014)

no
but whatever you do,videotape it, then post it here.....


----------



## chi1cabby (May 28, 2014)

Just channel Truth & Facts...


----------



## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

JohnMac said:


> Leaving in a couple weeks for a job with survivable wages! Looking to have a little fun with my pax on my last day. Let all your resentment channel into ideas, comrades!


Post sign in your car that says tips are not included


----------



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

chi1cabby said:


> Just channel Truth & Facts...


Ah yes, our own fiery revolutionary. A Jihad upon the corporate swine that is Travis!


----------



## Bart McCoy (Nov 4, 2014)

Fuzzyelvis said:


> Post sign in your car that says tips are not included


naw, post that tips are REQUIRED before being allowed to leave vehicle


----------



## suewho (Sep 27, 2014)

Duelling banjos playing on your stereo? For a start of course.


----------



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

suewho said:


> Duelling banjos playing on your stereo? For a start of course.


Thinking more along the lines of going downhill and pretending my brakes have failed


----------



## fork2323 (Aug 27, 2014)

fill the back seat floor with dog shit, and then when the person gets in ask them if there is dog hair on the seat as the last person had a dog with them..
Or, tell them that your meds are wearing off and you lost the script and that I guess they will be the last ride for the day before things get bad.
Or Blast load music the entire time and when they ask you to turn it down, say "What? I'm hard of hearing.. Did you say turn it up?"


----------



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

fork2323 said:


> fill the back seat floor with dog shit, and then when the person gets in ask them if there is dog hair on the seat as the last person had a dog with them..
> Or, tell them that your meds are wearing off and you lost the script and that I guess they will be the last ride for the day before things get bad.
> Or Blast load music the entire time and when they ask you to turn it down, say "What? I'm hard of hearing.. Did you say turn it up?"


You... I like you


----------



## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

fork2323 said:


> fill the back seat floor with dog shit, and then when the person gets in ask them if there is dog hair on the seat as the last person had a dog with them..
> Or, tell them that your meds are wearing off and you lost the script and that I guess they will be the last ride for the day before things get bad.
> Or Blast load music the entire time and when they ask you to turn it down, say "What? I'm hard of hearing.. Did you say turn it up?"


I can send you CDs of Vladimir Vysotsky. I love his music but I can never convince anyone else how great it is.


----------



## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

Tell them this is your last uber ride.

Then no you mean LAST. THEIR LAST ALSO. 

Get on the freeway and ask how fast you have to be going to die instantly when you hit concrete.


----------



## Tx rides (Sep 15, 2014)

How about "thank you for agreeing to participate in our show! Most passengers decline the offer, so we really appreciate that you submitted your agreement"


----------



## elelegido (Sep 24, 2014)

Get a fake ring app for your phone. Have it ring and fake an incoming phone call when a suspected ****** gets in.

- Hello. Yeah, I have him in the car now.
<turn around and look pax up and down>
- Huh? Yeah, it's him. Just like you described. <describe pax> Yeah, 5'10", brown hair, mid 20s
- OK, I'll take him straight there. You said I get a grand, right?
- No, no cops around; it's cool
<end the call>
- Sorry about that, just my business partner.


----------



## UberXTampa (Nov 20, 2014)

Not my idea and somebody had suggested it: put your phone in your pocket, walk into the crowd, accept rides, describe other cars on the street. Preferably film it for viral YouTube video prank. You may make money from how viral it may get. Repeat until deactivated. And, don't forget to collect no show fee!


----------



## Desert Driver (Nov 9, 2014)

Get a couple empty Robitussin bottles and fill them with water colored appropriately, then drink them liberally as you drive. Be sure to crack open a fresh one during the trip.


----------



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

Taking notes, keep em coming guys.


----------



## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

Cough incessantly and tell them you're sorry but at these rates you haven't been able to afford your TB medication.


----------



## flyingdingo (Feb 5, 2015)

One after the other, accept a ping, drive up, if the pax isn't there waiting to hop in, drive off. Call pax and say, "I arrived and your ass wasn't standing there waiting to hop in my car. I left you. Call another car." 

How long will it take Uber to deactivate you?


----------



## elelegido (Sep 24, 2014)

flyingdingo said:


> One after the other, accept a ping, drive up, if the pax isn't there waiting to hop in, drive off. Call pax and say, "I arrived and your ass wasn't standing there waiting to hop in my car. I left you. Call another car."
> 
> How long will it take Uber to deactivate you?


I wait the five minutes just to get paid. Occasionally I've sent a text to say that I have canceled and to call another car when they're ready. The other text I'll send is when I get repeated pings from low rated pax that evidently nobody else wants to pick up either. Sometimes I accept the ping and then text:

"Sorry, I did not see that your rider rating was extremely low when I accepted your request. Canceling now; please try requesting again."

I see it as rider education - they probably don't realize why they're not getting picked up. Plus I enjoy it, wierdly.


----------



## Tx rides (Sep 15, 2014)

Accept the ride, but approach them on foot. With luggage. Tell them "thank God you are able to pick me up, I am close to missing my flight.... So where are you parked?"


----------



## flyingdingo (Feb 5, 2015)

Yeah, I'm with you. I'm quitting, too. Today's bullshit was the last straw. Now all I want to do is **** with pax and hand out Lyft referral cards until I get deactivated. 

Do you remember the trick we used to play in high school? Just as the dude reaches for the door handle, ease forward. He reaches, you ease forward again. It's very unnerving and embarrassing to the pax.

Naturally, let's not do anything to little old ladies or people who are standing there like good little soldiers ready to hop in your car, but for these entitled pax who sit their asses in their apartments until we call them? Hell, yes. Let's **** with them.


----------



## stuber (Jun 30, 2014)

Wear the evil clown costume, then act completely normal. When they ask about it, just act confused. "What do you mean? This is my everyday outfit. What's wrong with it?"


----------



## JaxBeachDriver (Nov 27, 2014)

I would just want to say everything on my mind.

1. As the pax gets out, "Hey, you ever think of tipping? Cheap ****, where do you work? I'm coming to your job to not treat you in a customary/culturally appropriate manner."

2. How do you like driving for uber?
-I'm quitting because of the shitty pay and lack of tips. This is my last day; I'm only driving to spread the word.


----------



## JaxBeachDriver (Nov 27, 2014)

Go through a drive thru of your choice with pax in the car. Don't ask permission. Don't give warning.


----------



## Moofish (Jun 13, 2014)

On $4 minimum rides mention there is a current promo of $5 off there rides, but since their ride was under $5 it did not qualify. They will either try and take longer rides or write in to Uber demanding their $5 or free rides.


----------



## UberFrolic (Sep 18, 2014)

Park a block away and say "there is a new policy where passengers are supposed to meet me a block away from your location, please walk over"

And when they do , text them "this is what happens when uber pays us like shit" and DRIVE OFF and cancel


----------



## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

Eat vast quantities of cabbage and beans. Drink soda. Belch and fart loudly the entire time and don't say anything.

If they say anything tell them "This is uberx you get what you pay for! "


----------



## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

When they get in ask start the ride then ask how much they plan on tipping and if they say it's included or don't plan to just don't start driving. When they ***** tell them tipping actually ISN'T included and you as an independent contractor have decided moving the car at these rates isn't either. But they can pay to sit in your car if they want. Of course you may have to run a few errands of your own.


----------



## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

Start the trip on arrival. Call and tell them the meter is running. Act like you're new and you thought that's what you're supposed to do.


----------



## UberXinSoFlo (Jan 26, 2015)

JaxBeachDriver said:


> Go through a drive thru of your choice with pax in the car. Don't ask permission. Don't give warning.


Yes! haha

Craziest story I ever heard. A pax on Lyft said that he quit taking uber because on his 20 min ride his driver stopped for gas AND went through a fast food drive thru with him in the car! The guy said the driver just did it, didn't even ask.


----------



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

flyingdingo said:


> Yeah, I'm with you. I'm quitting, too. Today's bullshit was the last straw. Now all I want to do is **** with pax and hand out Lyft referral cards until I get deactivated.
> 
> Do you remember the trick we used to play in high school? Just as the dude reaches for the door handle, ease forward. He reaches, you ease forward again. It's very unnerving and embarrassing to the pax.
> 
> Naturally, let's not do anything to little old ladies or people who are standing there like good little soldiers ready to hop in your car, but for these entitled pax who sit their asses in their apartments until we call them? Hell, yes. Let's **** with them.


Right on brother, Uber OFF! The last straw was the incident where this d-bag dented my car with a parking cone, check out my post on it. Santa Cruz pax are generally 1 of 3 categories- entitled bratty college kids, drunken boorish tourists, and snotty older locals. I won't be ****ing with anyone I'd actually like to have in my car normally, but that's around a hot 10% tops.


----------



## suewho (Sep 27, 2014)

UberXinSoFlo said:


> Yes! haha
> 
> Craziest story I ever heard. A pax on Lyft said that he quit taking uber because on his 20 min ride his driver stopped for gas AND went through a fast food drive thru with him in the car! The guy said the driver just did it, didn't even ask.


CLASSIC


----------



## Tx rides (Sep 15, 2014)

JaxBeachDriver said:


> Go through a drive thru of your choice with pax in the car. Don't ask permission. Don't give warning.


Yeah! Just go about your business, like you forgot you have a passenger in the backseat!! Maybe go take in a movie. Lmao!


----------



## JaxBeachDriver (Nov 27, 2014)

Call every pax as soon as you accept, and ask for permission to start the meter to pick them up. If they decline, cancel.


----------



## JaxBeachDriver (Nov 27, 2014)

Tx rides said:


> Yeah! Just go about your business, like you forgot you have a passenger in the backseat!! Maybe go take in a movie. Lmao!


Wait until they say something, act startled and say, "Shit, who are you?!" Summon Dori.


----------



## TimFromMA (Mar 4, 2015)

Have a blow up doll face down on your lap.


----------



## JaxBeachDriver (Nov 27, 2014)

Ask if they want some water. If they do, open a bottle, take a swig and then pass it back.


----------



## TimFromMA (Mar 4, 2015)

TimFromMA said:


> Have a blow up doll face down on your lap.


...and a tube of ky on the dashboard.


----------



## TimFromMA (Mar 4, 2015)

Be naked when you pick them up.


----------



## JaxBeachDriver (Nov 27, 2014)

Hand out your resume to every passenger.


----------



## JaxBeachDriver (Nov 27, 2014)

Get out and do jumping jacks at every stop light.

Or when the passenger gets in the car, run to the end of the road and back. 

Never give explanations


----------



## TimFromMA (Mar 4, 2015)

Arrive in a hearse.


----------



## JaxBeachDriver (Nov 27, 2014)

Stare at the pax in the rearview mirror the entire time.


----------



## TimFromMA (Mar 4, 2015)

Ask the passenger to drive.


----------



## TimFromMA (Mar 4, 2015)

Pee in a soda bottle as you drive down the street.


----------



## Tx rides (Sep 15, 2014)

JaxBeachDriver said:


> Ask if they want some water. If they do, open a bottle, take a swig and then pass it back.


If you come to Austin, you and I are going to hang out together!!!!!


----------



## JaxBeachDriver (Nov 27, 2014)

Tx rides said:


> If you come to Austin, you and I are going to hang out together!!!!!


Same goes for you if you come to FL!

 I've wanted to go to austin. I hear it's cool. Don't think I'll be going that way for a while, though.


----------



## Tx rides (Sep 15, 2014)

JaxBeachDriver said:


> Same goes for you if you come to FL!
> 
> I've wanted to go to austin. I hear it's cool. Don't think I'll be going that way for a while, though.


Yep! You are married to it now!!!!


----------



## UberXinSoFlo (Jan 26, 2015)

That would be funny though, just pull into a gas station with a pax and say it will just be a minute. While you're getting gas say that you don't have any cash on you, ask to borrow a couple bucks for a soda. 

If the gas station has a car wash, pay for it at the pump. If the pax complains, justify that it was only a couple bucks and you couldn't pass up that deal! The car wash should provide you with 10 mins of awkward fun. Maybe make a couple personal calls.. very personal calls.. haha


----------



## Selcric (Sep 1, 2014)

Get a small box, write "free kittens" on the side, put a few strawberry filled pastries in side (inexpensive) roll up to pax residence. As they approach your vehicle get out and just say "hold on" and pull out the box making sure they can read outside but not see inside. Stomp as hard as you can multiple times so that the red goo comes up and out. Then say "sorry about that" throwing your box into the car. Get in, drive off and cancel the ride!


----------



## UberXinSoFlo (Jan 26, 2015)

Have a list with 14 names on it, when the passenger gets in write their name down and casually mention they are the 15th pax of the day. Then pull into the first gas station you see. Ask them if they want to use cash or credit. 

Explain to them that this is the new policy in order to make it a true rideshare experience. Instead of charging every pax for gas, the 15th pax pays to fill the tank. 

If they begin to complain, just look confused and tell them that the other 14 paxs didn't complain, in fact, they liked the new policy! 

I bet you could get two tanks out of that before being deactivated lol


----------



## Pedruber (Jan 8, 2015)

Reminds me a a little biatch who rated me 1* once, she asks to go to an atm on the way, I find one at a gas station, as she gets out I let her know I'm going to get some gas maybe 50' away from her, i noticed she was like shocked that I should do such a thing while i wait for her, she took forever, which was fine by me as the pump was running extra slow that day, i keep pumping gas until i see here coming my way; i'm back in the car before she is; then get to her destination, she's fumbling around in the back seat looking for her keys or something in her purse, looks up at me and notices i'm waiting to hit end ride but i don't cause she's still in the car, she suggests i end the ride, i proceed to explain to her that it's in both our best interests that i do not until she gets out; now she's really pissed. noticed the rating hit soon afterwards but F her. I don't need permission to get gas while I wait on her at the atm and she took a very long time doing whatever it is she was doing there. Little ****...can you guys tell I'm fed up with this shit yet? I haven't done a ride in over a week, I've ubered off but when the surges come back and it's convenient for me I'll do another one. 2.5X or above at this point...


----------



## Fuzzyelvis (Dec 7, 2014)

UberXinSoFlo said:


> Yes! haha
> 
> Craziest story I ever heard. A pax on Lyft said that he quit taking uber because on his 20 min ride his driver stopped for gas AND went through a fast food drive thru with him in the car! The guy said the driver just did it, didn't even ask.


Now THAT is a bad ass driver! I admire him. Wonder how long it took for his rating to tank? Or maybe it was HIS last day.


----------



## dboogie2288 (Nov 19, 2014)

TimFromMA said:


> Ask the passenger to drive.


I love this...but at the same time, preface with "man, I am totally ****ed up...you should drive"


----------



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

TimFromMA said:


> Be naked when you pick them up.


Time to check my speedo drawer.


----------



## Chicago-uber (Jun 18, 2014)

Have both lyft and uber apps on. When you drive uber pax and you get a lyft request, go pick the lyft pax up with the uber pax in the backseat. Now that's true ridesharing. Lol


----------



## Disgusted Driver (Jan 9, 2015)

"No dude, seriously please sit up front". Pax gets in front seat. "Ok, now you have to cover for me. If we get stopped by the cops, we need to switch places quick and you tell them you were driving because my license is suspended.". Then peel out.

Stop along the way, get out and hand a stranger on a corner an envelope, get back in and keep driving, don't say a word.


----------



## elelegido (Sep 24, 2014)

To avoid those annoying questions, prepare a sheet of them and corresponding answers. Hand out a copy any time an "interrogator" gets in your car and starts asking away. I.e. if the interrogator asks where you live, hand him/her the FAQ sheet and say, "read 9". 

Sample answers for your sheet below:


FAQ

1) Do you like driving for Uber/Lyft?
- Yes, I like it

2) Has it been busy tonight?
- Yes, it has been busy tonight

3) How long have you been driving in total for Uber and/or Lyft?
- One year

4) Do you drive for both Uber and Lyft?
- Yes

5) Is it better to drive for both?
- Yes

6) How long have you been driving tonight / What time will you finish tonight?
- I start at 7pm and work until 2am

7) What's your day/real job?
- I'm a neurosurgeon

8) Where are you from?
- I am from Bumble****, Indiana

9) Where do you live?
- I live downtown

10) Do you like living there
- Yes, I like living there

11) How long have you lived in this city?
- I have lived here 5 years

12) How old are you?
- I am 25

13) Do you have any wild and/or crazy rideshare stories?
- No

14) Would you like me to STFU and just let you drive?
- Yes, very much so


----------



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

elelegido said:


> To avoid those annoying questions, prepare a sheet of them and corresponding answers. Hand out a copy any time an "interrogator" gets in your car and starts asking away. I.e. if the interrogator asks where you live, hand him/her the FAQ sheet and say, "read 9".
> 
> Sample answers for your sheet below:
> 
> ...


Holy shit, you're still answering yes to #1?


----------



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

Update- decided to wear a bathrobe, carpet slippers, a speedo, a pink wig, and whatever other crazy shit I can find before the day of reckoning. Will post a picture when I do it.


----------



## TimFromMA (Mar 4, 2015)

JohnMac said:


> Update- decided to wear a bathrobe, carpet slippers, a speedo, a pink wig, and whatever other crazy shit I can find before the day of reckoning. Will post a picture when I do it.


Where's your market? I want to ping you for a ride just to see this for myself.


----------



## Disgusted Driver (Jan 9, 2015)

TimFromMA said:


> Where's your market? I want to ping you for a ride just to see this for myself.


Ah, it's the speedo and carpet slippers that got you, huh? Don't know many people that can rock that look so I'm looking forward to the pic!!


----------



## JohnMac (Feb 24, 2015)

TimFromMA said:


> Where's your market? I want to ping you for a ride just to see this for myself.


Santa Cruz, CA, might be a bit of a drive for ya


----------



## elelegido (Sep 24, 2014)

JohnMac said:


> Holy shit, you're still answering yes to #1?


The answers aren't important.

Pax - "Do you like driving for Uber?"

Driver - "Orange banana fish"

That kind of answer may shut them up faster; I dont know.

But usually, to alleviate the boredom and monotony of going back and forth, back and forth across the city, I'll invent a backstory to tell inquiring pax. It's mildly amusing seeing what kind of stories I can come up with and what they'll believe.


----------



## ApertureHour (May 8, 2015)

I'm disappointed to not see any pictures or stories about your last day....


----------



## OCBob (Jan 20, 2015)

JohnMac what happened?


----------



## UberFrolic (Sep 18, 2014)

Show up to the pickup. Right when u see them drive off. 

If they call, answer and say "uber doesn't pay me enough. Please contact uber administration to raise rates to decent wages"

Or text them that.


Another scenario push "arrived" even if you aren't close then sign on sidecar and Lyft and take calls until uber pax cancels. Ignore all phone calls and texts.


----------

