# Uber Branches Out Into Comedy



## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

I needed a good laugh this morning, and I got it. Thanks, Uber!










Midweek Quest is back! And it's paying a whopping 25 cents extra per ride! That's right, sports fans, a whole shiny quarter for each ride!

Time for a competition. How low can you go? If you've had a crappier Quest offer from Uber, post it here. Somebody, somewhere has probably been offered an extra dime or nickel per ride.


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## kc ub'ing! (May 27, 2016)

My market doesn’t offer quest. The old, “I felt bad that I had no shoes until I met the man with no feet.” I ain’t got feet!


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## losiglow (Dec 4, 2018)

Oh. 

Em. 

Gee. 

That's hilarious. I've never seen anything remotely close to that from Uber or Lyft. The worst quests I've seen have been $1 extra per ride. 

We don't get those anymore in SLC though. Lately it's just been an extra $1 - $3 at certain hours. That's much better than stressing about getting a ton of rides, knowing that if you don't get enough you don't make anything extra at all.


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

losiglow said:


> Oh.
> 
> Em.
> 
> ...


I think I preferred it when it was $0. Questless.

Once a ***** tipped me 1¢ after I ejected him for, well, being a *****. I guess he hoped that I would feel insulted.

So I'm not sure if Uber offering 24¢ more is also insulting. I just find it hilarious, though, not just because of the amount but because they think that giving a driver a quarter is going to provide a driver with any extra motivation. As in, "Gee, it's 2:10 am and this ping is from a 4.0 rated pax. But I'll get an extra quarter if I do it! Hell yeah, let's go!"

?


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## Illini (Mar 14, 2019)

Be happy with this. Next week, you'll owe Uber $10 if you take 40 rides.


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

Illini said:


> Be happy with this. Next week, you'll owe Uber $10 if you take 40 rides.


ROFL, yeah, probably.


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## 25rides7daysaweek (Nov 20, 2017)

The Gift of Fish said:


> I needed a good laugh this morning, and I got it. Thanks, Uber!
> 
> View attachment 325634
> 
> ...


These past couple weeks it's been pick your quest. If you dont pick one they will by default give you some absurd one like yours. I used to get 55 to 60 rides for $55 $65ish. I just been taking the next to lowest one and doing the lyft one primarily instead. Surprisingly I've made the same amount of money with 50/50 uber lyft....


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## Disgusted Driver (Jan 9, 2015)

Here in RDU land, the day of incentives is pretty much all gone. Uber ain't giving nothing, they don't need to with ants doing base fare late Saturday night.


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## 1.5xorbust (Nov 22, 2017)

It would be very painful to complete an additional 39 trips and not receive that extra $10.


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## OldBay (Apr 1, 2019)

The Gift of Fish said:


> I think I preferred it when it was $0. Questless.
> 
> Once a ***** tipped me 1¢ after I ejected him for, well, being a *****. I guess he hoped that I would feel insulted.
> 
> ...


thats the lowest quest level.

If you go into the app before midnight Sunday, you can choose quests that pay more.


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## Michael1230nj (Jun 23, 2017)

That would be funny if it weren't true.

They are really tightening the screws this quarter. Wall Street is watching.


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

OldBay said:


> If you go into the app before midnight Sunday, you can choose quests that pay more.


Correct; there are less minuscule offers available for doing a greater number of rides. The offer that caused me considerable amusement was the one I posted, though.

The having to choose a Quest is, in itself, interesting. There's no reason why Uber couldn't continue to have a Quest bonus plan whereby if a driver does 10 rides, he will earn x, if he does 40 rides, he will earn y, and if he does 80 rides he will earn z. However, getting people to physically press a button in the app to consummate their commitment to a number before midnight on Sunday is part of Uber's driver behaviour engineering. Clearly, getting drivers to choose their own targets by having them physically make a selection before the bonus period begins influences them to drive more. And the trick of "limited time offer", "offer closes at midnight" is used by retailers everywhere to generate a sense of urgency.

The real beauty of this is to convince drivers to get inside the mouse wheel and make it spin, without the drivers ever coming to realise that they are being influenced to do so. Their "gamification" of the work grows increasingly complex; more so now than 2 years ago when the article below was written.









How Uber Uses Psychological Tricks to Push Its Drivers’ Buttons (Published 2017)


The start-up has undertaken an extraordinary experiment in behavioral science to subtly entice an independent work force to maximize company revenue.




www.nytimes.com


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## OldBay (Apr 1, 2019)

The Gift of Fish said:


> Correct; there are less minuscule offers available for doing a greater number of rides. The offer that caused me considerable amusement was the one I posted, though.
> 
> The having to choose a Quest is, in itself, interesting. There's no reason why Uber couldn't continue to have a Quest bonus plan whereby if a driver does 10 rides, he will earn x, if he does 40 rides, he will earn y, and if he does 80 rides he will earn z. However, getting people to physically press a button in the app to consummate their commitment to a number before midnight on Sunday is part of Uber's driver behaviour engineering. Clearly, getting drivers to choose their own targets by having them physically make a selection before the bonus period begins influences them to drive more. And the trick of "limited time offer", "offer closes at midnight" is used by retailers everywhere to generate a sense of urgency.
> 
> ...


I'm sure the nitwit that thought of it was granted a huge sum of options.


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## Michael1230nj (Jun 23, 2017)

_Between quest and Uber Pro they have really squeezed the little left. _


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

Michael1230nj said:


> _Between quest and Uber Pro they have really squeezed the little left. _


I think they've gone too far with Uber Pro in terms of complexity. Noob drivers who are eager to learn about the gig may be interested, but jaded drivers (anyone who's been doing it more than 3 months or so) aren't going to be bothered with finding out what it's about. All I know about it is that you get points for doing rides, there are different levels and different power-ups or boosters (some rides give more points than others?) and that when all's said and done whatever you exchange these points for isn't going to be worth it.

Because I don't know how it works, it's not a motivator for me - when I see that the next ride is worth three points, I don't care. I just want to drive my car, pick up pax and get paid for it; that's all. I'm pretty sure that Uber Pro will, like all the schemes and programs that have come before it from Uber, not be a long-lasting one.


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## emdeplam (Jan 13, 2017)

The Gift of Fish said:


> I think they've gone too far with Uber Pro in terms of complexity. Noob drivers who are eager to learn about the gig may be interested, but jaded drivers (anyone who's been doing it more than 3 months or so) aren't going to be bothered with finding out what it's about. All I know about it is that you get points for doing rides, there are different levels and different power-ups or boosters (some rides give more points than others?) and that when all's said and done whatever you exchange these points for isn't going to be worth it.
> https://uberpeople.net/help/terms/Because I don't know how it works, it's not a motivator for me - when I see that the next ride is worth three points, I don't care. I just want to drive my car, pick up pax and get paid for it; that's all. I'm pretty sure that Uber Pro will, like all the schemes and programs that have come before it from Uber, not be a long-lasting one.


Achieving Pro requires mental fortitude and is meant for the top tier drivers only. It's not a question of talent alone but of commitment


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## RDWRER (May 24, 2018)

I got a quest and it’s not even counting as I do rides...


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

emdeplam said:


> Achieving Pro requires mental fortitude and is meant for the top tier drivers only. It's not a question of talent alone but of commitment


LOL, I don't think talent has a lot to do with this.



RDWRER said:


> I got a quest and it's not even counting as I do rides...


That's Ubermath

1+1=0


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## IR12 (Nov 11, 2017)

The Gift of Fish said:


> I needed a good laugh this morning, and I got it. Thanks, Uber!
> 
> View attachment 325634
> 
> ...


Rediculous.


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## ABC123DEF (Jun 9, 2015)

I remember back in the old days, they used to give something called "guarantees per hour" - especially on Friday and Saturday nights/weekends. This was after maybe the second round of rate cuts before things REALLY started to go downhill.


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

ABC123DEF said:


> I remember back in the old days, they used to give something called "guarantees per hour" - especially on Friday and Saturday nights/weekends. This was after maybe the second round of rate cuts before things REALLY started to go downhill.


Yeah, that was during Uber's driver pay bidding war with Lyft. Guarantees went up to $50 per hour at one point.


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## bluetiger000 (Apr 29, 2019)

Yeh extra 0.25 a trip is a joke


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## Merc49 (Apr 30, 2019)

Today i picked up a pax and had to drive 9 minutes to pickup, there was a train that took about 11 minutes and i thought she would cancel but no. Then i had to drive her 40 minutes to her house,and 40 minutes back with no pings. I stopped and waited for a rider and realized i sold 100 minutes of my life for $28 and no tip. Time for a new job.


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## Michael1230nj (Jun 23, 2017)

I can’t even read what she posts anymore. That makes 11 on ignore.


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## Hihosilver (Sep 13, 2017)

If it was Lyft it would be $5 and it would require a 90% acceptance rate


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## Drivincrazy (Feb 14, 2016)

Uber Pro = Uber Torment in city or heavy traffic driving. I don't care what my acceptance and cancelation rates are. Uber Pro perks are more like ads for Uber affiliates.


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

Illini said:


> Be happy with this. Next week, you'll owe Uber $10 if you take 40 rides.


 I will piss in a cup ,And tell them that I bought them Lemonade as a gift for letting me take 40 rides.


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## touberornottouber (Aug 12, 2016)

We should all start bombarding the Uber CEO Dara with messages on Twitter about how grateful we are for the $10 bonus.

"Thanks Dara, now I can pay my rent!"
"Thanks Dara, now I can afford braces for my daughter!"
"Dara, I want to truly thank you for the life changing money!"

Here's the link:
https://twitter.com/dkhos


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

touberornottouber said:


> We should all start bombarding the Uber CEO Dara with messages on Twitter about how grateful we are for the $10 bonus.
> 
> "Thanks Dara, now I can pay my rent!"
> "Thanks Dara, now I can afford braces for my daughter!"
> ...


 they're testing the market to see how Low they could pay people and get away with it . And all this time I thought America was about paying people decent wages


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## ABC123DEF (Jun 9, 2015)

touberornottouber said:


> We should all start bombarding the Uber CEO Dara with messages on Twitter about how grateful we are for the $10 bonus.
> 
> "Thanks Dara, now I can pay my rent!"
> "Thanks Dara, now I can afford braces for my daughter!"
> ...


Thanks, Dara...now I can afford free government cheese!


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

ABC123DEF said:


> Thanks, Dara...now I can afford free government cheese!


 cheddar or provolone ?


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## ABC123DEF (Jun 9, 2015)

kevin92009 said:


> cheddar or provolone ?


Provolone for me, please!!


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

ABC123DEF said:


> Provolone for me, please!!


good choice , i will tell dara to raise rates so we can afford bread mayonnaise and lettuce too. 60 c a mile is garbage.


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

touberornottouber said:


> We should all start bombarding the Uber CEO Dara with messages on Twitter about how grateful we are for the $10 bonus.
> 
> "Thanks Dara, now I can pay my rent!"
> "Thanks Dara, now I can afford braces for my daughter!"
> ...


Dara to drivers:

"No... you can't have health insurance benefits, or unemployment benefits, or retirement benefits. Heck, you can't have any benefits. But here's 10 bucks!"

Dara to the State of California:

"We can start by ensuring that all workers, regardless of classification, are protected. Amending existing law to allow for a system of worker-determined benefits - from paid time off to retirement planning to lifelong learning - could deliver a measure of security that independent workers currently lack.

We can also give workers more of a say in the decisions affecting their lives and livelihoods."

Start rolling up those pant legs and watch where you step, folks. I smell bullshit!


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

The Gift of Fish said:


> Dara to drivers:
> 
> "No... you can't have health insurance benefits, or unemployment benefits, or retirement benefits. Heck, you can't have any benefits. But here's 10 bucks!"
> 
> ...


 it is complete BS all you Gotta do study the history of Uber and lyft the last few years and examine all the things that they have done .most people who don't know about Uber's past would be shocked


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

kevin92009 said:


> it is complete BS all you Gotta do study the history of Uber and lyft the last few years and examine all the things that they have done .most people who don't know about Uber's past would be shocked


Hilarious how Dara says "Amending existing law to allow for a system of worker-determined benefits" as if it's California's fault that Uber pays us sweet FA in benefits, because he allegedly needs a law to be able to do so.

There's no law required - if Dara wants to give me money or money-equivalent benefits there's nothing stopping him. He's got my bank account number.

Trying to blame someone else / avoiding responsibility is, in fact, one of the classic symptoms of psychopathy.


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

The Gift of Fish said:


> Hilarious how Dara says "Amending existing law to allow for a system of worker-determined benefits" as if it's California's fault that Uber pays us sweet FA in benefits, because he allegedly needs a law to be able to do so.
> 
> There's no law required - if Dara wants to give me money or money-equivalent benefits there's nothing stopping him. He's got my bank account number.
> 
> Trying to blame someone else / avoiding responsibility is, in fact, one of the classic symptoms of psychopathy.


the more they try to blame others the more they become more untrustworthy , if they would not have had price wars for so long trying to sell $5 hamburgers for 50 cents they would not be broke , and as of today they are still subsidizing pool rides.


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

kevin92009 said:


> the more they try to blame others the more they become more untrustworthy


In some things like driver trust Uber has already bottomed out. In others, like pay, they have yet to reach the bottom.


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## ABC123DEF (Jun 9, 2015)

Coming soon..."365 Days of Change"! :laugh:


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## reg barclay (Nov 3, 2015)

The Gift of Fish said:


> I needed a good laugh this morning, and I got it. Thanks, Uber!
> 
> View attachment 325634
> 
> ...


You could almost get two 10p mix ups with that money. Not sure they still sell them today, but I'm sure you know what they are.


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

Hey can I hit the arcade with that $.25


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

reg barclay said:


> You could almost get two 10p mix ups with that money. Not sure they still sell them today, but I'm sure you know what they are.


Tempting, but I'm thinking of going long and investing the $10 in either equity or bonds. Or I would have, if I'd done the 40 rides.

As Anne Robinson used to say: "you leave..... with nothing".


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## Ubermcbc (Sep 25, 2016)

The Gift of Fish said:


> I needed a good laugh this morning, and I got it. Thanks, Uber!
> 
> View attachment 325634
> 
> ...


Next phase for quest, No extra money for 40 trips. You have to finish the quest in order to qualify for next week's quest.

After guber find plenty of looser, then 40 trips quest in exchange of $40 commission to guber.

It's not guber who is taking advantage from the drivers, it's us who are constantly bending over. Why drivers keep accepting those quest? It also makes less trips available for the other drivers. We drivers are stupid.


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## zeroperminute (Jun 19, 2019)

The Gift of Fish said:


> I needed a good laugh this morning, and I got it. Thanks, Uber!
> 
> View attachment 325634
> 
> ...


just a minimum $4.75 short PER ride to make it legal

they pay "bonuses & rewards" with money you EARN that they STEAL

games are for the failures
1st lie 1st day i stopped paying attention to everything they said or recommend after 50,000+ lies its background noise why anyone still trusts someone that constantly lies, steals, & try to decieve them is beyond me...

you are "independent contractor" you have constitutional & human rights not to work for free, screen your rides if not profitable cancel, screenshot & document any 3rd grade math student can verify the human trafficking attempts & they cant fire you for it

i get about 1000 for every 20 trips & ignore & cancel every ride not worth my time or that doesn't cover costs per my independent contractor rights


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

right on the point !!
wish my market had a lot of $50 rides


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## U/L guy (May 28, 2019)

emdeplam said:


> Achieving Pro requires mental fortitude and is meant for the top tier drivers only. It's not a question of talent alone but of commitment


What emdeplam actually meant to say is Achieving mental collapse and is meant for ******s. No talent is required and stupidity totally acceptable.


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## kdyrpr (Apr 23, 2016)

emdeplam said:


> Achieving Pro requires mental fortitude and is meant for the top tier drivers only. It's not a question of talent alone but of commitment


You're hilarious.


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## FLKeys (Dec 27, 2018)

kevin92009 said:


> Hey can I hit the arcade with that $.25


Maybe back in the 80's and 90's. Walked in an arcade last weekend and holy shit have prices gone up. Classic Pac Man was 75¢ per game. Pin Ball machines were $1.25. Some of these new hi-tech games were $3.00 and up. Plus you could not use coins or cash, you had to get a card and put credits on the card. Wonder how much they make on partial credits left on cards going unclaimed.

My favorite game was Artic Cat. cost a whole 10¢ to play. It was a hunting game where you shot a rifle that was mounted on a pivot point. It sat in the back of this old arcade that had all the normal games that were a 25¢ at the time. This was the late 70's and early 80's.


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

I may have to ask dara to increase it to $.75 bonus per ride


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## The Gift of Fish (Mar 17, 2017)

I remember back when a can of Coke cost 25 cents, a cheeseburger was a buck and you got $5 for an hour's work. 

Wait, that last one was last week.


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

The Gift of Fish said:


> I remember back when a can of Coke cost 25 cents, a cheeseburger was a buck and you got $5 for an hour's work.
> 
> Wait, that last one was last week.


you can still get $5 for an hours work , if your in a slower uber market ?


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## wicked (Sep 24, 2017)

Simple. Without inc notice accept a surge ping from Uber. If a Lyft surge ping comes along then take that and let the riders figure it out.

If they ever ask a question of you, the app crashed, you were lost. That's an easy $3.75 on top of your Lyft fare.


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## MadTownUberD (Mar 11, 2017)

Just be a good boy and daddy will give you a cookie.


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## kevin92009 (Sep 11, 2016)

MadTownUberD said:


> Just be a good boy and daddy will give you a cookie.


Can I just get a badge instead


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