# Best rideshare memes and jokes



## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)




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## Uber's Guber (Oct 22, 2017)




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## New2This (Dec 27, 2015)




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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

A man and his hot date are parked on a lonely road and they’re getting it on.

All of a sudden the girl stops and tells him
“I really should tell you I’m actually a hooker. I charge $40 for sex.”

Reluctantly the man pays her and they do their thing.

After they’re done the man just sits there looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?" asks the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually an Uber driver.
The fare back to town is $50.”


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## New2This (Dec 27, 2015)

Cableguynoe said:


> A man and his hot date are parked on a lonely road and they're getting it on.
> 
> All of a sudden the girl stops and tells him
> "I really should tell you I'm actually a hooker. I charge $40 for sex."
> ...


After the rebalancing it's $20


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## jgiun1 (Oct 16, 2017)

New2This said:


> View attachment 281576
> View attachment 281577


Dude, I spit my Gatorade out looking at the dog picture... Perfection for Uber driver's


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## mrpjfresh (Aug 16, 2016)

Someone (forgive me, I can't remember to give credit) posted this on here and I liked it so much that I saved it to my phone.


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## MadePenniesToday (Feb 24, 2017)

mrpjfresh said:


> Someone (forgive me, I can't remember to give credit) posted this on here and I liked it so much that I saved it to my phone.
> 
> View attachment 281649


 This should be posted in drivers' cars.


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## DieselkW (Jul 21, 2015)

Ice breaker:

Do you know how to bake toilet paper?

Neither do I, but I can brown it one side for you.


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## Merc7186 (Jul 8, 2017)

New2This said:


> After the rebalancing it's $20


Drivers take is only $10, Uber keeps $40


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Pax the moment after driver hands him the aux cord


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## New2This (Dec 27, 2015)

Cableguynoe said:


> Pax the moment after driver hands him the aux cord
> 
> View attachment 281755


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## UberLyftFlexWhatever (Nov 23, 2018)

Cableguynoe said:


> View attachment 281538


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## 1.5xorbust (Nov 22, 2017)

DieselkW said:


> Ice breaker:
> 
> Do you know how to bake toilet paper?
> 
> Neither do I, but I can brown it one side for you.


You must be using two ply.



Cableguynoe said:


> Pax the moment after driver hands him the aux cord
> 
> View attachment 281755


Is that Tom Hanks?


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

1.5xorbust said:


> Is that Tom Hanks?


No. His name is Barkhad Abdi.


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## UberLyftFlexWhatever (Nov 23, 2018)

Cableguynoe said:


> No. His name is Barkhad Abdi.


Interestingly Barkhad Abdi was a limo driver in real life.
And a cell phone salemsn and DJ


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## Uber's Guber (Oct 22, 2017)

One day a lawyer was taking a ride home in an Uber car when he saw a man on the side of the road eating grass. The lawyer told his Uber driver to stop. The lawyer then got out and asked, _"Why are you eating grass?" _The man replied, _"I was once an Uber driver myself, but Uber kept cutting the rates, and now I'm so poor I can't afford a thing to eat." _The lawyer pondered a moment, and said, _"Tell you what, come back to my house." _The ex-Uber driver cries out, _"But I have a wife and a kid also."_ The lawyer says _"Great, bring them along also!" _So they all piled back into the Uber car and the ex-Uber driver says to the lawyer _"Thank you for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you." _The lawyer said, _"You're going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."_


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## 1.5xorbust (Nov 22, 2017)

What do you call 1000 Uber employees at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.


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## TXqwi3812 (Oct 31, 2018)




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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)




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## HotUberMess (Feb 25, 2018)




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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)




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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

HotUberMess said:


> View attachment 281986


Holy crap!
Is that one real?


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## UberLyftFlexWhatever (Nov 23, 2018)

Cableguynoe said:


> Holy crap!
> Is that one real?


As real as this


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## tohunt4me (Nov 23, 2015)

mrpjfresh said:


> Someone (forgive me, I can't remember to give credit) posted this on here and I liked it so much that I saved it to my phone.
> 
> View attachment 281649


Yup . . . ...

My Personal Favorite uber meme.

Borrowed from another countrys Uber People chat room article over a year ago.

We nurture Uber for This.


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## x100 (Dec 7, 2015)

This says it all ( pardon the typ-o)



















take a sip after every drop off...


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## HotUberMess (Feb 25, 2018)

Cableguynoe said:


> Holy crap!
> Is that one real?


Lol I assume so


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## Lowestformofwit (Sep 2, 2016)

Cableguynoe said:


> Holy crap!
> Is that one real?


The $4.47 part will be, for sure.


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## Clothahump (Mar 31, 2018)

New2This said:


> View attachment 281576
> View attachment 281577


OMG! The dog one is perfect. I'ma grab that for future use!


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## Lisa Ellis (Dec 17, 2018)

Thanks, Uber for the transportation facility, it really helped me when my car broke down.


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## Uber's Guber (Oct 22, 2017)

A small child growing up thinks a $1000 is a lot of money.
But the small child who grew up to become an Uber driver thinks a $1000 dollars is a _tremendous _amount of money.


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## DollarFree (Aug 3, 2018)

Uber's Guber said:


> A small child growing up thinks a $1000 is a lot of money.
> But the small child who grew up to become an Uber driver thinks a $1000 dollars is a _tremendous _amount of money.


And the small child who grew up to drive Lyft thinks after his first crash "shit, $1000 is less than half my deductible".


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## Uber's Guber (Oct 22, 2017)

Future Uber driver Age 14: _"someday I'll own a Ferrari."_
Future Uber driver Age 19: _"maybe I'll buy a BMW someday."_
Current Uber driver Age 25: _"I hope someone in a Mercedes hits me in a crosswalk."_


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)




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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Why did the Uber driver cross the road?



To get $3.


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## Ubersinger (Dec 15, 2017)

HotUberMess said:


> View attachment 281986


Am I the only one that thought that looked like a picture of the newest pope when he was younger?


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## t5contra (Dec 24, 2015)

Can you see what’s wrong here?


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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)




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## RaleighUber (Dec 4, 2016)




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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

When your pax looks at you and your car funny because they were originally paired with a different driver


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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)




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## Uber's Guber (Oct 22, 2017)

Guy Uber Driver says to Gal Uber Driver, _"We should get married."
"What?"_ exclaimed gal Uber Driver. _"We can't get married. We're so poor we can't afford to buy food!"
"I Know," _guy Uber Driver acknowledged. _"Think of all the rice we'll get!"_


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

Pax: “Ohhhh, heated seats?”


Driver: “No. Someone just got out.”


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## Uber's Guber (Oct 22, 2017)

Why are dead paxholes buried 12-feet down instead of six?
Because deep-down, they really are decent people!


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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)




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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)




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## Coachman (Sep 22, 2015)




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## yankdog (Jul 19, 2016)




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## yankdog (Jul 19, 2016)




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## yankdog (Jul 19, 2016)




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## yankdog (Jul 19, 2016)




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## Uberlife2 (Sep 20, 2016)

Super


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## Snowblind (Apr 14, 2017)

A nun catches a ride in a Uber. As the Car is going along, the nun notices that the Uber driver keeps looking at her in the rearview mirror. She says, "What is it my son?"

The Driver replies, "Oh, I’m too embarrassed to say, sister."

She says, "Please, feel free to say anything. I’ve been a nun for many years and not too many things surprise me anymore."

The Driver says, "Well, I’ve always had this overwhelming fantasy to get ******* from a nun. Oh, I’m so ashamed!"

The nun says, "That’s okay, I understand the need of the flesh. I will do it on two conditions: One, that you are Catholic and two, that you are not married."

The Driver says, "Yes on both conditions!"

So they drive around the corner to a spot where the nun takes care of the Uber Driver. As they continue on their way, the nun notices the Driver is crying. She says, "What’s wrong, my son?"

He says, "Sister, I lied. I’m Jewish and I’m married!"

She says, "That’s okay. My name’s Steve and I’m on my way to a Halloween party!"


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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)




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## yankdog (Jul 19, 2016)




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## yankdog (Jul 19, 2016)




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## Lissetti (Dec 20, 2016)

*UBERPOOL *​
*







*

*







*


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## Kodyhead (May 26, 2015)

Why are Miami drivers so crazy?

Actually it's because of the different laws and classes. You probably took the defensive driving class in Miami we take the offensive driving class

Also the law says your left hand has to be at 10 oclock on the steering wheel and the right hand has to be on a cell phone. 

That's usually a $5 joke of you time it right


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## yankdog (Jul 19, 2016)




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## mrpjfresh (Aug 16, 2016)

Had to make this last night after seeing it for the millionth time... And to keep the Tom Hanks thing going of course!


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## turtle75 (Jan 8, 2019)




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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)




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## peteyvavs (Nov 18, 2015)

Pax Collector said:


> View attachment 284558


Been there, done that.


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## Clothahump (Mar 31, 2018)

This is still the best one I've seen.


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