# Uber, we need to talk...



## Stripzip (Mar 16, 2017)

The first thing you need to know is it's not me... It's you.
I haven't been around for a few weeks now because you knocked the glasses off my face and broke them over a low rating. It wasn't "someone else"...it was YOU... Uber. Your passenger is you, not someone you hooked me up with...they represent you (usually money represents you, but you are getting SO stingy with it lately...passenger behavior is all that is left) when Ubers passengers are being violent, Uber is being violent.
But hey, we had some good times, lost a little money together, subsided rides for others... Had a few laughs. It was fun at first. But I am looking to settle down, and lets face it.. Not only are you definitely NOT "settle down" material, you aren't even a good one night stand.
I mean... It isn't like I can take you to meet mother, she warned me AGAINST picking up hitchhikers... And, well. You are just 21st century hitchhikers.
I thought you were perfect at first... You seemed so flexible, so easy, so friendly... But as the days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months I began to see that you have narcissistic personality disorder, and worse...you might be totally psycho.

You deny, you gas light, and you have mood swings. You plop a Hollywood celebrity in the back of my car one night... And a raging drunk idiot the next. And let's face it... You are a cheapskate.

Now you are unleashing machete wielding 16 year old girls on your drivers in the richest safest Chicago suburbs. 
http://abc7chicago.com/news/teen-charged-in-uber-drivers-stabbing-death-in-lincolnwood/2058818/

I cannot imagine dying in a scene where Friday the 13th meets My Super Sweet 16 meets Taxi.

I cannot imagine a 16 year old c**t hacking me to death in my own car.

I will not die for $3.75.

I have a family to take care of.

And frankly I deserve a better job description than; "Drives around Las Vegas picking up drunk strangers hoping they will puke in my car so I get a bonus".

That's it, we're done as a couple.

(Now, this doesn't mean that I won't stop by to use you every now and again... After all, you are easy. But we play safe.... No nights, no weekends. Just a quickie airport run every now and then when its surging)


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## Grahamcracker (Nov 2, 2016)

Stripzip said:


> The first thing you need to know is it's not me... It's you.
> I haven't been around for a few weeks now because you knocked the glasses off my face and broke them over a low rating. It wasn't "someone else"...it was YOU... Uber. Your passenger is you, not someone you hooked me up with...they represent you (usually money represents you, but you are getting SO stingy with it lately...passenger behavior is all that is left) when Ubers passengers are being violent, Uber is being violent.
> But hey, we had some good times, lost a little money together, subsided rides for others... Had a few laughs. It was fun at first. But I am looking to settle down, and lets face it.. Not only are you definitely NOT "settle down" material, you aren't even a good one night stand.
> I mean... It isn't like I can take you to meet mother, she warned me AGAINST picking up hitchhikers... And, well. You are just 21st century hitchhikers.
> ...


UBER: Oohhh Stripzip, it's ok if you need a break. You'll be back, they always come back. Meanwhile, I just recruited 10 more dumb [email protected]#$s in your area in the time it took me to type you this messages. You can always come back when you want the shaft again. I might even send a few riders your way. Good luck and mmwwaa mmwwaa.


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## Stripzip (Mar 16, 2017)

Grahamcracker said:


> UBER: Oohhh Stripzip, it's ok if you need a break. You'll be back, they always come back. Meanwhile, I just recruited 10 more dumb [email protected]#$s in your area in the time it took me to type you this messages. You can always come back when you want the shaft again. I might even send a few riders your way. Good luck and mmwwaa mmwwaa.


Yeah... It isn't like I don't have a history of repeating bad relationships a few times


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## Mars Troll Number 4 (Oct 30, 2015)

Nice Metaphor...

I haven't quite seen an "i quit" put as nicely as this.


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## Certain Judgment (Dec 2, 2016)

Stripzip said:


> The first thing you need to know is it's not me... It's you.
> I haven't been around for a few weeks now because you knocked the glasses off my face and broke them over a low rating. It wasn't "someone else"...it was YOU... Uber. Your passenger is you, not someone you hooked me up with...they represent you (usually money represents you, but you are getting SO stingy with it lately...passenger behavior is all that is left) when Ubers passengers are being violent, Uber is being violent.
> But hey, we had some good times, lost a little money together, subsided rides for others... Had a few laughs. It was fun at first. But I am looking to settle down, and lets face it.. Not only are you definitely NOT "settle down" material, you aren't even a good one night stand.
> I mean... It isn't like I can take you to meet mother, she warned me AGAINST picking up hitchhikers... And, well. You are just 21st century hitchhikers.
> ...


THAT...WAS...*EPIC!!!*


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