# Shadiest thing you've done



## Juggalo9er (Dec 7, 2017)

Replaced someone else's brake pads under my warranty through AutoZone.... Same thing applies to bumper to bumper warranty.... If the parts are interchangeable... I'll do it


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## MoonlightingPHD (Feb 11, 2019)

I killed a passenger this one time.


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## Ricardo Resolute (Feb 18, 2019)

Greeted passenger with “Good Morning”


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

You can’t do this anymore.

But I used to go get my Verizon upgrade at Costco.
I would pick the free phone.

The phone rep would send me to register to buy it. I would only have to pay taxes.

Then they would give me the phone which I was then supposed to take back to cell phone dude to get it upgraded on my account.

But the way I saw it I had already purchased it so I would just walk out with it. Upgrade was never applied to my Verizon account.

I would sell phone for $300.

Then I’d go to another Costco and do it again. And again. And again.

Now Costco reps walk you back to cell phone kiosk so you don’t walk out with it.

But I had my fun doing this.

Uncle Sam didn’t lose. I always paid taxes on it:whistling:


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## Juggalo9er (Dec 7, 2017)

Cableguynoe said:


> You can't do this anymore.
> 
> But I used to go get my Verizon upgrade at Costco.
> I would pick the free phone.
> ...


I used to do this to cell phone companies in a way... Back when contacts existed, I waited for a new fee as grounds to cancel then sold the phone


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## BlueNOX (Apr 3, 2016)

Broke up with a chick as I rolled off her after having sex.


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## horse guy (Feb 6, 2019)

I ate a baby


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## UberBastid (Oct 1, 2016)

horse guy said:


> I ate a baby


Baby what?

I cheated on my taxes.


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## TXUbering (May 9, 2018)

Wore a hat with an umbrella built in..... Sooooo shady.....


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

BlueNOX said:


> Broke up with a chick as I rolled off her after having sex.


Done that.... guilty!

But that's not the shadiest thing I've done by a long shot. One of the shittiest tho...


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## SJCorolla (Jul 12, 2017)

Forging checks and driver's licenses, until I got caught. Never convicted, though. Of course this was many years ago, when I was young and reckless.


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## Merc7186 (Jul 8, 2017)

I signed up for Uber....


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## DollarFree (Aug 3, 2018)

Turned back the odometer when selling cars, back when that was a thing. Wicked huh.


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## TXqwi3812 (Oct 31, 2018)

order water at the burger king and fill it with sprite :coolio:


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## BlueNOX (Apr 3, 2016)

Mista T said:


> Done that.... guilty!
> 
> But that's not the shadiest thing I've done by a long shot. One of the shittiest tho...


In my defense, it was my wife's sister and she'd just walked in.


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## UberBastid (Oct 1, 2016)

BlueNOX said:


> In my defense, it was my wife's sister and she'd just walked in.


That's a defense?
Wouldn't wanna be YOUR lawyer.


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## BlueNOX (Apr 3, 2016)

UberBastid said:


> That's a defense?
> Wouldn't wanna be YOUR lawyer.


Defense for why I was with her sister is my wife told me sharing is caring the night before when she wanted my cheesecake.

Seems it doesn't apply to her sister.


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## Juggalo9er (Dec 7, 2017)

TXqwi3812 said:


> order water at the burger king and fill it with sprite :coolio:


You rebel


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## Z129 (May 30, 2018)

When I was about 7 years old I went to the movies with a friend of mine. It was the first time I'd went to the theater without parental supervision. I went to the bathroom and another kid around the same age as me pulled a little penknife on me and robbed me of all my money (probably 35 cents or so - it was the 60s). He also stabbed me in the hand. I went crying to the theater manager and told him what happened and he had the kid empty his pockets so that I could reclaim my money. Well, the kid had about three bucks in change in his pocket and despite the protests of the kid, I took it all. Then the manager threw the kid out of the theater. He robbed me, I robbed him.


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## 911 Guy (Feb 8, 2018)

Z129 said:


> When I was about 7 years old I went to the movies with a friend of mine. It was the first time I'd went to the theater without parental supervision. I went to the bathroom and another kid around the same age as me pulled a little penknife on me and robbed me of all my money (probably 35 cents or so - it was the 60s). He also stabbed me in the hand. I went crying to the theater manager and told him what happened and he had the kid empty his pockets so that I could reclaim my money. Well, the kid had about three bucks in change in his pocket and despite the protests of the kid, I took it all. Then the manager threw the kid out of the theater. He robbed me, I robbed him.


This is what training all your life to drive Uber looks like.


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## 25rides7daysaweek (Nov 20, 2017)

MoonlightingPHD said:


> I killed a passenger this one time.


Just once? I hope nobody ever opens my guest bedroom closet....


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## tohunt4me (Nov 23, 2015)

Juggalo9er said:


> Replaced someone else's brake pads under my warranty through AutoZone.... Same thing applies to bumper to bumper warranty.... If the parts are interchangeable... I'll do it


Drove for Uber



horse guy said:


> I once drank horse semen.


Ew !


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## JamesBond008 (Mar 26, 2018)

Voted for Hillary


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## Irishjohn831 (Aug 11, 2017)

When I was a teenager I worked at a gas station. We would drop envelopes of money in a safe and take a long flat piece of rubber to push it all the way in. I went to do my first drop ($200.00 per envelope) and saw the guy before me who was a dick, didn’t push his envelope down. I made a fishing rod out of a pen and scotch tape, at first it was a challenge, then it worked and I was scared, but I kept the money and never got caught.


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## TXUbering (May 9, 2018)

SJCorolla said:


> Forging checks and driver's licenses, until I got caught. Never convicted, though. Of course this was many years ago, when *I was young and reckless*.


You're an Uber driver now, so can we assume that you're still young?


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## tohunt4me (Nov 23, 2015)

Irishjohn831 said:


> When I was a teenager I worked at a gas station. We would drop envelopes of money in a safe and take a long flat piece of rubber to push it all the way in. I went to do my first drop ($200.00 per envelope) and saw the guy before me who was a dick, didn't push his envelope down. I made a fishing rod out of a pen and scotch tape, at first it was a challenge, then it worked and I was scared, but I kept the money and never got caught.


They ALL used to have those little slot safes under the front counter.



tohunt4me said:


> They ALL used to have those little slot safes under the front counter.


Just like D.M.V. used to keep the box of license sleeves on the desk . . .

Used to . . . .


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## Boca Ratman (Jun 6, 2018)

DollarFree said:


> Turned back the odometer when selling cars, back when that was a thing. Wicked huh.


maybe not wicked but it is a felony


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## Pax Collector (Feb 18, 2018)

Almost all of my Express Poop shuffles were shady. Some carried out on foot, some in a parking lot, some in front of pax.....


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## Benjamin M (Jul 17, 2018)

Shit, I wanna be the cool guy but all I can think of was shoplifting when I was about eight or so. Hanging out with an older kid, he convinced me to grab candy and run. We made it back to our neighborhood and went home. 

Once the adrenaline wore off, I knew I'd messed up. Told my Mom and asked her to drive me back to return it. Rattled out my "friend" and he got his ass whipped. The shop owner was pissed but eventually congratulated me. 

So really, I guess being a snitch? ?


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## Stevie The magic Unicorn (Apr 3, 2018)

One time i got a case of the rainbow squirts and sold them at a bake sale


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## DollarFree (Aug 3, 2018)

Boca Ratman said:


> maybe not wicked but it is a felony


Not in the old country, it was expected. Caveat emptor.



BlueNOX said:


> Defense for why I was with her sister is my wife told me sharing is caring the night before when she wanted my cheesecake.
> 
> Seems it doesn't apply to her sister.


The sister was sharing you with her sister. Seems reasonable.


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## crowuber (Feb 16, 2018)

ate many many many Uber Eats orders


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## KobeWanKenobi (Feb 23, 2019)

I used to work in a small office with 6 asshole s. Btw, that 6 asshole s included me.
I was always the first one to come in and was expected to make the pot of coffee.
A few times, I took a piss on that flavorful coffee of theirs.
Then I progressed to something more sinister.
After taking a dump, i tossed in that used toilet paper (just the one used for the first wipe) on top of the coffee filter.
Then i put in the coffee grounds and start up that wonderful brewing process.
But I volunteered and insisted that I be the one to clean up that coffee maker.

Btw, I'm not a coffee drinker. I like drinking tea.


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## Friendly Jack (Nov 17, 2015)

I am quite ashamed to confess that once -- only once -- I told a rider that I really liked driving for Uber. :frown:


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## BikingBob (May 29, 2018)

Did the sex with a girl thing, @Cableguynoe did the cell phone thing, not going to incriminate myself with this post.

But I'll start small. Once cheated on a high school test for the whole class.


Started with a brawl in the halls to spoof the teacher
Grabbed the answer key (scantron)
Copied said scantron while teacher escorted students
Returned answer key
Had all the females in class wear skirts to the test
Had them tape the bogus answer key inside of their skirts and lift them up during the test
Created a buddy system pairing males and females
Had 'steal the plate' signs like a third base coach (Hair over ear, biting lip, leg cross, etc)

Lowest score - 93%.


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## TXUbering (May 9, 2018)

Mista T said:


> Done that.... guilty!
> 
> But that's not the shadiest thing I've done by a long shot. One of the shittiest tho...


You REALLY need this as your Uber signature....


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## Snooperjuke (Mar 7, 2018)

I worked in an office building where no one worked on the weekends except on rare occasions. One weekend, I decided to take a dump in the girls bathroom and not flush. The next Monday I heard people talking about how they all thought it was Silvia from Accounting.


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## reg barclay (Nov 3, 2015)

Shadiest thing I've done. Parking under trees in the summer so I don't have to run the AC while I wait for the next ping.


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## Boca Ratman (Jun 6, 2018)

I ate 6 white grapes while grocery shopping BEFORE they were weighed.

such an adrenaline rush!


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## Friendly Jack (Nov 17, 2015)

Boca Ratman said:


> I ate 6 white grapes while grocery shopping BEFORE they were weighed.
> 
> such an adrenaline rush!


I confess... I think those may have been the grapes I was handling after I was picking at my ass. Sorry.


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## Boca Ratman (Jun 6, 2018)

Friendly Jack said:


> I confess... I think those may have been the grapes I was handling after I was picking at my ass. Sorry.


it's okay, it wasn't really grapes I ate.

what do you think I'd expose myself like that, never know who is keeping tabs on me


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## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

I sold a car on Craigslist that had a known transmission issue. I didn't tell the buyer because I had already tried to sell it to 3 or 4 people who backed out due to my transparency with regard to the transmission issue.

Fortunately for him my sale price was only $1500, there was plenty of new stuff I had just replaced, and he was a young guy who looked like he could totally work on cars...chopping it up into spare parts for sale if necessary.


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## cumonohito (Feb 13, 2018)

Mine is not as bad as some mentioned before. When I was younger, I worked as a cashier in a national dept store. They had their "rewards" program, spend $$$ get XXX points that you could redeem for gift cards, items, etc. I noticed how many people basically did not participated in the program. I signed myself to their rewards program under different names and email addresses to create numerous accounts. Whenever I had a sale that was not credited to a rewards program, I entered one of my own and accumulated the points along the way. The beauty was you could pool the points from accounts for redemptions. I redeemed then for numerous gift cards while employed there. Heck, even when I found a sales slip I would check to see if I could get back credit for it as well.

Another was in a place I worked at as an adult, they used FedEx as the courier for sending overnight docs and parcel. Back in those days there was a Delta airlines business promo where you will get miles credited to your account, I signed up our company to the program but I became the recipient of the miles. I entered the special code into my employee FedEx account profile and I was earning Delta miles into my account. I left the company a few years back and still received miles. Eventually it all stopped as maybe the promo was over, or they updated their Fedex profile. I earned enough miles that I used them for 2 domestic round trip tickets


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## Diamondraider (Mar 13, 2017)

UberBastid said:


> Baby what?
> 
> I cheated on my taxes.


What is taxes?


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## RideshareUSA (Feb 7, 2019)

Benjamin M said:


> Shit, I wanna be the cool guy but all I can think of was shoplifting when I was about eight or so. Hanging out with an older kid, he convinced me to grab candy and run. We made it back to our neighborhood and went home.
> 
> Once the adrenaline wore off, I knew I'd messed up. Told my Mom and asked her to drive me back to return it. Rattled out my "friend" and he got his ass whipped. The shop owner was pissed but eventually congratulated me.
> 
> So really, I guess being a snitch? ?


Snitches get stitches!


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## MiamiKid (May 24, 2016)

Juggalo9er said:


> Replaced someone else's brake pads under my warranty through AutoZone.... Same thing applies to bumper to bumper warranty.... If the parts are interchangeable... I'll do it


Be careful, could be Insurance Fraud. At any rate, it is dishonest and illegal.



RideshareUSA said:


> Snitches get stitches!


You're speaking street gang talk.


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## RideshareUSA (Feb 7, 2019)

MiamiKid said:


> Be careful, could be Insurance Fraud. At any rate, it is dishonest and illegal.
> 
> 
> You're speaking street gang talk.


Not necessarily. Many Uber drivers have been using this phrase as of late.


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## MiamiKid (May 24, 2016)

RideshareUSA said:


> Not necessarily. Many Uber drivers have been using this phrase as of late.


Very unprofessional.


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## RideshareUSA (Feb 7, 2019)

MiamiKid said:


> Very unprofessional.


I agree


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## I Aint Jo Mama (May 2, 2016)

I mooned my friends while I was driving on the Triboro Bridge. They were in the car next to me This was on the way to Yankee Stadium after a few beers in the 80s


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## LAWeasel (Nov 27, 2018)

Not anything I would care to admit to, so a small one: used the same Starbucks cup 14 times for fifty cent refills(still do this). 

Some of them are catching on though. Technically, you're supposed to only be able to refill once, within an hour of purchase, and at the same location.


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

MiamiKid said:


> Very unprofessional.


What about snitches end up in ditches


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## MiamiKid (May 24, 2016)

Cableguynoe said:


> What about snitches end up in ditches


Same


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

MiamiKid said:


> Same


But they're both true


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## Juggalo9er (Dec 7, 2017)

MiamiKid said:


> Be careful, could be Insurance Fraud. At any rate, it is dishonest and illegal.
> 
> 
> You're speaking street gang talk.


Comedian I see


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## Cary Grant (Jul 14, 2015)

I dated two girls at the same time. They were sisters. Ten years apart in age. I've never found out if they knew, but I suspect they didn't, at least at that time. Might have made for some interesting conversations, though. Then again, some sisters like to share. There was a third sister that was in between them in age. I have a strong suspicion that SHE knew. She always insisted that I pay for her drinks, then she'd wink, and whisper "Your secret is safe with me" as she walked back into the crowd.

This happened more than once: Hooked up with the younger sister over the lunch hour, met the older one for dinner, hooked up with her after, then she went home. Later that same night, the younger one came over after she got off work for round two.

I was a very bad man. So bad. And it was so good.

You haven't lived until a girl asks you to exit out her bedroom window, all sweaty from "exercise," barely dressed, and it's FREEZING outside (snow on the ground), as her "boyfriend" is knocking at the front door, with flowers, to take her to dinner. Less than two hours later, when he drops her off, she kisses him on the cheek, and then calls me from her cell phone as she walks back to her apartment, asking "Can you come back over?"

I'm so terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

One of these days, I might discuss the mother and her (adult) daughters. Maybe.


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## CJfrom619 (Apr 27, 2017)

I used to do that 


I Aint Jo Mama said:


> I mooned my friends while I was driving on the Triboro Bridge. They were in the car next to me This was on the way to Yankee Stadium after a few beers in the 80s


every weekend in high school but I wouldn't moon my friends just random people.


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## I Aint Jo Mama (May 2, 2016)

CJfrom619 said:


> I used to do that
> 
> every weekend in high school but I wouldn't moon my friends just random people.


Were you driving like I was?


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## Drizzle (Jan 1, 2018)

MiamiKid said:


> Very unprofessional.


Who are you and how have you never heard that expression before? Omg get off the Betty

Worst thing an uber driver can do is use someone elses car to do uber and not pay for the miles put on the car.


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## DollarFree (Aug 3, 2018)

Boca Ratman said:


> I ate 6 white grapes while grocery shopping BEFORE they were weighed.
> 
> such an adrenaline rush!


I always try 2, 1 of each color - but 6!, you must be one crazy ass mf.



MadTownUberD said:


> I sold a car on Craigslist that had a known transmission issue. I didn't tell the buyer because I had already tried to sell it to 3 or 4 people who backed out due to my transparency with regard to the transmission issue.
> 
> Fortunately for him my sale price was only $1500, there was plenty of new stuff I had just replaced, and he was a young guy who looked like he could totally work on cars...chopping it up into spare parts for sale if necessary.


I remember once a Nissan dealer forgot to put oil back in my gearbox and it got very cruncjy, they denied it of course so I had them put it back together so it would run for a "few miles", the had it towed just round the corner from a Ford dealer a few miles away, drove it in and traded it in for a new car. The "few miles" was enough for their lazy ass test drive, so we got KBB on the trade.


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## MiamiKid (May 24, 2016)

Drizzle said:


> Who are you and how have you never heard that expression before? Omg get off the Betty
> 
> Worst thing an uber driver can do is use someone elses car to do uber and not pay for the miles put on the car.


Obviously, we're from different worlds.


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## CJfrom619 (Apr 27, 2017)

I Aint Jo Mama said:


> Were you driving like I was?


Driving? Lol hell no i was the passenger. Driving and showing your ass at the same time is a talent.


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## Bbonez (Aug 10, 2018)

DollarFree said:


> The "few miles" was enough for their lazy ass test drive, so we got KBB on the trade.


This is why kbb trade in value assumes all cars need a lot of money in repair. At kbb trade in price the dealership can afford to put in a new transmission in and still turn a healthy profit on the deal. If they "Break even" on the car they still make $ because their shop charges the sales department full price on parts and labor. They do this to show less of a profit on the sales side and that allows them to pay lower commission to the salesperson. Most used car salesmen get about 25% of the "Profit".

If I'm selling a good car I do it privately. If I'm selling a vehicle with a problem I'll take it to a dealership and disclose any known problems. You can still negotiate a good deal.


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

Okay, I finally remembered one that I'm okay sharing...

Lived in an apartment. One day doing laundry I grabbed stuff out of the wrong dryer and realized that half the stuff in the strange pile was actually mine! My neighbor would run one dryer all day long and about once an hour he would steal people's clothes and mix them in with his. Time for revenge!!

I embedded a ladybug firecracker in a cigarette. We planted the cig by the front door. My roommates and I knew that this cigarette belonged to the thief. Took about 3 weeks before this a-hole came over and asked for a smoke. He was hung over as heck. Took him about 4 puffs, and it blew up as he was inhaling.

Revenge was served cold, and it tasted great!


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## Mrtgman (Apr 13, 2017)

DollarFree said:


> Turned back the odometer when selling cars, back when that was a thing. Wicked huh.


Can you do that on digital odometers?


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## Bbonez (Aug 10, 2018)

Mrtgman said:


> Can you do that on digital odometers?


I know someone who leased a truck and was only allowed minimum mileage a year. In order to stay under the millage allowance he would pull the fuse that powered his speedometer and odometer. After a few trips he found out the same fuse was needed to have the alternator function properly so he ran a switch inline and turned the odometer off when on the freeway and powered it back on a few miles from his destination so the battery would have enough juice to start the car when he got back in the car. He did this for years and probably kept 75% of the miles off the odometer.


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## GreatWhiteHope (Sep 18, 2018)

MoonlightingPHD said:


> I killed a passenger this one time.


i literally lost it

Thank you sir :laugh:


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## Juggalo9er (Dec 7, 2017)

Mrtgman said:


> Can you do that on digital odometers?


Yes but it's much harder


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## I Aint Jo Mama (May 2, 2016)

CJfrom619 said:


> Driving? Lol hell no i was the passenger. Driving and showing your ass at the same time is a talent.


Thank you for the compliment, this is a true story .My buddy held the wheel and i did the deed LOL


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## Eugene73 (Jun 29, 2017)

thank you all my uber slave bros for the great laughs


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## DollarFree (Aug 3, 2018)

Mrtgman said:


> Can you do that on digital odometers?


Best bet is some stick on numbers.
Clocking was easy when you could stick a power drill into the speedometer and run it backwards for a day or 2. I had a Peugeot once, could pull the Speedo cover off and flick the numbers around with a screwdriver. Ridiculous.


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## loophole (Jun 7, 2016)

Spent most of my Uber/Lyft earnings on hundreds, yes hundreds of high class hookers behind my SO back


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## KD_LA (Aug 16, 2017)

JamesBond008 said:


> Voted for Hillary


 Duff? Or Swank?


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

Juggalo9er said:


> Replaced someone else's brake pads under my warranty through AutoZone.... Same thing applies to bumper to bumper warranty.... If the parts are interchangeable... I'll do it


Can't see you going to the death chamber at San Quentin over this. That's the shadiest thing you've _ever _done?


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## Juggalo9er (Dec 7, 2017)

The Gift of Fish said:


> Can't see you going to the death chamber at San Quentin over this. That's the shadiest thing you've _ever _done?


The rest i would say are equal


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## Eugene73 (Jun 29, 2017)

loophole said:


> Spent most of my Uber/Lyft earnings on hundreds, yes hundreds of high class hookers behind my SO back


Did you tip ?


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## loophole (Jun 7, 2016)

Eugene73 said:


> Did you tip ?


Absolutely, but 400 per hr is enough, usually bring champagne or lingerie instead


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## Eugene73 (Jun 29, 2017)

I give rides for a living too but no one ever bought me champagne


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## Schmanthony (Nov 18, 2017)

MoonlightingPHD said:


> I killed a passenger this one time.


One time? Amateur.


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## itendstonight (Feb 10, 2019)

loophole said:


> Spent most of my Uber/Lyft earnings on hundreds, yes hundreds of high class hookers behind my SO back


How does one find these high class hookers? Asking for a friend ...


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

itendstonight said:


> How does one find these high class hookers? Asking for a friend ...


I hear that you can sometimes find them by hanging out in the bars of expensive hotels. Not that I would know these things, of course. 

Bring cash money with you. Lots of it, seriously.


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## Mista T (Aug 16, 2017)

Christinebitg said:


> I hear that you can sometimes find them by hanging out in the bars of expensive hotels. Not that I would know these things, of course. ?
> 
> Bring cash money with you. Lots of it, seriously.


But nobody carries cash anymore, that's what everyone tells me...


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## Bbonez (Aug 10, 2018)

Mista T said:


> But nobody carries cash anymore, that's what everyone tells me...


Everyone has cash, they just tell you that so they dont need to tip.


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## bonum exactoris (Mar 2, 2019)

More sinister than shady 

There was a new shiny Porsche parked in the corner of a shopping center parking lot all by itself on purpose.
I liberated a nearby shopping cart and positioned it gently next to the car as if it crashed into it.
I retreated to my car and waited a distance away.

The owner existed the store, saw the “staged” accident and started to run towards the car cursing. Dropped to his knees examining and caressing the fender.

I’m sick :coolio:


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## UberBastid (Oct 1, 2016)

I used to have quite a problem with people stealing my gas outta my car. Siphoned it off at night.
Was happening twice a month or so ... cost $ that I really couldn't afford to lose. 
Pried a locking cap off once doing damage, still got my gas. 

I went to a local junk yard and talked to the owner. Told him I needed to 'rent' a clunker for a week or so. It needed to run, but that's all.

I picked out a 20 yr old car that had a blown head gasket or something. Gave him $100 for it. It ran ,,, but just barely. It was a V7. On the way home I put a half tank of gas in it. I got it home, washed it, and got a five gallon can full of gas and dissolved as much sugar in it as would dissolve. Dumped more sugar in the gas tank, put the five in ... and went about my business.
A week later it got drained again.
I refilled it again with sugar/gas.
Few days later ... hit again.

After a while, it stopped. Dunno why. Maybe the thief didn't need the gas any more.
Drove the car back to the junk yard and got $20 for it. (Warned him NOT to use the gas in the tank for anything other than arson).


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## FLKeys (Dec 27, 2018)

Boca Ratman said:


> I ate 6 white grapes while grocery shopping BEFORE they were weighed.
> 
> such an adrenaline rush!


A lady here got arrested for that one day. Made the local paper and everything. Chain grocery store got tired of her coming in there multiple times a day and grazing on the bulk items.


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## BlueNOX (Apr 3, 2016)

I once traded a homeless chick a shower and a warm bed for some damn good ass. Was gonna give her some cash but didn’t want to make her feel like a cheap hooker. Instead she got an egg McMuffin


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## Oberyn Martell (Apr 27, 2018)

I poison my spear whenever I go to battle.


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## Stevie The magic Unicorn (Apr 3, 2018)

One time i talked a former vegetarian into eating a non vegan MRE.

Buddy... your gonna starve, you gotta eat more than the caffinated pudding and M&Ms...

Eat that meaty chili and that jerky or your gonna drop dead.

"But the fuzzy animals"

"The $(%* worms are going to beating your sorry behind if you drop from exhaustion soldier!"


Only time i ever had to force feed anyone beef jerky...


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

UberBastid said:


> Drove the car back to the junk yard


How did you get it to run?


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## Who is John Galt? (Sep 28, 2016)

SJCorolla said:


> Forging checks and driver's licenses, until I got caught. Never convicted, though. Of course this was many years ago, when I was young and reckless.


...and bored
Living by the sword

Workin' on your night moves?

.


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## UberBastid (Oct 1, 2016)

Christinebitg said:


> How did you get it to run?


Oh, it ran, but JUST barely.
It smoked like an Exxon Refinery in trouble, but it got me there.
If I needed to, the junkyard guy said he'd send a tow but that it would cost me the $20 he gave me back.
We made it. LoL. But it was quite a site. Good thing a cop didn't see me. 
The Global Warming Police would have executed me on the spot.


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## FLKeys (Dec 27, 2018)

UberBastid said:


> I used to have quite a problem with people stealing my gas outta my car. Siphoned it off at night.
> Was happening twice a month or so ... cost $ that I really couldn't afford to lose.
> Pried a locking cap off once doing damage, still got my gas.
> 
> ...


In the mid 90's I had a boat where someone was stealing my gas on a regular basis. I filled the tank and did not add any 50:1 oil to the gas. The following weekend tank was empty again. Late Saturday night I see a boat being towed back to a dock a few canals down from me. I see one teen pointing at me as someone was yelling at them in Spanish. About 20 minutes later there was a knock at my door, it was the angry person yelling at the teens. Very nice older gentleman from Cuba he was very apologetic that his grand kids were stealing my gas. They admitted to stealing multiple times over the last few months. He handed me $500 in cash, I told him I'm pretty sure they only stole around $100 in gas over time. He did not care he wanted me to take the money, he was embarrassed they were stealing my gas and he was very clear that they were wealthy enough to buy what ever gas the grand kids needed. I kind of felt bad afterwards at least for him.


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

FLKeys said:


> He did not care he wanted me to take the money, he was embarrassed they were stealing my gas and he was very clear that they were wealthy enough to buy what ever gas the grand kids needed.


That's a "do the right thing" kind of guy that I have to respect.


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## loophole (Jun 7, 2016)

itendstonight said:


> How does one find these high class hookers? Asking for a friend ...


You're in DC and you can't figure that out? I know lots of hookers, and DC is a hotbed for this type of activity, to much disbelief.


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## Lissetti (Dec 20, 2016)

Had a coworker who repeatedly parked next to me at work at my old trucking job and kept dinging my car door with his car door. No matter where I moved my car he would follow and park next to me and do it again. (We had prior issues with one another.)

One morning I had it so at 3:30 am at the end of my shift and the start of his, while he was in the terminal shooting the breeze with the other truckers and waiting for his first load to be dispatched, I dumped a whole bottle of this in the fresh air intake of his car.



















I then went over to his parked Big Rig. His Slip Seat partner (the night driver) had just ended his shift and parked the truck. I dumped a whole bottle of Liquid Ass in the fresh air intake of the Big Rig. Then, because I had a master key to all the trucks, I put an empty milk carton in the driver's console.










I knew his Slip Seat partner was lactose intolerant but often couldn't resist the dairy. I didn't like him either so I had no problem with him getting the blame for leaving "farts of mass destruction" in the truck.

What good is a little fun if you can't watch the aftermath. I hid in the empty trailer line and watched as he came out of the building and attempted to climb into his Rig. I say attempted because he recoiled and jumped back out of the truck as if an invisible fist punched him. He then stormed off to the dispatch terminal. I got in my car and drove slowly past the terminal so I could see inside. I saw the driver screaming at the bewildered terminal manager.

When I came back to work later in the day for my 4:00 pm shift, I was surprised to see a pest control service walking the perimeter of our building and parking lot. My company had hired them. Hmmm....I hear we have a skunk problem on the premises and it sprayed an employee's car.


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## steveK2016 (Jul 31, 2016)

I'd tell you but i was read in on the mission and don't want my own cell at Leavenworth.


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## DriverMark (Jan 22, 2018)

2x surge, picked a girl up at her boyfriends (at least they seemed cozy coming to the car). Dude #1 had ordered the ride for the girl. 25 mile ride to her destination. Soon as we left she is on the phone to dude #2, saying she wants to come see him and get funky. She asks if she can change the destination to this other dudes house which was about 1/3 to original destination and just off the freeway. I drop her off, don't clock her out, and finish the trip as ordered.


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## justfacts (Feb 3, 2019)

Shook many a sodas of multiple non tipping pizza delivery's , and always forgot side items, cut pizza in two pieces , leave box open to get cold while delivering, and to my surprise they kept on ordering . Musta been the sincere I'm so sorry your order took so long , we are so busy tonight. So yeah tip your pizza delivery guy two dollars or less and All kinds of things will start happening , pretty standard from what I saw. And it's always best when we can see the tip first then we can get you from the very beginning instead of having to get stiffed a couple times.

But maybe after 12 years this is why I no longer have a delivery job delivering pizzas, LOL sure took a long time for them to figure it out.


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## Cableguynoe (Feb 14, 2017)

I’ve done this twice. First time several years ago. Did it again a few months back. 

One thing I cannot stand at Costco is idiots that will leave their cart right in everyone’s way so they can go get a sample. 
Hate it. Want to punch their significant other in the face so they can feel the anger I’m feeling. 
But no, that’s not what I did. 

Both times the person (woman both times. Just saying) not only blocked me, but started talking to the person giving samples. 
I set my cart to the side and took off with their cart. 
All the way to other side of store. Left by the dog food where they’re probably not going to find it. 
You gonna waste my time go outside to get another cart and start over *****.

DO NOT collect $200!


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## Christinebitg (Jun 29, 2018)

Cableguynoe said:


> I set my cart to the side and took off with their cart.
> All the way to other side of store.


I've never had to do this at Sam's. But if I did, I'd happily move it about a half an aisleway away. Just far enough to annoy them.


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## BigRedDriver (Nov 28, 2018)

I farted in a grocery isle. Then gave a nasty look at the lady standing next to me. 

I know, I’m destined to burn in hell.


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## FLKeys (Dec 27, 2018)

BigRedDriver said:


> I farted in a grocery isle. Then gave a nasty look at the lady standing next to me.
> 
> I know, I'm destined to burn in hell.


Hell I have crop dusted the whole deli area just to get some customers to walk away so my wait was not so long.


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## JamesBond008 (Mar 26, 2018)

justfacts said:


> Shook many a sodas of multiple non tipping pizza delivery's , and always forgot side items, cut pizza in two pieces , leave box open to get cold while delivering, and to my surprise they kept on ordering . Musta been the sincere I'm so sorry your order took so long , we are so busy tonight. So yeah tip your pizza delivery guy two dollars or less and All kinds of things will start happening , pretty standard from what I saw. And it's always best when we can see the tip first then we can get you from the very beginning instead of having to get stiffed a couple times.
> 
> But maybe after 12 years this is why I no longer have a delivery job delivering pizzas, LOL sure took a long time for them to figure it out.


With that attitude probably why you never progressed into something more important.


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## MorganT (Mar 9, 2019)

I counterfeited money. Turned $1 bills into $100 bills. I was never caught, it was eons ago. I sure as hell would not do that now.

I also stole a bunch of cash from my employer. I was on duty alone so I reported it as an armed robbery. It was a small town and it was on the evening news. Armed Robbery at ******!!! I was interviewed by a reporter too! Got away with this one too.

I don't know why, but I straightened up after this.

I guess I'm doing penance though.....I'm an Uber driver.


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## SJCorolla (Jul 12, 2017)

Who is John Galt? said:


> ...and bored
> Living by the sword
> 
> Workin' on your night moves?


Oh, not bored. Desperate. As my prosecuting attorney said with a knowing smile, "it's _always_ about money".

Thanks to Uber, it is now easier to make that money legally and ethically.


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## UberBastid (Oct 1, 2016)

Did he say legally AND ETHICALLY?


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## forrest m (Feb 21, 2019)

LAWeasel said:


> Not anything I would care to admit to, so a small one: used the same Starbucks cup 14 times for fifty cent refills(still do this).
> 
> Some of them are catching on though. Technically, you're supposed to only be able to refill once, within an hour of purchase, and at the same location.


You are really missing out, because refills are free if you have the app on your phone. My Starbucks buddies told me that people come in all the time and get free refills without ever buying drinks. I'm too honest to do it.


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## justfacts (Feb 3, 2019)

JamesBond008 said:


> With that attitude probably why you never progressed into something more important.


Now I got an important job , it's call uber?

And that made me think you probably don't tip your pizza guy or tip in general as well, as you would know it's pretty standard to tip the pizza guy . Yes it is you don't like it when you don't get tipped. But would you ever admit it


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## ZenUber (Feb 11, 2019)

Sat under a tree


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## JamesBond008 (Mar 26, 2018)

justfacts said:


> Now I got an important job , it's call uber?
> 
> And that made me think you probably don't tip your pizza guy or tip in general as well, as you would know it's pretty standard to tip the pizza guy . Yes it is you don't like it when you don't get tipped. But would you ever admit it


I'm Australian. We don't tip here. (Despite hospitality's best efforts!)


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