# Top Signs You Have Been A Flex Driver For Too Long



## Bess Jezos (Nov 19, 2017)

-You wake up in the middle of the night, sweating, and shout, "F***ing apartments!"

-You look for dog sh*t wherever you walk.

-You refer to the hours between 6AM and 8AM as, "Tap Time".

-You figured out the, "sideways" superhero method of leaping down stairs at 200MPH.

-Every time someone mentions, "GPS", your toes curl and your sphincter clenches. 

-Running away from a dog, reaching the glory and safety of the gate, and then realizing you forgot to scan, forgot to photo, left the wrong package, or there is one more package for that address left in the vehicle.

-Head smack on open Locker door.

-Leasing Offices bring up the last time you were there.

-You carry mace, band-aids, medical tape, and an Ace bandage at all times.

-What's an elevator? Is that a thing?

-A list of your annual vehicle costs reads longer than the verdicts handed-out at Nuremberg.

-You consider a 4 hour block that takes more than 2 hours a complete failure on the part of everyone involved.

-You have been physically assaulted by a poorly-designed building. Bonus points if there was a police report involved.

-Sobbing quietly to yourself in the Station as you read an FX sheet that shows you got, "that" route again.

-You have started an online petition to change the name of the app to, "Make the Next Legal U-Turn".

-You convince a Yard Marshal that reversing into the exit of the station with a honk is not considered, "Do Not Enter".

-You dream in cardboard.

-All traffic laws are now a grey zone and best ignored.

-You have asked God to strike down Jeff Bezos at least once... loudly... in front of customers.

-Always the last unit. Always the top of the stairs. Always all the way down the hallway. Always the end of the street or cul-de-sac. Always no parking. Always locked gates. Always no working gate codes. Always no customer available. Always no real support available.


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## rozz (Sep 7, 2016)

Wow, great insight into the logistics life! Traffic laws gray zone is my favorite. Traffic laws do not apply to me. There are a few Prime Now specific ones I'd like to add but after an 8 hour day...zZz.


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## rideshareMN (Jan 25, 2017)

GREAT LIST -- and clever placing of the second point!

I had a very bad experience with doggy #2 that was quite fresh, but hidden by a fresh light snowfall and darkness...had to stop in the middle of the route, find a gas station and clean both my shoe and the car mat -- and even then ended up spending another hour on cleaning the next day to get the unbelievable odor out of the shoe and car


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## Dash_D_Cadet (Nov 10, 2017)

also these too:

- reverse entry on a long ass driveway

- you create your own route that leads you home

- Official "sorry we missed you" Amazon notes

- you keep track of your mileage using MileIQ

- "HI, JOHN DOE? HERE'S YOUR PACKAGE"

- you park a certain way so that you can ring and ninja the f**k out without anyone noticing


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## rozz (Sep 7, 2016)

-you bring Prime Now bags home to use as trash bags and haven't had to buy them in over a year and sometimes they leak so you double bag them

-you had a dream that they raised the default tip to $11


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## rozz (Sep 7, 2016)

-you know everyone by their car make and model but not their names

-you stage your 10 bag deliveries so that the customer doesn't see you struggle and it appears seamless

-your calls to customer are well rehearsed and skip most formalities so that you get to the point and they come out as fast as possible

-you make up lies as to why it's taking so long to scan their ID for alchol deliveries, one of which is 'our servers are really slow today' when in fact the app sucks when it comes to scanning IDs


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## jester121 (Sep 6, 2016)

This thread exceeds expectations. Well done!


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## icantdeliverhere (Jan 7, 2018)

you look for parking lots with shaded areas so can nap between blocks. 

you look for Starbucks with a drive thru.

you hang up on other company CS REPS when they can't talk fast enough...(LOL)

you go back to the Hub even you don't have the next block.


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## Woohaa (Jan 15, 2017)

If I even suspect a dog is loose on the property that's a package that won't be delivered to that address. No questions asked.


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## Amsoil Uber Connect (Jan 14, 2015)

^^^ And leave it for another driver !!! Nice,... Screw you. Just toss the dam thing over the fence and let them have at it.

The owner has had plenty of time to get there a$$ to you to take the package, as the dog is an early warning system. If they don't like it tuff caca since they have no dog training skills either. 

Oh wait this is only a dream.


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## Frœsty (Aug 14, 2016)

This is the easiest job in the world, smh @ whole thread...

I can understand difficulties with people doing rideshare but problems with inanimate objects? You have issues.


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## jester121 (Sep 6, 2016)

The idiots in vests at the warehouse = not inanimate objects.

The idiots who write code for the Flex app = not inanimate objects.

The idiots who order boxes of inanimate objects from Amazon and cause hassles with deliveries = not inanimate objects.


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## tohunt4me (Nov 23, 2015)

Bess Jezos said:


> -You wake up in the middle of the night, sweating, and shout, "F***ing apartments!"
> 
> -You look for dog sh*t wherever you walk.
> 
> ...


Try running up a flight of outdoor stairs in the dark . . . in the rain . . . porch light NOT turned on( delivering Pizzas)
To discover about 12 feet up
That ONE STEP IS MISSING !

And the person you JUST SPOKE TO on phone
" Neglected" to warn you
( you called because the Whole Street is in witness protection program and without a single marked address)( of course Google claims it is 5 blocks away as usual)
.but they do finally turn outside light on to blind you once you knock on door . . .

( thank goodness over 30 years working offshore and ship building taught me to grab stair rails with any part of my body including elbos !)



Woohaa said:


> If I even suspect a dog is loose on the property that's a package that won't be delivered to that address. No questions asked.


On the roof is a delivery .


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## wb6vpm (Mar 27, 2016)

all of these, yep!


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